but that only came after I learned what kind of person he was (i.e. I first liked character, then physical looks - I didn't care about them before).
So, because of all of this, I just tell people that I am asexual (and that I find sex repulsive) and not interested in relationships (if I were it would be a specific person whom I'd tell about it), that I gave my heart to someone etc. Now, some of my friends are accepting and respectful about it, some not-so-much (e.g. a friend once told me we must find someone for me, but a few days after that she took it back and apologised), but most of people do not take it seriously.
For example, I've a had friend with whom (I thought) I was very close, who I thought understood me - he may have been like a brother, maybe. Sadly, even though I stated multiple times I don't want relationship with anyone (to avoid any awkward situation), he still goes with "I know you're asexual, but what would you say about being with me?" during a phone call and then goes about how he will never do anyhing to me that will make me uncomfortable, that we match each other and spend a lot of time together, that we may live together one day too. Note, I like living alone, at least for now, and he didn't even give me a time to say anything, so I just listened wondering about the kindest way to refuse. I eventually came up with "I need to take care of myself first" which I thought he understood - sadly, not much later he would again ask me if I am not interested in relationships, and also he would say that sex is not that bad and I should try. One day in May he informed me that he will start looking for a partner in July (on Tinder, lol) - I had no idea why he was telling me this back then, now I think that he was trying to make me want relationship with him. I was feeling awful all of that time, because while talking about being friends and "not doing anything uncomfortable to me" he shown that he did not care about how I felt and did not respect what I was saying, and thus, made me uncomfortable.
(Soon after all of that we argued about something stupid. We ended up arguing via chat, both got carried away, but the he started saying everything he could to harm me emotionally and then blocked me, so I blocked him as well. I blocked his number too, he later tried to get me to call him, but at that moment I already decided I won't have anything to do with him.)
​
That was not the only situation when I lost a friendship because of rejected love confession. However the worst thing is, my family is the same, they treat me like I am immature because I don't have/want a boyfriend, and they do not take my asexuality seriously. They say that I will change my mind, that I "will become wise one day", that I will be unhappy alone etc. During one conversation for example, my cousin said that a woman needs sex etc., to which I respond with "no, I don't". His solution? "I will give you hormones, when my cows don't want sex I give them hormones". Other day, I ask him if he'd help me with a cat if I had one (he's a vet), to which he responds "find a man". He also once told my Grandma that he's worried about me since I don't have a partner, to what she, a gigachad, responds "that's not for us to decide, by arranging a marriage we will only do more harm".
(She's overall most progressive in our family even at age of 90, the rest is conservative, and she openly states that "gays are completely normal, it's not something they choose, they are born this way".)
​
Now, I live in Poland. Our current right-winged goverment is very anti-LGBT (you may have heard about it), and they see heterosexuality as the only option. Our minister of education is the best example: he says stuff like "those people are not equal to normal people" about LGBT people, that a woman must have children before 30 because "if we tell a woman she doesn't have to do the thing God made her for, how many children can she have" or, recently, stated that "only the people that give birth are parents and humans know that for billions of years" (no,
So, because of all of this, I just tell people that I am asexual (and that I find sex repulsive) and not interested in relationships (if I were it would be a specific person whom I'd tell about it), that I gave my heart to someone etc. Now, some of my friends are accepting and respectful about it, some not-so-much (e.g. a friend once told me we must find someone for me, but a few days after that she took it back and apologised), but most of people do not take it seriously.
For example, I've a had friend with whom (I thought) I was very close, who I thought understood me - he may have been like a brother, maybe. Sadly, even though I stated multiple times I don't want relationship with anyone (to avoid any awkward situation), he still goes with "I know you're asexual, but what would you say about being with me?" during a phone call and then goes about how he will never do anyhing to me that will make me uncomfortable, that we match each other and spend a lot of time together, that we may live together one day too. Note, I like living alone, at least for now, and he didn't even give me a time to say anything, so I just listened wondering about the kindest way to refuse. I eventually came up with "I need to take care of myself first" which I thought he understood - sadly, not much later he would again ask me if I am not interested in relationships, and also he would say that sex is not that bad and I should try. One day in May he informed me that he will start looking for a partner in July (on Tinder, lol) - I had no idea why he was telling me this back then, now I think that he was trying to make me want relationship with him. I was feeling awful all of that time, because while talking about being friends and "not doing anything uncomfortable to me" he shown that he did not care about how I felt and did not respect what I was saying, and thus, made me uncomfortable.
