Proxemics, which is the distance between people as they interact.
The thing with distance is that it's a huge tell when it comes to trust and interest.
The less complicity, the larger the distance.
Get too close to someone and you'll put them off.
There is a balance to keep between inspiring trust through proximity and invading personal space.
The trick is to spot signs of openness before getting closer.
That's where other body language parameters come into play as they are signals/invitations to reduce the distance.
The thing is that people will give you those signs subconsciously, they're not really aware that they're inviting you closer.
It's the growing trust during the conversation that will make them more open and interested.
But just like it works in this sense, it is sometimes more reassuring to step back. Especially when your interlocutor is expressing discomfort and/or distrust.
Allowing more space might defuse the tension and help stabilize the situation as you allow them to feel less stressed and involved in the conversation.
Friends, get to know those things, for they help communicating on deeper levels. You can get to know people/substract information from them without them even knowing it.
Remember that the two main aspects (far more important than micro-expressions) are Distance and Direction.
We'll talk about Direction next.
Cheers Basedonia.
The thing with distance is that it's a huge tell when it comes to trust and interest.
The less complicity, the larger the distance.
Get too close to someone and you'll put them off.
There is a balance to keep between inspiring trust through proximity and invading personal space.
The trick is to spot signs of openness before getting closer.
That's where other body language parameters come into play as they are signals/invitations to reduce the distance.
The thing is that people will give you those signs subconsciously, they're not really aware that they're inviting you closer.
It's the growing trust during the conversation that will make them more open and interested.
But just like it works in this sense, it is sometimes more reassuring to step back. Especially when your interlocutor is expressing discomfort and/or distrust.
Allowing more space might defuse the tension and help stabilize the situation as you allow them to feel less stressed and involved in the conversation.
Friends, get to know those things, for they help communicating on deeper levels. You can get to know people/substract information from them without them even knowing it.
Remember that the two main aspects (far more important than micro-expressions) are Distance and Direction.
We'll talk about Direction next.
Cheers Basedonia.
❤2
"Don't apologize for your privilege, leverage it"
Oliver Cantin.
Follow him on Twitter and join his email list.
You're welcome.
Oliver Cantin.
Follow him on Twitter and join his email list.
You're welcome.
Forwarded from Deeply Thrilling Telegrams
Flowstate.
That nebulous thing that writers like to discuss.
What is it?
Well, you don't have to ask, you have to remember.
You remember getting lost in a video game and your Mom begged you to come to dinner?
Remember getting lost in some project and time flew by?
Remember learning something new and not wanting to deal with anything else in the world?
Remember making a presentation for your boss, and 6 hours later you're in the zone and don't know where the time went, but you killed it!?
That's flowstate.
It requires 3+ hours of uninterrupted work. This is a difficulty in the modern weak society of constant distractions. But it's necessary. Get into flow.
That nebulous thing that writers like to discuss.
What is it?
Well, you don't have to ask, you have to remember.
You remember getting lost in a video game and your Mom begged you to come to dinner?
Remember getting lost in some project and time flew by?
Remember learning something new and not wanting to deal with anything else in the world?
Remember making a presentation for your boss, and 6 hours later you're in the zone and don't know where the time went, but you killed it!?
That's flowstate.
It requires 3+ hours of uninterrupted work. This is a difficulty in the modern weak society of constant distractions. But it's necessary. Get into flow.
Forwarded from ML
BECOMING SANE IN A CRAZY WORLD
Less than 5% of the human population are in control of their emotions. The rest are victims of their life situations - a ticking bomb that’ll go off at the slightest upset. Here are signs you need more emotional control;
1 - You get angry at every provocation
2 - You lust after everything in a dress or skirt
3 - You get attached quickly
4 - Your happiness is dependent on things going your way
5 - You don’t enjoy your own company when alone
6 - You complain a lot
7 - You are mostly bored
8 - You binge eat and scroll away
9 - You overthink & care too much what others think
10 - Prone to emotional tantrums
Being emotionally unavailable is a terrible cope. To become an advanced human, you have to be;
> emotionally balanced
> emotionally mature
> & emotionally resilient.
Understanding the mechanism of emotions
There’s a systemic process to how every emotion builds up. With this understanding, a well-practiced stoic is able to use his awareness quell negative emotions before they erupt.
Thought is the ignition of emotion.
