"I wish you would just decide whether or not you're asexual"

My husband said this to me today after some tough discussions in marriage counseling. He said he wishes I would just decide whether I was asexual or just low libido. I asked if he was planning on making a decision based on my answer (like divorce) and he said no but I don't believe him.

I thought most people know sexuality isn't really a choice??? I don't think I'm asexual, just very low libido, possiblity demisexual, all of which I've already told him.

https://redd.it/1n8q67w
@asexualityonreddit

This Subreddit Is the funniest shit on earth

when people are online it says X Number of people Eating GARLIC FUCKING BREAD

https://redd.it/1n8t22t
@asexualityonreddit

Horny but no attraction?

One of the most annoying things about my condition is that while I have never been aroused by a person or picture, and don't get erections, I DO feel "horny" and the need to jerk off... It's just not directed anywhere. It doesn't have an outlet, if that makes sense.

https://redd.it/1n8uztx
@asexualityonreddit

My partner is starting to resent me

For context, me (25f) and my boyfriend (26m) met in college, we dated for two years then broke up due to us just clashing towards the end. Two years ago, we started dating again after a year of separation. Everything was going perfect. We’d both been in therapy, were in good spots in life, and still loved each other. About six months ago I told him I think I might be asexual (repulsed). I was very clear with if he didn’t want to be in a sexless relationship, that I understood and wouldn’t harbor any ill will towards him. He was taken aback a bit, as I’ve had spurts of being repulsed in the past, but ultimately would start having sex again. This time I came to terms with the fact anything sexual makes me deeply uncomfortable, and serves no purpose for me. We talked for weeks about it, mulling it over with each other, and ultimately he said he was okay with it, that it would just take some adjustment for him. But recently, he’s been very short with me, makes little comments and jokes about how we don’t have sex, and tells me I don’t do enough in the relationship. I’m at a bit of a loss here, and our relationship is starting to feel like it’s on the fence constantly. He told me not to make decisions for him ( leaving because I believe he’s unhappy with my being ace), but i’m starting to feel like he’s resentful now and won’t admit it. Everytime I bring it up, he says he’s still adjusting. Maybe I’m being the unfair one, but I really need some help here. I really thought he was my person, and now I’m afraid Ive accidentally made him hate me. Advice and experiences welcome, and thank you.

https://redd.it/1n8riem
@asexualityonreddit

I like sex

I like sex because it make my pines relax

https://redd.it/1n8xb5c
@asexualityonreddit

You are Your Best Allie in Relationships. Protect Your Peace!

Please stand up for your peace in relationships! Whether that be acquaintances, platonics, romances, and sexuals, your asexuality is valid and marriage or no, dating or not, you don't have to cave to people wanting you to change your sexuality or boundaries.

For those who post about relationships where their SO (significant other) is clearly giving red flags of manipulation through "you" statements, strawman arguments, threats of cheating or divorce, and overall selfish moves to get you to have sexual relations with them: if you are posting about this, you know this is a bad thing. Trust your gut, it's not healthy and you don't need to conserve a relationship that is willing to put you in a state of constant self doubt and low value, it is just not worth it. They may change in the future, but they will not change with you giving into stripping your boundaries on love and trust. Just because someone can change, does not mean you have to be there to see it. It's your life and marriage does not make your life their right.

You are valid for loving someone, and it isn't your fault some people in your life are at a slower state of growth and not willing to share their kindness and compassion with you as you grow, too. It is not your fault some people will use your empathy to sway you into not having boundaries over your body and mind. But you should also love yourself, and you are the only allie to you that is always there and knows the facts and feelings of the situation.

Protect your peace, and if that means being single or newly divorced, you have a community. You have people out there who will help get through the process of having new space and time for yourself.

