Y’all helped me come out in my 30’s
Two weeks ago, I came out for the first time in my life as asexual. It’s not something I came to a realization to but rather something I continued to bury because I never felt in a position where I could explore it comfortably or freely. I’ve been in relationships, I’ve had sex, I have seen and felt attraction, I have mostly lived my life as a lesbian, partnered—but I never felt entirely comfortable with any of it—with the performance of what a partner expects you to do for pleasure—the expectations in which society tends to accept what trans visibility and acceptance looks & feels like.
I played the part but I never fully understood why any of this was necessary or needed or wanted. When the pandemic, hit I began to detransition because of circumstances and that brought challenges towards how I felt about myself and my body. I no longer engage in having sex but I wanted a kind of closeness that didn’t demand for anything physical. For the first time, I was able to sit with this and think about myself in a way I never done before the pandemic.
It all accumulated to me coming out to my wife and explaining to her why I felt this way—her response was “I always had a feeling you were.” She’s been the only person I’ve told and it’s not a matter of how I will tell other people but what’s more important is understanding this relationship, this word, this identity, this orientation before I can confidently tell others around me. I always knew and understood from a very young age that I was transgender. I can’t say the same as someone who just came out in her 30’s as asexual and truthfully, I’m not entirely sure I belong here but I at least want to try.
This Reddit in a way saved me; it’s the only real signal that I am not alone in this, that there are others like myself out there questioning and becoming the same as me. What I needed most wasn’t so much the understanding but visibility and in a society where asexual eraser and removal happens so frequently, this reddit has become my safe space.
https://redd.it/ot0d6t
@asexualityonreddit
Two weeks ago, I came out for the first time in my life as asexual. It’s not something I came to a realization to but rather something I continued to bury because I never felt in a position where I could explore it comfortably or freely. I’ve been in relationships, I’ve had sex, I have seen and felt attraction, I have mostly lived my life as a lesbian, partnered—but I never felt entirely comfortable with any of it—with the performance of what a partner expects you to do for pleasure—the expectations in which society tends to accept what trans visibility and acceptance looks & feels like.
I played the part but I never fully understood why any of this was necessary or needed or wanted. When the pandemic, hit I began to detransition because of circumstances and that brought challenges towards how I felt about myself and my body. I no longer engage in having sex but I wanted a kind of closeness that didn’t demand for anything physical. For the first time, I was able to sit with this and think about myself in a way I never done before the pandemic.
It all accumulated to me coming out to my wife and explaining to her why I felt this way—her response was “I always had a feeling you were.” She’s been the only person I’ve told and it’s not a matter of how I will tell other people but what’s more important is understanding this relationship, this word, this identity, this orientation before I can confidently tell others around me. I always knew and understood from a very young age that I was transgender. I can’t say the same as someone who just came out in her 30’s as asexual and truthfully, I’m not entirely sure I belong here but I at least want to try.
This Reddit in a way saved me; it’s the only real signal that I am not alone in this, that there are others like myself out there questioning and becoming the same as me. What I needed most wasn’t so much the understanding but visibility and in a society where asexual eraser and removal happens so frequently, this reddit has become my safe space.
https://redd.it/ot0d6t
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
Y’all helped me come out in my 30’s
Two weeks ago, I came out for the first time in my life as asexual. It’s not something I came to a realization to but rather something I continued...
The Two of Spades is here!!
https://www.reddit.com/gallery/ot0ck7
https://redd.it/ot0ck7
@asexualityonreddit
https://www.reddit.com/gallery/ot0ck7
https://redd.it/ot0ck7
@asexualityonreddit
My mom came out to me!!
Ever since I came out to my family as trans and ace they have been asking questions to better educate themselves about the LGBTQ+ community. A few days ago I was explaining demisexuals to my mom and she was saying how she related to it. She just told me today that now she identifies as demisexual! 2 aces in the house now 😊
https://redd.it/ot6abt
@asexualityonreddit
Ever since I came out to my family as trans and ace they have been asking questions to better educate themselves about the LGBTQ+ community. A few days ago I was explaining demisexuals to my mom and she was saying how she related to it. She just told me today that now she identifies as demisexual! 2 aces in the house now 😊
https://redd.it/ot6abt
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
My mom came out to me!!
Ever since I came out to my family as trans and ace they have been asking questions to better educate themselves about the LGBTQ+ community. A few...
Consent is COOL!
Okay, so quick backstory. I classified myself as hetero romantic asexual for the longest time, only to switch to demihetromantic and (possibly demisexual). I'm fairly new to relationships, and only started dating around 17.
So I'm still trying to figure out what I enjoy from a relationship with my current partner, and the way I express attraction is very round about way. My partner is allo, and he knows about me being somewhere on the ace spectrum.
So literally every time I try to say something remotely romantic there's a mental wall because my brain is not capable of flirting. Whenever I actually say something related to it, its like, "weird question, would you be against a hug right now?" Or like "I wouldn't be against holding hands if you aren't."
