But you can't love them the same way either.

And somewhere between those two feelings, you get trapped in something that doesn't even have a proper name.

Can you love someone and resent them at the same time?

Can you miss someone while knowing that being close to them is what hurt you?

Can you still care about someone while wishing you had never met them?

You don't just lose a person.

You lose the version of the world you believed existed because of them.

And even if you want to fix everything, somehow you're the one who becomes wrong for trying to understand what you did wrong in the first place.

Maybe I was the only one who believed it was real.

The only one who cared enough to remember the little things.

The only one who thought the connection meant something.

And maybe that's the part I can't forgive myself for.

Because now I don't know what to believe anymore.

i'm. not. feeling. like. myself. and. nothing. ever. seems. to. help.

may those who want my presence but not my depth never find me.