Please, just don't let your life be lead by people who show you they can't love the whole you. It isn't trapping someone to learn more about yourself in YOUR life which you are sharing with someone else, not giving it away. Being single does not have to be forever if you want connection in that way. I hope that being single for most of your life would be worth avoiding the worst relationship and pain. You do not have to suffer before your can be happy with someone.


Good luck with your relationships, and again, protect your peace. You deserve to feel safe in this world and especially with a friend, SO, and life partner 🖤🩶🤍💜

https://redd.it/1n8sduy
@asexualityonreddit

Irony
https://redd.it/1n8xd4m
@asexualityonreddit

My dad claims my experiences as an asexual are normal

It's been over 4 months since I've come out to my parents, a decision which I'm not sure if I don't regret doing. Mainly cos my dad has been very skeptical of my identity, claiming I'm not ace.

Yesterday I've had another discussion with him about that and he claimed I couldn't be asexual cos I've had a crush recently (probably my only crush in my 22 years alive). Then I told him just because I loved someone, it didn't mean I wanted to have sex with her, to which he replied "that's completly normal, you have to get to know someone first before you want to have sex with them"

What are your takes on this?

https://redd.it/1n906tl
@asexualityonreddit

I'm tired of people saying they'll change me when I say I might be asexual

I've had relationships and had sex up until now, but it was never a priority for me. I mean, I could continue my life without having sex; it's not a necessity for me. Until I was 19, I thought I was asexual, but my bf was a very loving person and we were casual about sex. He wanted to, and I agreed. I didn't feel overly disgusted, but it wouldn't have mattered either way. But even if he hadn't wanted to, I could have continued my life like that. My current bf says I'm suppressing my desires and that he's going to change that. This really piss me off because I know what I want. I consume sexual content, I'm no stranger to this world lol. I just don't want to. They think I'm innocent or unwilling. I've noticed that men especially think this way. I've been with a girl too; she was definitely horny, but she never made any comments to me. I just want a little respect :(

https://redd.it/1n92d7n
@asexualityonreddit

How do you guys handle anything past kissing/hand holding?

I'm asexual with an allosexual partner. We've been dating over a year now and agreed that neither of us were ready for sex, but they have expressed to me that they want more than what we have right now and I don't know how to approach this!!

We do kiss, mostly on the cheek but often quick pecks on the mouth too. But they've told me that they want longer kisses and probably making out, and that did not cross my mind weirdly until they said something, because I've been pretty content with what we have.

But I'm also okay with trying new stuff for them. What advice do you guys have around the topic as fellow asexuals?? I'm not sex repulsed but im not quite sure I'm favorable either.

https://redd.it/1n97yqz
@asexualityonreddit

Am I asexual? Someone help.

Hey guys, I hope that some of you can help me.

TW SA and description of sexual things (I read the rules but if this still goes against them in some way, please let me know, I will remove the post!)

I will be frank about this so please only read if that is alright for you! I am female 24 years old, and this is not the first time I question this. In my earlier twenties, I was sexually harassed by multiple men at my work place and after that, during therapy, I was convinced I was asexual. Multiple therapists (and my mom) told me it was just the trauma talking. Well, I did experience sexual attraction but only to fictional characters during that time.


Fastforward to today...I have healed a lot and am okay with physical contact again (although I do not enjoy it, in particular with women somwhow). I always considered myself panromantic, by the way.
Currently, I have a boyfriend and when we started dating, we became sexual very fast. I had a rule that I dont have sex with people outside of a relationship but I broke it for my now boyfriend. I felt the desire, it was exciting I guess. But now, I am barely attracted to him. (Also never attracted to anyone else who is real at all either!) I mean, he is handsome to me and aesthetically speaking he has a great body but...I dont know either. I still do it with him but I always thought that I would also not mind at all to never experience sexual things in my life ever again.


