A friend sent me a reel with this app. And there I was, naively thinking my accent didn't sound Russian.

Apparently, Oracle's AI can determine your accent and, unless you're a native speaker, kindly suggest you pay for its service and work on your pronunciation😄

But diagnosing is for free, so have fun!

I got an email from levels.fyi with the annual salary report. (That's the startup where I used to work). Thought it might be interesting for you to check out 🙂

These guys collect salary data for digital jobs across the US, Canadian, and European markets.

Unlike similar platforms with salary data (LinkedIn or Glassdoor), they provide a very clear structure which takes into account a job family (e.g., software developer, PM, UX/UI designer, ...), seniority level (e.g., junior, middle, senior, lead, principle ...), location (country / state), company - ensuring you can get as many details as possible. Total compensation is broken down into 3 components: base salary, bonus (sign on / performance), and stock.

Also, there are algorithms that track and remove outliers, and there is a huge database of verified offers (real offers submitted anonymously), so the data you see is pretty accurate.

Another cool thing is that you can compare average total comp across companies for the same level of seniority. This information is important to know because the total comp in your offer is often determined by company's salary band fixed for each level. So, naturally, your experience affects your level of seniority (the scope of responsibilities you'll have) - but it's not something determined during a job interview. Typically, when they are interviewing you, they already know which level of seniority they need for this position and how much they can pay for it.

So suppose a company is looking for a Senior Software Engineer - and you have that level of seniority, so you're an eligible candidate and your experience fits the role. They have a range they can offer fixed for this level. So how much you get isn't about how good you are as a professional (it's been determined you're good enough for this position) - it's about how much you ask for.

If you name a number too big - outside of their comb band - they can't afford you. If your number is below their maximum - you'll be lowballed.

So it's safer to name a range, not a number. But the best strategy is to find out exactly how much you can expect to be compensated for a specific position, location, and company.

Here are some great articles on salary negotiation, what total compensation includes, what you need to know about equity in your offer.

I remembered another story about interviewing for the American startup.

You guys heard about the STAR method of answering behavioral questions, right?
If you haven't - check it out here. It will definitely help you prepare for a job interview in any language.

In a nutshell, you need to tell a specific story, using the past tenses, explaining the situation, your task, your actions, and the result that followed. Hence the abbreviation. If it's a failure story - add what you've learned. The idea is that your behavior in the past is the best predictor for your behavior in the future.

It's this type of interview questions that start with: Tell me about a time when... you fucked up made a mistake. Or achieved something great.

These 2 are actually the most common questions. I got both of them in my final interview with the cofounders. I handled the mistake question well - years of self-loathing, scrutinizing my faults and why I suck and what I should have done differently helped me there.

But the success story question - that one was trickier. Mind you, I prepared. I picked a story - since I was interviewing for a new grad position, I figured I'd talk about my bachelor's thesis project. I did research on brand positioning and price perception for a small B2B coffee company, using conjoint analysis to calculate the exact adjustment in price for each product position and yada yada yada.

I did actually think I'd done a decent job on that project. Put a lot of work and ingenuity into it, it showcased my analytical and problem solving skills. That was a good story, which I confidently ended with the predicted increase in ROI that I had calculated.

And then, after an awkward pause, Zaheer (one of the co-founders) smiled and gently prompted me:

— so, amm, I guess the company has implemented your recommendations on their pricing?

Well... I highly doubt that, because as I was giving birth to my thesis, the CEO of that company was giving birth to a baby and my project was probably the last thing on her mind. I was kind of surprised she even made time to talk to me. But anyways, I have no idea what happened next, because I got hit by a car 4 days after presenting my thesis, spent the rest of that summer learning how to walk again, fell into depression, and didn't stay in touch. — my brain helpfully offered.

— amm, it so happened that I didn't really stay in touch with them... — I managed after some seconds of painful silence.

... more silence

— oh I see, well...

I don't remember how that conversation ended. Probably with more awkward pauses. My point here is: don't be like me, make sure your success story actually has a proper and conclusive happy ending😄

Good luck with your next job interview, whenever it happens!

The 2 week eating spree in the name of Tet (the Vietnamese new year) has officially started 🍛🎉

I naively thought I wasn't going to gain weight this January because I'm far away from our lovely tradition to eat for 10 days in a row. Scratch that, apparently I just adapted to the lunar calendar.

The first celebratory meal was at our neighbour's place this Sunday. They are traditional farmers with chickens, geese and goats.

