Learning how not to care was THE turning point in my life.
Minding your own fucking business and focusing on your own wellbeing is definitely the highest ROI
The thing, I'm not telling you to be sociopaths, unless you are one already, you will empathize with people, feel shit.
The trick is to simply ask yourself why should I care?
It's really that simple.
This is a question you should be asking yourself often.
There is this thing called mental space or cognitive load, it's very limited (see older posts). That thing is basically what allows us to function.
So if you fill it with things that don't concern or benefit you, you're ultimately not going to do things that will benefit you.
It's just logical
The more useless things you focus on, the less you can focus on what matters.
You really need to learn how to brush off ideas that don't get you closer to your ideal self.
All you need is to be honest with yourself and stop giving importance to a lot of useless shit like people's opinions on politics or whatever.
Don't cluster your mind with information you don't need
Minding your own fucking business and focusing on your own wellbeing is definitely the highest ROI
The thing, I'm not telling you to be sociopaths, unless you are one already, you will empathize with people, feel shit.
The trick is to simply ask yourself why should I care?
It's really that simple.
This is a question you should be asking yourself often.
There is this thing called mental space or cognitive load, it's very limited (see older posts). That thing is basically what allows us to function.
So if you fill it with things that don't concern or benefit you, you're ultimately not going to do things that will benefit you.
It's just logical
The more useless things you focus on, the less you can focus on what matters.
You really need to learn how to brush off ideas that don't get you closer to your ideal self.
All you need is to be honest with yourself and stop giving importance to a lot of useless shit like people's opinions on politics or whatever.
Don't cluster your mind with information you don't need
❤1
Shall we talk motivation and determination?
Should we explain why you always give up what you start?
Let's go.
There are three types of motivation:
1- Survival:
That's when you have no choice but to get motivated or you'll literally die from not satisfying your basic needs.
Here it's innate and can't be dodged or negotiated, shit just has to be done.
Most people rarely find themselves in such situations.
2- Stick and Carrot
This is what most people use and this is exactly what gets them nowhere.
Positive reinforcement for tasks accomplished, negative reinforcement for failures bla bla bla
The thing with this type of motivation is that it's flawed.
Let's break it down:
- It encourages shortcuts, since "eyes on the prize". You don't care how as long as it's done.
- It can harm your creativity because the focus isn't on the task itself but rather on the end result.
- It kills the intrinsic motivation, which we'll see next.
- Programs your mind for short term thinking
3- Intrinsic motivation:
Here is where it gets interesting.
This motivation comes from the desire to be self-satisfied by the outcome and feeling of getting shit done.
It's only driven by your own self-image.
A feeling of pride and achievement.
This is what should drive you and this is where once again ego plays a role.
You have to live up to your own expectations and how you perceive yourself, so what motivates you is yourself and your own idea of who you are.
"I'm capable, so I have to get this done"
"I simply can't fail at this because of how great I am"
On the other end, every time you do get to the end of your tasks, you confirm the above statements and reinforce both your self-worth by proving it to yourself but also your self-confidence since you trusted yourself and proved yourself to be right.
Now this can be broken down into three main aspect:
Autonomy:
The desire to direct and decide of your own life
Mastery:
The impulse to get better and better at something that matters to you
Purpose:
The drive to do what you do in the service of something larger than just yourself.
Acknowledge these three, define them and let yourself be driven by nothing but your internal will to make shit happen.
Should we explain why you always give up what you start?
Let's go.
There are three types of motivation:
1- Survival:
That's when you have no choice but to get motivated or you'll literally die from not satisfying your basic needs.
Here it's innate and can't be dodged or negotiated, shit just has to be done.
Most people rarely find themselves in such situations.
2- Stick and Carrot
This is what most people use and this is exactly what gets them nowhere.
Positive reinforcement for tasks accomplished, negative reinforcement for failures bla bla bla
The thing with this type of motivation is that it's flawed.
Let's break it down:
- It encourages shortcuts, since "eyes on the prize". You don't care how as long as it's done.
- It can harm your creativity because the focus isn't on the task itself but rather on the end result.
- It kills the intrinsic motivation, which we'll see next.
- Programs your mind for short term thinking
3- Intrinsic motivation:
Here is where it gets interesting.