(Soon after all of that we argued about something stupid. We ended up arguing via chat, both got carried away, but the he started saying everything he could to harm me emotionally and then blocked me, so I blocked him as well. I blocked his number too, he later tried to get me to call him, but at that moment I already decided I won't have anything to do with him.)
​
That was not the only situation when I lost a friendship because of rejected love confession. However the worst thing is, my family is the same, they treat me like I am immature because I don't have/want a boyfriend, and they do not take my asexuality seriously. They say that I will change my mind, that I "will become wise one day", that I will be unhappy alone etc. During one conversation for example, my cousin said that a woman needs sex etc., to which I respond with "no, I don't". His solution? "I will give you hormones, when my cows don't want sex I give them hormones". Other day, I ask him if he'd help me with a cat if I had one (he's a vet), to which he responds "find a man". He also once told my Grandma that he's worried about me since I don't have a partner, to what she, a gigachad, responds "that's not for us to decide, by arranging a marriage we will only do more harm".
(She's overall most progressive in our family even at age of 90, the rest is conservative, and she openly states that "gays are completely normal, it's not something they choose, they are born this way".)
​
Now, I live in Poland. Our current right-winged goverment is very anti-LGBT (you may have heard about it), and they see heterosexuality as the only option. Our minister of education is the best example: he says stuff like "those people are not equal to normal people" about LGBT people, that a woman must have children before 30 because "if we tell a woman she doesn't have to do the thing God made her for, how many children can she have" or, recently, stated that "only the people that give birth are parents and humans know that for billions of years" (no,
its't not a mistranslation. He actually said billions, thousands of millions, a 1 with nine 0s. The fucking person responsible for educating the young.) Our president, the man that should represent all of the Polish people is quite the same - during the presidental campaign he said "LGBT is not people, it's ideology". Google "Przemyslaw Czarnek" or "Andrzej Duda" to get more annoyed.
Also, the Catholic Church is very strong in Poland, and they also say that a woman's responsibility is having children. ("The period is the bloody tears of uterus, missing motherhood.")
It's both saddening and annoying, as they are dehuminising LGBT people, turning them into something to be both afraid and made fun of. They do not accept asexuality either, as they try to enforce heterosexuality into every child, woman and man. Our conservative society mostly enjoys it and they have trouble accepting that a woman doesn't want kids, or even a husband. I recently got into an argument with a girl saying that she used think she's asexual, but now she's in heterosexual relationship and that she and her sexuologist think asexuality does not exist and instead it's low libido/mental blockages. She also stated that aces are "hiding under LGB umbrella, even though we no problems law-wise", and completely ignored how I said that the problem is lack of respect and acceptance. I've been at gynecologist recently, told him I don't have any sex - and yet he tells to put my fingers in there "to be ready".
I wish aces had more representation in media, that society acknowledges that not everyone has to like sex. And even if there is an ace character, their asexuality is often ignored, with fandoms shipping them and putting in sexual situations.
​
Honestly, I wish I could just be left alone, without any of that sex crap. The more bobs, vegana and bepis I see, the more I am disgusted by sex in general, and the more society pressures me into being in a relationship, the more I want to remain single just to spite them. Note here, I think that relationship should be formed because of love, two people wanting to care about and support each other, not because it's useful or expected. Because of how society portrays sex and relationships it's getting hard to me to believe that love exists at all (at least between a woman and a man) and that boys are only interested about having a hot chick to dominate in the bed. I just want my family meetings to be nice, without questions "when will you have children" or "do you have a boyfriend yet", I want to have normal friendships without my words and feelings beings dimished.
