THE LIAR DECEIVES HIMSELF FIRST
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The person who deceives you, accidentally or consciously, is always, on some level, fooling himself. Since it is impossible, without delusions, to dare this autonomic dissonance that occurs in the body while lying. And to dare the dissonance in the human being, when words do not coincide with thoughts, and thoughts with feelings.
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When people in conflict are perfectly confident about something you disagree with, or something that goes against common sense, agreements, or obvious facts, you can argue with them long and hard. Prove them wrong. Defend that two times two is four. But you can stop these futile attempts when you realize they are not cheating on you, they are fooling themselves.
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The person who deceives you, accidentally or consciously, is always, on some level, fooling himself. Since it is impossible, without delusions, to dare this autonomic dissonance that occurs in the body while lying. And to dare the dissonance in the human being, when words do not coincide with thoughts, and thoughts with feelings.
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When people in conflict are perfectly confident about something you disagree with, or something that goes against common sense, agreements, or obvious facts, you can argue with them long and hard. Prove them wrong. Defend that two times two is four. But you can stop these futile attempts when you realize they are not cheating on you, they are fooling themselves.
Accepting oneself in success is not difficult. Accepting oneself in defeat is something everyone learns sooner or later.
Accepting oneself in strong feelings is something that any book or even the most superficial psychological training will teach you.
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But do you know how to accept yourself as inactive, as nothing, as standing at ground zero? Incomprehensible to yourself and others? To stop and not follow the fashionable trends of rocking yourself? Give yourself time to duck or digest what's going on? How easy is that for you? Or do you spend all your energy to avoid facing your inactive self?
Accepting oneself in strong feelings is something that any book or even the most superficial psychological training will teach you.
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But do you know how to accept yourself as inactive, as nothing, as standing at ground zero? Incomprehensible to yourself and others? To stop and not follow the fashionable trends of rocking yourself? Give yourself time to duck or digest what's going on? How easy is that for you? Or do you spend all your energy to avoid facing your inactive self?
Why did you break up?
If you delve into your breakups, you can easily discover that the root cause of each one was unfulfilled expectations on your part and on the part of the other.
You were counting on one behavior and attitude, but in reality you received something different from him, and it doesn't matter in what areas - whether it's sex, the level of attention, common interests, children or money.
And what you received ended up not coinciding with your ideas of how things should be, how you would like them to be. Neither did the other to you.
If you delve into your breakups, you can easily discover that the root cause of each one was unfulfilled expectations on your part and on the part of the other.
You were counting on one behavior and attitude, but in reality you received something different from him, and it doesn't matter in what areas - whether it's sex, the level of attention, common interests, children or money.
And what you received ended up not coinciding with your ideas of how things should be, how you would like them to be. Neither did the other to you.
What don't lots of people realize?
That only rabbits breed quickly, but lasting results in life require discipline and regularity.
You don't start making millions in a snap if you don't change your mindset, and that takes resolve and time. You won't start speaking a foreign language by taking one class. You don't get rid of psychological problems by going to counseling a couple or three times.
So - what is "fast" actually? Fast is slow but steady. And the "I want it all at once" mentality is a dead end.
That only rabbits breed quickly, but lasting results in life require discipline and regularity.
You don't start making millions in a snap if you don't change your mindset, and that takes resolve and time. You won't start speaking a foreign language by taking one class. You don't get rid of psychological problems by going to counseling a couple or three times.
So - what is "fast" actually? Fast is slow but steady. And the "I want it all at once" mentality is a dead end.
Some people, no matter how much they want to change, persistently do NOTHING for years to change anything in their lives.
Like, years of living in a city they don't want to live in, even though they know which one they'd like to live in. Years of going to the same job, which has long been boring, even though they know what they really want to do, but do NOTHING to change their activities. Years of being in a relationship that is long overdue to end.
Because, the very format of their thinking is a dead end. And it boils down to the fact that "we have to wait more", "now is not the time", "there is no possibility", "there is no time", "there is no money".
All of these are just illusory limitations, psychological screens behind which lurks the fear that it won't work, that it will be worse than it is now if I take a chance and try. To live this way is to miss out on your life.
Like, years of living in a city they don't want to live in, even though they know which one they'd like to live in. Years of going to the same job, which has long been boring, even though they know what they really want to do, but do NOTHING to change their activities. Years of being in a relationship that is long overdue to end.
Because, the very format of their thinking is a dead end. And it boils down to the fact that "we have to wait more", "now is not the time", "there is no possibility", "there is no time", "there is no money".
All of these are just illusory limitations, psychological screens behind which lurks the fear that it won't work, that it will be worse than it is now if I take a chance and try. To live this way is to miss out on your life.
