Forwarded from Atlas' Majliss (۞ Atlas ۞)
Understand that you need both awareness and distance from this tired old rerun of a story that may have never even been accurate in the first place.
In reading the previous techniques and approaches, this should be familiar to you by now.
Psychologically take a step back from this story that seems to just run on its own once triggered.
In reading the previous techniques and approaches, this should be familiar to you by now.
Psychologically take a step back from this story that seems to just run on its own once triggered.
❤11🔥7
# The Social Skills Playbook: Assertive Body Language
As mentioned before, assertiveness is a core component of social skills.
Most of the time, you will hear about verbal assertiveness, but little is said about Assertiveness & Body Language.
In fact, your body language plays a huge role in how assertive you can be.
If your body language doesn’t match your words, chances are you will not be taken seriously or that your words will have very small effect and fall in deaf ears.
We often fail to realize the importance of body language in our communication skills.
What is meant by assertive body language is to have an overall confident outlook and avoid signaling the opposite of the words you’re saying.
To do that, it is essential to avoid what is commonly referred to as negative or weak body language.
Why?
Because a weak body language conveys a lack of confidence and doubts about your own conviction.
In short: If you don’t show that you believe what you’re saying, nobody’s going to believe what you’re saying.
Here are a few mistakes you should avoid committing:
1. A crooked overall outlook:
One of the important things in exuding a confidence body language is taking space and being at ease in your movement.
But, what people with poor social skills/shyness/poor self-esteem do, is close up on themselves and take as little space as possible.
The following are four essential examples.
- Hunched shoulders: sign of low confidence
- Bowing head: sign of submission
- Closed arms: sign of unwillingness to be confrontational
- Inconsistent Eye Contact: Sign of fear and low confidence (especially when you are the one talking)
1. A timid/low tone of voice:
Just as much as your body positioning matters, the tone and volume of your voice does to.
Along with the speed at which you talk.
Someone who’s poorly skilled will either talk too fast and to loud or too slow and too low.
Both being inaudible.
While the former is simply annoying; the latter lacks firmness.
Being assertive in your tone of voice comes in finding the right balance between both.
Not too loud, not too low.
Not too slow, not too fast.
1. Unwelcoming facial expressions:
This is as important as anything else.
For you to be properly assertive, you need to avoid unwelcoming facial expressions just as much as you should avoid submissive body language.
What is meant by unwelcoming facial expressions is faces that express emotions like anger, fear or anxiety. (Refer to article on Facial expressions for more details)
1. Repetitive Gestures:
If you notice, everyone has their own set of words that they often use.
Some will prefer some verbs or adjective or expressions over others and will reuse them often.
That’s what defines their way of speaking.
The same applies to body language.
If you are to improve your body language’s assertiveness, you should learn more gestures to better express yourself and communicate your ideas.
This will also allow to use your gestures to match your words and avoid using inappropriate ones.
As mentioned before, assertiveness is a core component of social skills.
Most of the time, you will hear about verbal assertiveness, but little is said about Assertiveness & Body Language.
In fact, your body language plays a huge role in how assertive you can be.
If your body language doesn’t match your words, chances are you will not be taken seriously or that your words will have very small effect and fall in deaf ears.
We often fail to realize the importance of body language in our communication skills.
What is meant by assertive body language is to have an overall confident outlook and avoid signaling the opposite of the words you’re saying.
To do that, it is essential to avoid what is commonly referred to as negative or weak body language.
Why?
Because a weak body language conveys a lack of confidence and doubts about your own conviction.
In short: If you don’t show that you believe what you’re saying, nobody’s going to believe what you’re saying.
Here are a few mistakes you should avoid committing:
1. A crooked overall outlook:
One of the important things in exuding a confidence body language is taking space and being at ease in your movement.
But, what people with poor social skills/shyness/poor self-esteem do, is close up on themselves and take as little space as possible.
The following are four essential examples.
- Hunched shoulders: sign of low confidence
- Bowing head: sign of submission
- Closed arms: sign of unwillingness to be confrontational
- Inconsistent Eye Contact: Sign of fear and low confidence (especially when you are the one talking)
1. A timid/low tone of voice:
Just as much as your body positioning matters, the tone and volume of your voice does to.
Along with the speed at which you talk.
Someone who’s poorly skilled will either talk too fast and to loud or too slow and too low.