Idk, consent is super important to me I guess. Like those tv dramas where the guy kisses the girl without telling her can be good for drama but I don't want to make my partner uncomfortable. Communication is important, and even if I'm communicating in the most awkward way, at least I'm not giving mixed signals. This wasn't really a story, more of my rambling but thanks for reading!
https://redd.it/ot9wcf
@asexualityonreddit
Okay, so quick backstory. I classified myself as hetero romantic asexual for the longest time, only to switch to demihetromantic and (possibly demisexual). I'm fairly new to relationships, and only started dating around 17.
So I'm still trying to figure out what I enjoy from a relationship with my current partner, and the way I express attraction is very round about way. My partner is allo, and he knows about me being somewhere on the ace spectrum.
So literally every time I try to say something remotely romantic there's a mental wall because my brain is not capable of flirting. Whenever I actually say something related to it, its like, "weird question, would you be against a hug right now?" Or like "I wouldn't be against holding hands if you aren't."
Idk, consent is super important to me I guess. Like those tv dramas where the guy kisses the girl without telling her can be good for drama but I don't want to make my partner uncomfortable. Communication is important, and even if I'm communicating in the most awkward way, at least I'm not giving mixed signals. This wasn't really a story, more of my rambling but thanks for reading!
https://redd.it/ot9wcf
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
Consent is COOL!
Okay, so quick backstory. I classified myself as hetero romantic asexual for the longest time, only to switch to demihetromantic and (possibly...
Why do allos have to immediately doubt you or start explaining intimacy to you when you express being asexual?
So I'm over in r/women and a question is posed about enjoying one-night stands or hoopkups and I answer by saying that all hookups and one-night stands I've been a part of have been miserable and unfulfilling experiences just like every time I have sex. I then go on to say that this plays a role in my asexuality. Cue the allos jumping into my mentions telling me I haven't met the right person yet to sleep with or explaining to me how intimacy works.
I don't need sex explained to me. I'm not missing out on things. I'm just asexual and I don't want to have to go into every little detail on why I identify under that label. Why do people need to immediately doubt me when I mention this? I'm currently in a relationship with another woman and she respects my desire not to have sex. It isn't an issue.
It feels so disrespectful... Just believe what other people say about themselves...
https://redd.it/otd9er
@asexualityonreddit
So I'm over in r/women and a question is posed about enjoying one-night stands or hoopkups and I answer by saying that all hookups and one-night stands I've been a part of have been miserable and unfulfilling experiences just like every time I have sex. I then go on to say that this plays a role in my asexuality. Cue the allos jumping into my mentions telling me I haven't met the right person yet to sleep with or explaining to me how intimacy works.
I don't need sex explained to me. I'm not missing out on things. I'm just asexual and I don't want to have to go into every little detail on why I identify under that label. Why do people need to immediately doubt me when I mention this? I'm currently in a relationship with another woman and she respects my desire not to have sex. It isn't an issue.
It feels so disrespectful... Just believe what other people say about themselves...
https://redd.it/otd9er
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
Why do allos have to immediately doubt you or start explaining...
So I'm over in r/women and a question is posed about enjoying one-night stands or hoopkups and I answer by saying that all hookups and one-night...
I want a FWB relationship, but the only benefits are hugs and cuddling
That's it. No sex stuff. No romance stuff like kissing. But we hug and cuddle. Like during movies and wrapped in a blanket. And give each other head pats and snuggle.
And instead of sex toys, we use & gift normal toys. Like cute stuffed animals. And instead of booking some hotel room, we'd book a cabin and spent the weekend just reading and drawing and cuddling in front of the fireplace. And otherwise we're normal friends, like we go to cafes and have picnics.
Honestly, I even thought about paying a prostitute just for getting cuddled all night, but in the end I don't think I'd want that. It would be weird to pay a stranger for cuddling. Especially a strange man. No, no, I have to like that person as much as I want to be cuddled.
Seriously, I want to be hugged ; ^ ;
https://redd.it/otcr2d
@asexualityonreddit
That's it. No sex stuff. No romance stuff like kissing. But we hug and cuddle. Like during movies and wrapped in a blanket. And give each other head pats and snuggle.
And instead of sex toys, we use & gift normal toys. Like cute stuffed animals. And instead of booking some hotel room, we'd book a cabin and spent the weekend just reading and drawing and cuddling in front of the fireplace. And otherwise we're normal friends, like we go to cafes and have picnics.
Honestly, I even thought about paying a prostitute just for getting cuddled all night, but in the end I don't think I'd want that. It would be weird to pay a stranger for cuddling. Especially a strange man. No, no, I have to like that person as much as I want to be cuddled.
Seriously, I want to be hugged ; ^ ;
https://redd.it/otcr2d
@asexualityonreddit
reddit
I want a FWB relationship, but the only benefits are hugs and cuddling
That's it. No sex stuff. No romance stuff like kissing. But we hug and cuddle. Like during movies and wrapped in a blanket. And give each other...
No idea what yahoo answers is up to but I'm mad I can't eat chicken nuggets
https://redd.it/otgpei
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/otgpei
@asexualityonreddit
I understand that it happens, but everything beyond genital preferences is a mystery to me
https://redd.it/otf8xo
@asexualityonreddit
https://redd.it/otf8xo
@asexualityonreddit