Forwarded from Lia's 🌧
once something is said out loud, it doesn’t belong only to you anymore. it lives in someone else’s understanding now. they can think about it later, interpret it in ways you didn’t mean, remember it slightly different than how it felt when you said it.
it becomes something fixed.
and i think i’m a lot more comfortable with my thoughts when they’re still flexible. still mine. still able to be reshaped or softened before anyone else sees them.
so when i say something real, there’s this immediate loss of control.
and i don’t think i handle that well at all.
it’s like i want to be known, but only in ways i can manage. only in ways that still feel safe, still feel contained.
i want someone to understand me deeply, but i also want to decide exactly how they get to that understanding.
which doesn’t really work.
-the guilt after being vulnerable
it becomes something fixed.
and i think i’m a lot more comfortable with my thoughts when they’re still flexible. still mine. still able to be reshaped or softened before anyone else sees them.
so when i say something real, there’s this immediate loss of control.
and i don’t think i handle that well at all.
it’s like i want to be known, but only in ways i can manage. only in ways that still feel safe, still feel contained.
i want someone to understand me deeply, but i also want to decide exactly how they get to that understanding.
which doesn’t really work.
-the guilt after being vulnerable
Substack
the guilt after being vulnerable
words i’d never say out loud
تا نیم ساعت پیش یک کله کیری با معده سالم داشتم، خداروشکر الان یک کله کیری با یک معده کیری دارم. خدایاشکرت همیشه همین رو از زندگیم میخواستم💕.
🤝3