Nobody truly lacks social skills. There are very rare exceptions.

Reframe it in your mind.

Don't tell yourself that you lack social skills.

Find the root problem.

What is it ?

The problem: You simply have an excess of fear.

A negative emotion poorly channeled that causes you to limit yourself.

You don't lack social skills, you're just afraid of trying.

GM.

I'll be uploading another short audiobook to the 12 Laws of E-go later today.

No price increase this time.

Enjoy

Audiobook Issue 2 now available

If you got the Ego Laws check your gumroad library.

Anti-manipulation and paranoia

This is one big risks for learning Anti-manipulation or even having a slight interest in the topic.

This is a disclaimer.

Be careful.

Genuineness does exist,

Do not fall into paranoia, not everybody is purposefully trying to manipulate you.

Again, most manipulation is unconscious and comes as a strategy for someone to get what they want.

Almost nobody thinks: I'm gonna manipulate this dude.

Those who do it knowingly are sick.

Does it mean those who do it unknowingly can't be considered manipulators?

Wrong.

Knowingly or not, manipulation is manipulation.

Anti-manipulation on the other hand, is mainly about protecting yourself, sporting manipulation attempts and avoiding them or canceling them all together.

Ways to do this depend on many things, including situation and the techniques used.

Not all manipulation is dealt with the same way.

There is no "absolute" rule or framework to properly respond to manipulation.

It is a set of skills that you need to acquire that will make it easier for you to deal with manipulators but not only.

In fact, learning anti-manipulation, will considerably improve your overall social skills and sense for details.

It will sharpen you, but under one condition:

Do not fall into paranoia.

Learn to recognize and create safe space that allow you to let your guard down occasionally.

You cannot be on the lookout 24/7.

This is also why the surest way to practice Anti-manipulation is by practicing your social skills.

Making your reactions to manipulation almost innate and natural.

Not forced.

I hope you understand the nuance.

To do the above mentioned, SSU will be extremely helpful.

That was the good news.

The extremely good news is that I will be giving away 100 free lifetime memberships to Basedonia.

Have a blessed weekend.

I won't be posting tomorrow.

Side note: I'll be increasing the price of the program from 77 to 197 on Monday. Best time to get it was last year when it was at 35. The second best time is the next 48h.

$197...that's still cheap. The program changed my entire life

I’d say the same. I did the program about 3-4 months ago and ever since then I’ve felt resilient in life. Now I know how to handle ups and downs and keep going strong❤️‍🔥

Thread of the day.

https://twitter.com/EgoDriv/status/1533398908814168064

Price increased.

This link gives you a chance to get it at 77$, I will deactivate it tomorrow.

gum.co/21SSP/Hike2

People do not willingly become manipulators.

Understand this. I've said it many times but it always feel like I haven't said it enough.

People who resort to deceptive techniques are deeply scared and insecure.

It takes traumatic events for someone to become manipulative.

Although those might not be apparent, but it's more often than not people's upbringing and childhood years that define if someone becomes manipulative or not.

This is why I'm against learning manipulation.

It's unhealthy from start to end.

Becoming manipulative comes from unhealthy situations.
Being manipulative results in unhealthy situations.

Do not do this to yourself.
Do not do this to those you cherish.

There is no point in learning manipulation.

Besides ONE.

Protecting yourself against it.

I will be writing a thread on the types of manipulation today, leave a fire react if you'd rather I send it as a post rather than a link to a Twitter thread.

Here is the thread on Twitter, I will send it as a post here in an hour.

https://twitter.com/EgoDriv/status/1533754283002314752

# How do people manipulate each other?

A thread on Manipulation 101:

Manipulation is part of our daily lives.

It is deeply rooter into how humans function.

We are all deceptive to different extents.

In this thread, I will break down the 4 types of manipulation.

Disclaimer: I know some idiots are reading this to learn how to manipulate others; I also now those who are following me want to learn this to protect themselves. I am not responsible of how you use this information.

Let’s start.

There are 4 major types of manipulation:

- Negative & Abusive
- Positive (but not really)
- Deceptive & Confusing
- Strategic Helplessness

The common point of all types of manipulation is that it leverages emotional reactions by triggering the desired emotion in the target of manipulation.

This is an evergreen process. Applicable to all sorts of manipulation.

But, the techniques and ways to do so might differ depending on situation, the manipulator and their target.

