@

this country has made me an OCD freak, everyday i wake up with a fresh mind, fresh breath, no headache. somehow by night i feel like i would have shoot myself if i had a gun beside me. head bursts like crazy, every time i touch something or somebody, the constant itch in my brain tells me to wash my hand. my eyes can't sustain the stress so it springs out, red and wide.
i cannot even stop myself form keeping all my items in particular orientation. every book, every file, every diary lined up in proper symmetry and even one anomaly stings me.
i think drinking water might work, to ease out my eyes but all it does is make feel full, and lose my appetite.
it's not the kind of depression i've ever dealt with, this is totally new, i don't even know if it's depression or elevation. all i know is i'm going fucking mad meanwhile my brain is constantly thinking about the pen cap which is slightly off the linear grid.

i'm not really the early riser kind of guy, but this stress makes me wanna sleep early.

how does it feel like? "to be seen"?

this became so irrelevant that i did not even remember it was up.
3 mon 10 days. i won't write about it anymore, it's just a nuisance which gets in my mind.

niggas acting all unsenstive and shit
nigga that ain't no word.
nigga shut up

"u think charisma is smiling and nodding? wrong
charisma is staring blankly when somebody is talking, and you go "Hmm"
now they wonder either you are a genius or a serial killer."

Every new political theory, by whatever name it called itself, led back to hierarchy and regimentation. And in the general hardening of outlook that set in round about 1930, practices which had been long abandoned, in some cases for hundreds of years—imprisonment without trial, the use of war prisoners as slaves, public executions, torture to extract confessions, the use of hostages and the deportation of whole populations—not only became common again, but were tolerated and even defended by people who considered themselves enlightened and progressive.
- 1984