This motivation comes from the desire to be self-satisfied by the outcome and feeling of getting shit done.
It's only driven by your own self-image.
A feeling of pride and achievement.
This is what should drive you and this is where once again ego plays a role.
You have to live up to your own expectations and how you perceive yourself, so what motivates you is yourself and your own idea of who you are.
"I'm capable, so I have to get this done"
"I simply can't fail at this because of how great I am"
On the other end, every time you do get to the end of your tasks, you confirm the above statements and reinforce both your self-worth by proving it to yourself but also your self-confidence since you trusted yourself and proved yourself to be right.
Now this can be broken down into three main aspect:
Autonomy:
The desire to direct and decide of your own life
Mastery:
The impulse to get better and better at something that matters to you
Purpose:
The drive to do what you do in the service of something larger than just yourself.
Acknowledge these three, define them and let yourself be driven by nothing but your internal will to make shit happen.
Here is the thing:
If you feel better by being selfless and altruistic, by all means, do it. Be that.
From my own experience, that doesn't pay off.
I've said it many times, I fucked up countless times.
And from those mistakes, the main thing I learned is that you're better off being yourself than trying to please people.
Let's take an example:
A friend proposes a business idea to you.
You're not interested in the slightest but you don't have any intention of pitching in or helping in any way because it sounds ridiculous and it's probably NGMI.
But.
You don't want to hurt your friend's feelings.
You don't want to make them made and don't want to create an overwhelming situation.
Your reaction is to ask for more time to "think about it".
In reality your mind is already made up, it's a fucking waste of time. But you still like your friend so you don't want to hurt them.
So you keep delaying, that person relies on you.
They keep asking you and you keep asking for time.
Subconsciously that builds up momentum in their mind, they think you're onto something.
Until.
You either tell them the truth and become a liar (because yea, you fucking lied) OR they give up and just say, this guy isn't trustworthy, let's not count on him or do him any favor anymore.
If you don't value your word no one will.
Now, all of this, is simply:
Wrong.
Dead. Ass. Wrong.
You might hurt them temporarily by saying what you think but if they're smarter than you and have a clearer vision, they'll ignore and make it work.
Not because you said it wouldn't, but because you were wrong and they believed they were right from the start.
Now this is the best case scenario.
The alternative goes as follow:
You're right.
It doesn't fucking work out.
You have:
1- Got ridden of a burden, short AND long term
2- Given the right advice to the wrong ears
3- Not wasted time, money not energy on a failure
This is from only one aspect of the many benefits of just fucking speaking your mind out and minding your own God damn business.
There are many others, I'll write about them when I'll feel like it.
Much love.
If you feel better by being selfless and altruistic, by all means, do it. Be that.
From my own experience, that doesn't pay off.
I've said it many times, I fucked up countless times.
And from those mistakes, the main thing I learned is that you're better off being yourself than trying to please people.
Let's take an example:
A friend proposes a business idea to you.
You're not interested in the slightest but you don't have any intention of pitching in or helping in any way because it sounds ridiculous and it's probably NGMI.
But.
You don't want to hurt your friend's feelings.
You don't want to make them made and don't want to create an overwhelming situation.
Your reaction is to ask for more time to "think about it".
In reality your mind is already made up, it's a fucking waste of time. But you still like your friend so you don't want to hurt them.
So you keep delaying, that person relies on you.
They keep asking you and you keep asking for time.
Subconsciously that builds up momentum in their mind, they think you're onto something.
Until.
You either tell them the truth and become a liar (because yea, you fucking lied) OR they give up and just say, this guy isn't trustworthy, let's not count on him or do him any favor anymore.
If you don't value your word no one will.
Now, all of this, is simply:
Wrong.
Dead. Ass. Wrong.
You might hurt them temporarily by saying what you think but if they're smarter than you and have a clearer vision, they'll ignore and make it work.
Not because you said it wouldn't, but because you were wrong and they believed they were right from the start.
Now this is the best case scenario.
The alternative goes as follow:
You're right.
It doesn't fucking work out.
You have:
1- Got ridden of a burden, short AND long term
2- Given the right advice to the wrong ears
3- Not wasted time, money not energy on a failure
This is from only one aspect of the many benefits of just fucking speaking your mind out and minding your own God damn business.
