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The Social Skills Playbook: Conversation starters

The best way to start a conversation is to be honest, and the easiest way to be honest is to say what you are thinking.

For example, if you are thinking, "She's so beautiful, I wonder what she's like," say it.

Not, "Um, hi, so, um, what do you do?"

The latter is a question, but it's not an honest one. It's a way of trying to find something to say, and it sounds and feels fake.

The best way to start a conversation is just to say something honest. It doesn't have to be big or deep or profound. Just something that's true for you in the moment.

The second best way to start a conversation is to ask a question. But not just any question. A question that is specific, interesting, and that shows that you are paying attention.

For example, if you are at a party and you overhear someone say they just got back from traveling, you could ask them where they went and what they did.

You could also ask a follow up question, like, "What was the best part of your trip?"

The key with questions is to make sure they are specific and interesting, and that they show that you are really listening to the person you are talking to.

Another great way to start a conversation is to make a statement that is interesting, or that shows that you have something in common with the person you are talking to.

For example, if you are at a party and you see someone drinking a beer, you could say, "I love beer too. What's your favorite?"

Or, if you are at a conference and you overhear someone say they are a writer, you could say, "I'm a writer too. What do you write?"

The key with statements is to make sure they are interesting, or that they show that you have something in common with the person you are talking to.

Another great way to start a conversation is to ask for help. People love to help, and it gives them a chance to feel useful and important.

For example, you could say, "I'm looking for the bathroom. Can you help me?"

Or, "Can you help me find my friend?"

The key with asking for help is to be specific, and to make sure that you are actually asking for help and not just trying to start a conversation.

One final way to start a conversation is to compliment the person you are talking to. But not just any compliment. A genuine, specific, and sincere compliment.

For example, you could say, "I love your dress. Where did you get it?"

Or, "Your smile is really beautiful."

The key with compliments is to make sure they are genuine, specific, and sincere. If you just say, "Nice shoes," it sounds fake and insincere. But if you say, "I love your shoes. They are really unique," it sounds sincere and genuine.

The bottom line is that there are a lot of great ways to start a conversation. Just be honest, ask interesting questions, make interesting statements, ask for help, or give a genuine compliment. And have fun!

The Social Skills Playbook: How to be confident around strangers?

This is a difficult question. Some people are naturally confident and feel comfortable around strangers, while others may feel shy or uneasy. If you are not a naturally confident person, there are a few things you can do to try to boost your confidence.

First, try to relax and be yourself.

Secondly, try to focus on the positive aspects of yourself and your interactions with others.

Lastly, don't be afraid to ask questions or start conversations - this will show that you are interested and confident.


Another option is to try to build up your confidence gradually by starting with small interactions and working your way up to larger ones. For instance, you could start by making eye contact and smiling at people you pass on the street, then progress to striking up conversations with people you know slightly, such as acquaintances or co-workers. With time and practice, you should start to feel more confident around strangers.

One way to be confident around strangers is act like you've known them for awhile. Be patient in getting to know them and engage in conversation starters. Be confident in your own skin and don't be afraid to be yourself. Find common grounds, be a good listener, and let your body language do the talking.

Be yourself, and don't be afraid to let your personality shine through. Be polite and friendly, but don't be afraid to be a little bit quirky or different. people will be drawn to your confidence and will be more likely to want to get to know you. Remember that everyone is a stranger at first, so just take it slow and enjoy getting to know new people.

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Betrayal

There is only one rule you must follow. This is the only universal rule that stands.

"Never betray your own."

I don't care if you're a hitman, occult member, murderer or whatever.

Those who betray their own are worthy of nothing. The only principle that's worth considering. If you can never be safe with a person, no matter the position you hold with them, then there's no point in dealing with the person in the first place.


You don't have to be able to trust everyone you work with before working with them. But those you wish to be part of your family must have a solid reputation for loyalty.

The idea is that nobody is safe except those you consider your own. Even killers go home to their families. Even hitmen love their kids.

You defile everything admirable when nobody is capable of earning your loyalty not because they're never worthy, but because you'll disappoint them and betray them to serve yourself.

I don't know how to emphasize this enough, but traitors are absolutely despicable and unworthy of respect, admiration or even love.

A very important thing to remember in all this is the moment a person stops being one of yours.

If your own betrays you, repaying the injury is not betrayal. The first to turn their back on the other is the traitor.

How to avoid groupthink?

Currently writing it, sending soon.

“There is no We, there is only I, the only We is when it is in the interest of the I.”

Understand this.

There is no such thing as a group or community, only individuals.

The only time when people come together is when it benefits them to do so.

At an individual level.

Thinking a group of people has no personal interests involved is naïve.

Understand that when you define your identity based on a group or community you allow people to tell you what to think.

Such is the nature of hierarchical structures.

Which are inherent and natural for human interaction.

Do not fall for groupthink unless you are influencing it.

Now, let me explain the danger and how to avoid it.

Every single group, community, political party, institution etc... (You name it) has an agenda.

An ideological current and tendencies.

Those are defined by the people in charge, the managers & leaders of of the group.

This is essentially a mind control technique and it relies on two things:

- Peer-pressure
- Dilution of sense of self

Both are highly and extremely linked.

Peer pressure can be a tough thing to deal with, especially if you're trying to avoid it from a psychological level. Here are a few tips to help you out:

-Think about your goals. What do you want to achieve in life? What are your values? When you start thinking about your goals and values, it'll be easier to stick to them when peer pressure comes your way. Always ask yourself: What's in it for ME?

