Breaking: internet celebrity "Baked Alaska" has been sentenced to life in prison with no possibility of parole
Urgent scene: Witnesses say upon hearing the news, Mr Alaska attempted to take his own life with the gun of a security officer, but forgot to take off the safety and was unharmed.
COURTROOM IN CHAOS: After the internet celebrity "Baked Alaska" received a life sentence, Nicholas J Fuentes, an alt-right extremist and a mob of "gropers" stormed the courtroom in attempts to free Mr Alaska. 6 million officers gave their lives to stop them but were no match for the incel army. A nationwide manhunt is now underway. Stay tuned for more.
Breaking: former president Donald J Trump found dead at Trump hotel in New York. He was 74
BREAKING: Donald Trump has been resurrected! He's also taller now for some reason
Breaking: Nicki Minaj makes me so fuck horny tbh no cap. Everytime I hear her come out against the vaccines I have an overwhelming urge to fuck her fat nigger pussy 😍
Breaking: China declares war with the United States. All e girls will be targeted first
BREAKING: Jury finds Kyle Rittenhouse guilty on all charges of being based and minionpilled
BREAKING: Jury finds King Laffeys guilty on all charges of being manifesting bad vibes and being unchill