There are many others, I'll write about them when I'll feel like it.
Much love.
🔥1
Also reminder:
93% of communication is non-verbal.
Learn body language, you'll be ahead of most people.
93% of communication is non-verbal.
Learn body language, you'll be ahead of most people.
The process of manifesting an emotion is the exact same for analyzing body language, except it's backwards.
If an emotion starts with a thought, a physical reaction then a behavior.
Cognitive > Physical > Behavioral
Analyzing body language starts with behavior, physical signs to conclude the thought or triggering emotion.
Behavioral > Physical > Cognitive
This is exactly why jumping right off the bat to micro expressions will lead you to wrong conclusions about someone's body language.
It's essential to take the biggest picture, the recurring pattern
AKA Behavior.
So, before starting to notice specific subconscious signs, it's important to focus on what the person in front is trying to convey as messages through their body language.
The space they take, the way they move, the changes in behavior, the general posture etc...
That makes it easier to frame what is genuine and what is being faked.
Understand that behavior and body language signs are results of complex cognitive processes, it's not through just one micro expressions that you can accurately conclude what is going on in someone's head.
No details without a big picture
Be methodical in your analysis.
Don't jump to conclusions right away, take the time to put together the pieces of the puzzle.
It's really a fun game.
If an emotion starts with a thought, a physical reaction then a behavior.
Cognitive > Physical > Behavioral
Analyzing body language starts with behavior, physical signs to conclude the thought or triggering emotion.
Behavioral > Physical > Cognitive
This is exactly why jumping right off the bat to micro expressions will lead you to wrong conclusions about someone's body language.
It's essential to take the biggest picture, the recurring pattern
AKA Behavior.
So, before starting to notice specific subconscious signs, it's important to focus on what the person in front is trying to convey as messages through their body language.
The space they take, the way they move, the changes in behavior, the general posture etc...
That makes it easier to frame what is genuine and what is being faked.
Understand that behavior and body language signs are results of complex cognitive processes, it's not through just one micro expressions that you can accurately conclude what is going on in someone's head.
No details without a big picture
Be methodical in your analysis.
Don't jump to conclusions right away, take the time to put together the pieces of the puzzle.
It's really a fun game.
If they seek your eye contact, don't give it to them.
Eye contact with you should be both scarce and intense.
Eye contact with you should be both scarce and intense.
Yesterday, a friend told me they wouldn't be able to manage an online presence like mine.
This is someone I've known offline for quite a few years, and someone for whom I have some sort of respect.
Very smart guy.
So I asked him, why would you say that?
He says it sounds too difficult and time consuming.
My answer was obvious:
Well, you didn't even try.
But that made me reflect on this discussion.
I asked myself if I had the same approach with things I don't know how to do.
And no.
So I digged deeper when meditating yesterday and I came to the conclusion that (as cliche as it might sound) the only difference between that guy and I is the fact that I refuse the comfort zone.
People play it too safe then complain about outcomes.
I realized that I love taking risks, I love uncertainty because it challenges me.
That's exactly where we differ him and I.
He likes certainty, low risk, assured returns.
I like to deserve what I get and I understand that playing safe is rarely worth anything.
Historical figures who had an impact on the world were not risk averse.
Understand that taking risks is what dissociates you from the mass.
It's being bold and fearless that gets you past what you could imagine.
Whatever you have in mind, if it's risky:
Fucking do it.
The adrenaline, the intense emotions, the experiences..
That's what life is fucking about.
Don't live a boring life.
Make it exciting or it will kill your soul before you actually die.
Create, build, invest.
Just fucking do something people are scared to do.
Defy your own limitations.
This is someone I've known offline for quite a few years, and someone for whom I have some sort of respect.
Very smart guy.
So I asked him, why would you say that?
He says it sounds too difficult and time consuming.
My answer was obvious:
Well, you didn't even try.
But that made me reflect on this discussion.
I asked myself if I had the same approach with things I don't know how to do.
And no.
So I digged deeper when meditating yesterday and I came to the conclusion that (as cliche as it might sound) the only difference between that guy and I is the fact that I refuse the comfort zone.
People play it too safe then complain about outcomes.
I realized that I love taking risks, I love uncertainty because it challenges me.
That's exactly where we differ him and I.
