Post on Emotional regulation coming.

Edit:

Post is going to be too long.

I'm going to make it a pdf and send it on here when ready.

Friendship is one of those things for which you don't pay upfront.

In fact, it's something you only pay for once you lose it.

The problem is, you don't have sole ownership over it.

Sometimes you pay for it even before you realize that you lost it.

I'm taking time with this because I want to be really specific on the information I'll be sharing with you. Will take a few more days to be done; but I'll be sharing other stuff in the meanwhile.

Cheers and love Basedonians

The problem with most people is that they expect the world to be soft and kind to them.

I don't know if it's pure delusional thinking or an idiotic yet hopeful way of seeing things.

Truth is, everyone experiences life from different perspectives and events, everyone is sucked up in their own reality.

As such, expecting people to always be there for you, to understand and empathize with your version of reality is simply needy and entitled.

Nobody has the obligation to do that.

Something many people forget is that everything is a trade.

It might not involve money or anything material, but everything gets paid for.

See the guy that helps you out without asking for anything?

He has a price in mind; he expects something back from you.

Maybe he doesn't have the courage to ask for it; maybe it's something he can't ask for; but he does have it in mind.

But here is the good side of this all:

What people expect back is obvious in most cases.

Here is where integrity lies, here is how you can be fair and just.

Do not get something from someone you're not ready to pay back.

Do not consider anything free; deal with this fact as a simple truth, not as a sad side of humans nature.

If you're going to take something from someone (time), make sure you know what they want in return and make sure you can pay them back.

That's how you become a good person.

Someone that goes to bed every night knowing that they're not taking advantage of anyone else yet take care of themselves properly.

How to become nobody:

>This is probably not what you expect but let's go.

I don't think there is anything easier than becoming a nobody.

If you simply follow the below mentioned instructions, you can easily achieve that in no time.

First:

Ditch everything that makes you standout.
Make sure all your opinions are borrowed and fit within a specific stereotype.

Second:

Forget about thinking out of the box.
Stay within the framework of what has been tried and proven many times.
Just do what works.
Take zero risks; copy.

Third:

Work on your agreeableness.
Say yes to people more often, don't resist much, accept their influence.
Let them have the final say, follow the lead.

Fourth:

There is no fourth.
This is a list of things you shouldn't do.

Do exactly the opposite of the first 3 points; stop being a sheep.

If you want to be nobody, then you either have zero ambition or zero personality: get yourself some.

You think it's cool to be a nobody, but faceless is exactly what everyone is.

In a world of nobodies, become somebody by simply thinking for yourself and avoiding labels.

See yourself as a free soul; not one among many.

It takes a weight out of your shoulders, a stress out of your mind, when you accept that people's behavior towards you has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.

Things are rarely personal and you should avoid taking them as such.

Let people be whatever they are.

Just don't be like them, don't let your subconscious and insecurities drive you.

Me before meditating: Shit, I have to complete this, oh no I have so many problems how will I tackle this, blah blah blah...

Me after meditating: The Universe is always on my side.

Peace.

The problem isn't that you don't have time.

The problem is that you don't have priorities.

Seems like we've lost many members here.

Thanks to those who stayed; I have been somewhat inactive but we all know it's a matter of time before I'm back full force on this.

Thanks for sticking around

How to deal with doubt

This is a feeling and a process that I have both experienced not very long ago.

The thing with doubt is that sometimes it makes sense.

Sometimes you might be dead ass wrong.
Sometimes.

But unless you review the motives and incentives behind both your initial decision and the doubt you're facing; you will not be able to get the most out of the situation.

To be a bit more specific, the process you should adopt in case you're not sure of doing the right thing anymore is the following:

Start by asking the right question.

-How did I get here?
-What pushed me to make the initial decision?
-What made me think that it's a good decision?
-What changed since then?
-Is the change temporary or does its consequence impact the long run?
-What other options did I have and why I didn't pick them?

Those very precise questions will help you shed the light on the most important parameters to take into consideration.

It'll help you ignore irrelevant thoughts and focus on elements that heavily influenced your decisions at all stages.

Being able to go back in time and question your past decisions will help you understand more how you got where you are and what you might have done wrong.

Moments of doubt are moments of self-building.

They're not supposed to take you down, they're supposed to drive you forward.

You will always be right if you always correct yourself.

Dont let others tell you how to run your life.

Take control and keep it.

Doubt will always be there, you'd rather make it an ally.

How would you behave when no one is watching?

That's the answer to doubtful situations.

Thing is the right answer is always the obvious one.

How to Biologically control Your Emotions; Relief Stress & Anxiety and Live More Peacefully

I was initially going to make a giant post about this but I figured out many details would simply be useless for you.

What we need to understand is that intense (and negative) emotions such as fear, anger as well as impulsive reactions are a consequence of the amygdala; which is the part of the brain responsible of reacting to potential threats (which is also a cause of stress and anxiety but we'll get to that).

The amygdala is part of the limbic system; the side of the brain that is responsible for emotions, learning and memory. Those three are highly related.

What we need to highlights is that the limbic system is one of the oldest parts of the human brain and has survived throughout millennials of evolutionary changes; this part of the brain can be found in other animals. In other words; the limbic system is survival oriented. It is one of the human organs that have helped us evolve; and for that the amygdala plays a central role is it is meant to prevent danger.

> "The amygdala's role is to perform a range of functions, including detection of threat and initiation of appropriate responses situations it perceives as dangerous."