There was a 86-year old lady, she walked up to us in her fancy pajamas, smoking a cigarette, absolutely slaying it. She is still very strong and does the farming work.

Granny was sitting next to me at the table, sipping coke with ice. I thought maybe I needed to help her with serving food, but the woman knows what she wants and can take good care of herself. At some point I noticed she started putting more food in my bowl - to make sure I'm eating enough.

I guess that's what grandmothers everywhere have in common😊

#Vietnam

About PC and hedging language 🙊

At some point, when people were asking me what I do for a living, I'd say - I tutor English. Well, I mean, I kinda teach people to speak politely in English.

And then I listened to myself and thought - wtf? First, who am I to teach someone, typically more experienced than me, good manners? Secondly, don't I hate political correctness? Don't I think it's a crappy idea to form a habit of starting your thoughts with 'I'm sorry' and 'I'm afraid'? To disguise the truth?

Well, it's not that simple, of course. Culturally appropriate communication is important. Formulating one's thoughts in a way that the intended message is heard is important. And people from our culture do tend to be direct, if compared to the IT world average.

Although, in my experience, there are actually 2 groups of people: 'too direct' and 'too polite'. Also, these categories seem to correlate with gender to some extent (again, in my experience).

I myself definitely overuse hedging language. Mastering the skill of rounding the edges came so easily to me at the university because that's how people in my family speak - in Russian. Using polite expressions, abstractions, terminology - whatever else not to say things directly.

So it seems like cultural proclivities are only one of the factors. There is also the individual level of agreeableness (which might correlate with gender), family patterns, socializing experience, desired self-image.

In any case, I'm so used to people in my bubble speaking 'softly' and indirectly, that I've been unquestionably conveying this manner of communication to my clients - since that's what's expected in the international teams.

But recently I had quite an enlightening conversation with a young woman from Croatia. Although not as young as me - she has 9 more years of life experience which makes our conversations that much more valuable for me.

We were talking about manipulation. I mentioned that there is a distinction between conscious and intended manipulation (e.g., what psychopaths do) and unaware, childish manipulation (e.g., what people with hysterical personality organization often do). And then Anya said - there is no such thing as unintended, unaware manipulation. They always know exactly what they are doing.

The way she said it contained 'No, you're wrong' and 'It's your fault' (my fault for coming up with excuses for a manipulator).

I was slightly shocked by her choice of words. I don't think I've ever been told that in English. I don't think these phrases are even in my active vocabulary. These are tabooed phrases. That what shall not be named.

My knee jerk reaction was to get defensive, but before I could do that, Anya explained what she meant. And she meant it with care. She cared enough to tell me where I was wrong (from her perspective) without sugarcoating it.

Her words stopped me in my tracks. They made me question my perspective immediately. There is a difference between hearing 'I'm not quite sure I agree with you here' and 'You're wrong'. The former might be more polite and less likely to trigger an aggressive response. But the letter is signalling that there might be something seriously wrong with your map of the world and it's important to pay attention to it now - otherwise you'll keep getting yourself in trouble.

Her words made me rethink my reaction patters in relationships, and they made me wonder if I should bring the aforementioned expressions into my active vocabulary.

Only I have a feeling it's not as easy as activating newly learned words😅

#reflections

I wanted to write a follow-up to the previous post for almost a week, but couldn't bring myself to do it for some reason... ➡️ A few tips on how to communicate confidently and increase the chances of getting what you want🤗

Check out this LinkedIn post with examples of formulating requests effectively.

There is a fine line between being polite and being passive-aggressive. Just as there is one between being assertive and being rude. You want to be polite yet assertive.

I guess the rule of thumb is replacing 'sorry' with 'thank you' - gratitude feels much better than guilt with an undertone of resentment.

And expressing your need / suggestion directly instead of asking if it's possible.

That being said, go with what feels authentic. I wouldn't feel comfortable implementing all of those suggestions, although I like them.

What about you?

I was doing a visa run today, which means another 45 days have passed and I had to spend 10 hours cramped in a way too small car seat.

It also means a music day. I was listening to my old playlist. A couple of 21 pilots' songs played, and I recalled just how much they meant to me a few years ago.

Thing is, as a kid I mostly listened to songs in English (and occasionally German, having discovered Rammstein). That was years before I started understanding English, so my brain hadn't developed a habit of paying attention to lyrics and I kept ignoring them later on.

But then, as I moved to the university dorm, there was a group of friends (thank you, people from room 235 💔), music was always playing, I saved some songs I liked on my phone.

