Anyone else's parents?
https://redd.it/pxdjz9
@asexualityonreddit

Yeah I’m hiding a lot from my mom…
https://redd.it/pxklax
@asexualityonreddit

Oh that’s nice
https://redd.it/pxc3is
@asexualityonreddit

My mom thinks not wanting marriage is unnatural

I seriously don't know what is up with people and the idea of marriage, like it really isn't the only thing that makes life enjoyable. My mom and I(18F) were talking about a few things, and one of them led up to her talking about a friend of her's who recently went through a divorce and how marriages are like in my home country. I'm from a conservative and religious country so marriage is basically put on a pedestal as one of the greatest life achievements. But there are a lot of discouraging things I have heard and seen when it comes to marriage that makes marriage less appealing.

She went on about how marriages are so stressful and mentally tasking for people, and how it always works in the favour of men in every case. But of course, she ended it by saying that marriage isn't all that bad as long as you do the right things and all of that, probably thinking that all the negative talk on marriage might scare me. I told her that personally, I do not care whether I get married or not, If I find the right person, then that is good, if I don't then that's fine too. And she instantly said, "stop saying that, you will get married don't worry". I told her that yes I will but if I don't I am still content with other relationships that are not necessarily romantic based and she repeatedly tried telling me to stop saying it before I jinx it, saying that I will definitely get married. Then at some point, she said, "it's unnatural and weird to be unmarried", and that just pissed me off.

Everything is just about getting married and having kids. I would like to have kids at some point or take care of them with someone but like I said if I don't get married, then that is fine with me. I can get happiness through other means, marriage isn't the end all be all. But of course, she just shut me down and said that I'm too young to understand the importance of marriage, that I shouldn't rebel against what has been put in place for me, and give a reason for people with ill-intents to wish such things on me.

I genuinely do not mind just being single or in a Quasi-platonic relationship with another person in order to raise kids or something. And as a closeted bisexual, I genuinely do not care who my partner may be as long as I am connected to them in some way, so I guess that's another thing she would have to worry about if marriage is such a big deal to her. Things like this just make me want to go MIA and live in a quiet place with pets for the rest of my life while doing the things I love, whether or not I share it with someone depends on the future. But of course, that's just a dream.

https://redd.it/pxkdgv
@asexualityonreddit

I was told by the class jock I'd die a virgin

Thanks dude! :D

https://redd.it/pxoae1
@asexualityonreddit

I just want to say thank you to everyone in this community.

Thank you all for existing and coming together on this subreddit. I would never have found out about myself if it wasn't for you lovely people. I really appreciate finding out that I'm not alone in this world, that I'm valid and that I'm not weird.

My story: I'm 25 now and i found this sub sometime last year, when I started questioning why I've never had the urge to have sex with anyone. Back when I was still in school, my friends started getting boyfriends and I kinda forced myself to have a crush on someone, at least on the surface. Thinking about it now, I probably just picked the person who looked most aesthetically pleasing to me and convinced myself I had a crush on him just to fit in. I was around 13-14 then. After that, I never really had a thing for anyone and I didn't really question it either. I thought that maybe I'm a late bloomer and I'd find the right person when the time is right. I didn't really worry about it though. Fast forward to a couple years ago when I first heard of demisexuality and thought that that might be me and I will find someone who I want to have sex with at some point. Aaaand fast forward to last year when I really started to get interested in the topic of sexuality and found out what asexuality is. And then I found this sub. I was so happy to read about other people's experiences, about not feeling sexual attraction and I felt understood for the first time. I felt whole, like a part of me I was missing suddenly appeared. I understood myself, was able to accept myself, felt valid and normal, thanks to all you people on this sub. It's amazing that we can be here together, with all the different forms of asexuality, that we can understand and support each other (mostly) without judgement. So yeah, thank you all for being here, for your acceptance and for your support. Thank you for making me feel valid.

TL;DR: Thank you for being here and thank you for making me feel valid and accepted.

https://redd.it/pxiiaw
@asexualityonreddit

Sex-repulsed Aces- did your repulsion develop naturally or did something happen to cause it?

