For any alloace who needs to hear this…

I’m sure I’m not the only one who does this so I figure this might help other people.

STOP DOOM-SCROLLING ABOUT ASEXUALITY.

Do not look at r/DeadBedrooms, don’t look at old askreddit threads about if people would date asexuals or not, none of that. Reddit is a cesspool of misinformation, biases and assholes, and looking at this kind of content is just going to make you feel unlovable and broken, when you’re neither of those things.

I do it, I’m sure many people here do it, no more doing that.

https://redd.it/1n03i7d
@asexualityonreddit

new ace headcanon unlocked

https://redd.it/1n02oqb
@asexualityonreddit

Is it bad to be put off by sexual touching?

I only recently fully accepted being a sex-neutral/sex-averse ace who is not ok with sex in most cases but I have a history of not liking sexual touch (boob/butt touching, thigh touching, etc) in relationships/feeling disgusted by it. Ofc I could just be an evil woman hellbent on ruining men’s time, but is it really awful to set this boundary/is asking someone to get your consent before touching you sexually in any way, even an “innocent one” (I still don’t believe that it’s innocent one) controlling/rigid/stressful for allos?

https://redd.it/1n09i58
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Being asexual in college

Possible TW for mild aphobia!! I can’t put more than one flair on a post, otherwise I would.

I really wish somebody would have been able to tell me how difficult it was going to be being asexual in college. Especially sex-repulsed asexual.

Not only is everyone much more open about being sexually active in college (which I did anticipate), but god, no one will stop talking about it. Like, at all.

Part of the reason I identify as a sex repulsed asexual is because I hate hate hate hate being perceived as a sexual being in any capacity, and that’s making it really difficult for me because that’s all people perceive me as right now. I keep trying to make friends, but I’m finding a good number of people only want to talk to me because they think I’m going to sleep with them. I know I dress up more than the average person, but I really don’t think I wear anything provocative at all, so I don’t understand where this is coming from.

On top of that, every time I mention not having people over to sleep with in our dorm while I’m unable to leave (or asking me to leave if I am able to), I’m met with resistance. Not just from my roommates, but also from my very close high school friends that I used to spend all my time with when I try to talk with them about the trouble I’m having. They act like I’m being entitled by asking for common courtesy and keep telling me to just get over it. (For clarification: I do not expect my roommates or the people around me to simply not have sex. I don’t care if they do or not — I just don’t wanna be around when it happens. I really don’t feel like this is that much of an ask, especially considering I wouldn’t wanna be around for that if I was allo, either.)

I really don’t know what to do. It’s been a week and I haven’t been able to make progress on making any friends at all. I’ve never felt this outcasted as a direct result from being asexual before. In high school, nobody cared that I was ace. Now, it seems to be causing so many problems.

I can’t wait to move off campus and be by myself so I don’t have to deal with all of this. I just wanna live alone with a cat and get my degree already.

https://redd.it/1n0aa2g
@asexualityonreddit

Im tired of sex in media any suggestions for good media that doesn’t have it

Kind of a rant

So i’ve started watching ‘Stranger Things’ and although i enjoy its scifi I HATE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ITS SEX SCENES. Like congrats you’re the 157th show with soft core porn in it.

Anyways what im asking is, ya’ll got any suggestions somewhat similar to stranger things or anything good that doesn’t have sex in it. Im so done with seeing that stuff if I want to watch it i’d go to porn hub

https://redd.it/1n0bzdd
@asexualityonreddit

“F me eyes”

when i was actually social, one thing i was told painfully often was that my eyes were provocative, or ‘asking for something’, or i was ‘undressing you with my eyes’.

one of my biggest pet peeves about allosexual people is their need to make everything an invitation to a sexual encounter depending on how attracted they are to you. they’ll then claim ‘nobody’ loves them and ‘the entire gender ain’t shit’ and it’s literally just whoever they wanted isn’t interested in their super speed advances.

anybody else have the issue of ‘accidentally’ flirting by way of body language? speaking of which, why does so much allosexual kindness have a heavy weight on how attractive they find you?

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@asexualityonreddit

I'm too handsy :(

Partner is sex-favorable ace, dating for two years. Tonight we were cuddling and I asked, "How do you like to be touched?" They seemed kind of annoyed at the question, then they were very blunt with me. Other than massage, they find most touch overstimulating. Turns out, this whole time they've been putting up with a lot of touch that they didn't particularly enjoy, and it just never came up.

We've talked about touch in the past, and I knew there were some specific areas they don't like touched. But this is the first time they have told me they just don't enjoy most touch, period.

I love being touched. Before this conversation, I loved touching my partner. Now I suddenly learn that something I thought they liked is actually unpleasant to them, and they've been putting up with it... for TWO YEARS

They do seem to enjoy cuddling and kissing, but at this point I'm a little afraid to ask directly...

Y'all, I'm MORTIFIED. It's not that they don't like what I like. I knew we had different preferences going into the relationship, and we make it work. But to put up with something that they didn't like, for so long... Am I unreasonable for feeling hurt by the lack of communication?

I had to take some alone time, so we haven't talked about it further. How should I approach this when we talk about it again? How can I encourage them to express their preferences more proactively?

https://redd.it/1n0e1v8
@asexualityonreddit

I’ve finally figured out what I want to label by sexuality and romantic orientation as, for now at least😁
https://redd.it/1n0giez
@asexualityonreddit

What's the equivalent of a "casual relationship" for an asexual person?

I don't know if this question sounds silly, but i've been thinking a lot about this. The more i get into relationships or hear others talk about them, it always feels that people do get in casual relationships because they don't want the ties that a long term relationship does have.