And one day, as I was hearing another familiar song, I had a revelation. For the first time I heard the words. Really heard them. They made sense. I could relate. So I started listening.

I think Tyler is a lyrical genius. If you've never heard these guys - check out their songs for the sake of poetry if nothing else.

It's kind of like hip hop in terms of the flow, really energetic, but the vibe is very different. Most hip hop songs are about channeling anger. 21 pilots' music is written in the spirit of kindness and compassion. It is life affirming, despite taking you through a personal tragedy. It's a journey out of the underworld.

I'd say the themes in their songs are most relevant for adolescents and young adults, but also people struggling with mental health. For me their music became the first step in getting in touch with myself.

And a great inspiration in terms of the language and what I can express with it.

Check out some of their music if you're in the mood for it 🤍

Blurry Face
Vessel

Unless your answer is 'Old enough🍷' — the inquiry about one's age is often unwelcome and considered inappropriate. And no wonder.

For whatever reason, in the English language the question itself implies you're old.

When I hear 'how old are you' - it's like a reminder of all the unmet deadlines - regardless of age. Besides, my Instagram feed is kindly suggesting a face yoga course, asking me if I'm 30 yet...

But then comes my Filipino friend and asks 'How young are you?'

God bless Kathy. I'm not sure if it's a Filipino thing or a Kathy thing, but I love this minor adjustment. Works like magic🔮

PS, recruiters have no business asking about your age, it's a potential cause for discrimination. So don't put your age on your CV :)

I got sick again - apparently, I'm not that young🥲

So I spent a day reading a stupid romance book - for teenage female audience, I assume - my guilty pleasure when the brain completely refuses to function.

There is this classic American high school drama happening 3 years too late (at college), mixed with Squid Game and 50 Shades of Grey tropes. Exciting stuff, full of mental distortions, no common sense, supposed to be kinda scary.

And it did scare me. Not the part where some evil male patriarch society hunts and kills people. But the part where a girl's life was almost ruined after she'd been falsely accused of disliking public display of affection by LGBT. She almost got cancelled.

I lost count of times I came across words 'bigot', 'sick', 'that kind of people', 'won't tolerate', 'won't stand', 'disclose'. The whole plot was built on a pretty lame misunderstanding - one person refused to listen to what the other had to say. Which was one realistic thing in that book.

Every now and then I meet people from the US and my first instinct is to tread lightly. To be really careful with my words until I get a feeling of whether they are democrats or republicans.

Well, from here it looks like mostly people voted against rather than for - trying to choose a lesser evil. But I don't think I've met any republicans yet.

Mostly it's democrats or people who refused to vote - some of them literally fleeing the US. To me it seems unprecedented.
And, ironically, horrified by the prospect of the democracy demise, they move to a country with USSR flags proudly hoisted every 50 meters.

They say that half of America really doesn't talk to another half. So there is this positive feedback loop on both sides. And if a person tries to find some reasonable middle ground and refuses to pick sides, people from both sides hate them.

So, basically, there is no possibility of open conversation. People would be super careful talking to their friends - because they don't know where their friends stand and they don't ask out of fear of being 'canceled' - by their friends...

I mean, absurd as it is, sounds like we aren't doing that bad in the freedom of speech domain.

It's just my perspective and limited experience, of course🙂

I would really like to know other perspectives, from people living in different countries. How is it there? Have you ever faced any form of censorship? How open are people to discussing controversial things?

To elaborate on the previous post, I want to comment on the skill of listening.

We don't listen to each other for a whole bunch of reasons.
Because we are not interested, because we are afraid to hear something we won't like (and probably know to be true deep down), because the provided information doesn't make enough sense or contradicts the known, challenging our world view or even value structure.

Or because we literally can't make out what the other person is saying. This last point is, perhaps, the easiest to work on. So I'll start with it.

When people are learning a new language, the focus is always on speaking. Learning to talk. Listening is important in the context of taking an exam or comprehending native speech in various contexts (work, travelling, movies).

But rarely do we consider the importance of listening as a communication skill. On the one hand, one typically needs to reach a certain level of fluency to start concerning themselves with becoming good listeners. It's kind of like the hierarchy of needs.

On the other hand, this hierarchy is determined by the end goal. If the goal is not about your excellent self, but about establishing a connection with another, than listening is, perhaps, more important than talking.

When I was in Brazil, I spent my last week in a small village. Not a soul there spoke English. I met a traveller in his senior years, a man who literally spent his whole life on the road. Carried all of his belongings in a bag. Every evening we shared food, wine, a joint, and somehow had a conversation. In Portuguese, which I didn't really speak. But I listened, and he listened very closely to the scraps of sentences I managed to form. That was one of the most interesting conversations in my life.

