Are You Aro (Advice)?

**Hi everyone!**



Welcome to our weekly Advice post about Aromanticism! Aromantic people experience little to no romantic attraction.



**Do any of these resonate with you?**

\* You rarely (if ever) experience crushes on others.

\* You find the idea of a romantic relationship unappealing, and prefer strong platonic bonds.

\* You've been in romantic relationships but felt like you were going through the motions.

\* You've researched what crushes are "supposed" to feel like, but can't relate.



These are just a few signs you might be Aromantic. Aromanticism is a spectrum, and every person's experience is unique.



\*\*Have questions about aromanticism or your own identity?\*\* Ask away in the comments below, and we'll and your fellow Aro’s will do the best to help!

* [**More signs that you are Aro**](https://aromanticguide.com/am-i-aro)

* [**Honeymoon Phase**](https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-is-the-honeymoon-phase)

* [**Types of attraction (might be incomplete)**](https://types-of-attraction.carrd.co/)

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@asexualityonreddit

Ace kitchen from twitter
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I’m in love with my Best friend

I’m in love with my best friend and she’s asexual.

For context. My best friend and I have been friends for almost 5 years now. We were close right off the bat and have been through neck and neck, ups and downs all of it. She’s always supported me in my ambitions and I’ve always helped her through everything and more.

Now when I say in love, I mean more so, she’s the closest female in my life who’ve I genuinely grown passionate about, she’s the kind of person I’d want to grow more emotionally and physically intimate with. I find myself calling her so many times and I question am I calling too much. Truthfully things just feel so natural with her. Which is why the idea of us being together isn’t inherently opposing to me.

At first I didn’t think she was too physically attractive, but now, it doesn’t necessarily matter to me as I feel like my feelings for her outweighs that.

Now obviously she’s asexual, she’s never dated and doesn’t have interest currently. But we’ve talked about the future a lot and she’s open to the idea of meeting someone eventually and even possibly engaging with them in the act, it’ll strictly depend on the them.

I don’t know I guess I am just coming here for slap in the face advice on the reality of this, I’ll always value her as my friend, and these feelings very well can be a result of me just not being in a relationship for a long time. But as far as I’m concerned, if we were to be together, for the first time in my life I’d want this one to last.

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@asexualityonreddit

im just confused, please help

i enjoy sexual things most of the time, and i enjoy engaging sexually with other people/my partner. but i dont really feel a need to be sexual with anyone just on a regular basis. i feel fucking horrific because my boyfriend is hypersexual. i dont feel like i could ever meet his needs, but i can never tell him this because he's absolutely terrified of forcing me into anything. and when i say absolutely terrified, i mean that he will go into horrific spirals of "im such a disgusting fucking person for even wanting to engage with you sexually, i'm the worst ever, i'm so disgusting, i'm so gross, i'm the worst ever, i cant believe i would even ask to fuck you because i'm so fucking disgusting for wanting to have sex"

i feel so broken. i feel like theres something so deeply wrong about me that i dont feel the same way that he or anyone else does about sex. i like sex, i like the idea of having sex, its just... not ever a priority for me.

but if its not a priority for me, then my boyfriend is going to keep feeling like he's disgusting just for thinking about having sex with me.

part of me wants to beg him to go to therapy for this and other things, because i genuinely just dont know how to help him with the problems he has. i feel fucking useless. i feel pathetic. i feel broken.

what is wrong with me that my libido doesnt match his? why does he feel like its his problem when its my problem instead? no one ever complains about someone wanting to have sex too much, the only problem is me . whats wrong with me? i cant even bear the idea that i'm asexual even though i'm posting to this subreddit. to admit that i might be on the ace spectrum would be to admit tjat i'm not good enough for him. and i cant ever tell him that i'm on the ace spectrum because itll just make his issues worse. i'm so lost. i'm so confused. please help me

https://redd.it/1n82fgm
@asexualityonreddit

Im lonely

Hi I’m 22 and im asexual and I’m really lonely, I live in Utah and I’m having trouble finding friends and idk why. What should I do

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@asexualityonreddit

How am I not broken when I don't even want to be ace?

NSFW just to be safe. Also alt account.

I (F28) hate being ace, it just feels like a curse. I experience romantic attraction pretty easily, but I don't think I have ever felt actual sexual attraction. And there in lies the problem, I DESPERATELY WANT TO FEEL THE SEXUAL AND PASSIONATE EMOTIONS TOWARDS THE PERSON I LOVE but every time anything even remotely sexual happens I just... don't. I just feel nothing. Like I still will want to because I want to be intimate and do something she enjoys etc. but as far as lust or anything like that goes it's non existent. Everytime I am in a relationship it is the same problem.

I can feel at least some feelings when I fantasize by myself so why can't I when I'm with someone I want to do those things with??? My fantasies are never able to include an actual person, only just situations or concepts even when I'm in a relationship.

I don't think all ace people are broken, if you don't want to have sex or are happy without any sexual attraction then live you best life. But for me, not being able to feel the strong emotions that I want to towards the person I love and want to be intimate with, I'm not sure if there's a better word than broken.

I just don't know what I'm supposed to do and this is making me miserable. I still hope that I'm secretly demi or just repressed and the sexual attraction will kick in at some point but I know thats not going to be the case.

