The Official Dilbert Website featuring Scott Adams Dilbert strips, animation, mashups and more starring Dilbert, Dogbert, Wally, The Pointy Haired Boss, Alice, Asok, Dogberts New Ruling Class and more.

The Official Dilbert Website featuring Scott Adams Dilbert strips, animation, mashups and more starring Dilbert, Dogbert, Wally, The Pointy Haired Boss, Alice, Asok, Dogberts New Ruling Class and more.

boss in meeting with dilbert and alice.
boss: thanks to the pandemic, our sales are at an all-time high.
dilbert: shouldn't we feel guilty for profiting from a deadly virus?
boss: i think if we were going to feel that, it would have kicked in by now.

boss: i find it oddly stimulating to fire employees. does that make me a sociopath or a strong leader?
catbert: i take it from your question that you think those are different things.

applicant: i majored in elbonian literature in college. which is extra challenging because i don't speak elbonian and none of the books are translated.
dilbert: how did you get a degree in elbonian literature without reading any?
applicant: i'm a great…

boss: anonymous sources tell me you have been stealing from the company.
dilbert: anonymous sources have no credibility.
boss: that's exactly what they told me you'd say.
dilbert: why do you trust them over me?
boss: well, for one thing, i hear you're…

tina: you never admit you're wrong.
dilbert: give me one example of that.
tina: well, for example, there was the time you said there were no such things as "cumulative" clouds.
panel changes to office building.
tina: to this day, you have not admitted…

dilbert: internal auditors just showed up unannounced.
boss distressed: delete all of our databases and make it look like an accident!
dilbert: they'd know i did it.
boss: but they wouldn't know i ordered it.

internal auditor: i find it hard to believe you "accidentally" deleted a database just as i arrived. it makes me suspect you tried to hide something incriminating.
boss: sounds like reasonable doubt to me.

alice: can you relocate asok's cubicle? he sighs to much, and it's bugging me.
boss: he sighs because he is metamorphosing from an innocent intern into a disgruntled employee.
boss to asok: how long is this gonna take?
asok: sigh

voice from Alice's smartphone: i have to cancel our scheduled zoom call today.
alice yelling and distressed: i woke up early and put on makeup for nothing!
voice: i could do a voice call from my car.
alice still yelling: you're making it worse!!!

dilbert on zoom call with boss.
boss: we're having another zoom meeting at 4 p.m.
dilbert: what's the topic?
boss: its about how i fill the deep emptiness of my soul by scheduling zoom meetings.
dilbert: have you tried overeating? that seems to work for…

salesman: i'll need you to sign a nondisclosure agreement before i can show you our new product.
dilbert: you wasted a trip here because i won't be doing that. the fact that you even asked me to sign an nda tells me your company is incompetent.
dilbert:…