Thing is, the wine and the joint didn't magically insert Portuguese vocabulary into my brain. But they did help me become less self-conscious, let go of my narcissistic concerns, and focus on my companion's story instead.

With our formal education system, people are often so afraid of not understanding something they should be able to understand, that the stress associated with it completely inhibits the ability to be present with another person. It's like you're being graded on the exam all over again, and you're failing. And that's all you can focus on. In fact, if you ask for clarification, they will know you failed.

This pattern is not so easy to rewrite. But possible, with enough practice ⚙️

The simplest thing you can do to improve your communication skills is to develop a habit of asking for more detail.

— I'm not sure if I got your idea, can you please explain?
— Could you elaborate on that?
— How so? How come?
— Can you give me some more context? Provide an example?

So, whenever you don't know what to say or how to say it, you can always take a deep breath, pause, and let someone else speak. And perhaps that will help you clarify and formulate your own thoughts🌱

Speaking of listening from the relationship perspective, here is a short video about creating the environment in which the other person feels heard. In a nutshell, letting someone 'empty their bucket' without any judgment helps people become less defensive and opens an opportunity to find some common ground.

I mean, it sounds like a very trivial piece of advice. But when someone says something completely contradicting your belief system, it might be hard not to mentally (if not out loud) discard it as total bullshit.

I was once talking to an intelligent person with technical background. Somehow the conversation led to my companion confessing his belief in one very unscientific conspiracy theory. It took a certain level of trust on his part, mind you. He was very well aware of how people typically react to such statements.

And I have to say, that was a hard blow to the logical part of me. And to the arrogant I know-it-all part. I wasn't sure how to gracefully continue that conversation. His belief contradicted my notion of common sense, it was one of those You're WRONG cases.

But I was also attracted to that person and found him formidable. So in my attempts to resolve the emerged cognitive dissonance, I tried to understand how he was thinking. I started probing carefully, avoiding any judgment. Turned out, his belief had deep existential roots which I can relate to very much. I might have a different conception of how the world is, but at least I understand where he was coming from and what's important to him.

Being curious about the other and willing to consider different perspectives is easy if you like a person and want to get on the same page with them. It's not easy when you don't like them and want them to be wrong. And that's when they can probably share something of real value.

Anyways, here is a couple of YouTube channels with great tips to boost your soft skills:

📌https://www.youtube.com/@melrobbins
📌https://www.youtube.com/@SimonSinek

Here is one of my favourite videos on managing difficult conversations🙂

#video

How to make someone see your side of things if they believe the opposite [part 1]

Disclaimer: I want to share an observation using my attitude to faith and Christianity as an example, mean no offence to any point of view🙏🏻

So there is this South Park episode about Richard Dawkins and the future. Dawkins takes Ms. (ex Mr.) Garrison out for dinner:

G: I just think, you know, you can't disprove god.

D: Well, what if I told you there was a flying spaghetti monster? Would you believe it because it simply can't be disproven?

G: You're right... It's so simple! God is a spaghetti monster! Oh thank you, geez, my eyes are open! Hey everyone, I'm an atheist!

It's never that simple, of course. Not if a belief is truly important and has some deep psychological significance. But it would seem that even one's strongest convictions can evolve - if new information is provided and one feels safe enough to grasp it.

By safe enough I mean that their value hierarchy isn't threatened to be completely destroyed at once. Let me provide an example.

I was raised in an atheistic family. Well, the family members I looked up to were atheists. When I was 8, I actually asked my grandfather a question very similar to the one Dawkins character poses above:

What if I said there was an omnipotent invisible fluffy ball in the sky (my version of a spaghetti monster)? Would people believe me? How would that, in essence, be different from Christ?

The concept of faith didn't make sense to me at the time, so I couldn't wrap my mind around how it could make sense to anybody else. I though kids who believed in Santa were morons. I didn't think much kinder of adults who believed in God...

10 years later I came to think that there must be some psychological utility to faith - because people of faith seemed more at peace - but how they managed believing was unfathomable to me, and I still despised any religion (knowing very little about it, naturally).

10 more years have past, and over the last 2 my understanding of and attitude to both faith and religion was updated to the point it has almost reversed.

To clarify, I'm not talking about becoming a person faith - I guess the capacity to trust courageously is about something much more primal than thoughts - speaking from the secular point of view. I'm talking about what makes sense to me and where my analysis leads me.

