ceo: i'm getting reports from your staff that you're a white supremacist.
boss wearing face mask and drinking coffee: but i'm not.
ceo: we have proof because you follow racists on twitter.
boss: what makes you think they are racists?
ceo: because they…

ceo: i have to fire you because employees are saying you are a white supremacist.
boss: but i'm not.
ceo: doesn't matter. i care more about my career than your life.
boss: you're firing me just to look good?
ceo: and i'll need to punch you in front of…

boss, alice and dilbert wearing face masks.
boss: i have been unjustly accused of being a white supremacist, and my boss just fired me for it. alice is the obvious choice to take my job, so i assume you will hear something on that soon. i wish i knew who…

dilbert and dogbert watching tv.
tv: a new study shows that all data about everything is wrong. experts advised using horoscopes and guesswork to make decisions.
dilbert: my co-workers already do that.
dogbert: they were ahead of their time.

all parties wearing face masks.
boss: i'm starting a whisper campaign against my rival in management. i want you to tell people he buys babies from the poor and eats them.
dilbert: no one is dumb enough to believe that.
boss: people will believe anything.…

dilbert and dogbert wearing face masks on a walk.
dilbert: i'm thinking about writing a book.
dogbert: can boring people write interesting books?
dilbert: maybe i write better than i speak.
dogbert: sure, and maybe an elephant lives in my colon.

dilbert and carol wearing face masks.
dilbert: i'm thinking about writing a novel.
carol yelling: stay in your lane! i'm not ambitious and i have intense hate-jealousy for anyone who is!
dilbert: i was looking for some encouragement.
carol: die! die!…

dilbert and boss wearing face masks.
dilbert: i've noticed that we used to talk about employee morale... but now we talk about "engagement" and "workplace culture." why is that?
boss: we found out it doesn't matter if you are happy.
dilbert: remind me…

tina wearing face mask: you did not have sufficient empathy when i told you my sad story.
dilbert wearing face mask: how could you possible measure my internal feelings of empathy?
tina: i used my empathy sensor.
dilbert: that's a stapler.

dilbert wearing face mask: i ran the numbers, and your plan does not work under any reasonable set of assumptions.
boss wearing face mask: have you tried "unreasonable assumptions?"
dilbert: why would i do that?
boss: well, to keep your job, for example.

dilbert wearing face mask: what college did you go to?
colleague wearing face mask: i'd rather not say.
dilbert: the only people who answer that way are people who went to harvard. do they teach you false modesty?
colleague: it was my major.

boss wearing face mask: we need to manage with data!
dilbert wearing face mask: do we have any useful data?
boss: not really.
dilbert: so...actually we need to get data before we can use data.
boss: we don't have time for your analysis paralysis!
dilbert:…

office worker: i've been working here for nine years, and you haven't given me a single raise!
boss: i didn't even know you worked for me. obviously, you didn't do anything useful, or i would have noticed.
office worker: well, in that case, i'm glad…

boss wearing face mask: what would you say are your weaknesses?
office worker: i have a deep disrespect for authority.
boss: but...you don't act on it, right?
office worker: let's not take the surprise out of it.

boss wearing face mask: i'm starting to think i'm a bad judge of character. the last three people i hired turned out to be termite colonies in clothes.
dilbert in face mask: how did they disguise the face part?
boss: they learned from youtube makeup videos.

boss wearing face mask: i hired a guy to complain at every meeting by saying, "we have no strategy."mi got him cheap because that's all he does.
dilbert wearing face mask: some would say we don't need him.
boss: maybe they're jealous of his wisdom.
office…

dogbert wearing face mask: i stopped using good arguments because sarcasm works better.
dilbert wearing face mask: that doesn't sound like a productive thing to do.
dogbert: oooh, look who's an expert on productivity now.

Wally putting on jacket: I'm taking the rest of the day off to recover from trauma. i accidentally saw a video clip from tv news.
boss: can't you block that?
wally: i tried, but they keep finding ways to sneak it past my defenses.

dilbert: i estimate odds at a 70% chance things go well, and a 30% chance we lose money on the deal.
boss: if we lose money, will you admit you were wrong?
dilbert: how could i be wrong? i'm just telling you the odds.
boss: if we lose money, that's on…