Ironically, most of people shoving sex into my face are conservative straights, who also talk about how LGBT people sexualise everything. And most of LGBT actually respects my decision. (With that being said polish gov't known for saying "gays wants to sexualise our children" recently shown a screenshot of bestiality porn)
Sorry for a long and messy post, I just needed to vent it all in a place that won't respond with "you'll change your mind". Thanks to anyone who actually reads it.
https://redd.it/pxtcs4
@asexualityonreddit
Also, the Catholic Church is very strong in Poland, and they also say that a woman's responsibility is having children. ("The period is the bloody tears of uterus, missing motherhood.")
It's both saddening and annoying, as they are dehuminising LGBT people, turning them into something to be both afraid and made fun of. They do not accept asexuality either, as they try to enforce heterosexuality into every child, woman and man. Our conservative society mostly enjoys it and they have trouble accepting that a woman doesn't want kids, or even a husband. I recently got into an argument with a girl saying that she used think she's asexual, but now she's in heterosexual relationship and that she and her sexuologist think asexuality does not exist and instead it's low libido/mental blockages. She also stated that aces are "hiding under LGB umbrella, even though we no problems law-wise", and completely ignored how I said that the problem is lack of respect and acceptance. I've been at gynecologist recently, told him I don't have any sex - and yet he tells to put my fingers in there "to be ready".
I wish aces had more representation in media, that society acknowledges that not everyone has to like sex. And even if there is an ace character, their asexuality is often ignored, with fandoms shipping them and putting in sexual situations.
​
Honestly, I wish I could just be left alone, without any of that sex crap. The more bobs, vegana and bepis I see, the more I am disgusted by sex in general, and the more society pressures me into being in a relationship, the more I want to remain single just to spite them. Note here, I think that relationship should be formed because of love, two people wanting to care about and support each other, not because it's useful or expected. Because of how society portrays sex and relationships it's getting hard to me to believe that love exists at all (at least between a woman and a man) and that boys are only interested about having a hot chick to dominate in the bed. I just want my family meetings to be nice, without questions "when will you have children" or "do you have a boyfriend yet", I want to have normal friendships without my words and feelings beings dimished.
Ironically, most of people shoving sex into my face are conservative straights, who also talk about how LGBT people sexualise everything. And most of LGBT actually respects my decision. (With that being said polish gov't known for saying "gays wants to sexualise our children" recently shown a screenshot of bestiality porn)
Sorry for a long and messy post, I just needed to vent it all in a place that won't respond with "you'll change your mind". Thanks to anyone who actually reads it.
https://redd.it/pxtcs4
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
My environment does not take asexuality seriously, and the more...
Hey there, to begin with - I'm new on this sub and I'm so glad to find a safe place for aces. I feel that maybe here someone will not only...
Am I really asexual?
I feel weird putting a label on how I feel. Like it makes me be stuck in a box. But my husband thinks I can be asexual, so I wanted to ask if it seems like I may be?
I am not really attracted to anybody. I can tell when someone is attractive based off of features that I know society deems beautiful, but I am not attracted to anyone.
I have zero sex drive. I never think about sex. I could go the rest of my life never having sex again. My husband can please me but I never seek it out, if that makes sense? I honestly don’t really like being touched most of the time, and it’s really hard for me to work myself up mentally to have sex. I try to convince myself to get in the mood about once a week for my husbands sanity. When we have sex, I don’t NOT enjoy it, it can be fun. I just would never want it, if my husband didn’t initiate it.
https://redd.it/pxt8jp
@asexualityonreddit
I feel weird putting a label on how I feel. Like it makes me be stuck in a box. But my husband thinks I can be asexual, so I wanted to ask if it seems like I may be?
I am not really attracted to anybody. I can tell when someone is attractive based off of features that I know society deems beautiful, but I am not attracted to anyone.
I have zero sex drive. I never think about sex. I could go the rest of my life never having sex again. My husband can please me but I never seek it out, if that makes sense? I honestly don’t really like being touched most of the time, and it’s really hard for me to work myself up mentally to have sex. I try to convince myself to get in the mood about once a week for my husbands sanity. When we have sex, I don’t NOT enjoy it, it can be fun. I just would never want it, if my husband didn’t initiate it.
https://redd.it/pxt8jp
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
Am I really asexual?