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@asexualityonreddit

Advice

I don’t know if this is the right place, but I’d appreciate advice on how to broach this topic.
Basically I (male) have been going on dates with a guy for a while now, we don’t have labels or anything but it’s been nice. He’s recently told me he’s asexual and asks me my feelings on it over Snapchat. I really like him, but i don’t think I can be in a relationship where my partner sexually feels either nothing at all or to a much lesser extent. What do I say to him? It’s difficult cos he hasn’t mentioned anything about relationships so I don’t know if he’s explicitly asking about being in one with me or not (I’m autistic if you couldn’t tell lol) thanks

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@asexualityonreddit

How do I stop having wet dreams?

So a while back I used to have wet dreams frequently but I discovered that if I masturbated at least once a week it would prevent them for the most part, however I do still get them randomly. It's really annoying because it wakes me up in the middle of the night and then I have to go deal with it and clean up if needed. Anyone know any ways to stop having wet dreams?

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@asexualityonreddit

Which characters from movies, series, ... do you headcanon as ace?

I was recently watching criminal minds, and spencer reid really resonated with me. When looking it up he isnt written as ace, but in my head he is.

Just curious to see which characters you all have headcanoned as ace

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@asexualityonreddit

If you want a relationship, what do you wish for?

I‘m a 17 y/o girl, I‘ve never been in a relationship before, and no one was ever really interested in me romantically.
I feel really lonely lately, all I want is someone who will love me the same I do, I really crave gentle love.
Cuddling, holding hands, all that stuff, I just genuinely want a connection with someone, but I‘m scared I won’t find it.
I maybee want to try out being intimate, but I want my future partner to respect it in case I‘ll feel uncomfortable doing it and never want to do anything sexual again.

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@asexualityonreddit

Allonormativity in this subreddit

Hi everyone, I’ve noticed a disturbing trend in this subreddit of some unchecked, internalized allonormativity going on. I know it’s hard — dealing with internalized anything is not easy to overcome, as we’re all conditioned into it.

But it’s important that we check these things within ourselves so that we can show up for each other with more compassion and grace.

I could/can give examples of what I’m talking about, but I don’t want the discussion to devolve into arguing over that, which I see happening constantly on other posts. I think we can all agree and understand that internalized allonormativity is absolutely A Thing.

So the point that I’m trying to make here is that since we all internalize allonormativity, it is our responsibility to each other to check ourselves (and each other) when we might be projecting that allonormativity onto other aces.

If we can’t have solidarity for each other on this subreddit, then how can we expect anybody else to have solidarity for/with us?

So this is just a friendly reminder/PSA to please check the way you speak to other aces about the difficult topics that come up on this subreddit, whether the person you’re talking to is sex favorable, sex indifferent, sex averse, or sex repulsed. If you wouldn’t want an allo person saying to you what you’re saying to another ace, then perhaps reflect on why you’re saying it.

And we, as a community, need to have just as much compassion, understanding, and patience for fellow aces posting here (even if we disagree with what they’re saying) as we do for allos coming onto this subreddit for relationship advice. This is our space, after all.

https://redd.it/1n8g080
@asexualityonreddit

when and how did you all accept it?

Might seem like a weiird question but for a long time i struggled to make peace with myself. also cause people told me am broken or because i might need testosterones to be normal haha

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@asexualityonreddit

UK Ace Meet-Up Birmingham 21st September 🖤

Hey UK Aces 💜🖤 We are holding another Ace meet-up on Sunday 21st September in Birmingham. Starting at 12pm Meeting at Bacchus near New Street, possibly moving on to other places if weather is nice (recommendations welcome) Last time was a really good turn out, so it would be great to meet more of you! It’s a calm, safe and fun way to meet other ace people, play games, chat and have a laugh together.

Let me know if you’d be up for it, and feel free to bring friends or family if you are nervous coming alone. Hope to see you there!

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@asexualityonreddit

What's the complete opposite of cupioromantic and cupiosexual?

...

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Awesome Ace Bottle opener :D
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My wife of 20 years came out to me this week as asexual. Are there people here that made a marriage work like this?

My (43m) wife told me this week that she is asexual. We had been in something of a rut and not connecting very well lately. I’m the one that brought it up, I had been getting extremely frustrated with a lack of all kinds of affection including cuddling, touching, kissing, and sex. We’ve had a couple of conversations over the last year that revolve around the frequency and passion when we do have sex. I have been feeling like I was the only one initiating it and even when I did, she wasn’t really into it and it made me feel gross. At the conclusion of the conversation we agreed to schedule sex. So far it seems to be helping me quite a bit because it allows me to anticipate when sex will happen and not get frustrated in between.

She is my best friend and I think I am hers. We have a family and a life together that I’m confident neither of us wants to leave. But ever since we’ve had this conversation having this nagging worry that she just told me what I want to hear and now I’m ignoring a serious issue. Can two people make a lifetime together work with this kind of sexuality incompatibility? I am a person that craves affection, and I don’t think I could go without intimacy. I also have no desire to pursue it anywhere else.

Please, if you’re in this situation or have some personal experience share with me.

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@asexualityonreddit

This is for you. As a treat!
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@asexualityonreddit

New here, just saying hi!
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