the boss: your inspirational quote of the day is... next frame is outside of office building: "go hard or go home." the boss in empty conference room: i shouldn't have made it sound like a choice.

the boss: i'm not having much luck with my inspirational quotes, but i thought i would try one more time.
the boss: "winners never quit, and quitters never win."
dilbert: when ted quit, you gave him a raise to stay.
the boss: these work better when you…

dilbert: my profit forecast isn't aligning with our strategy
the boss: try adding some variables.
dilbert: what kind of variables?
the boss: the kind that make our strategy line up with our profit forecasts.
dilbert: but...then my forecast would not be…

the boss: can you reach out to carl and touch base?
dilbert: can you restate that using normal words?
the boss: i could, but then it would feel as if i'm not managing you.

dogbert to dilbert: this is my service human.
office worker on leash.
dogbert: whenever i feel angry, i slap him with a rolled-up magazine to help me relax.
service human: no one reads magazines anymore.
dogbert: can i borrow your iPad?

the boss: i'm hearing that you are abusing your service human.
the boss: i don't think you pay him enough for that.
service human: wait. i'm suppose to get paid for this???
dogbert: great. now you've ruined him!

carol: i have a doctor's appointment today.
the boss: doctor? bah!
the boss: all you need are some essential oils and a supplement or two.
carol: has anyone ever survived your medical advice?
the boss: some kava could fix your attitude problem.

the boss: our website doesn't look anything like the one you asked me to approve.
the boss: were you showing me a fake webpage so you could ignore my suggestions?
dilbert: all of this could have been avoided if you had told me you planned to look at it.

the boss, dibert and wally standing with coffee.
the boss: has anyone seen ted lately?
wally: last time i saw him he was trapped in a tangle of cables behind his desk, screaming for help.
the boss: then you helped him get free?
wally: i only needed his…

the boss to dilbert: ...and then i need you to...
notification sound from dilbert's phone.
the boss: don't do it. don't check that message.
dilbert: but it might be important.
the boss: it isn't more important than listening to your boss.
dilbert: i…

the boss to dilbert: why didn't you tell me about this problem earlier?
dilbert: because you would have made decisions based on incomplete information and ruined my career.
the boss walking away: okay, i didn't realize that was obvious.

alice to the boss: one option is to use the old method that has never once worked, but we think we know how to make it work next time.
alice: the other option is to try something new that we can't be sure will work.
alice: it's almost as if leadership is…

ceo to dilbert: is this everything i need to know?
dilbert: yes.
ceo: how can you be sure there isn't something out there we don't know about?
dlbert: are you asking me to prove a negative?
ceo: it's more of an accusation than a question.

the boss to dilbert: if your idea is so good, why aren't other companies doing it?
dilbert: because they are in completely different businesses with completely different variables and they don't have a genius like me working for them.
the boss: what happens…

dilbert, the boss and dogbert at conference room table.
the boss: our competition released a product that makes our product look like it was designed by chimps.
the boss: that's why i hired the world's most evil marketing expert to help us close the perception…

dilbert, dogbert and the boss at conference room table.
dogbert: your competition has a superior product, but you can compensate by branding them as evil.
dilbert: we can say they charge too much.
dogbert: or...we can say their leather cases are made from…

purchasing manager: i can't approve this purchase without three vendor quotes.
dilbert: only two companies in the world make this sort of product.
purchasing manager: if i bend the rules for you, everyone will want me to bend the rules.
dilbert: maybe…

the boss: i've stopped trying to understand what you do all day long.
the boss: now i use an app that reminds me at random times to praise you or to criticize you.
alice: that is the dumbest thing you have ever done.
the bosses cell phone: ping!
the boss:…

the boss: did you read my email?
dilbert: yes.
dilbert: are you aware that email is a substitute for talking in person?
the boss thinking: i thought i heard something about that.