Many people will struggle avoiding awkward silences or simply having meaningful and interesting conversations.

The problem in conversational skills is that there is a fine line between an interesting conversation and crossing your interlocutors boundaries. That’s for those who are courageous enough to speak up.

Others will face a different type of problem where they feel like their interlocutor is being invasive.

The trick I want to talk to you about today solves both issues.

This is a 3 step system that you can use over and over during the SAME conversation without it getting neither boring nor too invasive.

It goes like this.

1- Pick up a clue:

People talk.

They talk a lot.

But are you listening to everything?

Yes? You shouldn’t.

No? You should.

I know this might be confusing but let me explain.

You don’t have to listening to everything.

In fact, there are keywords you should focus on in order to filtrate the noise and useless information while still managing to stay involved in the conversation.

Keywords like “I like” “I love” “I was” or “I am”.

You get the idea.

You need to pay attention to when people give you more information about themselves, this is your ticket to controlling the conversation.

2- Ask!

Once you get your clue and topic, it’s time to ask an open-ended question.

Now that you’ve spotted a topic that interests them, you have to let them tell you more.

Now there are two potential scenarios:

1- You have no clue wtf they’re talking about

2- You have know what they’re talking about

This determines whether you will start the process again or not.

Let me explain.

3- Your turn to talk:

Let’s dig into each of the before-mentioned scenarios.

A- You’re clueless:

If that is the case, don’t dive right into the topic like an idiot.

Ask more.

In this scenario, you have to restart looking for cues to find a topic to which both of you converge and are knowledgeable; which makes the conversation more interesting and also brings you more opportunity to speak and exchange.

The good thing is, this can allow you to make your interlocutor talk more (it doesn’t mean you have to actively listen, you can give the illusion that you’re doing so; a topic for another post)

Even if you never reach a common topic (assuming you and your interlocutor are way too different) this allows you to drag the conversation longer and make your interlocutor talk more so you don’t have to.

Remember, people love to seem knowledgeable.

They will not miss an opportunity to “teach” something or simply talk about something they value.

B- You have a certain level of knowledge about the topic:

Your goal is almost attained.

At this stage, what you should be looking for is the limits of knowledge of your interlocutor about the topic you guys are discussing.

Once that is done; it is your opportunity to teach them something new; they’ll love you for it (as long as they do show signs of interest; which you can recognize through their body language.)

The goal and process of this technique is to drag the conversation longer without being intrusive.

It allows you to put in practice all aspects of a conversation:

1- Listening

2- Asking

3- Adding Value

You can never go wrong with this.

Bonus tip: Smile. I don’t need to explain this. Wait maybe I do.

Don’t smile all along long like a fanboy idiot.

Smile when they’re explaining something; show that you understand and appreciate their explanation.

This will bring you closer to your interlocutor and create feelings of intimacy.

Thread of the day.

https://twitter.com/EgoDriv/status/1537022097788178433

This is one of the rare posts where I talk about myself and my own experiences.

But it's not really about me, it's mainly to make a point.

THE POINT: Social Skills can be learned.

Yes, for some people, it looks like a natural ability. But that's not completely true.

Those that seem socially skilled by default have most likely started learning social skills way before most people.

Not in a traditional learning sense but rather due to the environment they grew up in and the influences they've had in their lives.

I come from a family that is very invested in politics.

As such, most of my close family members apply their social skills for a living.

Which gave me the opportunity, at a very young age, to observe and attend social events.

I would notice charismatic people and try to mimic their behavior when I would go to school.

This was what unconsciously helped me sharpen my social skills very early.

BUT.

Because there is always a but.

There came a point where my social skills got rusty.

As many of you know, I've struggled for a long time with drug addictions.

That made me go into social withdrawals which didn't help in the development of my social skills.

Which made it necessary for me to practice and re-learn everything.

I came to realize that there was more to social skills than just miming how other people behave.

While I initially thought of social skills as a gift, I slowly came to the conclusion that social skills were learned behavior.

Except that there are no specific frameworks that apply to all situations in similar manners.

So I dug deeper and found out the one secret of social skills:

FLEXIBILITY.

I will talk about this in details in the coming days.

Anger issues.

A man's worst enemy.

I know it because I've had to live with it my whole life.

Until I managed to control it and use it to my advantage.

There is a good and a bad side to it.

The trick is to control your anger rather than letting it control you.

Let me explain.

The bad side: You will make rushed decisions and take poor actions that could have negative repercussions on your situation, life and overall mental health.

The good side: You're extremely powerful and hold levels of energy people can't even dream of reaching.

That last point is everything.

Energy.

Because at the end of the day, that's what emotions are.

Now let me tell you how to make your anger work for you.

As I've mentioned in previous posts, the key to emotional control is transmuting the emotional energy into something productive.

Letting your anger or whatever emotion it is help you grow by channeling towards something that improves your life in the long run.

It can be writing, running, boxing etc.. You name it.

Wherever your passion lies, make it a habit of doing exactly that whenever you feel angry.

Not only are you going to calm down, but you will also do that thing better than usual.

Self-therapy.

Today's thread.

https://twitter.com/EgoDriv/status/1537391130169450496

Thinking of sending Chapter 3 of my audiobook here (for free)

What y'all think?

I'm sending Chapter 1 instead.

If you got the 12 Laws of E-go, check your Gumroad library.

I just added Chapter 3 to it.

Enjoy

Note: This is just some of the content that will be on it.

There will be at least:

-6 new articles per week.
-1 full course per month.
-A space dedicated to questions.
-Occasional live streams (recorded).
-Many bonuses, including free books and free trainings.

I can't hide my excitement, this is gonna be huge, I'll make sure of it.

Today's thread.

https://twitter.com/EgoDriv/status/1537741115025199104

If you got the 21 Days Program, check your Gumroad library.

Added over an hour of audio affirmations. Enjoy.

Do not, under any circumstances speak ill of yourself.

Not even to yourself.

"Oh I'm so stupid"

No you're not, but now that you said it: you're starting to be.

You wouldn't let someone talk shit to you, why would you talk shit about yourself?

Social Skills & Flexibility: Should I be myself or adapt to people?

This is a question I received from some of you.

I find it pretty interesting.

So I'm going to expand on it here because the answer to this question is very nuanced.

You know very well that my opinion on pretty much everything is accept who you are and be yourself.

Except.

and I've tweeted about this recently; self-acceptance is not about accepting yourself and giving up on it.

Part of self-acceptance is accepting your flaws and be willing to work on them.

In order to improve your social skills, you must first improve your self-awareness and be able to properly grasp what you do wrong.

Being socially skilled and blending wherever you go does not go against being yourself.

The more socially skilled you get the more you can impose your presence.

But as you develop and improve your social skills, you might need to go out of your way to better socialize and make a place for yourself in any given social circle.

For example; if you lack a bit of confidence, it would feel awkward to talk loud and monopolize the conversation.

In fact, in many occasions it would be inappropriate.

But for someone who is charismatic and inspiring, they can afford to do such things without coming off as awkward or invasive.

What you need to understand is that social skills is not an exact science.

But the good side of that is that the more skilled you get, the more rules you can break and get away with it.

I hope that answers your question.