Recently I have been thinking about this again since I am confused. It is not that I never experience sexual attraction to anyone or anything (it is still the fictional characters) but, for example, when I want to do it myself, I simply cannot. Even when I try, I never actually do it skin to skin, its disgusting. I am repulsed by it. Generally, even without skin to skin, I feel absolutely disgusted by myself afterwards. Like, upon touch I feel a bodily reaction but I can never fully silence my mind.

When my bf asks me if he can do it for me, I dont want it either. I dont mind doing it for him once in a while but I dont love it either. It does not turn me on or anything, I like that it makes him feel better.
It is like...I feel the urge to do it sometimes but then when we do it or are close to it, I feel repulsed or the desire fades. I can do it the standard way, but even then, I mostly see it as a job of being a girlfriend, since my bf enjoys it. He does not know all this though - hell, I am so confused myself.

I have aphantasia but even when fantasizing anything with anyone (even just about the characters in the book I write), I cannot go further than kissing and making out. It stops at making out. Always.

It is strange. I did tests and one suggested I could be "feasexual"...? But I dont know. I feel so lost and dont know if this is still trauma or if I am genuinely just asexual.

I appreciate any type of help. Thank you in advance!

https://redd.it/1n9a8qe
@asexualityonreddit

Happy (sex free) Friday!!

What are some of the things y’all are gonna do today?! I need some new ideas on where to meet new people who genuinely want to talk and have chill conversations with. I go to the dog park quite often, and have made friends with a lot of older folks there. Totally fine by me, but I’d love to be apart of a community near me where people want to enjoy each other’s company.

https://redd.it/1n9bdtl
@asexualityonreddit

Whoever is asexual and had a strong tertiary attraction with cuteness aggression. Here is a pizza
https://redd.it/1n9g7fz
@asexualityonreddit

Yet another online lesbian space that’s aphobic

TW: aphobia and transphobia

I won’t go into too much detail because I’m drained at this point but no matter how much a community prides themselves on being inclusive and accepting, a post calling bigots out always shows their true colors.

Someone made a post talking about how people on the sub talking about having a preference when it’s just exclusion and a few days before that there was a post about asexuals that caused a lot of hate.

Of course I commented on the recent post and got downvoted to hell. Nothing but aphobes and transphobes over there.

https://redd.it/1n9gl6i
@asexualityonreddit

Asexuals with OCD MIGHT understand this joke ( this is not a good joke i am sorry. Pls real the post before commenting )

https://redd.it/1n9h911
@asexualityonreddit

Saying that victims of abuse can't be asexual is bigotry

And that's also one of the worst things you could say to survivors. This post it not targeted at anyone in specific, but rather at how people are still portraying and stigmatizing asexuality by "gatekeeping" the label, not even knowing that asexuality is a spectrum + this kind of behavior is actually harmful. A victim feeling comfortable in a label doesn't means that the propaganda of "all asexual people are traumatized!" is being implanted, and neither should be compared to imposing sexuality is "a sickness that should be cured". I'm convinced that anyone who defends such ideas I refered to in the quotations are not only victim blaming victims of abuse, but also excluding them from safe spaces. I'm saying that as someone who's a survivor + asexual.

https://redd.it/1n9jrpe
@asexualityonreddit

How do I tell my partner about changed view on sex

Hello!
I have been in a relationship for almost a year now and my demisexual partner has always been truly fine and very understanding with us not having sex. And they said they would also be fine with never having sex if I wanted it that way. For a really long time I wasnt sure if I would ever want to sleep with them and could genuinely see myself never having sex ever again (also partially due to other factors than being ace). But recently I‘ve been leaning more toward „I wouldnt mind sleeping with them and maybe I would actually enjoy it“. Now I kinda wanna tell them about this change (our communication is pretty good I‘d say, so I do feel like its the natural way to go) but I just dont really know how to tell them. I feel like just bluntly being like „Hey, I think I wouldn’t mind sleeing with you after all“ would be a bit weird, but maybe thats just me.

Any advice on how I could go about it?

https://redd.it/1n9fwd2
@asexualityonreddit