Hypersexual vs Sex Positive

As I've been scrolling through this subreddit, I've noticed some comments along the lines of "why do we have to talk about sex at all?" or "allosexuals are disgusting." I notice that along with this, the word hypersexuality is used frequently. I wanted to take a moment and talk about the difference between a hypersexual society and a sex positive one because while both are experienced, knowing the difference can help us move to a sex positive space and ditch the hypersexuality.

Sex positive means that sex is approached with an open mind. It involves acceptance for everyone, from those who want to have sex to those who don't, from those who have same sex attractions to those who don't. It means that sex isn't a taboo subject that no one should ever talk about. Sex positivity means approaching your friend, telling them that you don't feel sexual attraction, and them saying "ok, let's talk more about this." It's knowing that you're a "real" asexual whether you're sex repulsed or enjoy having sex. It's being a safe space for your allosexual friend to talk about some of the problems they're having in their own relationship, which may relate back to sex. It's knowing that sex is a complicated topic that everyone has a different take on and no one should feel like they're not allowed to participate in the conversation. That being said, if the conversation isn't a positive one for you, then you should be allowed to voice that.

Hypersexualization, on the other hand, is incredibly harmful to everyone, whether they're allosexual or asexual or somewhere inbetween. Hypersexualization is not letting 12 year olds wear spaghetti straps to school because shoulders are distracting. Hypersexualization is objectification of someone's body. It's the strangers who feel the need to comment on how your shirt is cut. Hypersexualization is why people generally have poor body image and why porn is a terrible place to learn how to have sex and why abstinence only sex education doesn't do any better. It's degrading and negative.

But hypersexualization is not embracing one's sexuality and expressing it openly. Everyone, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, romantic attraction, or sexual preferences, is allowed to express themselves.

This post isn't meant to say that no one on this subreddit understands these concepts. The vast majority of you offer a welcoming space for everyone and make it so worthwhile to spend time here. I just want to have a discussion on these topics and remember that this is a positive, safe space for everyone.

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And then traumatising myself with my own brain...
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I CAME OUT TO MY MOM!!!!


Okay, so I did…. Basically anyway!!

I didn’t actually use the word “Asexual” because I’m way too awkward to say that.

Yesterday, I was talking to my mom about my future and she said “Well, what would your wife think about that?”

And I was like “well, I actually don’t think I’m going to get married”

and she was like “Oh no, but you’ll be lonely and I don’t want that for you!”

And I said “I just don’t feel the urge or need to get married or be in a relationship”

She said okay and we carried on the conversation about my future.

And then I brought up having children again today and she said “Biological children or adoptive?”

I said “adopted because I don’t want to be in a relationship”

And she was like “Oh I know! But you could have them other ways…”

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Why are we so disliked?

I was on Instagram and saw a post perpetuating some really hetero-allo ideas and completely leaving out other people. Some people in the comments were talking about how the OP should take into consideration that gay/lesbian/bi people need to be included so I thought I’d comment about asexuality. It wasn’t anything crazy I just said that we should keep in mind that other sexualities exist and that being ace/aro or under that umbrella is just as normal.

Few days later, I went on Instagram and had some replies to my comment and I kid you not, all but one of the 15 replies I got were either ignorant or just completely brushing me off and even insulting me. They said I’m taking things too far(?) and that I need to stfu because I’m being an SJW(?) and that I’m “too woke” among other things. One person even quoted my bio (I have ace in my bio) and said “of course you’d say that 🤢” emoji and all. I just blocked everyone who replied that sort of thing but I didn’t see any of these kinds of replies under the comments about gay, lesbian, or bi people, it was just mine. I even saw a couple of the same accounts replying really encouraging things to those comments but for mine, they told me I’m too dramatic and how I’m making people take the LGBT+ community less seriously when I talk about asexuality.

It really hurt to say the least. My comment was literally just “I just wanted to say that being under the ace umbrella is normal too and we should nurture an environment where everyone can explore these parts of themselves with no judgement or pressure to adhere to certain things society often tries to force on us.” That was it. And I’m being dramatic and taking away from the original point and all that? But when the comment is about other sexualities, it’s fine?

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Me, an introverted ace
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Tell me you're ace without telling me you're ace
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Where does it go??
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Which do you prefer to be when cuddling?



