I don’t get sex. I just like being stepped on and berated and owned. Idk if I qualify as asexual



https://redd.it/1mwt4jp
@asexualityonreddit

I will probably leave this community after seeing posts tied to sexual questions

I’m not holding anything against anyone, but lately there’s been sexual questions floating around that it’s left me feeling… unsure and slightly unsafe. I finally found a label that fits me perfectly that being asexual—one that reflects my lack of sexual attraction and connects to my experiences as a survivor of sexual assault. Then I saw someone say, “No, it can’t be asexuality; that’s just trauma,” and it really pushed me away. I’m still new to this whole asexuality thing, and now I’m questioning whether this community is the right place for me. I could be wrong, but I just feel… off, if that makes any sense please be respectful im already in a weird place.

https://redd.it/1mwuvwc
@asexualityonreddit

Ace Ring as Wedding Ring?

I've been thinking lately about buying an ace ring(I found a really cute one with a little ace of spades on it😊). Although I'm not in a relationship currently I hope to be in one eventually. I was wondering if it would be ok to use an ace ring as a wedding ring. Although it's tradition to wear a wedding ring on the ring finger there's no rule that says you have to, so I feel like this should be ok with most people, but I wanted to know if within the asexual community people feel like this is misrepresenting thre rings symbolism or if it's just a representation of my somewhat different relationship with my future signifigant other

https://redd.it/1mwu6z7
@asexualityonreddit

It can work, I promise

Hi everyone. I’m M(36) in a relationship with partner F(30). She is asexual.

I often see a lot of posts and messages about how mixed partner (asexual/sexual) relationships can’t work and the issues it causes.

So I wanted to take a moment to share something for both parties. I will mostly speak on this from the perspective of a man. I also assume mostly men suffer with this. Sorry if I am mistaken. But I do believe the roles in my post can easily be reversed too.

My partner and I have been together for years and, like I said, she is asexual. She’s always been, according to her. I, on the other hand, am a red-blooded man. I love sex, I crave it and I need it as often as possible.


So I’ll speak to like-minded men first…

Yea it sucks. You can’t be with someone who isn’t passionate, chasing you, enjoys sex, initiates on their own. You refuse to live a life without sex! Etc, etc. Brother, I’ve been there and done that. I’ve read the articles, introduced the toys, read the self-help books, done the therapy. We’ve had the fights, I’ve sulked, I’ve set the ultimatums, she went to therapy, she promised to try, promised to do more. I threatened to leave, I considered cheating.

The list goes on and I am sure you all can add to it and more.

Here’s the thing: You’re not going to change who someone is fundamentally.

So far, I assume, you’re thinking “Well fuck it”.

Slow down. Give me a chance.

Every one of these relationships reach an impasse. Ours did 3 years in. I was done, sick and tired. Tired of begging, of fighting, tired of empty promises. This was a big fucking deal to me and how could she not see it from my side!

I’m a catch for gods sake! I surely have my pick of the litter! I can see how (insert name) checks me out at the office.

Then one night I was pissed off and grumpy laying in bed, wallowing in self-pity and a thought occurred to me…

Is having sex the sum total of who/what this woman is to me? So I did a calculation, I listed what I love about her, what she does for me and adds to my life. How she makes me feel as a human being and a man, regardless of the sex.

And I listed the shit stuff. No surprise, it mostly centred around sex.

And you know what. I felt ashamed.
Because she gave me everything and I was willing to throw away 95% good because of 5% bad.

Who the hell does that? When your car has a flat tire, or a small dent, you don’t replace the car entirely. You fix the tire or take out the dent.

(I’m not comparing her to a car! I’m illustrating a thought process :D)

Now, now! “But random internet stranger, you just said you can’t change who someone is fundamentally! Listed how you tried to fix it, to no avail. Now you’re saying fix it!”

This is where you can decide to be an adult. To save 95% of a good thing and possibly even add 2 or 3% to that.

Now the ladies can tune in..

We sat down one night (with no blame/reservations or resentment) and I explained to her, how I feel about her, about us, about sex. How I ran this calculation and wasn’t willing to destroy all the good between us because of my selfishness, specifically related to my preconceived notions regarding sex and how a partner should or should not react/behave towards a man who loves her and cares for her.

She cried. Nobody (me) ever took the time to see it from her side. The struggles she faces being asexual in a relationship. The challenges she faces as a woman to show love and be loved absent the ever present pressure of performing physically and appealing to the desires and expectations that others (me) puts on her.