1- Negative & Abusive Manipulation:

This type of manipulation relies on heavily provoking negative emotions in the target in order to break their resistance and make them do what the manipulator wants them to do.

This is used on mentally weak people because the manipulator already has a dominant position and knows they can abuse their target.

This is done through various ways like shaming, threatening, blaming and/or lying. It aims at making the target feel helpless and powerless.

It creates the illusion that the target’s whole world is controlled by the manipulator.

This is particularly true for people who manipulate their own families and close ones.

This type of manipulation is the only one of the 4 types that can result in physical abuse; it is also the one that leaves the most psychological scars and trauma.

2- Positive Manipulation:

The name might be misleading.

This does not mean that the manipulation is beneficial to the target nor that it is innocent and harmless.

This means that the manipulator will create a fake positive situation through the use of lies, flattery and insincerity.

This type of manipulation is used to gain trust and make the target let their guard down.

This is used in situations where the target of the manipulation is either mentally strong or extremely wary.

Positive manipulation helps in building rapport with the target and allow the manipulator to get closer to them.

It is often used to manipulate people who are either new to the manipulator or more powerful than them.

It is mainly used when the manipulator feels that they are not in control and cannot yet take advantage of their target.

3- Deceptive Manipulation:

This type of manipulation is specific to manipulators who are EXTREMELY mentally weak.

The manipulators that use this type of manipulation are simply unable to ever tell the truth.

They feel a sadistic pleasure in lying and confusing everyone.

Deceptive manipulators are liars.

And when their lies are exposed, they will cover them by further lying.

Be it through omission or commission, deceptive manipulation relies on lying as the main manipulation tool.

The goal is to keep the target of the manipulation in an imaginary world. A world that is completely controlled by the lies of the manipulator.

People who do this are deeply unstable mentally and insecure.

Chances are they’re also lying to themselves.

This type of manipulation leads to mythomania.

4 - Strategic Helplessness:

A lot of people use this to get people to help them when they don’t need help.

And before you know it, you’ve been fooled.

You lend a helping hand to someone seemingly in need, then realize that they were simply playing the weak victim role.

This comes often as guilt-tripping or guilt-baiting.

I wrote a whole thread on the topic yesterday.

How to deal with humiliation

We’ve all been there.

Anyone who claims the opposite is lying.

You have too, at some point of your life, felt knots in your stomach, blood filling your eyes, a rage boiling inside and your soul itching for violence.

“Injustice! I deserve better than this!”

Listen, I know.

Nobody’s immune to that.

But the most important part is not experiencing it.

It’s turning it into a strength.

The most important part is not to become a victim.

Drawing lessons and conclusions from you falls.

Because it’s way too easy to blame everyone else and think you just got unlucky.

But if you want the harsh truth: You probably did it to yourself.

This is not blaming yourself, this taking responsibility.

Let me explain how you can turn ANY negative events into a strength.

1- Do not give up:

This is the first and most important step to take.

Consciously deciding that this will not take you down.

You have to refuse to lose.

You should not try to dissipate the rage and anger you feel.

Don’t run away from it.

Use it.

You’ll understand better in the next parts.

For now, stay angry. You need that energy.

Not sad or defeated.

Angry and hungry for improvement.

Understand that your emotions are nothing but energy you can use, don’t let them take control. Remember that you make your emotions, they do not make you.

2- Don’t seek vengeance:

The title might be misleading.

But the chances are, if you’ve ever been humiliated, then someone else is involved.

But do not seek vengeance against them.

Seek vengeance against the version of yourself that allowed it to happen.

Understand this:

They will only disrespect you if you let them.

Now the work starts in realizing what made them think they could cross you.

What on Earth did you do to make someone think they had the right to step on your toes?

Again: DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR ACTIONS.

It is of paramount importance that you become able to see your mistakes without involving negative emotions in the process.

Don’t dwell, learn your fucking lesson.

3- MOVE ON:

This is easier said than done? Sure.

But if you properly evaluate your past behavior and the things you did wrong; you basically did the whole work.

Now is the time to write your takeaways on a piece of paper and stick it on your wall.

It’s easy to forget and easy to fall back into the past behavior you had, unless….

Unless you force yourself to have constant reminders.

The best way is by writing affirmations.