In other words; amygdala is the part responsible of anxious reactions and intense fear based emotions.

Long story short: Amygdala can be wrong.

It's made for survival so it WILL worry about everything and anything.

It is as we said one of the oldest organs in our brain and has stayed throughout centuries of human evolution.

The thing is when the amygdala spots a threat, it will automatically force you to be in what is commonly called 'flee, fight or freeze' position.

Which is the natural and normal human reaction.

Up to now; everything is fine.

The trick is that those reactions are more adapted to a wild life where you are physically threatened.

In the modern world; they might be overreactions to the situations at hand.

In most cases; the ideal reaction to non-physical threats or dangers is to remain calm and composed (See thread for more details on how to do it).

This the part where we solve it.
This is also the part where we go back to basis.

How do we calm the amygdala?

How do we avoid what is called 'Amygdala Hijack'? (detailed article that I partly used as a source)

Psychiatrists and therapist use a hypnosis technique called REM (Rapid Eye Movement); a practive that aims to replicate the eye movement on a person while their asleep (emulating the calmness of someone who's asleep, reaching low brain frequencies and appeasing the brain activity).

The Good news?

There are two ways for you to do it on your own.

1- Long walks
2- Long meditations (If you're a beginner, check this out)

Meditations might be an obvious way to practice REM so I'll focus on how walks can do that.

While walking, you create an optical flux, your eyes will subconsciously focus on the environment around (naturally looking for potential danger and safety).

That movement of the eye, will appease your amygdala as it will be looking for elements of danger in the external environment; getting it used to this practice will numb it and make it more acceptant to stressful situations.

That on top of the REM that will appease your feelings of anxiety on the spot.

Both treatment and prevention.

Hope you found value on this post.

Let me know what ways you use to control your stress and anxiety in the comments.

This was going to be a PDF but why make it complicated when it can be simplified.

As much as making enemies is perceived as self-sabotage; there is one thing that is even worse:

Avoiding adversity.

If making enemies is the price of standing your ground and defending your position; then so be it.

For it's in adversity that one grows.

It's from friction that fire is born.
It's from friction that we got light.

Never forget that the pain of the process determines the importance of the results.

There is no growth without difficulty; there is no transcendance without resistance.

Being open to new experiences makes you smarter.

This is a fact that I'll explain in a moment, let's clarify the other side of the coin first.

The more you stay within the realm of your comfort, the more you numb your senses and mental abilities.

Doing the same expectable things repeatedly leads you to live on autopilot.

An obvious example: mindless scrolling on Twitter or Instagram.

How many times do you catch yourself doing that?

Hold on, how many times do you catch yourself doing that as a way to distract yourself from the outside world?

This is just one of many examples of how hiding from the outside world makes us less aware and less present.

So, how does trying new things and having new experiences makes you smarter?

The answer is quite easy and obvious.

Intelligence is defined by one's ability to adapt to any given situation, circumstances or environment.

One of our most powerful tools when it comes to problem-solving is undeniably memory.

It's also the one we will tend to turn to first.

If you've already seen it, then there is a whole process of familiarization that vanishes, you know exactly (or approximately) how to deal with the situation at hand.

Now think of what happens when you're adventurous and look forward to new experiences; as you compile lessons and find out about new things.

You for one reduce the natural fear of the unknown. By experiencing it many times, you learn how to manage it and control it.

But you also and most importantly earn a considerable amount of experience and familiarity that you can more easily spot the difficulty and solve it right away.

Don't limit yourself, expand it.

Using Empathy To Manipulate

How do you identify when someone is trying to get you to do something using empathy? How can you do this to someone yourself?

First of all, to emulate empathy, you should allow yourself to feel the empathy, but have a rope to pull yourself out when the task is complete. Reason being that it's a bit difficult to imitate being empathetic. Lay out rules of what you will and won't do.

An example is always best for conveying these kinds of ideas, here are a few:

Men often take advantage of women who have been hurt in their relationship by simply being empathetic. She's having problems with her boyfriend and is feeling resentful of him at the time, so he offers her a shoulder to cry on. He sides with her instead of her boyfriend, but also acknowledges one or two things the boyfriend did as not so bad, so it doesn't seem that he's antagonizing her boyfriend (which would come off as suspicious). But, he agrees with her that her boyfriend fucked up massively and overall she's in the right, and even if she's not she did not deserve to be hurt like this. Boyfriend bad, girlfriend innocent and in pain. She seeks comfort and warmth from the imposter and ends up sleeping with him. This has happened one too many times.

Another example is of the guy who got robbed at home. The imposter (who had organized the robbers) expresses how deeply sorry he is to hear that, and even offers the victim shelter at his place for the time being till they can be sure the victim's home is safe again and even gives him some money to hang on to while he sorts his affairs. The victim, who might have been suspicious of the imposter will most likely do away with such suspicions.

Now, to set what you will and won't do is to mentally structure the limit of your empathetic demonstration. Will you spend money? Will you offer help? Will you give your time?

This will guide you not to get sucked and become an unwilling victim when emotions might enter. It is paramount that you set your empathetic limits before hand and no matter what happens do not change them. This is a decision you make once and do not review.

Depending on the magnitude of what's at stake, you could invest time, help and even money to rope them in further and increase their perception of your level of empathy. The more they are seduced, the more easily they will be exploited and vice versa.