maybe i always had emotional maturity but i was too just scared to to even look towards it.
i built distractions—logic, roles, rebellion, silence.

now i'm getting more self aware, the kind which makes me wonder if "is it even my self?"

i hope the perfect armada i built with my rationality and diplomacy doesn't sink in this thunderstorm

"this is just not for you"

- Sit down and watch

i eat the same amount of diet as him
i sleep in a day often more than him
i use more resources than him

i do less work than him
i earn nowhere near him
i don't have even 3/4th his responsibilities
i know less than him
i am a joke when it comes to him

this day doesn't make me feel more appreciative of his sacrifice rather it just wanna make me kill myself out if shame. no, it's not rhetoric.

am i ever? gonna look like him?

if i were to die unexpectedly, i don't think i would have any regrets about my life.

@

i do not know how i did it, i was just reminiscing over my lofe histoy and i thought, "What else is there i wanna do?"
get powerful? get filthy rich? know more? have more? what else can i get?

if i somehow get offline from the world, how would everyone react with it? maybe a few countable ie on fingers would feel sad but at the end how much it's gonna affect the overall society or this world. none at all.

i dont think the idea you're thinking from "no regrets" and my idea of that aligns together.
I'm happy, because I'm glad i got to live for 20 years and a life of prosperity and no hardships at all, i didn't see anу poverty nor any tough responsibilities in my young age. i didn't do much with my life and it was totally filled with just pure fun. i think if you'd ask any older person "how would you like to live?" they'd probably describe similar things, something where they're not held accountable, where they're free.


I'll have no regrets if i die today, because till now it was a happy life.

I'll definitely be very regretful from onwards because now i have responsibilities, work, hardships, accountabilities. i won't live a happy life from now on, so I'm gonna regret and wish and curse myself for the choices I'm gonna make, slap myself for doing anything which makes my life more miserable. each day the regret is gonna get accumulated and one day I'll die of the burden and the pot of regrets will be too heavy for me to lift up and I will probably just keep lying there.

and from this much noise, one will fade away and everybody is never gonna hear me again.