But most of the time casual relationships to allosexuals are like...mostly.. hookups

What's the equivalent for an asexual person?

https://redd.it/1n0in7x
@asexualityonreddit

Opinions on smut?

I personally don’t read much smut, I’m kinda indifferent about it I guess. When I do read it I generally really enjoy the buildup and tension bit get grossed out and leave the second genitals start being described.

I am lucky enough to have three ace/aspec irl friends, and two of them have told me their opinions on this. One of them finds it absolutely hilarious and so enjoys it, and the other genuinely really likes it.

So I was curious about what the divide is on a wider scale. What’re you guys’ thoughts on smut?

https://redd.it/1n0h027
@asexualityonreddit

Conversation I had today 😉
https://redd.it/1n0ik4r
@asexualityonreddit

Am I Asexual?

Am I a asexual? I don't feel attraction towards either sex. I can look at someone & acknowledge their attractiveness but i don't get turned on. I am not sex repulsed however sex isn't the most important thing for me. When i am around "straight" individuals I may make a lewd comment regarding an individual however that what society has programmed. Reddit what am I ?

https://redd.it/1n0nxb4
@asexualityonreddit

sex seems fine but also like. not.

so for ages i've identified as bisexual, because i do find both men and women attractive. libido's fine. but then i'll think about actually having sex with anyone and if i think about it for longer than a couple minutes it's kinda gross. it seems great in theory but it's also messy and i can't imagine anybody else knowing what i like the way i do. i can't imagine it's any better with someone else. i also can't seem to initiate anything. like i never know when people find me attractive and if the other person doesn't kiss me or something i'm never going to do it. i thought it was just the aromanticism/avoidance/really high standards but maybe it isn't. does anybody else resonate with this?

https://redd.it/1n0nog8
@asexualityonreddit

Alloace with Asexual for 8-years

Hello everyone!
I am seeking advice on a few thoughts:

1. Why do people question my want for a platonic relationship with my Ace partner?

2. Has anyone met someone that loved other aspects of the relationship that sex didn’t overshadow everything?

3. What are some reasons (in your opinion) an Ace would attach to someone even if they don’t want to (explained later)?

4. Any successful Allo to Ace long term relationships that can give some advice from their own experience?


Me (26M) and my partner (25F) have been together for 8-years. We were each others first (yes the dirty) after 6-years in the relationship. Her loyalty has been unmatched. Even when I deployed with the Army 3-years in. In the beginning I struggled with understanding Asexuality. She wasn’t consciously aware of the term until a year ago. It was difficult for me especially being surrounded by men as a soldier whose only aspirations are to look cool in a uniform and F-around. For years I was convinced she was manipulating me, lying to me, sleeping with someone else, etc. I had high anxiety and lack of trust because this relationship dynamic made ZERO sense to everyone else’s experiences (and me).

Now that I’m 26 I’ve really grown attached to our style. Even fascinated by how sex will not control her mind. Kind of envious tbh🤣. But we’ve had some experiences that do give me slight anxiety.

When we moved in together last year we broke up. It was a hard adjustment as kids and while none of us never physically broke trust, I was surprised to find how much she relied on “fallbacks.”

Tho she is an ace “sex repulsed with no physical connection,” she seeks emotional validation. She enjoys doing photoshoots and pageant stuff for her confidence but when we broke up she went through a phase where she was accepting anyone who would give her an ear. Very quickly did it turn into stalking and even one guy following her to her hotel room asking for sex (which almost ended in a lawsuit). Another guy inviting her to a nude shoot where he would rent a hotel room and they would shower together🤣.

Anyway, a few more stories later we are back together. We’ve spent so much time talking details and even shared our social medias to have complete transparent conversations about hard experiences and mistakes.

My most difficult thoughts are understanding what she is capable of emotionally. We broke up because I did NOT actively listen to her and didn’t realize how much she needed my support. After months of that she tried to fill that gap and it really hurt. I was NOT a good partner and I fully admit that part.

We have decided to reconcile a few weeks ago. Now that we’re in therapy (only 3-sessions in) there’s so many things coming to light I didn’t pay attention to. However, I feel like even my therapist questions my desire for our relationship over sex.
When I told her I missed her more than shed and was willing to stay platonic, She (respectfully) said “How do you know if it’s the only thing you’ve ever known.”

At this point me and my partner have done some deep communication and are equally going through tough motions to listen to each other and be more open… But I still have many worries. At the moment specifically on the emotional end. It seems very sensitive and almost like a tight rope.

Thoughts?
Advice?

Thank you if you read this far!

https://redd.it/1n0t6w9
@asexualityonreddit

i think sex as a woman is degrading..

i've never done it nor do i plan to, but the thought of it feels so humiliating. the penetrative part of sex just sounds like i'm being used and it's uncomfortable. if i was a man, i wouldn't mind any of this, but the penetration as a woman? seems so degrading. i don't even know how to explain this feeling. it's just knowing that a man is doing something to me and i'm taking it.. that is what makes me so uncomfortable. it's hard to explain tbh. it doesn't feel like a loving activity you do together, but more like i'm receiving it and being used for it. i don't like the feeling of " i'm doing this TO you " part of penetrative sex.. i want to feel as if i'm in control of myself

sometimes i wish i was born as a man tbh, wouldn't feel any of this and sex wouldn't be so degrading to me. idk if i have internalized misogyny or what

https://redd.it/1n0tp9f
@asexualityonreddit

Look this sub for my hispanic ace ppl

r/asexualidad

Hope this isnt breaking a rule.

https://redd.it/1n0wf3t
@asexualityonreddit

Opinions on this ... ?

https://redd.it/1n0xfri
@asexualityonreddit