Your actions & reaction always correspond to your mind’s judgements. The mind labels experiences in dualistic terms
- Compliment / insult
- Like / hate
- Boring / fun
- Nice / annoying
- Dos / don’ts
- Desire / reject
Your labels depend on your general worldview & personality.
These labels then generate certain feelings that correspond with their connotations.
Unchecked feelings evolve to emotions.
Thoughts appear like ripples Feelings erupt like waves
Emotions become tsunamis
For example
Ben says X to you. Your mind labels it an insult. You feel sad / humiliated. Overtime you’ll become hateful / resentful.
Clinging & belief are catalysts
Awareness & indifference are inhibitors.
If you believe a thought, it becomes energized into a feeling. If you cling to a feeling, it solidifies into strong emotions.
When you like someone, you’ll think about them all the time. You become fond of them. Eventually you fall in love. See the process?
Repetition is a form of hypnosis. Awareness is the finger snap that wakes you up.
Everyone lives on auto-pilot because it’s easier to blame than to take responsibility. But you should never outsource control over your moods & feelings to anyone. Don’t be so weak-minded.
Marcus Aurelius said;
“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it. And this you have the power to revoke at any moment.
Epictetus also taught;
“Remember, that not he who gives ill language of a blow insults, but the principle which represents things as insulting. When anyone provokes you, be assured that it is your own opinion which provokes you. Try then in the first place, not to be hurried away with the appearance. For if you once gain time and respite, you will more easily command yourself.”
How to become emotionally balanced
You must learn to wield your emotions as tools, rather than being used or consumed by them. And for that you need to practice detachment.
Detachment happens in 3 stages;
1 - Recognition: See the entire build up, be very alert & mindful
2 - Re-evaluate: “No man steps in the same river twice” - says Heraclitus. Every situation demands a fresh insight. Wise is he who doesn’t let the past dictate his present judgement.
3 - Response: Be autonomous. Choose how you respond, don’t be forced into recklessness.
3 ways to practice detachment
Detachment is the art of finding gap or distance. Physical distancing demands that you leave the scenario. But in a setting where that’s impossible, employ mental detachment. This skill has to be practiced daily so that it becomes muscle memory.
Start seeing your entire persona as a game character. Anyone who’s into video games intuitively knows how to play without getting emotionally intertwined with the character’s experience.
Life is also a game. Give your human character a name. Let it work and relate. Just sit back & watch.
Always distinguish yourself from your experiences (especially your thoughts, feelings & emotions).
Less than 5% of the human population are in control of their emotions. The rest are victims of their life situations - a ticking bomb that’ll go off at the slightest upset. Here are signs you need more emotional control;
1 - You get angry at every provocation
2 - You lust after everything in a dress or skirt
3 - You get attached quickly
4 - Your happiness is dependent on things going your way
5 - You don’t enjoy your own company when alone
6 - You complain a lot
7 - You are mostly bored
8 - You binge eat and scroll away
9 - You overthink & care too much what others think
10 - Prone to emotional tantrums
Being emotionally unavailable is a terrible cope. To become an advanced human, you have to be;
> emotionally balanced
> emotionally mature
> & emotionally resilient.
Understanding the mechanism of emotions
There’s a systemic process to how every emotion builds up. With this understanding, a well-practiced stoic is able to use his awareness quell negative emotions before they erupt.
Thought is the ignition of emotion.
Your actions & reaction always correspond to your mind’s judgements. The mind labels experiences in dualistic terms
- Compliment / insult
- Like / hate
- Boring / fun
- Nice / annoying
- Dos / don’ts
- Desire / reject
Your labels depend on your general worldview & personality.
These labels then generate certain feelings that correspond with their connotations.
Unchecked feelings evolve to emotions.
Thoughts appear like ripples Feelings erupt like waves
Emotions become tsunamis
For example
Ben says X to you. Your mind labels it an insult. You feel sad / humiliated. Overtime you’ll become hateful / resentful.
Clinging & belief are catalysts
Awareness & indifference are inhibitors.
If you believe a thought, it becomes energized into a feeling. If you cling to a feeling, it solidifies into strong emotions.
When you like someone, you’ll think about them all the time. You become fond of them. Eventually you fall in love. See the process?
Repetition is a form of hypnosis. Awareness is the finger snap that wakes you up.
Everyone lives on auto-pilot because it’s easier to blame than to take responsibility. But you should never outsource control over your moods & feelings to anyone. Don’t be so weak-minded.