Both being inaudible.
While the former is simply annoying; the latter lacks firmness.
Being assertive in your tone of voice comes in finding the right balance between both.
Not too loud, not too low.
Not too slow, not too fast.
1. Unwelcoming facial expressions:
This is as important as anything else.
For you to be properly assertive, you need to avoid unwelcoming facial expressions just as much as you should avoid submissive body language.
What is meant by unwelcoming facial expressions is faces that express emotions like anger, fear or anxiety. (Refer to article on Facial expressions for more details)
1. Repetitive Gestures:
If you notice, everyone has their own set of words that they often use.
Some will prefer some verbs or adjective or expressions over others and will reuse them often.
That’s what defines their way of speaking.
The same applies to body language.
If you are to improve your body language’s assertiveness, you should learn more gestures to better express yourself and communicate your ideas.
This will also allow to use your gestures to match your words and avoid using inappropriate ones.
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Currently finalizing the Social Skills Playbook.
As promised, it will be free!
As promised, it will be free!
❤32🔥24
Your desire to fit in is killing your uniqueness.
Your subconscious need to be among a specific stereotype and fit within society increases your agreeableness and harms your personal identity.
As much as it's hard to control, you need to be at least aware of it.
This manifests through seeking validation and through allowing external influence to dictate how and who you should be.
One huge factor is envy and jealousy.
Which again are a projection of your ego on another person.
Here is the thing:
How about.. you detach yourself from other people?
Yes we subconsciously seek comfort in mirroring other people and feeling like we belong somewhere.
But at what price?
Denying yourself to be who you truly are.
And it's not social pressure, it's mental weakness.
As I've said many times, society conditions us to be copies of the same types of people. Through uniformed education, through optimization of workspaces, through many other things.. that's not our topic today.
Our topic is the necessity of resisting this brainwashing and holding onto your true self.
The first thing you should be working on is valuing your "yes".
Distancing yourself from cheap agreeableness. Questioning and evaluating the information you are given before making decisions.
Try as much as you can to step out of the mold you were put in.
Stop trying to fit, try being yourself more often.
Your subconscious need to be among a specific stereotype and fit within society increases your agreeableness and harms your personal identity.
As much as it's hard to control, you need to be at least aware of it.
This manifests through seeking validation and through allowing external influence to dictate how and who you should be.
One huge factor is envy and jealousy.
Which again are a projection of your ego on another person.
Here is the thing:
How about.. you detach yourself from other people?
Yes we subconsciously seek comfort in mirroring other people and feeling like we belong somewhere.
But at what price?
Denying yourself to be who you truly are.
And it's not social pressure, it's mental weakness.
As I've said many times, society conditions us to be copies of the same types of people. Through uniformed education, through optimization of workspaces, through many other things.. that's not our topic today.
Our topic is the necessity of resisting this brainwashing and holding onto your true self.
The first thing you should be working on is valuing your "yes".
Distancing yourself from cheap agreeableness. Questioning and evaluating the information you are given before making decisions.
Try as much as you can to step out of the mold you were put in.
Stop trying to fit, try being yourself more often.
🔥38❤3
Don't do favors without a counterpart.
If you dont expect anything in return, you unbalance the relationship.
Don't do someone a favor without explicitly telling them that you're expecting something back.
This might seem entitled or even childish to some.
But the truth is, you should keep everything transactional.
It's not about being greedy or opportunistic, it's just that people won't value your input unless they're giving something for it.
It doesn't have to be money, it doesn't have to be a favor they'll do for you.
You can simply tell them:
"If I do this, you owe me one."
Unless it's your close family, do not let people think that they can abuse your time.
This is one way to put boundaries and to signal that you are not to be taken for granted.
If you dont expect anything in return, you unbalance the relationship.
Don't do someone a favor without explicitly telling them that you're expecting something back.
This might seem entitled or even childish to some.
But the truth is, you should keep everything transactional.
It's not about being greedy or opportunistic, it's just that people won't value your input unless they're giving something for it.
It doesn't have to be money, it doesn't have to be a favor they'll do for you.
You can simply tell them:
"If I do this, you owe me one."
Unless it's your close family, do not let people think that they can abuse your time.
This is one way to put boundaries and to signal that you are not to be taken for granted.
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How to win an argument without solid reasoning part 2?