How to become happy?
When you ask yourself "How to make money?", "How to meet love?", "How to find your man?", "How to build a great relationship?", "How to find yourself and your business?", etc. - you're asking these questions at the level of the person you are now, and that's what created the problems you're trying to solve based on your current firmware.
That's not how it works.
The question is not how to make money, move, create a relationship, or get out of one. The question is what you need to change in your firmware: in your condition, your thinking and your behavior, to become the person who can find the answers to your questions, and most importantly, to take the right actions to bring what you want into reality.
When you ask yourself "How to make money?", "How to meet love?", "How to find your man?", "How to build a great relationship?", "How to find yourself and your business?", etc. - you're asking these questions at the level of the person you are now, and that's what created the problems you're trying to solve based on your current firmware.
That's not how it works.
The question is not how to make money, move, create a relationship, or get out of one. The question is what you need to change in your firmware: in your condition, your thinking and your behavior, to become the person who can find the answers to your questions, and most importantly, to take the right actions to bring what you want into reality.
Passion is an expiration date
When people say, "we've been together 10, 20, 30 years, and the passion is like the first time" - it's a lie and self-deception. The shelf life of any passion in a permanent classic relationship is 3-4 years.
After that, it may ripple, subside for a few more years, but eventually come to naught. And this is legitimate.
Therefore, the classic, classic relationship only on passion will last a few years, and then it will fall apart if there are no other points of unity between people.
Another point: how passion can be for the first time, when people, after being together for 3-4 years and breaking up, get together again. It can be this way. For a while, the passion between them will be at its peak again.
When people say, "we've been together 10, 20, 30 years, and the passion is like the first time" - it's a lie and self-deception. The shelf life of any passion in a permanent classic relationship is 3-4 years.
After that, it may ripple, subside for a few more years, but eventually come to naught. And this is legitimate.
Therefore, the classic, classic relationship only on passion will last a few years, and then it will fall apart if there are no other points of unity between people.
Another point: how passion can be for the first time, when people, after being together for 3-4 years and breaking up, get together again. It can be this way. For a while, the passion between them will be at its peak again.
Place of strength - not the traditional strength centers like Tibet or Peru.
A place of strength can be any place in any city or in nature. For me, it is the area in front of Notre Dame. The other day, when I was in Sochi, I discovered another one - the Red Glade.
In a place of strength, it's easiest to enter a state of total awareness that your reality will become what you've conceived it to be. This state is the main goal of all practices of working with the field. The deeper and longer it is, the more likely and faster your reality will be transformed.
A place of strength can be any place in any city or in nature. For me, it is the area in front of Notre Dame. The other day, when I was in Sochi, I discovered another one - the Red Glade.
In a place of strength, it's easiest to enter a state of total awareness that your reality will become what you've conceived it to be. This state is the main goal of all practices of working with the field. The deeper and longer it is, the more likely and faster your reality will be transformed.
How to trust after cheating?
If you are in a classic monogamous relationship and you were cheated on, the question "How to trust a man again?" is irrelevant. The answer is no way.
You will no longer regain the ability to trust this person the way you trusted before. And you have two options: either to be in a relationship with him on and just take your mistrust as a given and inevitable, or break up. Well, living with staying in the relationship, agonizing and tormenting yourself with the question, "How to trust?" - is not an option. It's just neurotic self-mockery and nothing more.
If you are in a classic monogamous relationship and you were cheated on, the question "How to trust a man again?" is irrelevant. The answer is no way.
You will no longer regain the ability to trust this person the way you trusted before. And you have two options: either to be in a relationship with him on and just take your mistrust as a given and inevitable, or break up. Well, living with staying in the relationship, agonizing and tormenting yourself with the question, "How to trust?" - is not an option. It's just neurotic self-mockery and nothing more.
You shouldn't care
... if you go your own way and strive for freedom.
It's hard to achieve because you've been conditioned from childhood to conform to someone else's idea of the norm. But it is possible-if you have the guts to go through the breaking of the firmware, distinguish your goals from those imposed, and not just go your own way, but keep going despite difficulties, setbacks, and pressure from outside.
"Doesn't care" means not turning into a moron who doesn't give a damn about anyone or anything. Never confuse with boorishness, stupidity, badassery, and marginality. No one has abolished and does not abolish diplomacy and the skill of negotiating with other people. "No matter" means to act according to yourself, your own interests, and the laws of the universe, even if everyone around you claims you are wrong.
... if you go your own way and strive for freedom.
