Forwarded from Divine Surrender
Sorry to all the coffee drinkers but it's a lot worse for your health than you'd think. And caffeine in general....
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Jason Christoff - Top 5 Diseases Caused by Coffee and Caffeine by The Psychology of Freedom on
https://soundcloud.app.goo.gl/wwntP
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Jason Christoff - Top 5 Diseases Caused by Coffee and Caffeine by The Psychology of Freedom on
https://soundcloud.app.goo.gl/wwntP
"Narcissism is basically a defense mechanism for what we colloquially call ego, what in spirituality could be called the lower self or wounded self, what psychology calls the false self, or lack of true sense of self, what I see as soul disconnection, usually from trauma.
Unlike other traumatized people who experience specific triggers (specific wounds and patterns) a narcissistists' defence revolves around avoiding everything they don't want to see or feel about themselves, especially shame and low self worth, which is actually their core content.
They exist in a perpetual state of self denial and everything they do to others is a defence to continue to uphold that state of denial. They will use your vulnerabilities against you in order to stay in control.
You don't actually exist for them as a seperate individual with your own needs, emotions or perceptions, you need to submit and adjust.
They bascially demand that you mirror back their true (soul) self, which they are not connected to, embodying or acting from; they demand blind loyalty, blind acceptance and love, for you to see them as perfect, regardless of what they do or say, while blaming their faults or mistakes on you, and rejecting you for every single flaw or wound, projecting the worst onto others because they cannot understand anything other than their own experience, so they assume others will manipulate, lie or do things for just their own gain as well.
Emotional intimacy is not possible, you can't have open conversations about the relationship and how you feel, you can't make someone see something they don't want to see, all you get is gaslighting, invalidation, silent treatment, diversion, blame, word salad, it goes round in circles, you can't win.
They don't have the capacity to truly care about another, empathize (see things from your perspective) or take accountability and will conveniently forget what they did or said later (selective memory).
Most people who have unprocessed trauma you can actually help by acklowledging their wounding, when people are seen and understood, they can let pain go and heal or at can feel safe with us, rupture within the relationship can be repaired.
A narcisssit cannot do that, no amount of love can fill their void, no amount of apology will have them drop their grudges, no amount of explanations will have them release their projections, no amount of understanding will have them let go of the grip of their pain, no amount of safe space will have them let their guard down.
If they are covert narcs their pain is actually their indentity and overt narcs will deny having any pain to begin with, but variations are possible.
If you get triggered and fight back, lash out etc., they will see it take it as validation that you are crazy and unstable and it's all your fault. (Reactive abuse).
If you fawn, take responsibility for your
stuff, admit mistakes, and are open about your woundings they see it as more validation for them that they did nothing wrong and it's all on you.
It's important to understand narcissism because of how destructive it can be to others and because to fully heal from narc abuse we need to see the truth and process the worst parts of it, the parts victims are in denial about for a long time usually because it's hard to grasp for anyone who has empathy, and understanding what happened to us is literally an awakening process.
Also those narc tactis are used on humanity at large, it's happening to all of us at large, and most people are simply stuck in denial of not wanting it to be true, not wanting to believe that people in power could actually do bad things in order to gain more power and control. Once you see it you cannot unsee it but we also need to fully process it to not stay stuck in a mental paranoid phase but have embodied instinct and dicernment.
Unlike other traumatized people who experience specific triggers (specific wounds and patterns) a narcissistists' defence revolves around avoiding everything they don't want to see or feel about themselves, especially shame and low self worth, which is actually their core content.
They exist in a perpetual state of self denial and everything they do to others is a defence to continue to uphold that state of denial. They will use your vulnerabilities against you in order to stay in control.
You don't actually exist for them as a seperate individual with your own needs, emotions or perceptions, you need to submit and adjust.
They bascially demand that you mirror back their true (soul) self, which they are not connected to, embodying or acting from; they demand blind loyalty, blind acceptance and love, for you to see them as perfect, regardless of what they do or say, while blaming their faults or mistakes on you, and rejecting you for every single flaw or wound, projecting the worst onto others because they cannot understand anything other than their own experience, so they assume others will manipulate, lie or do things for just their own gain as well.
Emotional intimacy is not possible, you can't have open conversations about the relationship and how you feel, you can't make someone see something they don't want to see, all you get is gaslighting, invalidation, silent treatment, diversion, blame, word salad, it goes round in circles, you can't win.
They don't have the capacity to truly care about another, empathize (see things from your perspective) or take accountability and will conveniently forget what they did or said later (selective memory).
Most people who have unprocessed trauma you can actually help by acklowledging their wounding, when people are seen and understood, they can let pain go and heal or at can feel safe with us, rupture within the relationship can be repaired.
A narcisssit cannot do that, no amount of love can fill their void, no amount of apology will have them drop their grudges, no amount of explanations will have them release their projections, no amount of understanding will have them let go of the grip of their pain, no amount of safe space will have them let their guard down.
If they are covert narcs their pain is actually their indentity and overt narcs will deny having any pain to begin with, but variations are possible.
If you get triggered and fight back, lash out etc., they will see it take it as validation that you are crazy and unstable and it's all your fault. (Reactive abuse).
If you fawn, take responsibility for your
stuff, admit mistakes, and are open about your woundings they see it as more validation for them that they did nothing wrong and it's all on you.
It's important to understand narcissism because of how destructive it can be to others and because to fully heal from narc abuse we need to see the truth and process the worst parts of it, the parts victims are in denial about for a long time usually because it's hard to grasp for anyone who has empathy, and understanding what happened to us is literally an awakening process.
Also those narc tactis are used on humanity at large, it's happening to all of us at large, and most people are simply stuck in denial of not wanting it to be true, not wanting to believe that people in power could actually do bad things in order to gain more power and control. Once you see it you cannot unsee it but we also need to fully process it to not stay stuck in a mental paranoid phase but have embodied instinct and dicernment.
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However also it is something the vast majority of us have some traits of, especially those who had narcissistic parents, and also people who went through narc abuse in relationships can develop it as a defence shadow self.
Anyone who went through experiences in childhood they couldn't process will have some level of soul disconnection to various degrees and various effects (in order to fully understand what I mean with that please read my article "the missing link in trauma healing) and so most of us will have some defenses for our wounded self with good reason.
If we experienced emotional abuse as a child we cannot develop a healthy sense of self and so we cannot boundary ourselves, this is where some degree of narcissistic defense is often the only thing for us to not collapse on self blame and copedendency, which is usually the alternative.
Recovering a healthy sovereign sense of self is key in healing childhood trauma and is a long term process.
Anything can be healed but it takes willingness and commitment to see and face and feel everything within us, it takes tools and understanding our psyche and trauma, and ideally the right support."
-Amber Alchemy
Anyone who went through experiences in childhood they couldn't process will have some level of soul disconnection to various degrees and various effects (in order to fully understand what I mean with that please read my article "the missing link in trauma healing) and so most of us will have some defenses for our wounded self with good reason.
If we experienced emotional abuse as a child we cannot develop a healthy sense of self and so we cannot boundary ourselves, this is where some degree of narcissistic defense is often the only thing for us to not collapse on self blame and copedendency, which is usually the alternative.
Recovering a healthy sovereign sense of self is key in healing childhood trauma and is a long term process.
Anything can be healed but it takes willingness and commitment to see and face and feel everything within us, it takes tools and understanding our psyche and trauma, and ideally the right support."
-Amber Alchemy
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