View Poll

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Cant have shit in detroit
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why is the community not ready for this talk?

tw// mention of aphobia, little bit of a vent

cis - identifying as the same gender you were born as.
het- hetero-romantic (in this case)


i feel like the lgbtqia+ community isn’t ready to accept that there are cishet straight people in the community. i feel safe posting this here because we are all fellow a-spec people no matter where you are on the spec.

i’ve seen some pretty nasty things towards cishet people in general on social media; about how we will never be apart of the community and we are just holding the community hand if you will. just completely disregarding cis, straight a-spec people. i don’t know; maybe i just take it to heart since i’ve never really felt fully accepted in the community as a whole and i’m a cishet ace.

i’d like to hear everyone opinions on it too! do you think i’m overthinking it or do you agree? :)

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Do the aroaces agree?
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Telling therapist I'm aspec (bad)

Today I've told my therapist, who I've been seeing since April, that I was aroace. I also told her that I had a partner (a qpr, though i didnt use that word, i just said that our relationship wasn't sexual nor romantic, bc we both were aroace)
She listened, but I could see she didn't undertand or thought it was a legitimate orientation.
When I finished talking, she told me that my qpr wasn't a relationship, if we didn't have romantic or sexual feelings, we were friends, we werent partners.

I explained to her that our relationship wasn't a friendship, that it was different, but she insisted on saying that it wasn't a partnership.
She also asked me what I thought a partner was, in my definition sex wasn't included. She pointed that out and she told me that if in a relationship there wasn't sex, it wasn't a relationship, even though it could be romantic. She just seemed so focused on prioritising sex in relationships.
She also told me that we should look into what "made me identify that way". She was sure that I was repressing my attraction, and that it could be fixed. She then told me that inside I had romanticism, that I loved books and more, but that I had a barrier and it didn't let me project it outwards. As if me being aro was repressing my attraction
I'm thinking of changing therapists, I felt so invalidated. Am I overracting?

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We are almost at two thousand members , invite Link in comments or use vanity url (asexual)
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What's it like being Asexual?

Does that mean you're not interested in sex at all? Do you get sexual arousal from certain kinks that don't have to with the body, like an eating fetish? Do you masturbate? As a very horny straight guy it's just really interesting to think about what it would be like.

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Why do so many approach queer identities as contingent on active sexuaity??

Even in queer communities, questioning your identity is met with questions like “well could you see yourself having sex with that person/gender?” As if being sexually active is the only way to validate or be ‘truly’ queer.

I’ve always kept it quiet in public, but my answer is no. I can’t ‘see’ myself having sex with ANYBODY. I am very slightly sex repulsed, and I can have enjoyable sex, but it’s not stimulating, comfortable, or satisfying for me. Reactions like these led me to believe that in order to be normal and to really know my own identity, I had to have sex. So I did, with various straight cis men-and it felt like nothing? Doing things like this pushed off my realizations back years. It took being raped and coming out of that completely hyper sexual for months until I realized how much I was damaging myself by doing these degrading things that I wasnt comfortable with.

I’ll never understand why so much of the world and even the lgbtq community demands sexuality and labels while rejecting the lack of desire for sex.

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Just realised how much I've grown to live my asexuality

For a while I was deeply in denial, and I've come to love this part of myself dearly, but what I was really thinking about is

When I first looked up the flag I was kind of annoyed to be ace because of all the pretty flags, I was stuck with one of the most boring.
But since then the sight of these colours together has brought me only joy and even calm when I'm going through it. I've come to adore the flag and it's just incredibly comforting.

It feels really good : )

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ONE OF US
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The Only Options. !.
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TERFs be like:

"WOMEN CAN WEAR WHATEVER THE FUCK THEY WANT WITHOUT BEING SLUTSHAMED!!" asexual wears what they want "Now this is ridiculous they're looking for sex! They're putting a bad light on women!" Asexuals can't have or do anything, can we?

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One of my first ace moments I guess

Ok so I'm not really sure why I'm posting this, just randomly remembered and thought I might aswell share.

So basically, at some point in sex ed in school, we were talking about how people could have a baby without having sex due to modern technology, and how they apparently could decide on certain genes (hair colour, eye colour, certain characteristics, etc.). And at some point I just blurted out, "But wouldn't that be boring?", and I just didn't know why my classmates were looking at me funny, not realizung that everyone understood it as me basically saying "it would be boring to have no sex if you want children" or something like that. I literelly only realized that like half a year later. What I was actually referring to was that it would be boring to have a child exactly the way you wanted it, luckily I clarified that during the lesson, but I still felt incredibly uncomfortable.

Anyway, thanks for reading this, not 100% if this matches the subreddit but I wanted to tell someone about it and this felt the most matching. Have a good day!

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