I'm sex repulsed, and my husband is a super sex-loving allo. He keeps going back to this idea that I must have had some traumatic experience that caused this feeling and I'm repressing the memory. I don't think it has any validity, but I figured I would try to learn more about the possible causes of repulsion so I can educate the both of us. Thanks for your vote!

View Poll

https://redd.it/pxjkgc
@asexualityonreddit

Everyone is valid and anyone who's gatekeeping or says otherwise wont get any garlic bread for 3 moons >:(=

https://redd.it/pxmoxf
@asexualityonreddit

welcome to the ace spectrum
https://redd.it/pxr13h
@asexualityonreddit

I grew up calling my own father Daddy.. so imagine my surprise when I found out that term is used in lots of kinky scenarios, haha..! [OC]
https://redd.it/pxn3mw
@asexualityonreddit

How do I know if I’m asexual?

TW: mentions SA


I used to enjoy sex, but now it just makes me angry.
I was raped by an ex, and have had 2 relationships since then which started out with sex involved, which then dwindled in to hardly any. I am trying to work on this with my current partner as I can see that it hurts him. We have been together for 6 years, own a house together and have 3 cats.
The first year we had a ‘normal’ amount of sex, which sometimes I feel like I just did it because I felt it was the ‘right thing to do’. I feel that I could go without sex for the rest of my life and be perfectly fine, it isn’t something I think about. When my partner tries to engage in intimacy, I feel anger bubbling up and will refuse.
We had a chat about it and I told him I’m going to try therapy again, and if it does turn out that I come to the realisation I am asexual, I will completely understand if he no longer wants to continue the relationship.
Am I asexual, or dealing with trauma?

P.S. I’m sorry if this is TMI…

https://redd.it/pxqjxv
@asexualityonreddit

First asexual coloured outfit! Any suggestions for improvement or notes?
https://redd.it/pxvnz0
@asexualityonreddit

My environment does not take asexuality seriously, and the more they shove sex in my face, the more sex-repulsed I get

Hey there, to begin with - I'm new on this sub and I'm so glad to find a safe place for aces. I feel that maybe here someone will not only respect, but also understand the way I feel.

​

So, since I've been a teenager, I've never really been into all of the dating/sex stuff, I've considered myself not mature enough, not ready etc. I've always thought that one day I'd have a boyfriend (am a girl) and have sex with him, but not because it was something I desired - instead, it was something my environment was expecting from me.

​

There's a situation that may have made me asexual; I was 17 back then. There was this neighbor (typical 60 yo with a beer belly) that I knew for years and that would always ask me werid stuff (did you know what types of sex there are, do you have a boyfriend, do you depilate your legs etc). Note, I've never took it seriously and would always just quickly end such conversations, forgetting about it (hence I never told my family about it).

So, that day my dad sent me to him so he could help me with my homework. After 30 minutes of him "checking" it he started asking about sex once again, this time he also started saying that I should have anal sex with him, that he wants to see my pusy, that he will teach me everyhing but I mustn't tell anyone, etc. During this whole thing I feel dirty, I want to get out there but I don't know how (I was really panicking back then, was worried that he'd rape me or something if I annoyed him). Funny thing, at one moment I even said that I am a lesbian with a girlfiend (I wasn't, just wanted him to cut out this crap), to which he answers "I've had many lesbian girlfriends and they all loved anal" (yeah sure).

Eventually I told him that I must go since my dad must be worried about me. He then grabs my butt in a way I still can feel today (even though it's been years now). Because of that I went from indefferent to sex to sex-repulsed.

(If this story pissed you off, maybe you'll better knowing that he kicked the bucket about two years ago. Family said I shouldn't be happy about that, but I don't give a shit).

​

With that being said, I don't feel that I lack anything, that I am worse etc. - I am in complete peace with my asexuality, even if it was partially caused by this person. In fact, I'm happy to be asexual - my actions and relations with other people are not affected by sex drive, I don't have trouble with being assertive towards someone because I think they're hot, etc. I do masturbate from time to time, but simply for pleasure, somtimes going weeks without it and feeling completely fine too. I'm sure you guys understand how it feels - I don't feel hunger at all, but I sometimes may eat simply for pure enjoyance. I've seen a teenage girl get addicted to sex, she would keep talking about how she likes and needs it, meanwhile I didn't have to bother with feeling like that.