Marcus Aurelius said;
“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it. And this you have the power to revoke at any moment.
Epictetus also taught;
“Remember, that not he who gives ill language of a blow insults, but the principle which represents things as insulting. When anyone provokes you, be assured that it is your own opinion which provokes you. Try then in the first place, not to be hurried away with the appearance. For if you once gain time and respite, you will more easily command yourself.”
How to become emotionally balanced
You must learn to wield your emotions as tools, rather than being used or consumed by them. And for that you need to practice detachment.
Detachment happens in 3 stages;
1 - Recognition: See the entire build up, be very alert & mindful
2 - Re-evaluate: “No man steps in the same river twice” - says Heraclitus. Every situation demands a fresh insight. Wise is he who doesn’t let the past dictate his present judgement.
3 - Response: Be autonomous. Choose how you respond, don’t be forced into recklessness.
3 ways to practice detachment
Detachment is the art of finding gap or distance. Physical distancing demands that you leave the scenario. But in a setting where that’s impossible, employ mental detachment. This skill has to be practiced daily so that it becomes muscle memory.
Start seeing your entire persona as a game character. Anyone who’s into video games intuitively knows how to play without getting emotionally intertwined with the character’s experience.
Life is also a game. Give your human character a name. Let it work and relate. Just sit back & watch.
Always distinguish yourself from your experiences (especially your thoughts, feelings & emotions).
❤1🔥1
Forwarded from ML
In the heat of the moment, you can create mental space by counting 5 slow breaths or reciting the alphabets.
Calmness and intelligence are inextricable. Let nothing disturb your equanimity. Take responsibility & stop living on auto-pilot!🥋
Calmness and intelligence are inextricable. Let nothing disturb your equanimity. Take responsibility & stop living on auto-pilot!🥋
This post was a courtesy of @SkantLee on Twitter.
Join his Telegram channel if you'd like to read more from him.
https://t.me/skantleedojo
Join his Telegram channel if you'd like to read more from him.
https://t.me/skantleedojo
Forwarded from Atlas' Majliss (۞ Atlas ۞)
If men are slaves, it is because they want to be slaves.
Wanting to be a slave is not necessarily a conscious act.
You can want something without admitting that you want it. You will find very few people say that they are happy to live in bondage, but if they do nothing to break their chains. It is because they are complacent in their situation.
Wanting to be a slave is not necessarily a conscious act.
You can want something without admitting that you want it. You will find very few people say that they are happy to live in bondage, but if they do nothing to break their chains. It is because they are complacent in their situation.
You don't need to be more confident to achieve things.
You need to achieve things to get more confident.
If you fail, you get experience.
Experience allows you to know better next time.
That's confidence when it comes to what not to do.
Even the failure grows your confidence if you adopt a growth mindset.
Don't be a fucking loser that gets trashed when they fail.
Alright, it didn't work.
At least you know better now.
Confidence without achievements is straight out delusion.
That's what they wrongly call "inflated ego".
That's just being a loser before even losing.
Let every single experience grow you.
Nothing should destroy you.
As Nietzsche said:
What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.
Live by those words.
You need to achieve things to get more confident.
If you fail, you get experience.
Experience allows you to know better next time.
That's confidence when it comes to what not to do.
Even the failure grows your confidence if you adopt a growth mindset.
Don't be a fucking loser that gets trashed when they fail.
Alright, it didn't work.
At least you know better now.
Confidence without achievements is straight out delusion.
That's what they wrongly call "inflated ego".
That's just being a loser before even losing.
Let every single experience grow you.
Nothing should destroy you.
As Nietzsche said:
What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.
Live by those words.
Let's do something unusual.
Pick a tweet of mine comment under this post.
I'll chose one of them and explain it further tomorrow.
Pick a tweet of mine comment under this post.
I'll chose one of them and explain it further tomorrow.
Basedonia™ - By E-go
Let's do something unusual. Pick a tweet of mine comment under this post. I'll chose one of them and explain it further tomorrow.
Been busy these past few days will be back tomorrow for this.
"It takes confidence to be assertive.
But
It builds confidence to be assertive.
Where you see a paradox, I see a virtuous cycle."
Let's explain.
For those of you who don't know what assertiveness mean:
It's the fact of confidently and explicitly asserting one's boundaries by expressing them clearly any without feeling ashamed of them.