Examples:

“I do not feel shame and will stand up for myself”

“I will not let anyone disrespect me”

If you remind yourself of those lessons you learned from your last fuck up, you will subconsciously do everything to prevent it from happening.

You will condition yourself into going back to being someone you don’t like.

Here are 3 ways to set up reminders:

- Stick your lessons on the first wall you see every day (you don’t even need to read them, you’ll just know they’re there)
- Put 3 alarms a day to remind yourself of staying strong (you need unexpected reminders so put them at random times)
- Have an affirmations file where you add affirmations every single day, this will help you further imprint the lessons in your mind

Of course, those things might sound silly.

But if they do sound silly to you, you probably have no idea of how the human brain functions.

Listen, I’ve been scammed, betrayed and cheated on. Many times.

I wouldn’t advise you to do the above if it didn’t work for me.

Here is the same post on Twitter.

https://twitter.com/EgoDriv/status/1534132025497735171

Currently writing: How to respond to humiliation attempts

Walk out of your shiny bubble and experience life.

If it frustrates you, good.

You have the fuel inside you that will help you work hard to improve things.

Do not accept what you don't like in your life.

Living large is a choice, having high standards is a choice, not settling for bare minimum is a choice.

So choose wisely.

You stop growing when you start believing that this is all you got.

Powerful Quote:

"The more you sweat in peace, the less you bleed in war."

How to humiliate someone who is trying to humiliate you

Following up on yesterday’s thread where I showed how to get over such things happening to you. I am now going to explain how to avoid letting them happening to you.

For that, you need to understand that humiliation is about how the situation is perceived by the audience but how you see it yourself.

An important thing to remember is that there is a fine line between humiliation and confrontation. The line being that humiliation is nothing but a lost confrontation.

In this thread, I will show you how to respond to someone trying to publicly humiliate you and win that confrontation.

1- Humiliation attempts are about showing off:

If you are to respond to humiliation attempts, you need to accept the fact that you will be starting on the losing side.

But that’s not all bad. I will explain later.

What is important to grasp here is that the person attacking you is not just trying to do you harm.

They are trying to harm your image and reputation

As such, what interests them the most is how the people watching the scene react to it and aspire to make them side with them.

This is their weak point.

In a way they are seeking external approval. This is your leverage.

2- Do not get impulsive:

Let them talk while understand their motivation, figure out why they chose to publicly humiliate you.

If you can understand their motives, you can expose them,

This is why it’s important to let them talk so that they can dig their own grave.

Now, the next step is to destroy their public image by showing their bad faith and poor intentions.

3- Ask them to talk in private:

Do so in a way that you interrupt what they say.

Turn around and cut the conversation short.

What this will do is that they will refuse.

Which is exactly what you want.

Once they refuse turn again and face them.

It’s time to speak up.

4- Strategic Victimization:

So far, you have only been listening and asking for a private conversation.

As such, you are painted as someone who is yet to defend their point.

On the other hand, they are perceived as someone who’s angry and been relentlessly seeking confrontation.

You already messed with their plan.

They’ve already started to seem evil, which makes the validation they’re seeking gradually slip away from them.

Remember when I told you to figure out their motives?

It’s time to expose them and put the spotlight on them.

This is the exact opposite of what they want.

Explain their poor intentions and that they’re motive are to harm your reputation; do so while exchanging eye contact with the audience more than you exchange eye contact with the person provoking you.

What you will be doing is involving the audience and making them side with you.

There are two possible reactions that can come after this:

- They will want to take the conversation privately, and you will refuse.
- They will get angry and you will laugh.

In the first case: everything is done and finished.

You have successfully defused their attempts, they no longer wish to publicly humiliate you.

Your refusal on the other hand will show that you are in control of the interaction and that they missed the chance to set things straight with you.

It’s time to leave the situation and not say anything more.

Ideally, never talk to that person again.

In the second case, the battles keeps going for a bit longer.

The fact that you laugh to their face will make them angrier; they might lose control and start elevating their voice.

Again, they will be digging their own grave.

Your reaction should remain the same.

Stay calm, keep a smile on your face and only answer to say that their reaction is blown out of proportion.

You will only open your mouth to say that what they’re doing is ridiculous.

Try as much as possible not to engage in the core topic.

Only expose their bad behavior.

Remember, they’re seeking validation from the audience.

Your sole goal is to turn the audience against them.

They will lose their shit.

Once you make sure that nobody’s on their side.