“Recognizing Beauty Is Human. Being Gay Is Me.
https://redd.it/1nc1uyb
@asexualityonreddit

I quilted an asexual flag colored korean-ish wrapping cloth (bojagi) for my half-korean, fully asexual friend.

https://redd.it/1nc3fx8
@asexualityonreddit

She's a different kind of asexual. Damnit...

So I met my primary partner about 3 months ago and it's been great. When we first hooked up we realized we were both sex favorable aces which was great. Not always in the mood and when our "ace cycles" don't align were understanding. I'm cold at first but I become very affectionate when I get close to someone. Kissing hand holding etc, sans PDA, as it still gets to me.

For awhile I've felt like the physical affection has been one sided, though there's plenty of other types that I have in spades. Today was different. I learned the other day that kissing can easily overstimulated her and I've been trying to be conscious of it. We kissed and when we stopped I tried to peck her cheek, like i normally do, and that was a mistake. She (understandably) freaked out thinking I was trying to kiss her lips and pushed me off and got very upset. I took full responsibility, apologized and did everything i could think of to right my wrong. She forgave me immediately.

She got out of my car and we've been talking over the past few hours. She finally admitted to being afraid of physical affection and said it was part of her asexuality. I don't understand how it works but I don't need to know either, I can respect it. But now I'm worried we're not compatible. I agreed I'd let her initiate all physical things but I don't know if i can handle that in the long term. I feel like I'm falling into some bad patterns again (yay trauma) and that scares me. I don't know what to do. I love her, but I have my own needs to feel like I'm in a healthy relationship that probably won't be met.

https://redd.it/1nc6wi1
@asexualityonreddit

I wish someone would
https://redd.it/1nciai2
@asexualityonreddit

I’m lesbian and asexual

So, I’m lesbian but I’ve had some trauma in the past so I don’t want to have sex. I love my girlfriend a lot, but I just don’t want to have sex with her but I still want to kiss her (probably), do any other asexuals kiss and not have sex?

https://redd.it/1nccse6
@asexualityonreddit

Having any libido is just hell

I wish I could go back to my previous antidepressants, but they had other unfortunate side effects, and medical practitioners seem to think anything that would reduce it must be a horrible thing.

I hate it, it's not even like a need so much as it's like intrusive thoughts. I don't want myself involved in any way in anything sexual for various reasons but I still get stupid compulsions where I get stuck on it like I frequently do on passing thoughts. I hate masturbation, it's so unproductive and bothersome but it's the only way to get rid of this shit in the moment, even if I'll be actively disgusted by it.

Like, why, it's not like it serves any evolutionary purpose in my case, I have no intention of ever reproducing. And there's absolutely nothing to be done about it. One more reason I fucking hate so much as having a body at all.

https://redd.it/1ncjov2
@asexualityonreddit

Advice requested. I believe my girlfriend is asexual.

We've been dating 3-4 months and love each other. I'm 26 M she's 23 F, i've dated many women and never had this level of emotional intimacy ever.


We both find each other very physically attractive. But she is not a physically affectionate person. She is often uncomfortable with hugs. She has never liked making out. And she was a virgin prior to meeting me. I'm the first person she ever wanted to try having sex with. She previously had a deep fear of intimacy.


She thinks she might be bisexual. She is diagnosed with bipolar disorder and is on medication which may suppress her libido. She has been sexually aroused during masturbation but never with another person. We waited 3 months before trying anything sexually and we've now explored several PIV positions, oral stimulation, fingering, vibrators, combinations of these, and unfortunately nothing has made her feel anything beyond a little ticklish. We laugh and have fun while doing it, crack up every time one of us tries to dirty talk lol. And she really wants to explore this stuff for herself and try to make it work for me because she's told me she feels the same way I do about our relationship. I communicated to her that I am in no rush for anything sexually but she has initiated sex several times now and she tries so hard to make it enjoyable for me.


I just worry that going forward a sex life with her might not be sustainable if I'm the only one who's getting any sexual arousal from it. And honestly it's actually difficult for me to really get into it when I'm constantly thinking about her difficulties with sex in the moment.

Any suggestions for how we should navigate this? She is my number 1 priority I've never cared this much for a person in my whole life so I would never forgive myself if this was hurting her in any way physically or mentally. But it would be so meaningful if we could find a way to have a healthy sex life together, she wants it so badly for us. She's told me she's felt safe and had fun every time we've done it but I worry if it might not be as fun for her after it's not new to her anymore if she's still not getting close to climaxing.

EDIT: The thing she said that made me think she might have some form of asexual nature is that she has difficulty being sexually aroused when she's with another person. It's almost like it distracts her because it takes the focus off of her own pleasure.

https://redd.it/1ncj8et
@asexualityonreddit

Sex is everywhere and it sucks.