My point from the above tweet is that people who lack confidence will more often than not hold back and not set clear boundaries by fear of being judged or due to their will to be accepted.
They will thus accept behavior that trespasses what their personal boundaries and will simply let people step on their toes while taking on themselves by fear of offending the people around them.
That's why it takes confidence to be assertive.
However, once you start learning and using assertiveness, you become more and more confident in yourself as you become able to stand up for yourself and enforce your boundaries.
You become expressive of your limits and explicitly put them out so that people cannot act like they simply didn't know.
Practicing assertiveness teaches you to be more straightforward and express what you have in mind without feeling shame it offending anyone. At the end of the day, your thoughts are yours and should always be respected. Except you'll have to enforce that respect.
So instead of seeing assertiveness as unachievable due to your low confidence, see it as your training ground to developing confidence.
Being assertive is a sign if self-respect, it helps you maintain your self-esteem while imposing yourself in a healthy way to avoid being taken advantage of.
Want to grow confidence?
Work on becoming more assertive.
But
It builds confidence to be assertive.
Where you see a paradox, I see a virtuous cycle."
Let's explain.
For those of you who don't know what assertiveness mean:
It's the fact of confidently and explicitly asserting one's boundaries by expressing them clearly any without feeling ashamed of them.
My point from the above tweet is that people who lack confidence will more often than not hold back and not set clear boundaries by fear of being judged or due to their will to be accepted.
They will thus accept behavior that trespasses what their personal boundaries and will simply let people step on their toes while taking on themselves by fear of offending the people around them.
That's why it takes confidence to be assertive.
However, once you start learning and using assertiveness, you become more and more confident in yourself as you become able to stand up for yourself and enforce your boundaries.
You become expressive of your limits and explicitly put them out so that people cannot act like they simply didn't know.
Practicing assertiveness teaches you to be more straightforward and express what you have in mind without feeling shame it offending anyone. At the end of the day, your thoughts are yours and should always be respected. Except you'll have to enforce that respect.
So instead of seeing assertiveness as unachievable due to your low confidence, see it as your training ground to developing confidence.
Being assertive is a sign if self-respect, it helps you maintain your self-esteem while imposing yourself in a healthy way to avoid being taken advantage of.
Want to grow confidence?
Work on becoming more assertive.
Introversion & extraversion are social constructs and self-limiting beliefs.
One day I'll explain.
But not today, I don't feel like it.
One day I'll explain.
But not today, I don't feel like it.
Stop putting labels on yourself.
Stop categorizing yourself as this or that.
You're not just a social/ethnic/cultural category.
You're more than that.
You're a unique creature.
Act like it.
Yes, labeling people and understanding patterns will help you dissect human behavior and better fathom the underlying reasons behind it.
Yes, it's useful.
When analyzing OTHERS.
Because you can't get in their heads and can only analyze their external behavior and the limited amount of information you have.
When it comes to you, you have far more information and more relevant information may I add.
You know everything about yourself even though it might not always seem like it.
Don't put limits on yourself.
Don't let the interpretations of other people define your personality.
Don't spit on your uniqueness by trying to fit in social constructs.
For this:
Apply double standards.
Categorize others for mind mapping purposes.
Don't categorize yourself for self-control and development purposes.
Define yourself with your own words.
That's how you truly understand yourself.
Introvert, extrovert and other types of labeling are:
Absolutely useless and self-limiting.
You are more than that.
Stop categorizing yourself as this or that.
You're not just a social/ethnic/cultural category.
You're more than that.
You're a unique creature.
Act like it.
Yes, labeling people and understanding patterns will help you dissect human behavior and better fathom the underlying reasons behind it.
Yes, it's useful.
When analyzing OTHERS.
Because you can't get in their heads and can only analyze their external behavior and the limited amount of information you have.
When it comes to you, you have far more information and more relevant information may I add.
You know everything about yourself even though it might not always seem like it.
Don't put limits on yourself.
Don't let the interpretations of other people define your personality.
Don't spit on your uniqueness by trying to fit in social constructs.
For this:
Apply double standards.
Categorize others for mind mapping purposes.
Don't categorize yourself for self-control and development purposes.
Define yourself with your own words.
That's how you truly understand yourself.
Introvert, extrovert and other types of labeling are:
Absolutely useless and self-limiting.
You are more than that.