im so scared and terrified and lonely at all times. so i tried finding solace and community in something, i tried distracting myself and finding an outlet for my creativity and thoughts and jokes, with people who found me amusing or nice. but i’m still hurting and i’m very scared of the days and my comfort has turned into a weapon and i hate myself for it. i hate myself and idek what i’ve done to blame myself. its very confusing, isn’t it?

a few days ago i was thinking of how my friends right now, or the people i would call friends at this stage of my life will probably not be with me in a couple years. that our friendship is temporary as long as we share the same interests and therefore understand each other’s language. and i was making my peace with it, remembering a tumblr post that said anything is temporary and thats fine and you can just live in the moment because thats the way life is. people come and go. but i’ve never been good with letting go. i hoard things and emotions and information like i wish i could hoard people. keep them in my life even when they hurt me, keep myself bruised as long as i’m not supposed to go forward alone. i don’t know what to do about all of this. i don’t think i’ll ever know.

after nearly two decades on this planet i still have no clue when am i having a panic attack and what the hell to do about it.

HAAAAATE my life cant believe this is my life screaming and yelling through it all

i want to send a big fat fuck you to any bitch who made the public think depression is sadness instead of numbness or this lack of interest in life because no one takes me seriously bcs im *checks note* too aggressive. hate rage hate rage hate rage hate rage and more hate in my heart

u guys hate bisexual women with such a passion its actually kinda funny like u look around for things to specifically call out bi women out on lmao

just consuming media has never and will never be “fetishization”. words have lost all meaning.

when you tell a person with clinically diagnosed OCD they’re “obsessed” you’re really not doing anything special I promise you

person with mean girl complex who has ruined your life and gaslit you : why are you so obsessed with me?
i’m not sure buddy, perhaps because you traumatized and then continually triggered me and also because your takes suck

bought new clothes and i can’t wait to wear them once and feel like shit and never touch them again x

girls be like “i’m just in a rut” and it’s been the last 4 years of their lives

happy fathers day

social media has made being likeable too much of a virtue. most of my irl friends either hated me or were scared of me before we got closer because they didn’t know me! and thats the same with followers/mutuals on social media. they still don’t know YOU. their approval or disapproval is kinda meaningless if you think about it lmao.

whenever someone tells me they love me i get choked up so badly i wanna cry and i have no response like i feel like such an inherent guilt that i feel unworthy of this love. i love these ppl so much and i have no words to express it or even respond to it.

it’s so stupid being alive. its like genuinely so pointless like whos rules am i living by? why?

even if you are religious theres no reason for you to answer to a group of professors in college. you’re not gonna not go to heaven if you don’t live by those rules. even god would frown upon all these rules i’m just saying

i cant do anything fun like my mind has decided that for me

having a mental breakdown luv

when will i reach peace and normalcy when is it MY TURN

my friend from england is all like we should look for programs u can apply to and get out of iran how do i explain i cant even afford a plane ticket in this economy like how do u explain how miserable u are to a a person born and raised in fucking united kingdom