As for the sex itself, I'm not sure if it's because of this guy, but I am disgusted by the very thought of me being penetrated. It would make me feel humiliated, like I'd be "owned" by the man doing this to me. I am not pursuing a relationship - I think that I may be demiromantic, as I would try being with someone I'd love and enjoy spending every second with. However, I have not met such person yet, and while I do not have sexual desire, I can still find a person aesthically pleasing (I would not be with someone I don't find such). So, because of that, I usually tell people that I am asexual and am not interested in relationship, so they know I'm not interested in stuff like that.

I also have a "crush". I really like a well-known person, as I think he's a wonderful human being with a heart of gold - caring and worried about other humans, about the planet, able to create beautiful things. I don't know him personally (nor I ever will), but for now I just stick with adoring him for the way he is and acts. I also do find him aesthetically pleasing,

but that only came after I learned what kind of person he was (i.e. I first liked character, then physical looks - I didn't care about them before).

So, because of all of this, I just tell people that I am asexual (and that I find sex repulsive) and not interested in relationships (if I were it would be a specific person whom I'd tell about it), that I gave my heart to someone etc. Now, some of my friends are accepting and respectful about it, some not-so-much (e.g. a friend once told me we must find someone for me, but a few days after that she took it back and apologised), but most of people do not take it seriously.

For example, I've a had friend with whom (I thought) I was very close, who I thought understood me - he may have been like a brother, maybe. Sadly, even though I stated multiple times I don't want relationship with anyone (to avoid any awkward situation), he still goes with "I know you're asexual, but what would you say about being with me?" during a phone call and then goes about how he will never do anyhing to me that will make me uncomfortable, that we match each other and spend a lot of time together, that we may live together one day too. Note, I like living alone, at least for now, and he didn't even give me a time to say anything, so I just listened wondering about the kindest way to refuse. I eventually came up with "I need to take care of myself first" which I thought he understood - sadly, not much later he would again ask me if I am not interested in relationships, and also he would say that sex is not that bad and I should try. One day in May he informed me that he will start looking for a partner in July (on Tinder, lol) - I had no idea why he was telling me this back then, now I think that he was trying to make me want relationship with him. I was feeling awful all of that time, because while talking about being friends and "not doing anything uncomfortable to me" he shown that he did not care about how I felt and did not respect what I was saying, and thus, made me uncomfortable.

(Soon after all of that we argued about something stupid. We ended up arguing via chat, both got carried away, but the he started saying everything he could to harm me emotionally and then blocked me, so I blocked him as well. I blocked his number too, he later tried to get me to call him, but at that moment I already decided I won't have anything to do with him.)

​

That was not the only situation when I lost a friendship because of rejected love confession. However the worst thing is, my family is the same, they treat me like I am immature because I don't have/want a boyfriend, and they do not take my asexuality seriously. They say that I will change my mind, that I "will become wise one day", that I will be unhappy alone etc. During one conversation for example, my cousin said that a woman needs sex etc., to which I respond with "no, I don't". His solution? "I will give you hormones, when my cows don't want sex I give them hormones". Other day, I ask him if he'd help me with a cat if I had one (he's a vet), to which he responds "find a man". He also once told my Grandma that he's worried about me since I don't have a partner, to what she, a gigachad, responds "that's not for us to decide, by arranging a marriage we will only do more harm".

(She's overall most progressive in our family even at age of 90, the rest is conservative, and she openly states that "gays are completely normal, it's not something they choose, they are born this way".)

​

Now, I live in Poland. Our current right-winged goverment is very anti-LGBT (you may have heard about it), and they see heterosexuality as the only option. Our minister of education is the best example: he says stuff like "those people are not equal to normal people" about LGBT people, that a woman must have children before 30 because "if we tell a woman she doesn't have to do the thing God made her for, how many children can she have" or, recently, stated that "only the people that give birth are parents and humans know that for billions of years" (no,