Suriname's presidential candidate Maya Parbhoo received applause at Bitcoin Amsterdam for her commitment to making Suriname the next Bitcoin nation. 👏

And her fist raised high might just become as viral as Donald Trump’s signature gesture! 👊

🚀 MicroStrategy's Big Bet: Becoming the World's Leading Bitcoin Bank! 🏦

Michael Saylor is back at it, with his sights set on turning MicroStrategy into the ultimate bitcoin bank. 🎯 With 252,220 BTC (worth over $15B) already in the vault, the company now holds 1.2% of all bitcoin! 💰

Saylor’s strategy? Keep stacking BTC, leveraging debt, equity, and convertible assets, all while "lending to bitcoin" for huge returns, without traditional lending risks. 📊

Saylor's endgame? A $300-400 billion company riding the wave of bitcoin's growth — he believes BTC will eventually hit millions per coin! 🌕 His plan? Keep raising capital, keep buying BTC, and sit back as bitcoin becomes the cornerstone of global finance. 📈

It’s simple: either you believe in bitcoin’s future... or you don’t! 😉

🔍 Where Are All the Bitcoins?🧐

Bitwise analysts did some inventory and found that 56.8% of Bitcoin is chilling in personal wallets, waiting for its moment of glory. 💼💎

17.6% are inactive, probably lost in the crypto abyss, 5.2% are tightly controlled by funds, 4.8% are the legendary stash of Satoshi Nakamoto (probably under his mattress 🛌), 3.3% belong to businesses, and 2.4% are held by governments, who apparently decided to hedge their bets on the future. 👨‍💼💼

And the remaining 6.2% of Bitcoin hasn’t even been mined yet! So, if you don’t have any BTC, don’t worry—there’s still some left in the queue! 😅

🚀 Arkham will launch a derivatives exchange in November 2024

Arkham Intelligence, the crypto data startup backed by OpenAI's Sam Altman, is packing its bags and heading to... the Dominican Republic! 🇩🇴 Why? To launch a derivatives exchange next month! 🌐

After ditching London and New York, they’re setting up shop in Punta Cana—because why not mix crypto with beaches and tax breaks? 🏖💼 And guess what? Their token ARKM is already up 19%! 📈

Aiming to rival the likes of Binance (but sorry, USA, not for you), Arkham is hoping to make waves in the $3 trillion crypto derivatives market. Meanwhile, Binance’s share is slipping, so maybe it's time for some island competition? 🌊🏝

Oh, and they’ve even sponsored Turkish football club Galatasaray—because what’s crypto without some football flair? ⚽️💸

🤖 The Great Bitcoin Garbage Hunt 🗑

James Howells, the unlucky IT engineer from Newport, is suing his local council for $647M after accidentally tossing a hard drive containing 8,000 BTC during a 2013 cleanup. Talk about expensive spring cleaning! 😅

Howells has been begging the council for years to let him dig through 110,000 tonnes of trash to recover his fortune, even offering them 10% of the treasure. But the council said, "Nah, we don’t want asbestos-flavored Bitcoin!" 🧪💨

Despite robots, garbage, and grand recovery plans, the council insists: “No digging – too much methane!” 💨🚫 So James heads to court this December, hoping a judge will side with his crypto crusade.

Lesson learned? Keep your hardware wallet out of the trash. 📦

🔓 China “hacks” crypto! Or... did they? 🤔

Chinese scientists claim their quantum computer cracked some cryptographic algorithms, including ones used in crypto and banking. 💻🔑

But don’t panic just yet! Complete crypto domination isn’t happening anytime soon. Plus, back in March 2024, Vitalik already flexed that Ethereum has an update ready to block quantum attacks. 🛡💪

So, no need to dump your bags over cheap FUD – we’ve seen scarier stuff than this! 👊😎

🚀 Bitcoin Smashes $64K, Shorts Get Wrecked! 💥

Bitcoin surged to $64,300, leaving 54,422 traders with over $100M in liquidations! Turns out, betting against BTC wasn’t the smartest move. 🤨