It's hard to achieve because you've been conditioned from childhood to conform to someone else's idea of the norm. But it is possible-if you have the guts to go through the breaking of the firmware, distinguish your goals from those imposed, and not just go your own way, but keep going despite difficulties, setbacks, and pressure from outside.
"Doesn't care" means not turning into a moron who doesn't give a damn about anyone or anything. Never confuse with boorishness, stupidity, badassery, and marginality. No one has abolished and does not abolish diplomacy and the skill of negotiating with other people. "No matter" means to act according to yourself, your own interests, and the laws of the universe, even if everyone around you claims you are wrong.
How do you know whether you are in love or not?
Quite simple: when you love, you love everyone, all living things in principle, you love life itself, flowing through you.
There's not even the slightest attachment to a particular person in you, you leave everyone completely free to live and manifest as they want - because you're free yourself. You're not even ready to let anyone go at any moment, because you're not holding on to anyone or clinging to anyone at all.
Quite simple: when you love, you love everyone, all living things in principle, you love life itself, flowing through you.
There's not even the slightest attachment to a particular person in you, you leave everyone completely free to live and manifest as they want - because you're free yourself. You're not even ready to let anyone go at any moment, because you're not holding on to anyone or clinging to anyone at all.
Transformation is not a goal or an outcome. It is a process. It is a way of being.
To change constantly is to reflect the essence of life: its fluidity. To change is to be alive and free.
Go into your fears, and you will stop being afraid of life. Know how to let people go, and you will be loved. Know deeply that everything you do is right, and you will no longer need anyone's faith in you - you will succeed.
There is no success and there is no failure. There is no success and no failure. There is life - and you are part of it.
To change constantly is to reflect the essence of life: its fluidity. To change is to be alive and free.
Go into your fears, and you will stop being afraid of life. Know how to let people go, and you will be loved. Know deeply that everything you do is right, and you will no longer need anyone's faith in you - you will succeed.
There is no success and there is no failure. There is no success and no failure. There is life - and you are part of it.
If you're apathetic, that's already a good thing.
You are much closer to yourself than, for example, some loaded poorly educated idiot, who has taken another business course on successful success.
Only by going through deep apathy - the loss of all false meanings like "family is the main thing," endless accumulation of money, creating a career in a profession you haven't wanted to do for a long time - can you come to a deeper meaning and a deeper freedom.
As long as you cling to money, relationships, family, children, or career, you are doomed to constant disappointment, anxiety, guilt, and, in the long run, profound apathy.
You are much closer to yourself than, for example, some loaded poorly educated idiot, who has taken another business course on successful success.
Only by going through deep apathy - the loss of all false meanings like "family is the main thing," endless accumulation of money, creating a career in a profession you haven't wanted to do for a long time - can you come to a deeper meaning and a deeper freedom.
As long as you cling to money, relationships, family, children, or career, you are doomed to constant disappointment, anxiety, guilt, and, in the long run, profound apathy.
Many people worry about how to control their emotions
That's a fundamentally wrong question. The point is not to control emotions, including so-called "negative" emotions, but to first understand why they arise - what in your firmware compels you to perceive this or that phenomenon of reality as negative.
That's the main thing. And trying to control emotions without knowing their roots is like catching your own shadow.
The main task is to get out of the vicious circle: a negative emotion - a negative attitude - an even greater negative experience. But to hope that you can do it at once, by a click, is to fall into childhood, because your firmware and style of reactions to external events have been formed for years.
That's a fundamentally wrong question. The point is not to control emotions, including so-called "negative" emotions, but to first understand why they arise - what in your firmware compels you to perceive this or that phenomenon of reality as negative.
That's the main thing. And trying to control emotions without knowing their roots is like catching your own shadow.
The main task is to get out of the vicious circle: a negative emotion - a negative attitude - an even greater negative experience. But to hope that you can do it at once, by a click, is to fall into childhood, because your firmware and style of reactions to external events have been formed for years.
One of the stages of growth is to close all childhood desires in order to let them go and thereby stop giving energy to them.
In my case, I closed off absolutely all of the childhood desires that were not realized in my childhood. Every single wish my inner baby got.
The last wish I closed was an expensive gaming computer - to fly the newest games like RDR2 or Cyberpunk 2077.
Take the time, write out all the things you wanted to have as a kid, and close them. The sooner you close the childhood desires, which, in fact, continue to live inside you, the sooner you will redirect the energy to the new mature desires and realize them.
In my case, I closed off absolutely all of the childhood desires that were not realized in my childhood. Every single wish my inner baby got.
The last wish I closed was an expensive gaming computer - to fly the newest games like RDR2 or Cyberpunk 2077.