I feel weird putting a label on how I feel. Like it makes me be stuck in a box. But my husband thinks I can be asexual, so I wanted to ask if it...
Did you have a big realization moment that made you figure out you're ace?
I had two.
The first was finding out that people actually have sex in high school. I legit thought that was just a movie thing. Then one day in year 11 I overheard some girls in my class discussing who they thought was still a virgin and they only mentioned me and 2 other girls out of the whole class.
And then the second was when I found out that people actually masturbate thinking of others after finding them attractive. I cannot wrap my head around that fact. I literally had to take anti anxiety pills after finding that out. Sorry to allos, but that's really weird to me.
Please share your stories!!!
https://redd.it/pxytyy
@asexualityonreddit
I had two.
The first was finding out that people actually have sex in high school. I legit thought that was just a movie thing. Then one day in year 11 I overheard some girls in my class discussing who they thought was still a virgin and they only mentioned me and 2 other girls out of the whole class.
And then the second was when I found out that people actually masturbate thinking of others after finding them attractive. I cannot wrap my head around that fact. I literally had to take anti anxiety pills after finding that out. Sorry to allos, but that's really weird to me.
Please share your stories!!!
https://redd.it/pxytyy
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
Did you have a big realization moment that made you figure out...
I had two. The first was finding out that people actually have sex in high school. I legit thought that was just a movie thing. Then one day in...
The Ace Community is amazing!
I am shocked by the amount of support and help I have received from this community and subreddit!
Thank you to all and I love you :)
https://redd.it/py26i3
@asexualityonreddit
I am shocked by the amount of support and help I have received from this community and subreddit!
Thank you to all and I love you :)
https://redd.it/py26i3
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
The Ace Community is amazing!
I am shocked by the amount of support and help I have received from this community and subreddit! Thank you to all and I love you :)
I'm so sad because I crave romantic affection so much and it's so hard to find someone like me
I really like demonstrations of affection, but so far I never found anyone that fits into it (I'm sex repulsed).
I used to date allos just because I felt so lonely and wanted to be in love, but every time it was horrible. So much pressure for sex, so many fights, I even gave in sometimes and felt so bad afterwards. So I promised to myself to never do that again. I'll only date an asexual. The problem is that I'm not sociable so I don't meet too many people, so I never met any asexual in person or even in my country.
Today I'm specially upset. Most days I can ignore that feeling, but today I'm surrounded by couples, my two cousins with their SOs, and friends also with someone. Everyone is giving attention exclusively to their romantic partner so I'm all alone. I'm just thinking repeatedly "I don't care, I'm fine by myself" but it's not working. I feel so lonely.
I know it's ridiculous and I know I'm fine on my own almost all the time but now I just want someone to be affectionate with.
https://redd.it/py9fym
@asexualityonreddit
I really like demonstrations of affection, but so far I never found anyone that fits into it (I'm sex repulsed).
I used to date allos just because I felt so lonely and wanted to be in love, but every time it was horrible. So much pressure for sex, so many fights, I even gave in sometimes and felt so bad afterwards. So I promised to myself to never do that again. I'll only date an asexual. The problem is that I'm not sociable so I don't meet too many people, so I never met any asexual in person or even in my country.
Today I'm specially upset. Most days I can ignore that feeling, but today I'm surrounded by couples, my two cousins with their SOs, and friends also with someone. Everyone is giving attention exclusively to their romantic partner so I'm all alone. I'm just thinking repeatedly "I don't care, I'm fine by myself" but it's not working. I feel so lonely.
I know it's ridiculous and I know I'm fine on my own almost all the time but now I just want someone to be affectionate with.
https://redd.it/py9fym
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
I'm so sad because I crave romantic affection so much and it's so...
I really like demonstrations of affection, but so far I never found anyone that fits into it (I'm sex repulsed). I used to date allos just...
Does anyone else feel guilty sometimes for masturbating?
