Dilbert
@dilbert_scott_adams
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This is a channel about the famous Comic Dilbert created by Scott Adams
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Dilbert
1.95K subscribers
Dilbert
http://dilbert.com/strip/2019-05-13
Dilbert
Elbonian Cyber Threat Meeting
the boss: what are we doing about the elbonian cyber threat?
dilbert: i called a meeting for tomorrow to come up with a plan for dealing with it.
the boss: your weak response proves you are an elbonian spy.
dilbert: what?
to be continued...
Dilbert
http://dilbert.com/strip/2019-05-14
Dilbert
Various Anonymous Sources
ted: i have heard from various anonymous sources that you are an elbonian spy.
dilbert: that's ridiculous. who told you that?
ted: i can't say
dilbert: well, my anonymous sources say you are nuts.
ted yelling: you can't believe anonymous sources!
Dilbert
http://dilbert.com/strip/2019-05-15
Dilbert
Bad Denials
ceo: have you confirmed that the cyber attacks are coming from elbonia?
dilbert: no.
ceo: i guess that means you are on their side.
dilbert: what?
catbert: what proof do you have that dilbert is a spy?
ceo: he didn't deny it the way I think he should…
Dilbert
http://dilbert.com/strip/2019-05-16
Dilbert
Blinking Tell
the boss: i didn't believe you were a spy for the elbonian government until you denied it the wrong way.
the boss: you were slow to speak, and you blinked.
dilbert: that isn't evidence of anything.
the boss yelling: you blinked again!
Dilbert
http://dilbert.com/strip/2019-05-17
Dilbert
Seventeen Pieces Of Evidence
the boss: we have seventeen pieces of evidence that you are an elbonian spy.
dilbert: no, you have seventeen coincidences and a bad case of confirmation bias.
dilbert: how about i prove you're a moron and see how far that gets us?
Dilbert
http://dilbert.com/strip/2019-05-18
Dilbert
http://dilbert.com/strip/2019-05-19
Dilbert
Dilbert Comic Strip on May 19, 2019
office worker: why are you telling everyone my project got canceled?
dilbert: i never said anything like that.
office worker: you're such a liar. i saw your email to ted.
dilbert: if i show you that email right now, and it says nothing about your project...…
Dilbert
http://dilbert.com/strip/2019-05-20
Dilbert
Boss Edits Dumb Parts
the boss: i edited your draft to fix all of the dumb parts. it's in your email.
the boss: when do you think you will publish it?
dilbert: depends how long it takes me to reverse all of your edits. undo undo undo.
Dilbert
http://dilbert.com/strip/2019-05-21
Dilbert
Worthless Suggestions
ted: i notice you didn't incorporate any of my suggestions in your final draft.
ted: it's as if you are saying my ideas are worthless.
dilbert: i would never say that.
ted: so you're saying my ideas are good?
dilbert: let's not reject ambiquity so quickly.
Dilbert
http://dilbert.com/strip/2019-05-22
Dilbert
Wally Has Best Excuse
wally: i was tempted to succeed this week, but i caught myself in time.
wally: success would improve my odds of mating, and i don't think you want more people like me in this world.
the boss: that is officially the best excuse for not working that i have…
Dilbert
http://dilbert.com/strip/2019-05-23
Dilbert
Your Quote Is High
dilbert: your quote is a bit high. can you do it cheaper?
salesman: yes, we offer a low-cost option that involves me talking about the software, but you can't have it.
dilbert: what would be the point of that?
salesman: you're the one who brought it up.
Dilbert
http://dilbert.com/strip/2019-05-24
Dilbert
Counting Morons
office worker, dilbert and the boss at conference table.
office worker: dilbert and i disagree on how to fix the bug.
dilbert: for context, one of us is a moron, and one of us is always right.
the boss: i'm confused because there are three of us here.…
Dilbert
http://dilbert.com/strip/2019-05-25
Dilbert
And Then Mark Said
tina: ...and then mark said...
dilbert: stop talking about mark! dilbert is visually angry.
dilbert: all you do is talk about mark! i am so sick of mark. please talk about anything but mark. dilbert is still visually angry.
tina: someone told me you'd…
Dilbert
http://dilbert.com/strip/2019-05-26
Dilbert
Dilbert Comic Strip on May 26, 2019
the boss: i'm looking for nominations for employee of the year.
the boss: does anyone have a suggestion?
dilbert: hypothetically, would the winner of this award be likely to get a larger-than-normal pay raise?
the boss: i would think so, yes.
dilbert:…
Dilbert
http://dilbert.com/strip/2019-05-27
Dilbert
Wally's Reading Time
alice: wally, can we meet tomorrow at 8 am?
wally: that's when i eat breakfast in the cafeteria.
alice: how about 9 am?
wally: that would bump into my bowel and reading time.
Dilbert
http://dilbert.com/strip/2019-05-28
Dilbert
Wally And His Priorities
the boss: wally, can you attend a meeting at 10 am tomorrow?
wally: sure. here's a list of my projects so you can tell me which one you want to fail while i'm wasting my time at your meeting.
the boss: was there a chance one of them would succeed?
wally:…
Dilbert
http://dilbert.com/strip/2019-05-29
Dilbert
Never Stop Dreaming
the boss: i printed out some inspirational slogans to motivate you. the boss: the first one is "never stop dreaming." wally: zzzz-zzzz.
Dilbert
http://dilbert.com/strip/2019-05-30
Dilbert
If You Can Dream
The boss: i'll be sharing one inspirational quote each day. next frame shows outside of office: "if you can dream it, you can achieve it." Wally: zzz-zzzz. dilbert: he's off to a good start.
Dilbert
http://dilbert.com/strip/2019-05-31
Dilbert
Go Hard Or Go Home
the boss: your inspirational quote of the day is... next frame is outside of office building: "go hard or go home." the boss in empty conference room: i shouldn't have made it sound like a choice.
Dilbert
http://dilbert.com/strip/2019-06-01
Dilbert
Winners Never Quit
the boss: i'm not having much luck with my inspirational quotes, but i thought i would try one more time.
the boss: "winners never quit, and quitters never win."
dilbert: when ted quit, you gave him a raise to stay.
the boss: these work better when you…