Meanwhile, Mt. Gox delayed its $9B Bitcoin return, calming sell-off fears and giving the market some breathing room. Investors are riding the “Uptober” wave, with Bitcoin gaining in 9 of the last 11 years. 🟢

Even Ethereum joined the party, breaking through $2,500 with bullish vibes all around. Bears are now praying for a miracle as analysts cheer: “The next big rally is already here!” 🐂🙏

🏨 Bitcoin Miner Moves Into a Hotel... and Brings His Mining Rig! 💻💰

One ambitious Bitcoin miner just shared a photo of his hotel room filled with mining machines. Looks like he's planning to pay for his entire stay with some serious BTC action! 😁

This trend isn’t new—savvy miners have been setting up rigs in Airbnb rentals for a while now. One Airbnb host even reported his guests burned through a month's worth of electricity in just 4 days by mining Bitcoin! ⚡️💸

Lesson? If you see someone checking into a hotel with 10 power cords and a suspicious number of fans... they might be mining! 😅

🇺🇸 Trump Effect Sparks Crypto Fund Inflows! 🚀

From October 6 to 12, crypto funds saw inflows of $407M, reversing the $147M outflow from the previous week, according to CoinShares. 📊

Experts say it’s not macroeconomic data or Fed policy driving this shift—it's the growing odds of Trump winning the US presidential race. 🗳 With Trump pulling ahead of Kamala Harris, investors are betting on his pro-crypto stance bringing better days for digital assets. 💸

Looks like the bulls are rooting for Trump! 🐂

📈 Crypto on the Rise, All Eyes on US Macroeconomics! 🇺🇸

The week kicked off with Bitcoin surging 5.20%, hitting $65,820, and altcoins following the upward trend. But the party isn't over yet—key US macro events could shake things up! 🎢

👀 What’s on the radar?

▪️Labor market data: A softening job market could trigger a shift toward crypto.

▪️Retail sales report: A 0.7% MoM increase may signal economic acceleration or a no-landing scenario. 🛬

▪️Industrial production & corporate earnings: Big players like Citi, BoA, and Schwab release earnings soon—strong results might boost both stocks and crypto! 📊

With inflation fears growing and the Fed on edge, this week could bring wild swings across markets. Buckle up, traders! 🚀

🚀 ETH Aiming for $6,000!🤑

According to the latest chart analysis, every time ETH bounces off the lower boundary of its channel, it gains an average of 130%. If this pattern holds (with support at $2,300), the next target could be a fresh $6,000 ATH! 💥

And with BTC creeping back to $66K, these predictions feel extra tempting... 🧪😏

Turns out, Bitcoin is like that friend who shows up 8 weeks late to every trend—it's been tracking the global M2 liquidity chart with a serious delay. 📉➡️📈

So... is the ATH already here, lurking quietly in the room with us? 👀 Maybe. Or maybe it’s just hiding behind the couch, waiting to jump out and yell, “Surprise!” 🎉

🇺🇸 Kamala Discovers Crypto! 🚀

In a surprising twist, Kamala Harris has finally given a nod to cryptocurrencies! 🪙 In her latest program, Point 3 promises to protect crypto investments—but here’s the catch: it only applies to Black Americans as part of a separate initiative. 🤔

Well, it’s not a full moonshot, but hey, progress is progress! Maybe one day we’ll all get a bit of that crypto love. Until then, we’ll take what we can get. 😅

🪙 US Spot Bitcoin ETFs Pull in $556M – Highest Since June! 💰

ETFs just attracted $556M in a single session, their best result since June. 🚀 But here’s the kicker: their strategy seems to be... buy high, sell low. 📉📈

Genius, right? So how exactly are they planning to profit? 🤔 Or are they just here for the fun? 😅

📈 Simple Strategy, Big Profits: $2.8M in 38 Days! 💰

Meet myparagon.eth, the trader who took advantage of the "buy low, sell high" strategy. He grabbed 9050 ETH at $2293 in early September, then cashed out at $2598 between September 30 and October 15 for a cool $2.8M profit. 🚀

No futures, no leverage—just classic trading 101. 🧑‍🏫

But here’s the real question: Does this mean he’s not betting on ETH’s future growth in this cycle? 🤔 Or maybe he’s just playing it safe, waiting to buy the next dip... 🫣

💸 Polkadot Tightens the Purse String! 😅

After getting some community side-eye for wild spending, Polkadot slashed its marketing budget. 💀

In Q2, they earned a humble $250K while burning through $80M (oops). But in Q3, they got thrifty—only spent $27.3M this time. 🫣 Progress, right?

