Forwarded from Shower Thoughts 🚿
The 2nd biggest loser in the world is more of a loser than the 1st biggest loser [link]
Let me tell you a joke...
Three heroes die and they all show up at the pearly gates. God’s there to decide what their eternal fates are going to be – heaven or hell. Our first hero is dressed up like a big owl. And God says, “I gifted you the ability to make fantastic inventions. And what did you do with this amazing talent?” And the Owl Guy says, “I made this really awesome flying ship, and lots of cool outfits and weapons, so that I could bring peace to the city.” God asks, “So how many people did you kill?” Owl guy seems offend. “Zero,” he says. “I didn’t take a single life.” God frowns. “Sorry, Owl Guy. Your heart’s in the right place. You’re just too soft.” And God snaps his fingers. And the hero goes to hell.
The pearly gates await our next hero in line for almighty judgement. Our hero number two is confident he can game this out, because that’s his God-given talent – smarts. Some might even say he was the smartest man in the world. “So what did you do that big brain I gave you?” asks God. “As a matter of fact I saved humanity,” says Smarty Pants. “Well how’d you do that?” asks God. “Well I dropped a giant alien squid on New York. And everyone was so afraid of it, they stopped being afraid of each other.” “Okay,” says God. “How many people did you kill?” Smarty pants smiles. “Three million, give or take. But you can’t make an omelet without making a couple eggs.” “Christ,” God says. “You’re a fucking monster.” “Am not,” says Smarty Pants. God snaps his fingers. And the hero goes to hell.
We’re down to the nitty-gritty now. One hero left. God cracks his knuckles, ready to administer the final reckoning. Now, hero number three is pretty much a god himself. So for the sake of telling them apart: he’s blue and he likes to stroll around with his dick hanging out; he can teleport; he can see into the future; he can blow shit up – he’s got actual superpowers. Regular God asks Blue God, “What have you done with these gifts?” And Blue God says, “I fell in love with a woman, I walked across the sun, I fell in love with another woman, I won the Vietnam War. But mostly I just stopped giving a shit about humanity.” God sights. “Do I even ask how many people you’ve killed?” Blue God shrugs. “A live body and dead body have the same number of particles, so it doesn’t matter. And it doesn’t matter how I answer your question, because I know you’re sending me to hell.” “How do you know that,” asks God. And Blue God sounds very sad when he softly says, “Because I’m already there.” And so a mere piston in the inevitable machinery of time and space, God does what he did and what he will do: He snaps finger. And the hero goes to hell
Three heroes die and they all show up at the pearly gates. God’s there to decide what their eternal fates are going to be – heaven or hell. Our first hero is dressed up like a big owl. And God says, “I gifted you the ability to make fantastic inventions. And what did you do with this amazing talent?” And the Owl Guy says, “I made this really awesome flying ship, and lots of cool outfits and weapons, so that I could bring peace to the city.” God asks, “So how many people did you kill?” Owl guy seems offend. “Zero,” he says. “I didn’t take a single life.” God frowns. “Sorry, Owl Guy. Your heart’s in the right place. You’re just too soft.” And God snaps his fingers. And the hero goes to hell.
The pearly gates await our next hero in line for almighty judgement. Our hero number two is confident he can game this out, because that’s his God-given talent – smarts. Some might even say he was the smartest man in the world. “So what did you do that big brain I gave you?” asks God. “As a matter of fact I saved humanity,” says Smarty Pants. “Well how’d you do that?” asks God. “Well I dropped a giant alien squid on New York. And everyone was so afraid of it, they stopped being afraid of each other.” “Okay,” says God. “How many people did you kill?” Smarty pants smiles. “Three million, give or take. But you can’t make an omelet without making a couple eggs.” “Christ,” God says. “You’re a fucking monster.” “Am not,” says Smarty Pants. God snaps his fingers. And the hero goes to hell.
We’re down to the nitty-gritty now. One hero left. God cracks his knuckles, ready to administer the final reckoning. Now, hero number three is pretty much a god himself. So for the sake of telling them apart: he’s blue and he likes to stroll around with his dick hanging out; he can teleport; he can see into the future; he can blow shit up – he’s got actual superpowers. Regular God asks Blue God, “What have you done with these gifts?” And Blue God says, “I fell in love with a woman, I walked across the sun, I fell in love with another woman, I won the Vietnam War. But mostly I just stopped giving a shit about humanity.” God sights. “Do I even ask how many people you’ve killed?” Blue God shrugs. “A live body and dead body have the same number of particles, so it doesn’t matter. And it doesn’t matter how I answer your question, because I know you’re sending me to hell.” “How do you know that,” asks God. And Blue God sounds very sad when he softly says, “Because I’m already there.” And so a mere piston in the inevitable machinery of time and space, God does what he did and what he will do: He snaps finger. And the hero goes to hell
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Let me tell you a joke... Three heroes die and they all show up at the pearly gates. God’s there to decide what their eternal fates are going to be – heaven or hell. Our first hero is dressed up like a big owl. And God says, “I gifted you the ability to make…
God sighs. “Do I even ask how many people you’ve killed?” Blue God shrugs. “A live body and dead body have the same number of particles, so it doesn’t matter
0/0
Let me tell you a joke... Three heroes die and they all show up at the pearly gates. God’s there to decide what their eternal fates are going to be – heaven or hell. Our first hero is dressed up like a big owl. And God says, “I gifted you the ability to make…
And so a mere piston in the inevitable machinery of time and space, God does what he did and what he will do: He snaps finger.