He likes certainty, low risk, assured returns.
I like to deserve what I get and I understand that playing safe is rarely worth anything.
Historical figures who had an impact on the world were not risk averse.
Understand that taking risks is what dissociates you from the mass.
It's being bold and fearless that gets you past what you could imagine.
Whatever you have in mind, if it's risky:
Fucking do it.
The adrenaline, the intense emotions, the experiences..
That's what life is fucking about.
Don't live a boring life.
Make it exciting or it will kill your soul before you actually die.
Create, build, invest.
Just fucking do something people are scared to do.
Defy your own limitations.
❤1
Believe in your delusional dreams but accept that they're delusional.
That's how YOU don't become delusional while still aspiring for greatness.
This is how you can balance you make sure that your ambition is a drive and not a burden while avoiding disappointment.
What most people fail at is finding what really motivates them to keep pushing every day.
The answer is:
Make yourself proud.
This is the key to achieving things you wouldn't have thought of yourself possible to attain.
Delusional is biased but delusional is not impossible.
As they say, "shoot for the moon, you'll land among the stars".
It is also through delusional goals that we push our limits.
Realistic goals will only lead you to mediocre or average results at best.
Know that what you're aiming for is very difficult to achieve but still give it 500% of your efforts.
By acknowledging the challenge and still going for it, you will:
1- Exceed "realistic" expectations
2- Test your limits and go beyond
Don't play it safe, be a risk taker.
For risk taker make history; safe betters only hear about it.
Don't limit yourself, even if people call you delusional.
Do everything to make it happen.
Have a great week Basedonians.
AFFIRM:
MONDAYS ARE SCARED OF ME.
That's how YOU don't become delusional while still aspiring for greatness.
This is how you can balance you make sure that your ambition is a drive and not a burden while avoiding disappointment.
What most people fail at is finding what really motivates them to keep pushing every day.
The answer is:
Make yourself proud.
This is the key to achieving things you wouldn't have thought of yourself possible to attain.
Delusional is biased but delusional is not impossible.
As they say, "shoot for the moon, you'll land among the stars".
It is also through delusional goals that we push our limits.
Realistic goals will only lead you to mediocre or average results at best.
Know that what you're aiming for is very difficult to achieve but still give it 500% of your efforts.
By acknowledging the challenge and still going for it, you will:
1- Exceed "realistic" expectations
2- Test your limits and go beyond
Don't play it safe, be a risk taker.
For risk taker make history; safe betters only hear about it.
Don't limit yourself, even if people call you delusional.
Do everything to make it happen.
Have a great week Basedonians.
AFFIRM:
MONDAYS ARE SCARED OF ME.
❤1
Never touch your face during a conversation.
Train yourself to use your hands for gestures rather than touching your face.
The reason being that putting your hand in front of your face means negative reactions more often than not.
We could break down each little micro expressions and explain what each one would mean.
But for now, let's just say this:
Hand in front of face is a subconscious attempt to hide facial expressions.
Now, more importantly, recognize when someone is overly touching their face during a conversation.
The trick here is the palm.
If their palm cover a good part of their face (repeatedly, doing it once is absolutely not enough to draw conclusions), then they're subconsciously trying to not let their facial expressions betray their true intentions.
Even if someone manages to successfully control their facial microexpressions (conscious act), they will still subconsciously attempt to be deceptive by hiding their face.
In the case where you notice such behavior, try to also conclude whether they maintain eye contact or not.
Here is why.
Someone who repeatedly hides their facial expressions by touching their face while also avoiding eye contact is someone who isn't being deceptive but rather fearful and anxious.
Their body language comes from insecurity rather than being deceptive.
On the other hand, someone's who's touching their face while expressing an overall confident body language and maintaining eye contact, is definitely being deceptive in most cases.
They are either giving the conversation a false interest or are trying to trick their interlocutor into thinking something that isn't true.
Again:
Body Language isn't about microexpressions alone, it's the mix of signals that allow us to draw conclusions and understand the thoughts behind the body.
Do not jump to conclusions.
Understand and learn the micro expressions then put together the pieces of the puzzle.
I repeat, do not directly jump into conclusions.
Train yourself to use your hands for gestures rather than touching your face.
The reason being that putting your hand in front of your face means negative reactions more often than not.