And here she surprised me! She didn’t want to lose what we have either. She accepted the importance that sex holds for me as a man. And she suggested and consented to give me what I want and need sexually if I can make peace with the fact that I would need to initiate and communicate that I need it. If I could make peace that she would not be the idealised version of female sexuality. That she might not physically enjoy it but that she would give me this out of a different pleasure, the

pleasure of loving me as a man. For what I do, give and mean to her.

So now, I get sex/sexual acts when I desire. Within reason and respect for her lack of that desire. And we are happy and in love.

We welcomed our first baby 8 months ago. And I can’t tell you how that little girl has changed me and shaped me as a man, and how I see and respect my partner for the woman and mother she is! I wouldn’t change her or what we have for the world!

For me, sex was once this giant, immovable obstacle. But now it’s just one part of a much bigger picture. My partner may never match my desire, but she gives me so much more in ways that actually matter for building a life together: trust, loyalty, laughter, support, and unconditional love.

I get it, I might be really lucky (I am). So if you’re in the middle of this struggle, I’m not saying it’s easy or that what worked for us will work for you. But I am saying, pause before you walk away. Weigh the whole relationship. Talk honestly without blame. And maybe you’ll discover, like I did, that what feels like a dead end can actually become the beginning of something stronger, deeper, and more real than you thought possible.

It can work, I promise.

I hope love and happiness find you. Wherever and however you seek it.




https://redd.it/1mwtysa
@asexualityonreddit

Dating as a sex repulsed hopeless romantic… impossible

I F21, have tried dating but the fact that I’m ace and sex repulsed had always been the defining factor. I would get the response “I’ll just have to change that” or what I say is just completely undermined regardless of how many times I bring it up. I understand sex is essential to most relationships but then how can I actually find someone in the real world that feels a similar way or respects the way I feel? I tried an ace dating app but there was no one really on the site and no one was close to my age or close to my area. I gave up on normal dating apps as well bc the ace tag is honestly useless. Plus it can be so exhausting to explain every time that I am sex repulsed. Especially to people who don’t understand asexuality. Plus if I were in a relationship where it was open, I’d worry about how the person I am dating would fall out of love with me and move on. I know often times sex is also synonymous with love and I would never want to stop someone from having sex bc they’re in a relationship with me. I honestly really give up on dating, it just sucks feeling so alone and isolated bc of my orientation.

https://redd.it/1mwzgix
@asexualityonreddit

tim gunn, who started the todd fashion trend, is also asexual
https://redd.it/1mx2k5i
@asexualityonreddit

this is so real
https://redd.it/1mx6oma
@asexualityonreddit

One of my psychiatrists said I am asexual because of my extreme arrogance

I once visited a psychiatrist maybe I was 20 at that time. I desire sex and have had sex with more than 50 men in my life, all hook-ups. I have had sexual encounters with women as well. But I do not feel physically attracted to anyone. I do feel pleasure during sex but I do not feel sexually attracted to any man or woman regardless of how attractive they are.


When I asked my psychiatrist about this, he said that I am extremely arrogant and put myself above the rest of humanity. He said I think being attracted to someone while they are not attracted to me feels like disrespect. He said I have filled my mind with so many ideas of superiority that I protect myself with maladaptive mechanisms. He even said I am narcissistic about my narcissism.

Does it make sense?


https://redd.it/1mx87e7
@asexualityonreddit

This song is so Asexual🤣

https://redd.it/1mx9cnd
@asexualityonreddit

Sex-repulsed while being both romantic and sensual definitely causes some problems
https://redd.it/1mx9de1
@asexualityonreddit

Ace pride dragon shield art I made!

https://redd.it/1mxc1z4
@asexualityonreddit

Thoughts?
https://redd.it/1mxdtop
@asexualityonreddit

Better than Sex: Ace Edition

Living in the world where sex is seen as peak pleasure is odd. I have like a million of things that feel better than sex. Here is my incomplete list in no particular order:

That moment of pure presence

That first sip of a perfectly brewed cup of coffee or tea

Reading a book so good you forget time exists

Ice-cold water when you’re thirsty

Finding forgotten money in an old pocket

Falling down youtube music rabbit holes

Falling down rabbit holes of trailers so good you don’t even care about the movies anymore

A warm hug from someone you love

Laughing till your stomach hurts

All green lights on the way home

Getting into clean sheets after a hot shower

Someone you love remembering the little things

Writing or drawing and losing track of time

Feeling weightless floating on water

Sun on your face on a cold day

Flipping your pillow to the good side

What feels better than sex for you?

https://redd.it/1mxhjqt
@asexualityonreddit

Thought yall would appreciate this one
https://redd.it/1mxmst8
@asexualityonreddit