At least they’re moving in the right direction... one budget cut at a time. 🤷‍♂️

🚀 Bitcoin Eyeing $233K by Q1 2025? RSI Says Yes! 🤑

According to Bitcoindata21, BTC is warming up for a rocket ride to $233,000 (or more) by early 2025. They’re using the RSI (Relative Strength Index) to back their claim—historically, when RSI peaks, Bitcoin blows the roof off. 🏠💥

Current RSI levels hint that Bitcoin has plenty of room to grow, with traders pointing out that previous bull runs went from $10K to $67K in just 7 months. Now, with trillions in traditional finance lurking, waiting to FOMO, the next leg up could be legendary. 💸📈

"If you think this time is different... well, good luck with that," quips Bitcoindata21.

Hold on tight—if history repeats, the ride will be epic! 🏎

💥 Fed vs. Bitcoin: Kashkari Calls BTC ‘Worthless'!

Minneapolis Fed President Neel Kashkari isn’t impressed with Bitcoin, calling it a “worthless asset” despite its 12-year track record. Meanwhile, BTC just keeps flexing—up 48% this year and attracting $556M in ETF inflows on October 14 alone! 📈🚀

Even with a rocky Q3, Bitcoin's open interest hit $19.8B, showing traders are still bullish. 🛠 And with Trump promising to make the U.S. a crypto hub (and Kamala joining the crypto-friendly club), Bitcoin’s future could hinge on the 2024 elections. 🗳

Cold wallets are filling up, and CEX reserves are at an all-time low. Looks like investors are in for the long haul—whether Kashkari likes it or not. 😉

⚡️ $30M Vanishes in an Hour as Bitcoin Takes Traders for a Wild Ride 🎢

At 12:30 UTC, Bitcoin shot up from $65,500 to $67,950 in just 30 minutes—its highest price since July. 🚀 But, like a rollercoaster, it crashed almost 4% by 15:00 UTC, erasing all gains. 🎢

$20M in shorts got liquidated during the sudden rise as bearish traders were wiped out. 💥

Right after, longs faced forced liquidations, with traders losing another $11M as Bitcoin's price nosedived. 🤯

In the last 24 hours, over 92,000 traders lost a whopping $300M due to Bitcoin’s wild volatility—affecting both bulls and bears equally. ⚔️

Now, Bitcoin is slowly recovering, trading near $67K. Is this just the warm-up? 🧐

🚗💰 Tesla Moves $760M in Bitcoin – Sell-Off or Self-Custody? 🧐

Tesla just shifted $760M worth of Bitcoin, sparking rumors on Twitter of a major sell-off. However, some sharp-eyed users claim this is simply a move to self-custody, pointing to the format of the new addresses. 🔐

According to Arkham, Tesla's Bitcoin was previously held by Coinbase Prime Custody, so this could be part of a new strategy for holding their crypto. 🛡

So, is it time to panic or just another day of Tesla playing 4D chess with Bitcoin?

💔Hong Kong Scammers Swipe $46M in Crypto 🎭

Hong Kong scammers went full cyber mode, using deepfake videos to pose as attractive women on dating sites. They convinced love-struck men to invest in "high-return crypto schemes" — and pocketed $46 million! 💸✨

Police busted the operation and found a scoreboard tracking the syndicate's "achievements," with last month’s top scammer earning a cool $266k. 🤯 Moral of the story? Be careful with video calls — that charming smile might be a digital mask hiding a crypto mastermind! 😬