Them: “So how did you figure out you were Ace?” - My teenage crushes:
https://redd.it/1mypn3z
@asexualityonreddit

If you are ACE have you opened your relationship?

I 26M have been going out with a 24F for 2 years. The relationship is great, however the sexual aspect not so much. It’s always been terrible.

When we do have sex, I literally just put it in and don’t move. Being used like a dildo and it’s just shit for me. But even that never happens. We have realised my partner is asexual.

I’m a hyper sexual and we have both discussed that it might be best that I have sex with other people.

Are there many ACE people who have open relationships?
How would you feel if your partner had sex with someone else?
If you have opened a relationship, how did it feel?


https://redd.it/1myr8xf
@asexualityonreddit

Are people really as horny as they are on tv?

I watched traitors which lead me to loving Kate so I had to watch below deck and oh my god I'm on the third season and everyone is so horny and wanting to sleep with everyone, even cheating on partners (Ben and Kat slept together season 2 idc) and as someone who is on the asexual spectrum (idk what I am and I've never been too keen to figure it out) it just seems like a lot. Like are people really this horny and sleeping together all the time?

I know this is the wrong people to be asking as I assume the majority of you are asexual/on the asexual spectrum but like idk where else to put these thoughts down/ask this question

https://redd.it/1myn5vf
@asexualityonreddit

Why is sex so important?

Why is sex so damn important for people, I don’t get it. I think it’s so boring and weird, it’s overstimulating and messy. It’s annoying seeing sex in shows I watch, like, why is it sooooo important to show sex in shows and movies.
Everyone is so obsessed with sex. It’s horrible.

https://redd.it/1myuqi6
@asexualityonreddit

Very relatable
https://redd.it/1myvfv4
@asexualityonreddit

Platonic crush

I've been single for most of my adult life. My last serious relationship was with a woman and lasted 4 yrs. Its hard for me to like someone, especially in a romantic way. Lately I've been having a platonic crush in someone but a couple of weeks ago I got jealous about her being flirty with others and I got all confused. I like her but never actually imagined myself with her as a couple, neither hugging or kissing or more, aww not! I just liked her but in a non sexual way, so these new feelings are totally new.
Has anyone had something like that?

https://redd.it/1mywr0r
@asexualityonreddit

TW: Questions about bdsm.

Hi, so I am one of those asexual people who are into BDSM. I was curious to know if anyone else was into the more extreme sides of it in a non-sexual aspect. If there were aces who dived into the more sadistic or masochistic side of things without wanting or needing any kind of sexual engagement. I really don’t want to get into an allo relationship again but I do worry that some of the things that I enjoy I may never get to see again due to being ace. So, just curious and wanted to see if there were other people like me here.

https://redd.it/1myyt57
@asexualityonreddit

Made an ace ring
https://redd.it/1mz00my
@asexualityonreddit

Sex-favorable + aesthetic attraction, but NOT sexual attraction - can anyone else relate?

Reposted due to title error.

Male married to a female here. I am asexual, and appear to be "sex favorable" if that makes sense. We have sex, it feels good....when it happens. Zero "pull" "draw" or feeling of "I need to get some of that". I can relate to an occasional "itch" feeling when we haven't had sex for a while. Sex is kindof mechanical, but pleasant mechanical, and there are emotional/bonding feelings.

Now when I see a woman, I can feel (and have felt) "she is beautiful", gorgeous, pretty, or similar adjectives. I may even have "a type" or certain aspects I like more than others.

Here is where I sometimes get confused - I can see a woman who is aesthetically beautiful and think "she looks athletic, so if we hypothetically had sex it would be fun", or "she is a gymnast and flexible, so if we hypthetically had sex it would be fun", "If we were married, sex would be fun", "her skin looks really soft, it probably feels soft too". I could go on about various features but you get the point.

It is almost like when people think "that person's tall, it may be difficult to hug them at times". Or, "sex will be different with a tall person, short person, etc".

I should clarify there is ZERO arousal. It is completely observational (I am not checking anyone out). I am simply saying I can recognize that sex would be different with different people based on physical features, if that makes sense.

A non-sexual example would be like someone thinking "they are tall, dancing together may be challenging depending on the dance" or "they are very flexible, so we can do all of those acrobatic dances if we danced together"

I have only had one sexual partner so I have no reference points.