Take the time, write out all the things you wanted to have as a kid, and close them. The sooner you close the childhood desires, which, in fact, continue to live inside you, the sooner you will redirect the energy to the new mature desires and realize them.
Leave your parents alone.
Leave them alone with their crap and stop blaming them for your own misery, unless you really want to continue miserable as you are miserable now.
Stop assuming, even in your dreams, that your parents still owe you something or can keep you from something if you are 18+.
If someone is "holding you back" from something, it's you. Your fear of growing up, making choices, and taking full responsibility for your decisions.
Leave them alone with their crap and stop blaming them for your own misery, unless you really want to continue miserable as you are miserable now.
Stop assuming, even in your dreams, that your parents still owe you something or can keep you from something if you are 18+.
If someone is "holding you back" from something, it's you. Your fear of growing up, making choices, and taking full responsibility for your decisions.
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When you condemn other people for something, you also condemn yourself for it.
So, for example, if you're used to treating "fat people" with disdain, you'll be afraid to be the same way. After all, then you'll find yourself in the position of being judged.
Judgment will eventually turn you into a neurotic. As an example, going to the gym will be more out of fear and rejection than out of creative desires.
With this approach, true happiness is out of the question.
Along with this, we are constantly judging other people and ourselves. Consciously and unconsciously.
But when you stop doing this, your quality of life and your emotional well-being increase significantly.
So, for example, if you're used to treating "fat people" with disdain, you'll be afraid to be the same way. After all, then you'll find yourself in the position of being judged.
Judgment will eventually turn you into a neurotic. As an example, going to the gym will be more out of fear and rejection than out of creative desires.
With this approach, true happiness is out of the question.
Along with this, we are constantly judging other people and ourselves. Consciously and unconsciously.
But when you stop doing this, your quality of life and your emotional well-being increase significantly.
What to do if a wave of negative emotions overwhelms you?
Try an alternative method - clenching and unclenching your fists.
Maximum clench and unclench your fists alternately on the right and left hand, alternating with their simultaneous clenching. Feel the muscles tense.
For greater effectiveness, combine the contraction with inhalations and exhalations.
Try an alternative method - clenching and unclenching your fists.
Maximum clench and unclench your fists alternately on the right and left hand, alternating with their simultaneous clenching. Feel the muscles tense.
For greater effectiveness, combine the contraction with inhalations and exhalations.
In order to become stronger psychologically and mentally, you need not only to overcome yourself, but also to remind yourself of victories more often.
Record in your notebook or smartphone notes a few things you're thankful for today.
That way, after a while, you'll be able to figure out what brings you the most positive feelings and what you should focus on.
I associate such action with improvement of the general psychological state, better quality of sleep and reduction of stress, because meaningful positive emotions relax the psyche.
Record in your notebook or smartphone notes a few things you're thankful for today.
That way, after a while, you'll be able to figure out what brings you the most positive feelings and what you should focus on.
I associate such action with improvement of the general psychological state, better quality of sleep and reduction of stress, because meaningful positive emotions relax the psyche.
Solidity as a character trait
Not shaking and not shrinking is also a skill called confidenceπ
Solidity is not a formal suit with a bowtie, but your inner state, which needs to be nurtured.
And we'll start with your speaking skills.
Speak leisurely, based on ironclad and irrefutable arguments, express your point of view and thoughts.
π« No doubts, much less hesitation in your voice. Just imagine a cowardly Hitler. Nah? That doesn't sit right with you either.
Not shaking and not shrinking is also a skill called confidenceπ
Solidity is not a formal suit with a bowtie, but your inner state, which needs to be nurtured.
And we'll start with your speaking skills.
Speak leisurely, based on ironclad and irrefutable arguments, express your point of view and thoughts.
π« No doubts, much less hesitation in your voice. Just imagine a cowardly Hitler. Nah? That doesn't sit right with you either.
The easiest way to become productive
Every person, who wonders how to succeed in life, which was once the case with me, faces the problem of lack of time or inability to build their schedule.
Any successful businessman is at least somewhat familiar with time management. And you will too!
I don't like to bore you with complicated techniques, so remember one simple rule:
- If you can do a thing in two minutes, do it IMMEDIATELY. Don't put it off until later.
That way you won't forget any little thing and change your life thanks to just such an easy rule.
Every person, who wonders how to succeed in life, which was once the case with me, faces the problem of lack of time or inability to build their schedule.
Any successful businessman is at least somewhat familiar with time management. And you will too!
I don't like to bore you with complicated techniques, so remember one simple rule:
- If you can do a thing in two minutes, do it IMMEDIATELY. Don't put it off until later.
That way you won't forget any little thing and change your life thanks to just such an easy rule.