And maybe that's the part I can't forgive myself for.

Because now I don't know what to believe anymore.

i'm. not. feeling. like. myself. and. nothing. ever. seems. to. help.

may those who want my presence but not my depth never find me.

Sylvia plath

But really
How much fucking sorrow can I fucking take?

Winter will fix our souls.

I wanna be invisible, not the other option

It seems like you misunderstood me

You don't know what it's like to fight sleep because you're scared of what you'll see when you close your eyes

Do you ever sit with a bunch of people, listening to their conversation and think "I have nothing in common with any of you"

“I love being at home. My life is very simple. I read a lot of books. I watch a lot of films. I listen to a lot of music. I tend the garden. I cook with my family. Yeah, I'm boring.”

— Cillian Murphy

I think we were never meant to hate each other. Never meant to envy each other. Never meant to hurt each other. And yet we do. We keep doing it, over and over, as if we have all the time in the world.

But we don't. Life is short. Too short for grudges. Too short for jealousy. Too short for all the ways we tear each other down. We spend so much time keeping score, holding on to things that were never worth holding, and for what? One day, it's all gone.

So I choose to be better. Even when it is exhausting. Even when it would be easier to be bitter like everyone else. Because life has so much more than all these dark sides. There is so much good out there, so much light, if we would just stop and notice it.

And I do not hold on to unforgiveness. I do not think it should even exist. If you broke me, I would forgive you. If you still hate me, I would forgive you. If you hurt me, I would forgive you anyway.

And that is not weakness. That is peace. That is love. That is the strongest thing a person can do.

Life has been mean. It has been cruel. It has been disgusting. I know that. We all know that. But if we cannot fix all of it, maybe we can make it a little more tolerable for each other.

Maybe that is enough. Maybe that is everything.

People have broken me in indescribable ways. They made me feel the worst on days I should have been the happiest, yet I forgave them. The memory still hurts, but I still chose forgiveness, even when it is hard.

“It’s not that deep”

It’s my heart, not yours.

Maybe you'll hate me one day. Maybe we were never meant to be. But I've never stopped thinking about us, about what we could've been. I still think about you sometimes. I wonder if you think of me too.