Phytochemicals? Pancakes? Potatoes? What is it? Girls, share your secrets!
https://redd.it/ou55ps
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/ou55ps
@asexualityonreddit
“Nothing has to happen” I just need to share this in case someone has experienced something similar.
I’m so overwhelmed, and I’m crying, and I just need to get this off my chest.
I’ve had 3 people confess to me in my life. Every time, they expected us to either get together, or be friendzoned. Just like that, no in-between and talking and discussing boundaries. Just if I liked them, we were dating, and if I didn’t, they would stop talking to me. Or worse.
*a bit of a trigger warning for s*x*al as*ault, and manipulation in this part of the story, if you want to skip past this, there will be a line where the trigger warning ends.*
The first person who confessed to me didn’t confess as much as she asked if I liked girls, and when I said yes she got really, really touchy. I won’t go into detail but it escalated even though I said I was uncomfortable and I don’t talk to her anymore.
The second was my first boyfriend. I said I was figuring out my feelings and *thought* I might like him back, and after that phone call alone he declared us together. He then sent me his BDSM test results, and would make uncomfortable comments.
When I called him and told him I wasn’t comfortable he told me I wasn’t reacting “correctly” to affection because no one has ever cared about me before. And I believed him.
The third person told me he liked me, and for the first time I was comfortable with the label, I told him I am asexual. And he said okay, and then followed me around for a month crying about how I don’t like him back so life sucks, and I’ll never be able to help him with mental issues in the same way since we aren’t dating.
I didn’t even say I didn’t like him back. It was as if asexual just meant he was eternally friendzoned, and he clearly didn’t take it well.
——————————————————————
*TRIGGER WARNING ENDS HERE!* (sorry about formatting, I’m on mobile.)
Fast forward to now, I’ve been talking to a guy recently. He’s really sweet but I was realizing he had feelings, and was honestly getting stressed about it.
I’m still going back and forth on romantic orientation and figuring all that out. Past experiences are making that kind of hard, and I really don’t want to play with anyone’s feelings, or repeat one of the above experiences.
He told me today. He let me know that he likes me. I started bracing to call him and explain that I was still figuring things out and I’m not sure if I like him or not, and past experiences make the thought of a relationship really stressful and I’m not ready for that, but before I could, he texted me.
*“Nothing has to happen. I just thought you should know. I just think you’re awesome, and it’s great just being your friend if that’s all you’re comfortable with.”*
Now I’m crying. I’ve never felt so genuinely understood and listened to. And I guess it’s taught me the difference between someone who respects me and someone who doesn’t.
So fellow aces: don’t let people make you feel dumb, or broken for not being comfortable with stuff. You are completely allowed to set boundaries and enforce them!
TL:DR: I’ve had some really bad, uncomfortable experiences with people telling me they are interested in me as more than a friend. So when my friend told me he liked me, I started panicking, only for him to say nothing needs to happen right away or in general. My stress flew right away and now I’m crying from relief. Lol
https://redd.it/ou962f
@asexualityonreddit
I’m so overwhelmed, and I’m crying, and I just need to get this off my chest.
I’ve had 3 people confess to me in my life. Every time, they expected us to either get together, or be friendzoned. Just like that, no in-between and talking and discussing boundaries. Just if I liked them, we were dating, and if I didn’t, they would stop talking to me. Or worse.
*a bit of a trigger warning for s*x*al as*ault, and manipulation in this part of the story, if you want to skip past this, there will be a line where the trigger warning ends.*
The first person who confessed to me didn’t confess as much as she asked if I liked girls, and when I said yes she got really, really touchy. I won’t go into detail but it escalated even though I said I was uncomfortable and I don’t talk to her anymore.
The second was my first boyfriend. I said I was figuring out my feelings and *thought* I might like him back, and after that phone call alone he declared us together. He then sent me his BDSM test results, and would make uncomfortable comments.
When I called him and told him I wasn’t comfortable he told me I wasn’t reacting “correctly” to affection because no one has ever cared about me before. And I believed him.
The third person told me he liked me, and for the first time I was comfortable with the label, I told him I am asexual. And he said okay, and then followed me around for a month crying about how I don’t like him back so life sucks, and I’ll never be able to help him with mental issues in the same way since we aren’t dating.
I didn’t even say I didn’t like him back. It was as if asexual just meant he was eternally friendzoned, and he clearly didn’t take it well.
