dilbert at home in recliner on video call with boss.
voice from laptop: i love you.
dilbert: you do?
boss: no, not you. i was talking to my wife, who is off camera. no one loves you.
dilbert: this was my longest relationship.

alice: can you adjust your camera so i'm not looking up your nose? okay, now can you adjust your lighting so you don't look like a lightbulb with a beard?
voice from laptop: how's my audio?
alice: it's as good as your ideas.

boss and wally on video call.
wally: i'm not feeling well, so i'm going to take the day off from work.
boss: you work at home. and you'll be just as sick whether you work or not, so why not work?
wally: i don't know if you know this about me, but i don't…

conscience voice coming from dilbert's keyboard.
keyboard: hello, human. i'm your keyboard's conscience. you should reconsider sending such a mean email. working remotely has caused you to devolve into an empathy-free monster who cares nothing for the feelings…

dilbert with dogbert on video call.
dilbert: what a waste of time this zoom meeting is. i hate dealing with imbeciles.
voice from laptop: your mic is on.
dogbert: could have been worse.

dogbert: you have a weak video signal. can you go where the wi-fi is stronger? try backing up. back. farther. back. back.
voice from cell phone: aaaiii!!!
dogbert: perfect.

tina: dilbert is always interrupting me because i'm a woman. how do you deal with it when he interrupts you?
alice: he doesn't interrupt me.
tina: that makes no sense. he interrupts me because i'm a woman, and you're a woman...so...
alice: maybe he doesn't…

boss on video call.
boss: i'm proud to announce we reduced workplace injuries by 76% this past year.
voice from laptop: we all worked from home this year. shouldn't we have seen a 100% reduction?
boss: our security guard kept hurting his back stealing…

boss and alice on video call.
boss: how did your zoom call with the client work out?
alice: i lost all respect for him after seeing his poorly staged bookshelves in the background. but we'll still take his money, right?
alice: yes, he doesn't deserve to…

boss in meeting with dilbert and wally.
boss: thank you for your suggestions on what we should do instead of shaking hands. i'd like to read a few. and we can take a vote. well, it seems that all of your suggestions are obscene.
wally raised hand: i vote…

boss: i've invented an alternative to shaking hands. you raise one hand up like the start of a high-five and stop. what do you think?
dilbert: why don't you try it for a month and tell me how it goes?

dilbert on video call.
dilbert: and that's why we should put the project on hold for now.
voice from laptop: hahahaha! that's exactly the opposite of what you said last week.
dilbert: i sometimes change my opinions when the facts change. how do you play…

boss on video call.
boss: our new policy is that employees cannot date each other unless they register with human resources. this won't have much impact on my department because most of you are completely undatable.
voice from laptop: ouch.
boss: there's…

dilbert and dogbert walking outside.
dogbert: they say most people meet their future mates at work. now that you are working from home, your odds of mating just turned negative. you could try using a dating app to find a woman, but then you'd need to rely…

dilbert and boss on video call.
boss: i checked my files, and i see no nemesis has been assigned to you.
dilbert: why do i need a nemesis?
boss: it prevents you from being successful enough to take my job.
dilbert: okay, that makes sense.

boss: i hired dick to be your workplace nemesis. you might know his work from social media.
dilbert: this feels like a bad idea.
dick: doubt science much? duhrr.

dilbert and dogbert on couch at home.
dilbert: people at work accused me of being bigoted against elbonian men, so i'm marrying one to prove them wrong and keep my job.
dogbert: what's his name?
dilbert: i think it's something like gluppfril or breemf.…

dilbert: before we get married, we need to talk about a few things. first, i'm only marrying you to prove i'm not a bigot and to save my job. second, neither of us is gay.
elbonian man: they say marriage takes work.

boss: i hear you're marrying an elbonian man to avoid being called a bigot. but it doesn't work that way. you can still be a bigot in your mind, no matter what you do in the real world.
dilbert: so... there's no way to win?
boss: did i forget to tell you…

dilbert thinking in from of laptop: uh-oh. i don't seem to have any actual problems today. the universe hates it when i have no problems. it must be preparing a big one.
dilbert yelling: what's it gonna be this time, universe?!
carol: i'll come back.