"MY RESENTMENT TOWARDS MEN
Today, I was listening to a podcast by @garrain.jones in the car, on my way to the gym.
He shared something that I resonated with. His hate for men and how he had it deep within his subconscious for long time, since he was 4 years old and how it changes his life once he realized it.
Moments after, I started crying, realizing that I also had a low key hate for men, which translated as a resentment through most of my life and a big selfsabotaging shadow and lack of masculine energy.
I could never identify it clearly. I thought that it comes from my father not being in my life until last year.
But no...
I remembered that my mom was fighting with her boyfriend when I was 7 years old. There was lots of screaming and an aspect of physical abuse there, and I was observing the moment without being able to say or do anything.
Without being able to protect her in any way. I hated the man, and I burried that hate deep within my subconscious.
As a result I developed a belief that men are assholes, but guess what...I am a man, so obviously I projected that to myself.
That led to sabotaging my masculine energy, to not finish projects that I started and not being able to show up in a masculine way.
I was hidding from the world in my feminine.
In most my relationships with women, I was trying to save them and protect them from the pain that my mom experienced.
Now, things have changed and this last remain (at least that's what I believe haha) of my masculine shadow from my childhood, has surfaced.
It's ready to be alchemized.
I feel an empty space within me that is so damn ready to be filled with even more masculine juice.
Leadership, more focus in my creations, unconditional love and appreciation towards men and the masculine energy in general and stepping into my kingship in ways that I never could.
I am grateful for the journey and I hope this share inspires!
WIth love,
Alex"
Today, I was listening to a podcast by @garrain.jones in the car, on my way to the gym.
He shared something that I resonated with. His hate for men and how he had it deep within his subconscious for long time, since he was 4 years old and how it changes his life once he realized it.
Moments after, I started crying, realizing that I also had a low key hate for men, which translated as a resentment through most of my life and a big selfsabotaging shadow and lack of masculine energy.
I could never identify it clearly. I thought that it comes from my father not being in my life until last year.
But no...
I remembered that my mom was fighting with her boyfriend when I was 7 years old. There was lots of screaming and an aspect of physical abuse there, and I was observing the moment without being able to say or do anything.
Without being able to protect her in any way. I hated the man, and I burried that hate deep within my subconscious.
As a result I developed a belief that men are assholes, but guess what...I am a man, so obviously I projected that to myself.
That led to sabotaging my masculine energy, to not finish projects that I started and not being able to show up in a masculine way.
I was hidding from the world in my feminine.
In most my relationships with women, I was trying to save them and protect them from the pain that my mom experienced.
Now, things have changed and this last remain (at least that's what I believe haha) of my masculine shadow from my childhood, has surfaced.
It's ready to be alchemized.
I feel an empty space within me that is so damn ready to be filled with even more masculine juice.
Leadership, more focus in my creations, unconditional love and appreciation towards men and the masculine energy in general and stepping into my kingship in ways that I never could.
I am grateful for the journey and I hope this share inspires!
WIth love,
Alex"
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