when daddy gets tired of his porcelain doll, please make sure to smash it with a hammer first. you see, porcelain dolls are like pets, like little puppies even. they choose an owner and they get so in love with him that their little hearts break in pieces when he finds a better, new, shinier one. before you decide to throw your once loved little dollie away into the trash, because you broke something in her and she can’t function like she used to, be sure to smash her little head and delicate body into pieces, never forgetting the pink loving heart.
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i exist solely for you. you never asked me to, you don’t even know about that, about my dirty little secret of being completely shallow, of becoming a wounded dog without your touch, a starved greedy sinner for your attention, a mouthless doll when in your arms. every day i think: what if he forgets me? and i think it’ll stop. the world. i’ll just purely stop existing. without you, my heart, i can’t even take a breath. so if you forget… how will i live? i cry every day, thinking about this life without you. like two seconds alone is a rehearsal for an eternity without your sweet presence. and how could i live? you are the crutch that keeps me walking, not crawling. and i pray, i hope with all that’s left in me, though there’s almost nothing, that you won’t let me go. my dear. my sanctuary, my missing piece.
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what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger, makes me more attached to order. what doesn’t kill me makes me fear more, what doesn’t kill me makes me me.
apologies that i’ve created make me think i’m hallucinating, the nightmares come, they spoil my dreams, eat me alive they want it seems.
i want to curl up at your feet, you are the one i always need. i want to hug your shoes and weep, i’ve never been in love so deep.
my medicine wants to break free, what doesn’t kill me makes me me. my heart’s so tender, never rough. what doesn’t kill me makes me love.
26.01.2026.
apologies that i’ve created make me think i’m hallucinating, the nightmares come, they spoil my dreams, eat me alive they want it seems.
i want to curl up at your feet, you are the one i always need. i want to hug your shoes and weep, i’ve never been in love so deep.
my medicine wants to break free, what doesn’t kill me makes me me. my heart’s so tender, never rough. what doesn’t kill me makes me love.
26.01.2026.
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i want to tell you that i love you, сказать, что я тебя люблю. you are my sun, the sky above me, я выслужу любовь твою. я словно пес, нет, все неправда. dogs never knew to long like that. и в крайней степени забавно, что не поймешь ты мой ответ. я крикну на своем родимом, ты улыбнешься не спеша, а я как статуя застыну, едва дыша, едва дыша. люблю. и слова нет иного. i love you, want you, you, you, you. так долго. мало или много? тебя люблю. тебя люблю.
10.02.2026.
10.02.2026.
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silence. endure. don’t let them know. be a good girl. be a good girl.
love is the cure. you’re cold as snow. and at your feet i gently curl.
you hate the cold, your skin is warm. with everybody you’re so nice. i think — what’s coming is a storm. but why am i afraid of ice?
no kings and queens, they never win. a pretty princess maybe does? feel my disease, my tender sin, the sun reflecting in your eyes.
you have your life. it’s full and pure. and i’m so scared i wanna cry. will i be her? survive. endure. and never let him know the truth.
18.02.2026.
love is the cure. you’re cold as snow. and at your feet i gently curl.
you hate the cold, your skin is warm. with everybody you’re so nice. i think — what’s coming is a storm. but why am i afraid of ice?
no kings and queens, they never win. a pretty princess maybe does? feel my disease, my tender sin, the sun reflecting in your eyes.
you have your life. it’s full and pure. and i’m so scared i wanna cry. will i be her? survive. endure. and never let him know the truth.
18.02.2026.
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