This is more like a rant, but I coudn't find a "rant" flair so I just used the vent one. Anyway. I've been trying to find a show to watch for days now. One that makes me stay up late just to see the next episode. Problem? Sex, sex, sex. Everywhere. All I can find is stuff like, "The year I started masturbating." Come again?

I clicked on a show earlier, the description said it was about teenagers having to survive by themselves. First few seconds of the show? Some guy kissing a girl's neck while she moans. (Yes, this isn't sex, but it's sexual, and I dislike anything sexual). I'm not surprised sex is everywhere, I'm just saying it's annoying and I can't stop seeing it in every show I click on. It's not even a romance show that I clicked on and yet it still has sexual content.

https://redd.it/1ncmqih
@asexualityonreddit

finally realizing I am most likely asexual because of having a partner... not sure what to do because I don't like being lonely either.

I've always mildly suspected I was ace but I never felt 100% sure because i haven't really dated anyone forever...And for the longest time I felt really bad about being alone all the time and stuff.

well now some things happened and there's a person who is into me and we did stuff and I'm not sure what to feel about it. she's very nice but she wants to constantly be touching me, lots of PDA's (which i find embarassing tbh).

I don't like kissing at all, at best I find it boring at worst I find it gross (like please don't put your tongue there!). She'll like want to grab me and make out for what feels like hours and usually I'm just thinking about how I'd rather be doing literally anything else, and waiting for it to be over, when it is I will feel very fatigued. or she'll be squeezing me or be on top of me, and it's just physically painful. had sex once and at first I didn't feel anything and disassociated and then it got very overstimulating and i didn't like it and i cried.



I am not sure how to tell her this because I feel like I don't really want to disappoint anyone, and she seems nice. I mostly go along with it because she seems to enjoy it and also I feel like I don't want to be alone forever. But it's so overwhelming and I feel like I don't know what to do.

https://redd.it/1nclref
@asexualityonreddit

Everything going as planned
https://redd.it/1ncpyur
@asexualityonreddit

lizard snacks > lizard boobs
https://redd.it/1ncs0t9
@asexualityonreddit

Anyone else feel not apart of the queer community?

For the record I am sex repulsed and this feeling is based around that a LOT so.

The LGBT community has always been intertwined with sex and I do believe that’s a good thing. But a lot of the time it feels like (not that it’s necessarily true) there’s no space for people like me. Not really anyways.
Like it’s either kid-friendly or “Puritan”(puriteen. I hate that word) or uwu-core(and mocked) and there’s NOTHING else. There’s nothing adult without sex and that’s true for the majority of everything ever but like. Idk.

I just can’t think of somewhere I can go without getting that Pit of Dread in my stomach from mentions of sex. I’ve been feeling very disconnected from the community lately at this revelation. In the future I think I’m. Just gonna try to find asexual spaces EXPLICITLY. there’s nowhere For me here.

Maybe this makes sense or maybe I’m 100% delusional. Let me know. heart emoji
I might edit this later if a better way to word it comes to mind.

https://redd.it/1ncy9xj
@asexualityonreddit

Any ace dudes out there relate w me?

I’m 23M. I have a couple of insecurities. One is that I’m kinda short(5’7”), but I’ve been learning to overcome that.

But also, my ace-ness.

When I was in college there was a girl and we had mutual interest. I kinda beat around the bush and implied I was ace, and she kinda implied I wasn’t a man cuz of it or I had some issue. She may have thought I was joking, but i never asked her and we kinda stopped talking after that: Needless to say, that shit wrecked my confidence lol. At least she didn’t out me to anyone, cuz no one irl knows.

Anyway, I haven’t been focused on dating or relationships or anything. I’m just trynna build my life up rn. I work a job as a data analyst in healthcare and I’m in grad school rn, slated to finish soon. I’ve been busy trynna focus on my future, and a lot to my homies are the same way. But a lot of people in my “outer circles” are kinda like dudes who try to “get women” and have as much sex as possible and only talk about that. Whenever I go for a drink or something with these dudes, they tie their manhood to their sexual encounters.

I feel so out of place there. Met with a bunch former high school homies this Saturday and had a night of drinking and just chilling at one of the dudes house. All stories about sex they had in the past couple years we haven’t seen each other. Of course I had nothing to say(instead of saying I’m ace I just say I’m religious and waiting until marriage). Needless to say, I felt like “less of a man” there.

So I guess any dudes out there who feel less like a man, or question their manhood? I lowkey wish I was normal sometimes so I didn’t feel this way. I hate how a “real man” is only a “real man” if he goes around engaging in sex with anything and everything that moves man. I hate this hypersexual world.