🔽 continued in the next post

How to make someone see your side of things if they believe the opposite [part 2]

So here's how my 'conversion' happened:

I came across a lecture related to psychology. Ironically, a friend who literally prays for my soul sent it to me. I liked the lecture and how the professor (Jordan Peterson) delivered information. So I listened to the whole course, and then another one, and then one more. What he was saying, how he connected the dots across different fields of study and related them to everyday life experiences just made so much sense. It was like a breath of fresh air.

Christian symbolism and utility of the 'traditional' outlook on life came up every so often. But, unlike before, I was open enough to hear about it, because it was congruent with the previous information that made sense.

I even ended up listening to the seminar on Exodus (the part in the Old Testament). There were true believers on board, which used to make me uncomfortable. But I found myself listening to them without having to compartmentalize or feeling that either me or them see the world through a huge distortion.

So what did Peterson do to my brain? And why when I hear him express a statement similar to what I'd heard from religious people before, I listen instead of thinking he's deluded?

When he talks about the significance of faith, religious practices, mythology - he does it strictly from the secular point of view. Exploring what he believes to be true in the process, rather than reciting dogmas. He speaks the language I understand, using concepts known to me. I don't know about his personal beliefs - he keeps them to himself, because they are beside the point.

So he gradually develops his conception of being. A monotheistic religion has a certain role in it. And since I now understand the logic and the reasoning behind this conception, I don't feel that my understanding of the world is fundamentally threatened and everything will descend into chaos if I agree with this point of view.

The key takeaway here - if you want to convince your opponent of something - take their side first. Speak their language, appeal to their values instead of trying to undermine them. And then build your argument using the logic they can follow, making sure they feel safe and respected in the process.

There is this amazing Harry Potter fan fiction. Throughout the book Harry is gradually 'corrupting' Draco, bringing him to the 'side of Light'. In their first conversation Harry pretends he's fine with Death Eaters and blood purism. He doesn't explicitly say that, but he keeps his opposing views to himself until Draco develops the capacity of questioning his beliefs with a non judgmental support of a friend.

One last comment - I guess this approach only works if you are genuinely interested in discovering and sharing the truth. Otherwise, the other person will feel manipulated.

PS, Dawkins and Peterson kind of managed to get on the same page😁

Freudian slips

The other day I was taking notes during a lesson, as I often do. It can sometimes be a bit tricky, since it requires multitasking, and well, my clients know that spelling isn't my strong suit😅

Sometimes I make typos (accidentally misspell words by pressing a wrong key). But yesterday's typo got me thinking: how often are our 'mistakes' actually accidental?

My client and I were discussing compensation and benefits, and I was typing 'health insurance'. Instead, I typed 'health unsurance' - immediately thinking - that's the story of my life. U and I are right next to each other on the keyboard, so pressing the wrong button accidentally is not improbable. But then again, health insurance is one thing I don't have in Vietnam. And my health has been slacking.

I sometimes catch myself saying things like 'our problem' instead of 'our program', 'I count on your disclosure' instead of 'on your discretion'. I also noticed that my clients often confuse 'interesting' with 'interested', especially in I-statements.

Maybe we are saying exactly what we want to say. If you're unfamiliar with the concept of a freudian slip, check it out - it's quite peculiar.

Naturally, we make mistakes when speaking our second language every now and then. And we usually attribute mispronouncing or misspelling something to our lack of knowledge or skill.

But perhaps in some cases it's just our psyche trying to tell us something important. So don't judge yourself for making mistakes - get curious about them. Sometimes they can reveal what wants to be addressed🙂

When I was a kid, I wanted to have long red nails, wear knee-high boots, do martial arts, study biology and genetics (to become a scientist) and live in the States.

Around two years ago I tried martial arts, wore red nails for a few months, and bought myself those boots. Now I'm listening to an introductory course on neuroscience. Maybe some day I'll bring myself to go to the US😁

Anyways, as I'm gradually giving myself a taste of my childhood aspirations, the course I mentioned is really cool.

The first lecture was super confusing. A young dude in black sunglasses, black suit, and a black hat tells a story about growing up in ghetto, and then another story resembling a bad trip (it was a sleep paralysis story). Then, for another hour, he throws Latin names of different brain regions linked to everyday experiences mixed with exotic neurological conditions.

To his credit, he asked 'does that makes sense?' quite often, and every time I'd be like - 'NO'.

