i tried to set up my computer to do cool things and i was this close but in the end i found a wall in the form of bios limitations/incompatibilities/thing and now i wont be able to finally finish the set up that i was trying to create because isolating pci lanes has problems with changing powerstates/resetting pcie devices when you do that, and i had the misfortune of finding an incompatible hardware mix. so that is lame.
now i will have to abandon that idea and start with something functionally similar, that will maybe have better performance but sounds waaay more boring to set up, and i dont think that i will learn as much as i could have done with the original plan, and it will most likely be less comfy to use. i have high hopes of sleeping tonight, so i will probably not start with the messing-with-computers thing again for one or two days. at least that is what i hope. and i wont do wack now because i dont feel like it now.
feels unfair when the computer problem is just like "life isnt fair, you wont be able to fix this no matter how much you want it/how much effort you put into it, and now you know that all further attempts to fix this will be useless". feels a tad like what life does.
now i will have to abandon that idea and start with something functionally similar, that will maybe have better performance but sounds waaay more boring to set up, and i dont think that i will learn as much as i could have done with the original plan, and it will most likely be less comfy to use. i have high hopes of sleeping tonight, so i will probably not start with the messing-with-computers thing again for one or two days. at least that is what i hope. and i wont do wack now because i dont feel like it now.
feels unfair when the computer problem is just like "life isnt fair, you wont be able to fix this no matter how much you want it/how much effort you put into it, and now you know that all further attempts to fix this will be useless". feels a tad like what life does.
i just woke up, so here is the new cursed thought of the day:
"since grease is easier to clean with heat, shouldnt then everybody microwave their mouthwash before using it for peak performance?"
"since grease is easier to clean with heat, shouldnt then everybody microwave their mouthwash before using it for peak performance?"
mierda randm
someone i know is upgrading their gpu and i might be able to get the old one, so thats cool. currently i am rocking a 660 for the sole reason of "i need somewhere to plug the monitor", and i am honestly more interested in the possibility of having multiple…
the person who finally agreed to give me a gpu they werent gonna use ever again:
"will you treat my princess good?" (because yeah im subhuman but the gpu was "the princess")
me:
"yes yes, dont worry"
if only they knew. im afraid that i cant get the gpu to stop yelling in pain
"will you treat my princess good?" (because yeah im subhuman but the gpu was "the princess")
me:
"yes yes, dont worry"
if only they knew. im afraid that i cant get the gpu to stop yelling in pain
also october's 18th poll:
i admit it, i lose, your subs are more hydrated than mine
i admit it, i lose, your subs are more hydrated than mine
its almost 2023 and ppl still make larts. i think im not bothered at all by that knowledge
also dont ask me how i know what that thing is named because it was years ago and i forgot already. something about a bofh iirc
well it was a good run but my family has already scratched the bottom of the new frying pans. ohwhelp.
Forwarded from 🔞 Hot goth girl anarcho-witchposting and insane ramblings 🔞
Spicy hot take: if people could actually get help when they seek it, suicide rates would be way lower. If I take myself out of this world, it will be very much the fault of the mental health professionals who abused me and made me lose any hope that I'll ever truly get the help I need. The help I've been asking for and paying for... for years now.
What's the hot take? I think it's designed this way. The worst cases like me are treated so poorly, like subhuman by these mental health professionals... it's by design. It's easier to make us go away than to put in the "emotional labor" to treat our complex issues.
Actual helpful therapists are the exception, not the rule. This is why you gotta shop around for 5+ therapists before someone can help you. They're not just a bad fit. They're bad therapists who are only really equipped to deal with really simple issues that even I can help most people with.
Nobody has real advice for my complex issues. Other people keep funneling me to "see another therapist" and therapists don't have answers.
People treat me like I'm being irrational when I say this stuff. Start asking shit like "did that therapist really take that tone with you and say those things or are you just catastrophizing?"
The reality is they really said those things to me in that way. I was in a calm state when they did these things to me. Of course I wasn't after the fact. Everyone has this instinct to blame me for the incompetence of the therapists I've seen. I just get gaslighted further by peers who question my sanity when I describe my experiences with these so-called "professionals" and it's not helpful. It only makes me question my sanity for a little while... before I get a moment of clarity and then get mad I was gaslighted to believe that I might have been crazy again. I don't even know if I can trust help and advice from others when it all leads back to seeing me as the problem or insane for being hurt. I've been trying to get help in good faith for years. You tell me what my next fucking step is. I have extreme trauma responses just working with insurance or seeing a new therapist now. What do I do when therapy itself has become a trauma trigger?
What's the hot take? I think it's designed this way. The worst cases like me are treated so poorly, like subhuman by these mental health professionals... it's by design. It's easier to make us go away than to put in the "emotional labor" to treat our complex issues.
Actual helpful therapists are the exception, not the rule. This is why you gotta shop around for 5+ therapists before someone can help you. They're not just a bad fit. They're bad therapists who are only really equipped to deal with really simple issues that even I can help most people with.
Nobody has real advice for my complex issues. Other people keep funneling me to "see another therapist" and therapists don't have answers.
People treat me like I'm being irrational when I say this stuff. Start asking shit like "did that therapist really take that tone with you and say those things or are you just catastrophizing?"
The reality is they really said those things to me in that way. I was in a calm state when they did these things to me. Of course I wasn't after the fact. Everyone has this instinct to blame me for the incompetence of the therapists I've seen. I just get gaslighted further by peers who question my sanity when I describe my experiences with these so-called "professionals" and it's not helpful. It only makes me question my sanity for a little while... before I get a moment of clarity and then get mad I was gaslighted to believe that I might have been crazy again. I don't even know if I can trust help and advice from others when it all leads back to seeing me as the problem or insane for being hurt. I've been trying to get help in good faith for years. You tell me what my next fucking step is. I have extreme trauma responses just working with insurance or seeing a new therapist now. What do I do when therapy itself has become a trauma trigger?