25. how to deal with past baggage and trauma, especially when it has become your personality


im sorry, i don't know. I'm a result of my past traumas, baggages, etc and that is my personality. i wouldn't know any better.

i have tried to turn all these waves in a right direction, but some of them have caused destruction in my life and i have stopped minding those damage.

26. How to get into decaffeination

counter question: why? just why?

can an avoidant bitch like me find someone who will love me for the rest of my life?

i now understand why people kill themself

i thought i used to understand how i feel now, but i'm still very out of touch, with my mind, with my own self.

i'm even losing power to intellectualize my horror and sadness, my awareness has pushed me off the edge, to a point where there's no land to stand on and i'm continuously falling. i can't even form a proper cope up strategy to suppress everything, because i can't anymore.

and i don't know if i can sustain myself in air, find a balance this time. i don't know.

a break? but from what?
i'm burned out? from what? i don't do anything too much
it sucks, not knowing what to say when people talk to you. it sucks that you can't even a simple answer like what do you wanna have for dinner.
it feels so empty, and i don't even know where i'm.
i have never came across this part of my heart because it's all barren, all cold and all black n empty.

hope, i get the spark back in my eyes someday.

so my brain just needed some sugar and few slaps

not anymore, they were hard slaps

@

don't worry, everything will fix itself accordingly. biology and nature have a way with life.

damn, sometimes i write dope shit.

and rest of the time just bullshit

god knows I'll killmyself, if i ever buy my own bike, so he's continously trying to keep me broke