Sex as a whole isn't important for me to form relationships, and as long as I can remember, I don't think I've ever felt sexual attraction towards someone. I think it's more of me finding someone visually pleasing and then not minding sleeping with them. That being said, I often feel guilty about masturbating. I feel like using certain toys to please myself or having certain fantasies makes me an imposter. Does anyone else feel like this?
https://redd.it/py99tm
@asexualityonreddit
Sex as a whole isn't important for me to form relationships, and as long as I can remember, I don't think I've ever felt sexual attraction towards someone. I think it's more of me finding someone visually pleasing and then not minding sleeping with them. That being said, I often feel guilty about masturbating. I feel like using certain toys to please myself or having certain fantasies makes me an imposter. Does anyone else feel like this?
https://redd.it/py99tm
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
Does anyone else feel guilty sometimes for masturbating?
Sex as a whole isn't important for me to form relationships, and as long as I can remember, I don't think I've ever felt sexual attraction towards...
After figuring out you were on the asexual spectrum how long did it take to figure out your romantic orientation?
View Poll
https://redd.it/pyavuo
@asexualityonreddit
View Poll
https://redd.it/pyavuo
@asexualityonreddit
A mage poll about the prevalence of mental disorders between Asexuals
Which one are you diagnosed with, or you suspect you might have? If you have more than one, you might mention the in the comment section.
The best thing is that i put separate options for those who are diagnosed and those who think they might have them, but as the maximum number of options is 6, i don't do it. So even if you think you have it but you're not yet diagnosed, you might choose the option.
_
Edit: If you have a mental disorder that is not mentioned in the options, choose "result". And if you have no mental disorder at all, choose "None".
View Poll
https://redd.it/pyhrdo
@asexualityonreddit
Which one are you diagnosed with, or you suspect you might have? If you have more than one, you might mention the in the comment section.
The best thing is that i put separate options for those who are diagnosed and those who think they might have them, but as the maximum number of options is 6, i don't do it. So even if you think you have it but you're not yet diagnosed, you might choose the option.
_
Edit: If you have a mental disorder that is not mentioned in the options, choose "result". And if you have no mental disorder at all, choose "None".
View Poll
https://redd.it/pyhrdo
@asexualityonreddit
Want to help a mental health app create a good question set about asexuality? :)
Hi Ace-Community!
I'm working for a mental health application and at the moment, we're working on a new question set that turns all around sex: sexual desire, sexual intercourse etc. As we think it's important to include asexuality, we tried to dive in to the topic and came up with some questions already. However, apart from the stuff we read our team is quite unfamiliar with asexuality. So we thought: Why not ask the people directly?
There'll be an introductory question that decides whether the user will be asked the (asexuality) questions or not. I listed some possibilities down in the survey - which do you think fits the best?
Context: The option we're favoring at the moment is asking straight ahead: "Are you asexual?" or "Do you experience yourself as asexual?" The other option is asking more subtly, something like "Do you generally have the desire to have sex with others?". What would you feel more comfortable with? A direct question or a subtle one? Or something completely different?
And of course, beyond the introductory question, we're also interested in other topics you find important regarding asexuality and mental health! Would love to discuss with you in the comment section :)
Thanks ahead and best wishes!
​
​
View Poll
https://redd.it/pyjf34
@asexualityonreddit
Hi Ace-Community!
I'm working for a mental health application and at the moment, we're working on a new question set that turns all around sex: sexual desire, sexual intercourse etc. As we think it's important to include asexuality, we tried to dive in to the topic and came up with some questions already. However, apart from the stuff we read our team is quite unfamiliar with asexuality. So we thought: Why not ask the people directly?
There'll be an introductory question that decides whether the user will be asked the (asexuality) questions or not. I listed some possibilities down in the survey - which do you think fits the best?
Context: The option we're favoring at the moment is asking straight ahead: "Are you asexual?" or "Do you experience yourself as asexual?" The other option is asking more subtly, something like "Do you generally have the desire to have sex with others?". What would you feel more comfortable with? A direct question or a subtle one? Or something completely different?
And of course, beyond the introductory question, we're also interested in other topics you find important regarding asexuality and mental health! Would love to discuss with you in the comment section :)
Thanks ahead and best wishes!
​
​
View Poll
https://redd.it/pyjf34
@asexualityonreddit