Granted, the last time I studied the brain was in high school. But imagine a guy explaining the neuron structure by waving his hands and kinda looking like Neo dougong bullets while saying:

'...and then you have the axons, these fibers protruding, coming out of the neuron. And then, on other neurons, you have dendrites, other fibers. ... Then there's a synapse in between. The synapse is the gap from where all the magic happens...'

Makes perfect sense, right?

Jokes aside, after I've done some googling and found some visuals to fill in my knowledge gaps, these lectures do make sense, and provide a great foundation to better understand how we work.

Unfortunately, I can't share the course here cause it's on the platform you have to pay for. But here is Dr. Baland Jalal's YouTube channel with a few lectures.

He talks a lot about sleep paralysis and dreaming, which is pretty fascinating. So check it out if it's up your alley!

P.S., what were your childhood aspirations?

Have you ever raided the fridge late at night while reassuring yourself that it's OK and it's just one little bite, no one's gonna know, no harm done?

Well, I certainly did, and, apparently, so did Washoe - a chimp who was taught sign language.

Now, stealing food from the fridge doesn't sound like a strange behavior for a primate. But, according to Professor Sapolsky, she was talking to herself in the process - signaling - 'Quite, Washoe, quite, Washoe'.

Here's this whole lecture on language - explaining what's happening in the brain, including the process of language acquisition.

I absolutely love Sapolsky's lectures, they are like listening to a good audiobook. If you have some knowledge in biology - more insights for you. If you don't - his lectures still make sense on a more generic level.

Also, if you ever wondered what separates us from chimps -  here's what 🙂

#video

How many hours a day do you sleep?

I'm lucky to have a flexible schedule. So I can sleep as long as my body needs, and that happens to be 9 to 10 hours. On the one hand, it's a privilege, on the other hand, it leaves less time for the life part in the 'work-life-sleep' equation.

But then it got me wondering - by default we assume that sleep is a necessary waste of our life experience. But does the fact that we don't remember most of our dreams make that experience any less real or less significant for our psyche?

Besides, time flows differently in dreams. 10 min might feel like half a day.

I recently noticed one peculiar thing. When my daily life seems to be smooth sailing and there are no apparent problems, my dreams, at times, would be quite disturbing and emotionally exhausting. I would wake up feeling I had been put through the wringer.

And when the shit hits the fan in reality and my body's pumping cortisol all day long, I then sleep like a baby.

Maybe there is some negative correlation. Maybe disturbing dreams are precursors to addressing whatever is disturbing us.

There is a great work-life balance triller exploring the theme of 'severed' personalities and having 2 lives. The new season came out - check it out!

One of the perks of living in a touristic town is that I'm surrounded by people with different accents. I hang out with folks from the US, UK, Australia. Luckily for me, 2 Scottish people I've met dropped their Scottish accent somewhere along the way of travelling the world.

Still, every now and then I second-guess if I hear things right. And if I happen to be talking to a native speaker, there is that nagging voice resurrecting itself from the depth of buried childhood insecurities - is my English good enough?

Like yesterday, a guy from the States who used to stay with us came by to say hi. He speaks pretty fast, words clipped, his intonation perfectly moderate, even somewhat robotic.

So we have a quick talk asking each other how we've been, then I say I'm gonna grab a snack before my next work call. And he goes:

— Wanna do acid?
— Amm.. What?
— Wanna do acid?
— Acid.. you mean like a... drug?
— Yep. Like a magic mushroom.

Now, I heard his question the first time he asked it, loud and clear. But understanding is all about expectations. If it's a regular Tuesday, you're about to have a work call and hear a casual question asked with the intonation of 'Wanna have some tea?' — the brain short-circuits.

And then you think - maybe I got it wrong...
Besides, I was hungry😁

All travellers know that you take yourself with you wherever you go. Whatever people want to leave behind keeps dragging itself along.

I have a feeling it can also block the ability to properly register the change and receive the benefits of a new environment. To let it in.

When I was a kid, I was watching all those American movies, wishing I could be on the other side of the TV screen and live that life instead.

Ironically, whenever my actual life blesses me with remarkable experiences and breathtakingly beautiful places, I dissociate. My brain refuses to take it in, like there is an invisible bubble around me creating a barrier that I can't breach. Maybe it's guilt.

And later I'd say, yeah, that was great, I'm so privileged, but it's not about me. It's like I wasn't even there.

Yesterday I experienced that feeling again. Asked my companion if he could relate. He gave me a piece of advice:

Tell yourself - I've arrived.


Is this feeling relatable to you?

#reflections