Anyway sorry for my rant.

https://redd.it/1ncyzho
@asexualityonreddit

My friends said they were going to take me to discover the "pleasures of life" when we finished school

# Edit: they meant meeting with a prostitute

This seems to be a culture where I live... what is your thoughts 'bout that?

https://redd.it/1ncrmzg
@asexualityonreddit

What if you can never live authentically?

First, let me preface this by apologizing if I break any rules or make any mistakes in this post. I’m new to this and very confused, and the last thing I want is to cause problems.

I‘m a woman in my 40s, married 20 years, with a child. Sex has always been very difficult for me, and I had some bad things happen in my early adult years that certainly didn’t help matters. My husband and I fight frequently about sex, despite having an otherwise happy relationship. After years of therapy, I made significant improvements in healing from the past bad things and no longer felt affected by them—but I still had no interest in, and could only barely tolerate, sex. From that point, additional exploration led me to discovering both asexuality and that what I understand of it so far describes my entire life from about age 15 onward.

This has been hugely destabilizing for my marriage. This is not the marriage my husband expected, and nor should he have; we didn’t know. After a period of intense conflict, we‘ve reached a detente in which he has greatly backed off his sexual asks, but also, we do not mention or discuss asexuality ever and basically pretend that this issue never came up and definitely does not exist in our house. He doesn’t understand it and feels that it is something personal against him, no matter how I try to explain. Just saying the word can send us sideways for weeks.

I’ve come to understand that I can maintain the stability in my marriage by keeping this part of my existence quiet, isolated, and hidden from the rest of me—forever. I can’t discuss it with anyone in my real life except my therapist, because our social circles are too intertwined, and my husband is terrified of his friends finding out his wife doesn’t want to sleep with him. I feel very alone and when I think about it much, I get headaches. I got one just writing this :( Thank you to anyone who made it this far. I’m sorry if I upset anyone.

https://redd.it/1nd0nn6
@asexualityonreddit

Finding a relatable story (SA trigger warning)

I posted on here a bit ago about how I was looking for people with similar experiences to mine. I have a history of sexual trauma from trying to be sexual when I am sex repulsed. Anyways, I just wanted to share that today I watched the movie “Fitting in” about a girl who is intersex and I was just crying my eyes out because aspects of the story were really relatable to me. The experience of trying to force yourself to be something you aren’t in a sexually traumatic way just isn’t something I’ve seen a lot. The story was very different than my own, but idk I guess seeing something I’ve been struggling with alone on a screen meant a lot. Lol just crying now but it’s healing I guess…?

Thanks yall for listening
😎👉👉

https://redd.it/1nd0eqn
@asexualityonreddit

The girl i like is asexual

Hi everyone, I really like this girl shes asexual and I'd say I'm more demisexual BUT I do not care about sex like i can enjoy a relationship without it. We recently both told eachother that we have feelings but I would like to know what would trigger an asexual so I can avoid ever making her feel uncomfortable, obviously I know not to say anything sexual or do anything sexual, but I'm wondering if like kisses would make them uncomfortable? What physical contact would make an asexual uncomfortable? I really like her and I want her to feel as safe as possible with me so she doesnt have to worry about thinking I want anything more than to take care of her emotionally

https://redd.it/1nd4baf
@asexualityonreddit

Am I Aromantic or just dumb?

Hello I'm 23M and for a while I've wondered if I fall somewhere on the Aromantic spectrum. I've sometimes thought of myself as an incel (purely by definition, don't fall into the extreme stuff), but the thing is, it doesn't really make much sense for me describe myself that way. I have had multiple opportunities to get a girlfriend, women have either approached me directly or have given strong hints, all of whom I rejected or ignored.

For the longest time I just brushed it off as me simply not being interested, which is kind of true. More recently I tried reflecting on specifically why I rejected these women, am I just shy? Am I stupid? Do I have too high standards? Or am I just a prick who only cares about looks (probably)?

Then I realized something... I've never really had a crush on anyone. Sure there are women I've been interested in, but only for their looks. There hasn't been a single person I've ever had any interest in dating. Traditional dating itself just sounds boring to me. While there have been a handful of situations where I thought I had some mild romantic attraction, I'm pretty sure those were just squishes.

At the same time I'm not sure if I'm Aromantic, and these are the reasons why:

I don't socialize much, maybe I just haven't met the right person and I need to put myself out there more?
I've long had a porn addiction and I wonder if that's a factor. I've heard it can kill a mans interest in pursuing relationships. At the same time I know there are plenty of people who watch porn and still experience romantic attraction.
While traditional dating doesn't appeal to me, relationship-py things like cuddling do, though I don't know if that counts as a sign that I'm not Aro.
Maybe I have some kind of avoidant attachment problem?

https://redd.it/1nd5sg9
@asexualityonreddit