Can anyone else relate? Does this still sound like asexuality? The combination of sex-favorable-ness and aesthetic appeal almost seems like it could mimic sexual attraction. There is still no "feeling hot" "ravenous hunger" or similar feeling, though.

Edit: Asexuality wise - I do not seem to feel that "pull" towards sex. I never feel my body having hot flushes. I never see a woman and have to "fan" myself. I never have a feeling of "ravenous hunger" in my nether regions. I never feel that I need to "ravage" or "do it" (not "have sex" or "make love", but apparently some people want to do someone, if that makes sense?).

Now, I can see a woman and acknowledge she is beautiful, and have certain aspects I even like more than others, but it never makes me want to get some of that, if that makes sense.


https://redd.it/1mywe41
@asexualityonreddit

Ive been designing my own ace ring
https://redd.it/1mz7isd
@asexualityonreddit

Look who I brought back :)
https://redd.it/1mz8xx1
@asexualityonreddit

Ive been designing my own ace ring
https://redd.it/1mz7fop
@asexualityonreddit

crush advice..

i have a crush on a friend who i have liked for a while now . she is also ace and has expressed what she wants in a relationship, which is very similar to me . we both want a relationship that is more of a partnership with emotional intimacy over physical at the center of it something like just being each others person . i have never met anyone so similar to me not only in how we view relationships way but with so many other things . i wish i could fully express how much she means to me and i wish i knew how to go forward without seeming too much . i am away at college and she lives back home a few hours away, and i know she is busy and cannot talk to me all the time but when we do i could never be happier because of how much joy she brings into my life . i am just unsure how to go forward knowing she wants the same things i do without compromising anything but i do want her to know eventually because she is someone i want to keep in my life regardless even if it doesn’t work out in the way i want it to. i tend to overthink way too much so i guess i am just looking for advice or similar experiences with this kinda of thing of how to move forward or ask her out , the timeline of it .. i can’t really ask my friends because they may not fully understand this kind of relationship and how the dynamics may be different than the typical relationships they have idk

https://redd.it/1mzbgyv
@asexualityonreddit

Am I Asexual?

If you are questioning whether or not you are asexual (including all microlabels), reply to this post with what made you start questioning, and why.

If you are too shy to post a reply, then you can scroll through the responses for the advice you may be searching for.

https://redd.it/1mzgkeu
@asexualityonreddit

Antidepressants/anti anxiety medication made me feel sexual attraction? Confused

I found out about asexuality a few years ago, and have identified as ever since I found out. I would always say that theoretically I’m not sex repulsed, and I could potentially have sex with a partner, but as soon as I feel that they start expecting it or wanting it from me, that goes out the window and I can’t handle it. I felt like asexual was the word I was looking for my whole life, I have never been interested or felt the need to have sex. I’m a 24 year old virgin and I don’t care that I’m a virgin, if anything I would feel actually kinda scared when I thought about having sex. (Some of this may be due to religion brainwashing lol)

However recently, I started an antidepressant and anti anxiety medication for the first time. I had been having a hard time at work, and after talking to friends and family I finally decided to stop trying to struggle through it lol. They have helped a lot, but all of a sudden I am feeling sexual attraction? I have never felt this before and it’s really weird 😭 I wonder if my specific case of asexuality was due to me being depressed or super anxious. I am feeling it esp toward one of my friends that I’ve had a crush on, and I really hate it 🥲 I feel like a weird horny freak!

Has anybody else experienced this? All I can find about it is antidepressants suppressing people’s libido/sexual attraction, not the other way around? I’m super confused. Am I even asexual anymore? 😭

https://redd.it/1mzj393
@asexualityonreddit

does anyone else find themselves to force themself to want attention from other people?

For context, I'm F19, sex-averse, and I live in a college dorm with 3 other girls who are straight and allosexual/romantic. They're all attractive and what society would call the norm.

I know I'm ace, but I've been so confused on if I'm aro or not because I don't know if I'm just forcing myself to want attention from guys or if I actually want their attention. I'm just an indecisive person in general, but there are so many things I go back and forth on. Like if I'm romantically attracted to guys or if I only feel like I do because I want to fit in with everyone around me. OR if I'm only doubting my romantic feelings because I know I'm not conventionally attractive and I get no reciprocated feelings. Does that even make sense?