Might write this today
Might write this today
🔥9❤8
On Social Skills:
There is a fine nuance that most don't get.
Being socially skills is not (only) about imposing your presence.
In fact, social intelligence is the ability to get what you want.
Even if it sometimes means making concessions.
For you to make people do what you wish them to do, you need to be ready to make compromises and accept that not everything will go exactly as planned.
What might seem like loser behavior at first, is simply practice. With time you won't need to do that kind of stuff again.
What I'm talking about is exercises like talking to strangers, practicing facial expressions in front of a mirror etc..
That's not what naturally socially skilled people do.
But that's the way around it if it's not innate to you.
You have to practice and do things you think are pointless.
There is a fine nuance that most don't get.
Being socially skills is not (only) about imposing your presence.
In fact, social intelligence is the ability to get what you want.
Even if it sometimes means making concessions.
For you to make people do what you wish them to do, you need to be ready to make compromises and accept that not everything will go exactly as planned.
What might seem like loser behavior at first, is simply practice. With time you won't need to do that kind of stuff again.
What I'm talking about is exercises like talking to strangers, practicing facial expressions in front of a mirror etc..
That's not what naturally socially skilled people do.
But that's the way around it if it's not innate to you.
You have to practice and do things you think are pointless.
🔥20
The concept of social value is a very complex thing.
It's filled with paradoxes and opposing approaches.
There are so many ways to increase your social value.
But I believe the best approaches to be the ones that do not require you to negatively impact your self-esteem and personal boundaries.
It's filled with paradoxes and opposing approaches.
There are so many ways to increase your social value.
But I believe the best approaches to be the ones that do not require you to negatively impact your self-esteem and personal boundaries.
🔥12❤5
You could be a people pleaser with high social value
You could be a strong character with very low social value
Too many parameters come into play
My goal is to solve this and make it simple through Social Skills University.
You could be a strong character with very low social value
Too many parameters come into play
My goal is to solve this and make it simple through Social Skills University.
❤17🔥1
Forwarded from Northern Nephilim
Social Skills University will be EVERYTHING you need to turn your life around.
Never been anything like it, most likely won’t be anything after it.
Mark my words.
Never been anything like it, most likely won’t be anything after it.
Mark my words.
🔥24❤4
Some asked when Social Skills University will be live.
Answer is June 30th
But on June 10th, I'm releasing the social skills Playbook for free
Answer is June 30th
But on June 10th, I'm releasing the social skills Playbook for free
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Drop your requests here.
I'll write about the 3 most relevant ones.
EDIT:
This is not an AMA, I will write a full post in the coming days.
I'll write about the 3 most relevant ones.
EDIT:
This is not an AMA, I will write a full post in the coming days.
If you feed it negativity it will give you back negativity.
Such are the laws of the universe.
If you have a problem, stay optimistic and learn to see the good side of things.
Truly nothing deserves to be blown out of proportion.
Expect the best.
Work for it to happen.
If you worry, you prepare yourself for negative outcomes.
Do not worry.
Take action and keep your hopes up.
If even though you do so and the outcome is still negative, above all, do not lose faith.
Do not lose your joy and do not lose your optimism.
Always keep your head up.
Such are the laws of the universe.
If you have a problem, stay optimistic and learn to see the good side of things.
Truly nothing deserves to be blown out of proportion.
Expect the best.
Work for it to happen.
If you worry, you prepare yourself for negative outcomes.
Do not worry.
Take action and keep your hopes up.
If even though you do so and the outcome is still negative, above all, do not lose faith.
Do not lose your joy and do not lose your optimism.
Always keep your head up.
❤30🔥18
Little announcement.
Along with the 12 Laws of E-go, I've been working on an audiobook.
If you got the 12 Laws audiobook; you should get this one for free.
I've hired a professional narrator for the audiobook and it should be available tomorrow.
When that happens the price goes from 5 to 10.
Just a heads up.
Along with the 12 Laws of E-go, I've been working on an audiobook.
If you got the 12 Laws audiobook; you should get this one for free.
I've hired a professional narrator for the audiobook and it should be available tomorrow.
When that happens the price goes from 5 to 10.
Just a heads up.
🔥14
PS: Nothing to do with the Social Skills playbook, that one will be free and I'll release it on the 10th
🔥9❤4