We could break down each little micro expressions and explain what each one would mean.
But for now, let's just say this:
Hand in front of face is a subconscious attempt to hide facial expressions.
Now, more importantly, recognize when someone is overly touching their face during a conversation.
The trick here is the palm.
If their palm cover a good part of their face (repeatedly, doing it once is absolutely not enough to draw conclusions), then they're subconsciously trying to not let their facial expressions betray their true intentions.
Even if someone manages to successfully control their facial microexpressions (conscious act), they will still subconsciously attempt to be deceptive by hiding their face.
In the case where you notice such behavior, try to also conclude whether they maintain eye contact or not.
Here is why.
Someone who repeatedly hides their facial expressions by touching their face while also avoiding eye contact is someone who isn't being deceptive but rather fearful and anxious.
Their body language comes from insecurity rather than being deceptive.
On the other hand, someone's who's touching their face while expressing an overall confident body language and maintaining eye contact, is definitely being deceptive in most cases.
They are either giving the conversation a false interest or are trying to trick their interlocutor into thinking something that isn't true.
Again:
Body Language isn't about microexpressions alone, it's the mix of signals that allow us to draw conclusions and understand the thoughts behind the body.
Do not jump to conclusions.
Understand and learn the micro expressions then put together the pieces of the puzzle.
I repeat, do not directly jump into conclusions.
You will not do your best.
You are doing your best.
You didn't do your best.
You are doing your best.
Don't fuck with this.
Your best shouldn't be a past event or an uncertain future.
It's an ongoing process.
Don't limit your 'best'.
Keep pushing for it to become better.
You are doing your best.
You didn't do your best.
You are doing your best.
Don't fuck with this.
Your best shouldn't be a past event or an uncertain future.
It's an ongoing process.
Don't limit your 'best'.
Keep pushing for it to become better.
❤1
The most simple and important boundary to set is to not let people give you nicknames.
It can never end well.
Nicknames that you didn't choose are nothing but plain disrespect.
It's not friendship, it's disrespect.
It's taking away your identity and labeling you with whatever sounds funny to them.
Nicknames reveal how people see you. Which isn't what you are.
It's what they think you are and thus it is irrelevant.
People should never feel comfortable enough to put a nickname on you.
Make sure of that and also make sure that your identity is so strong that people cant go wrong and see something else.
Fuck nicknames.
It can never end well.
Nicknames that you didn't choose are nothing but plain disrespect.
It's not friendship, it's disrespect.
It's taking away your identity and labeling you with whatever sounds funny to them.
Nicknames reveal how people see you. Which isn't what you are.
It's what they think you are and thus it is irrelevant.
People should never feel comfortable enough to put a nickname on you.
Make sure of that and also make sure that your identity is so strong that people cant go wrong and see something else.
Fuck nicknames.
🔥1
Use this for when you walk.
I don't know what it is, but there is something magical about this track.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gm4ElZUzLOo
I don't know what it is, but there is something magical about this track.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gm4ElZUzLOo
YouTube
Kollektiv Turmstrasse - Last Day (David August Revision) - Official Video
Diynamic has come up with another idea for a new series of EPs… Under the title Diynamic Revisited, it will see one artist remixing two older tracks from the label’s back catalogue. First up is David August, who has elected to re-envision tracks by Kollektiv…
My Twitter DMs are now open to Basedonians.
Shoot me Basedonia at the start of your message so I know you're one of us, otherwise I'm not replying.
Shoot me Basedonia at the start of your message so I know you're one of us, otherwise I'm not replying.
It's amazing how people automatically know that you can't be fucked with when you rely on nobody for anything.
Ask for nothing, mind your own business, do your thing, do it well.
That's how you get peace.
Ask for nothing, mind your own business, do your thing, do it well.
That's how you get peace.
❤1
So there is this guy, a very close friend of mine, that literally has zero motivation in life. He just doesn't want to do anything.
If you listen to Ep. 33 of Solcast, that's the guy I talked about.
So this guy just says:
"I didn't have the need to ever prove my worth to my family because they're successful and rich anyway"
This is the most wrong thought I've ever heard of.
For as long as you'll see yourself through the eyes of other people, you will be miserable
That includes your family.
You don't need to prove anyone anything.