——————————————————————
*TRIGGER WARNING ENDS HERE!* (sorry about formatting, I’m on mobile.)
Fast forward to now, I’ve been talking to a guy recently. He’s really sweet but I was realizing he had feelings, and was honestly getting stressed about it.
I’m still going back and forth on romantic orientation and figuring all that out. Past experiences are making that kind of hard, and I really don’t want to play with anyone’s feelings, or repeat one of the above experiences.
He told me today. He let me know that he likes me. I started bracing to call him and explain that I was still figuring things out and I’m not sure if I like him or not, and past experiences make the thought of a relationship really stressful and I’m not ready for that, but before I could, he texted me.
*“Nothing has to happen. I just thought you should know. I just think you’re awesome, and it’s great just being your friend if that’s all you’re comfortable with.”*
Now I’m crying. I’ve never felt so genuinely understood and listened to. And I guess it’s taught me the difference between someone who respects me and someone who doesn’t.
So fellow aces: don’t let people make you feel dumb, or broken for not being comfortable with stuff. You are completely allowed to set boundaries and enforce them!
TL:DR: I’ve had some really bad, uncomfortable experiences with people telling me they are interested in me as more than a friend. So when my friend told me he liked me, I started panicking, only for him to say nothing needs to happen right away or in general. My stress flew right away and now I’m crying from relief. Lol
https://redd.it/ou962f
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
“Nothing has to happen” I just need to share this in case someone...
I’m so overwhelmed, and I’m crying, and I just need to get this off my chest. I’ve had 3 people confess to me in my life. Every time, they...
My little brother's 3D printer has a cable with the Ace and Rainbow flags!
https://redd.it/ou9ewa
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/ou9ewa
@asexualityonreddit
I came out to my husband. What a nightmare.
(Deep breath) It came up sort of organically. We were making jokes and my husband started to make some sexual jokes. I personally HATE sexual humor. It makes me feel uncomfortable. I then tried switching the topic. Unfortunately, he noticed I was feeling uncomfortable and addressed it. That was actually fine with me. It gave me the opportunity to come out to him as graysexual. He rolled his eyes and looked upset. That’s when I asked him about his feelings. He said he was “disappointed.” I had my guard up at this point and I explained nothing about me or our relationship has changed. Then proceeded to ask him what he meant by “disappointed.” I was thinking I might have misinterpreted him. He said “I just wish I was with someone who liked sex more.” This shook me. I feel like I’m not good enough because I’m not really a sexual person.
Edit:Small mistakes
https://redd.it/ouckp8
@asexualityonreddit
(Deep breath) It came up sort of organically. We were making jokes and my husband started to make some sexual jokes. I personally HATE sexual humor. It makes me feel uncomfortable. I then tried switching the topic. Unfortunately, he noticed I was feeling uncomfortable and addressed it. That was actually fine with me. It gave me the opportunity to come out to him as graysexual. He rolled his eyes and looked upset. That’s when I asked him about his feelings. He said he was “disappointed.” I had my guard up at this point and I explained nothing about me or our relationship has changed. Then proceeded to ask him what he meant by “disappointed.” I was thinking I might have misinterpreted him. He said “I just wish I was with someone who liked sex more.” This shook me. I feel like I’m not good enough because I’m not really a sexual person.
Edit:Small mistakes
https://redd.it/ouckp8
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
I came out to my husband. What a nightmare.
(*Deep breath*) It came up sort of organically. We were making jokes and my husband started to make some sexual jokes. I personally HATE sexual...
Thank you Todd! I really like the way he embraced it after he understood it.
https://redd.it/ouhmmv
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/ouhmmv
@asexualityonreddit
I thought we were supposed to be inclusive
I just saw a thread about whether “straight” asexuals should be allowed in the community. I constantly saw people brushing off the experiences of other people just so they could say they were right. There’s so much aphobia in a community that’s supposed to be inclusive
https://redd.it/oul1hp
@asexualityonreddit
I just saw a thread about whether “straight” asexuals should be allowed in the community. I constantly saw people brushing off the experiences of other people just so they could say they were right. There’s so much aphobia in a community that’s supposed to be inclusive
https://redd.it/oul1hp
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
I thought we were supposed to be inclusive
I just saw a thread about whether “straight” asexuals should be allowed in the community. I constantly saw people brushing off the experiences of...