My heart cold but it really beat for you, though.

@deepthoughts2

ማን ነው ስምሽ?

8yr old girl: የቤት ነው የት/ቤት?

Me:

The girl:

Me: እናትሽ እድር ተጠርተዋል ንገርያቸው

@deepthoughts2

No one will ever know what it really smells like under water.

@deepthoughts2

A little girl from China covered a cat on the street with leaves b/c she was afraid it would catch a cold.
Friend: awww 😍😍😇
Me: Nah she's just adding a side of salad to her meal.

@deepthoughts2

2nd place means you're the best loser.

@deepthoughts2

Every stairway is a stairway to heaven if you're clumsy enough

@deepthoughts2

Your bed instantly becomes 100 times more comfortable when your alarm clock starts beeping.

@deepthoughts2

What the heck did introverts do before the internet?

@deepthoughts2

Steve Jobs would have made a better president than Donald Trump...

But that’s comparing apples to oranges.

@deepthoughts2

If the relieved feeling of emptying your bladder/intestines would last 6 hours, nobody would have any interest in drugs.

@deepthoughts2

Your lips seperate when you say touch, but touch when you say separate.

@deepthoughts2

Song so sad you wish you had a breakup to cry over.

@deepthoughts2

Hair: oh no I’m thinning

Bank account: me too

Leg: me three

Belly: fuck you guys

@deepthoughts2

Mom, I'm dating a man.

\-Whom, sweetheart?

\-Dante the mailman.

\-Dante the mailman? But he could be your father!

\-But mom, age is just a number.

\-Sweetheart, I don't think you understood.

@deepthoughts2

Literally nobody can stay with me for a long time because I'm boring


@deepthoughts2

A perfect girl is not real
A real girl is not perfect.

@deepthoughts2

Her: stop correcting me

Me: stop being wrong

Google earth gives you the opportunity to go and see anywhere in the world. so what do u do? You go and look at your house.

@deepthoughts2

If you choose to always make it about you, that's precisely who you'll end up with.

@deepthoughts2

Just sprayed a fly with Axe body spray. He'll live but he won't get laid.

@deepthoughts2