-Remember that you're in control. No one can make you do something you don't want to do. You are the only one in control of your actions. When things go in a way you don't appreciate, don't participate in it. Take what serves you and what serves you only.

-Say no. It's okay to say no to things you don't want to do. You don't have to do everything your friends or peers tell you to do.

Last but not least, and this is the most important point.

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT, base who you are based on who is around you.

You need to be polyvalent and be among different groups.

Because it's inevitable.

You need to live in society and you need to deal with people.

If you walk away from this, you'll be miserable and alone.

Instead, leverage the rules of social skills and make them work for you.

Back to my point.

Be part of many groups, make the groups replaceable because here is the thing:

For any given group, you are replaceable unless you're the leader.

Complicated? I know.

Here is the alternative.

Work on your leadership skills, learn to lead and influence.

Do not wait for others to tell you what to do and what to think.

Bro that's what happens when everything you put out is a BANGER!

A word about overthinking and ruminating:

What does it mean to ruminate?

This word actually has a fascinating history:

The word originates from the Latin term rūmināre, which literally means to chew over.

This is why animals that “chew the cud” such as cows are called “ruminants.”

It’s an apt way to describe a particular kind of thinking we all engage in from time to time.

A cow ruminates by regurgitating partially digested material and re-chewing it, usually several times over.

Mental rumination is just the same—we regurgitate old memories, ideas, and stale old themes to chew over again and again and again.

But whereas chewing a cud is healthy and normal for a cow, rumination is seldom healthy and normal for a human!

Let’s say you had a weird disagreement with a loved one and you keep playing the conversation over again in your mind.

Maybe you imagine you saying something else, or you’re filled with regret or remorse.

Something doesn’t feel right about it all, so your brain keeps returning to the same scene, dwelling on it, putting a bright spotlight on every ugly detail, trying on different interpretations and hypothetical endings.

Basically, rumination is overthinking.

It’s chewing ideas down into a pulp, and it’s unproductive.

Often, we bring out an old memory that in turn triggers other (usually negative) memories, which catches us in a tightening loop of distraction and even more overthinking.

You’re chewing and chewing, but your problem-solving capacity is only getting worse, and your anxiety is rising.

In other words, you can’t stop telling yourself a really bad fairy tale over and over.

If you’re a fan of dredging up bad memories from the past, the first step to stopping is to identify your triggers.

Maybe it’s going back home and seeing your old room.

Maybe it’s a certain song or a kind of food or the experience of being assessed.

Whatever it is, you need to know what effect it has on you so you can act. The second step is to understand the form your rumination takes.

Do you dwell on regret?
Resentment?
Despair?
Do you blame others continually or beat yourself up with guilt?

Understand that you need both awareness and distance from this tired old rerun of a story that may have never even been accurate in the first place.

In reading the previous techniques and approaches, this should be familiar to you by now.

Psychologically take a step back from this story that seems to just run on its own once triggered.

Today's Thread.

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# The Social Skills Playbook: Assertive Body Language

As mentioned before, assertiveness is a core component of social skills.

Most of the time, you will hear about verbal assertiveness, but little is said about Assertiveness & Body Language.

In fact, your body language plays a huge role in how assertive you can be.

If your body language doesn’t match your words, chances are you will not be taken seriously or that your words will have very small effect and fall in deaf ears.

We often fail to realize the importance of body language in our communication skills.

What is meant by assertive body language is to have an overall confident outlook and avoid signaling the opposite of the words you’re saying.

To do that, it is essential to avoid what is commonly referred to as negative or weak body language.

Why?

Because a weak body language conveys a lack of confidence and doubts about your own conviction.

In short: If you don’t show that you believe what you’re saying, nobody’s going to believe what you’re saying.

Here are a few mistakes you should avoid committing:

1. A crooked overall outlook:

One of the important things in exuding a confidence body language is taking space and being at ease in your movement.

But, what people with poor social skills/shyness/poor self-esteem do, is close up on themselves and take as little space as possible.

The following are four essential examples.

- Hunched shoulders: sign of low confidence
- Bowing head: sign of submission
- Closed arms: sign of unwillingness to be confrontational
- Inconsistent Eye Contact: Sign of fear and low confidence (especially when you are the one talking)
1. A timid/low tone of voice:

Just as much as your body positioning matters, the tone and volume of your voice does to.

Along with the speed at which you talk.

Someone who’s poorly skilled will either talk too fast and to loud or too slow and too low.

Both being inaudible.

While the former is simply annoying; the latter lacks firmness.

Being assertive in your tone of voice comes in finding the right balance between both.

Not too loud, not too low.

Not too slow, not too fast.

1. Unwelcoming facial expressions:

This is as important as anything else.

For you to be properly assertive, you need to avoid unwelcoming facial expressions just as much as you should avoid submissive body language.

What is meant by unwelcoming facial expressions is faces that express emotions like anger, fear or anxiety. (Refer to article on Facial expressions for more details)

1. Repetitive Gestures:

If you notice, everyone has their own set of words that they often use.

Some will prefer some verbs or adjective or expressions over others and will reuse them often.

That’s what defines their way of speaking.

The same applies to body language.

If you are to improve your body language’s assertiveness, you should learn more gestures to better express yourself and communicate your ideas.

This will also allow to use your gestures to match your words and avoid using inappropriate ones.