Anyways, this year I've started adding guys on snap and talking to them and scoping out cute guys with my roommates, but I literally can't decide if I actually want that or if I'm just desperate to fit in with them. I know I've also just half given up on myself finding someone because the ace community is so small and I feel like I'd never find an allo guy who's find with a sexless relationship.

Thanks for any advice you can give <3

https://redd.it/1mzgsxi
@asexualityonreddit

Does anyone else experience demisexuality in this way?

I’m curious whether anyone else experiences their demisexuality the way I do:

I often hear folks on the aro/ace spectrum describe their sexuality in terms that can be characterized as “not as much”. E.g. not as much attraction, not as much interest as allo folks, or lack of interest/attractions on occasions where allo folks might have it. I sort of relate to that in general. My interest seems a bit less than most allo folks I know.

But my demi identity is experienced as “more than”. I.e. It can lead me to be interested at times when an allo person might not be. I hear (and have seen) a lot of allo people give up on someone if they don’t have the spark the first they meet or they don’t experience “chemistry” (whatever that is) on the first date. I have many times had the experience of not being attracted to a person at first, but as they begin to mean something to me, an attraction grows where it wasn’t before. It has even happened with people whose gender presentation isn’t normally one that would get me to notice them physically.

For this reason, I’m inclined to continue dating and getting to know someone for whom I don’t initially feel something if they seem like a decent person and are good company. I can end up feeling something for someone where an allo person who expects a quicker spark would have given up.

In that sense, my demisexuality leads me to be *more* interested than an allo person might be, instead of less.

Do any other folks experience their demisexuality as a “more than” rather than a “not as much”?

https://redd.it/1mzrtmm
@asexualityonreddit

I am so immensely disgusted by the way certain people talk about their sexual needs

Since I have no idea if this is just the way most people might think, I figured I'd share my frustrations somewhere people might relate to my perspective better.

This is of course mostly an internet thing in my view - but it concerns me because these people still exist in the physical world and the internet is after all quite influential these days.

It is absolutely insane how some men unironically want to blackmail society for sex. Apparently, saying that men who become violent because they don't get "enough" sex are entirely at fault for it makes me a misandrist. I even got responses genuinely comparing this to poor people revolting because there's a famine.

Am I the crazy one here? Is this supposed to be normal? How do these guys not realise how pathetic it makes them look when they actually use "I'm a slave to my primal urges" as an argument. I'm a guy myself, and I am. So. Sick. Of men trying to blame our "nature" for their horrible views and behaviour.

Update: I was just compared to an aristocrat scoffing at the suffering of peasants around the time of the French Revolution. Because clearly, I wouldn't be saying the same thing if I was a guy.

Lol. I literally am 😭

https://redd.it/1mzrw3d
@asexualityonreddit

In relationship with asexual having many questions and not that simple answers

Hello guys, I'm 21yo guy dating 25yo girl that is asexual, and I have many questions about this matter because all my assumptions seem to be wrong or not so clear.

So first thing first, I'm not asexual guy, although I don't dislike having sex, but imo it's not something that I must have every Thursday or like that. That's main reason why I'm still with her, I respect her sexuality but to her it just seem too unreal apperantly. I don't know what more should I do, to prove to her, I'm not dating her because of sex, but because I like her the way she is, as a person.

Another thing is that she said she hates that I don't have sex, so she has given me two alternatives. First one is that I should have sex with other people (which I really dislike, cause imo sex is something that connects people, because they love each other) and second is she said she has cnc kink. I'm just little bit confused in this matter, she says she is asexual, but asks me to (harshly said) rape her. Is it a thing that asexuals can have this type of kink or any sexual kink whatsoever?

I just like her personality, but I feel like she doesn't want to date me, because I'm not asexual and there would be this tension, that I look at her in sexual way. Would live if anyone has opinion on this matter. Thanks a lot <3

https://redd.it/1mzw2xf
@asexualityonreddit

I'm claiming teto and you can't stop me MUAHAHA
https://redd.it/1mzx5g8
@asexualityonreddit