okay i finished it. the amount of lewds wasnt too big, so i ended up going trough the whole channel before leaving it, instead of leaving it without looking at it.

it has cool things, it is full of artsy stuff, and i've found at least one artist name that im interested in.

so i guess that i really went trough almost 4k posts in about a day, while also doing other things. huh.

i'll probably not post here the stuff i found until some years have passed, since that is what i always* end up doing in this cases

*there are exceptions, but discussing them in detail here will probably be a bad idea so eh. the short version is "channels of ppl who are no longer alive and/or on telegram", or stuff like that

i wonder what happened to the weird art channel. it no longer has a public link so i cant even link it, and apparently the owner is no longer on telegram. it was a cool channel.

mini rant because i feel like it

last week, the first day i had proper class, the "tell us your name and why you're here studying this and what you hope to do in the future" part happened

my replies were kinda boring i guess. "because it is something that i can physically do and doesnt require to interact with ppl (because deafness)"; and "actually this is my plan B. my plan A is to get a nice disability pension and not have to work"

what the fucj is wrong with ppl tho. i do not understand why "i dont want to *have to* work" is such a mockable thing, but even that, i can ignore it. but there is always someone, usually multiple someones, who start the "society is going to shit because of ppl like you". and i have to wonder, whats those ppl's problem? what part of "disability pension didnt they hear? its always the same everywhere

so, for fucks sake, when you dont have any fukem idea of what someone else's problems are (aka: always, unless you're intimate with that person), shut up, please. because i dont even bother to explain "well i am fucking disabled josh, i literally can not work, so what the fuck else do you expect me to do, you ridiculous smartass?" but it is draining every damn time that everyone assumes that i cant be "disabled enough" and that therefore im just lying and/or lazy. bonus points because being called "cancer of this society" is also kinda dehumanizing

boi do i wish that ppl would shut the fuck up sometimes. it feels like a waste, spending the ever shortening time that i have left when i can hear things, listening to cretins instead of listening to nature or to friends' voices