You need to prove everything to yourself.
Truth is, this guy could continue living this way for the rest of his life. He'll never be broke or starving. His family are wealthier than you could ever imagine.
BUT
He is not fulfilled not happy.
He knows that's no way to live a life so he thinks he never had a choice.
We always have a choice
I went to the same schools he went to, had the same friends, went to the same university.
But fuck that!
I see the fact that I don't need to prove anything to my family as a burden that I don't have rather than anything else.
It's not a reason to do nothing, it's a reason to do better.
Understand that most the 'reasons' we come up, are excuses to stay in comfort zone.
Which is the misery zone.
If you listen to Ep. 33 of Solcast, that's the guy I talked about.
So this guy just says:
"I didn't have the need to ever prove my worth to my family because they're successful and rich anyway"
This is the most wrong thought I've ever heard of.
For as long as you'll see yourself through the eyes of other people, you will be miserable
That includes your family.
You don't need to prove anyone anything.
You need to prove everything to yourself.
Truth is, this guy could continue living this way for the rest of his life. He'll never be broke or starving. His family are wealthier than you could ever imagine.
BUT
He is not fulfilled not happy.
He knows that's no way to live a life so he thinks he never had a choice.
We always have a choice
I went to the same schools he went to, had the same friends, went to the same university.
But fuck that!
I see the fact that I don't need to prove anything to my family as a burden that I don't have rather than anything else.
It's not a reason to do nothing, it's a reason to do better.
Understand that most the 'reasons' we come up, are excuses to stay in comfort zone.
Which is the misery zone.
Life Mistakes I've Witnessed: Martyrs
Martyrs think their suffering is worse than everyone else's.
Martyrs feel entitled to everyone's attention and they are ready to do everything to get that.
Back when I was in university there was this girl, she was everyone's friend.
Thing is everyone pitied her.
She was this shy ugly little thing with nothing besides her "kindness".
She was nothing special.
But everyone liked her.
TL;DR
One night, she gets to her campus roommates and tells her roommate she just got raped.
They tried to get her to go to cops and file a complaint but she was "too traumatized" to do that while still telling about it to everybody she would meet in the coming weeks.
Again, everyone pitied her even more and she got a lot more friends and attention from that.
A few months later, everybody just forgot about that.
So she decided she had cancer.
Shaved her hair and told everyone she was going to die.
Here we went again.
Massive attention.
Shit didn't make sense because she looked exactly the same for a very long time besides shaving her hair once in a while.
People started calling her out.
What did she do?
She left uni.
Yep, she went that far.
Anyway you get the picture.
She came back after a few months and got called out.
She claimed that she was "cured" lmao
Yeah she was ready to do anything
Anyway, you get the picture.
This is the kind of people who literally don't want to harm you, but they still end up doing so since they get attention they don't deserve since it's for the wrong reasons.
This is why I always highlight the danger of your own empathy.
Make of this what you will.
Martyrs think their suffering is worse than everyone else's.
Martyrs feel entitled to everyone's attention and they are ready to do everything to get that.
Back when I was in university there was this girl, she was everyone's friend.
Thing is everyone pitied her.
She was this shy ugly little thing with nothing besides her "kindness".
She was nothing special.
But everyone liked her.
TL;DR
One night, she gets to her campus roommates and tells her roommate she just got raped.
They tried to get her to go to cops and file a complaint but she was "too traumatized" to do that while still telling about it to everybody she would meet in the coming weeks.
Again, everyone pitied her even more and she got a lot more friends and attention from that.
A few months later, everybody just forgot about that.
So she decided she had cancer.
Shaved her hair and told everyone she was going to die.
Here we went again.
Massive attention.
Shit didn't make sense because she looked exactly the same for a very long time besides shaving her hair once in a while.
People started calling her out.
What did she do?
She left uni.
Yep, she went that far.
Anyway you get the picture.
She came back after a few months and got called out.
She claimed that she was "cured" lmao
Yeah she was ready to do anything
Anyway, you get the picture.
This is the kind of people who literally don't want to harm you, but they still end up doing so since they get attention they don't deserve since it's for the wrong reasons.
This is why I always highlight the danger of your own empathy.
Make of this what you will.
Stolen from @roanwar on Twitter. Give him a follow, great guy, great content.