UPDATE: How would you feel about an Allo, seeking out asexual partners?

Soooo... I think I'm just asexual lol.

Some of you may remember the post I made a few weeks ago. About being allo (or at least so I thought), but not wanting sex for personal reasons. I didn't word things very well (my bad), and some people assumed the worst (understandable). But after reading the responses and having some time to think, I've realised that I'm actually just asexual lol.

So, I'm trans, and whenever my T dose changes, so does my sexuality. Pre-T I was 100% sex-repulsed asexual, then I started T which gave me a libido and made me straight. Then the dose was increased and suddenly I was gay, and then again and I was bi. But for the most recent (and final) dose adjustment, like before, I could feel something changing around the right time, I felt something different. But this time, I didn't know what had changed, I didn't notice anything different.

But after reading all the comments on my last post, I've realised that I can't actually remember the last time I experienced sexual attraction, not since the last increase. Thinking about sex in a hypothetical way is still fine, but unlike before, when it comes to an actual person with a real identity, that becomes very distressing.

I don't think I noticed the shift, because nothing actually functionally changed for me. My fantasies just shifted from involving real people, to the vague concept of it. And I never actually had to confront the fact that I am no longer comfortable with the idea of having sex because I was never sexually active anyway.

So yeah lol, turns out I'm just just asexual again, or more specifically aegosexual now.



https://redd.it/1p86wny
@asexualityonreddit

A part of me wishes that I won’t have to explain myself

I’m sex-favourable and I sort of wish I didn’t have to anticipate saying the following “but I can have sex!” that inevitably comes after it.

Like for example on Hinge, my sexuality is set to asexual, and I use one of the prompts to iterate the “well actually, we can still do it, yes!” as a quick clarification.

It feels frustrating. It definitely plays a role in why I’ve never really brought up my sexuality directly with someone. If my closer relationships proceed to ask good faith questions to get to know me more, I don’t think I would mind it, but otherwise I hate that the burden of education could fall on me.

I also anticipate that discussing my favourability for sex will feel incredibly personal and again, why do I need to adjust my boundaries in the name of education?

And this definitely lowkey applies if you’re sex-repulsed (not that I can speak for sex-repulsed aces, I can only imagine) but the constant invalidation and having to explain yourself must be fucking exhausting.

I’m not here to shit on labels or say that educating people about asexuality and its nuances is ultimately bad but sometimes I feel like it would be a lot easier I simply didn’t have to explain myself because people don’t know any better.

Like I said, I don’t often discuss my sexuality with people I know so I don’t know if this is an experience I’m merely projecting for myself, but I want to know other people’s thoughts?

https://redd.it/1p89uob
@asexualityonreddit

What is love

What is the diference betwen realy wanting to be friends and hafing a crush?

https://redd.it/1p8arf6
@asexualityonreddit

Really tired of my parents thinking me being sex repulsed is "teenage embarrasment"

I am not out to anyone yet, so my parents think I have just not reached that phase in life yet where I am ready for this kind of topic (i am almost 17, I do have time but most people my age are already past that), but it's really annoying that every time I get disgusted in romance / sex scenes in movies it gets passed off as being immature or too young mentally. Are people not allowed to be uncomfortable with some topics, regardless of age? I don't get it

https://redd.it/1p8cwyc
@asexualityonreddit

"How it feels to chew 5 Gum" - for the allos?

Got into a debate about this over Thanksgiving, involving family friends who have a tendency to subject me to light teasing for being the resident asexual. I used the word "stimulate" in a sentence which got a 😏 whoa whoa whoa✋ reaction, to which I said it's a normal word, unless they think 5 Gum commercials are inherently horny ("stimulate your senses" is the tagline). They said that's EXACTLY what those commercials were about. I'm a bit young for those commercials and apparently haven't seen all of them so I'm okay being wrong, I would just like my fellow aces to weigh in - are the old 5 Gum commercials about sex?

Edit: disregard these guys are full of shit they just dead ass told me a Geico commercial was "more sexual than not" because it had a football player in it

https://redd.it/1p8gl37
@asexualityonreddit

Unlucky cards for the aroace player to pull
https://redd.it/1p8le3i
@asexualityonreddit

I think testosterone is affecting my asexuality?

Ok I don't know if this is the right sub for this, but I'm a transmasc, and am doing HRT.

So I always considered myself a sex favorable assexual, I never really wanted to have sex before but I do enjoy the physical pleasure related to it, so when I started dating I kinda got curious about having sex, and part of me started to crave for it as a way to get even closer to my partner.

But now that I've started taking T, it's getting out of hand, my libido is full time high and I'm almost always thinking about it and about them and it is weird in a way, did I stop being ace because of it? Is this common for High libido ace people?? Is it possible for hormonal changes change a sexuallity like that?

Any input is highly appreciated (also I'm not entirely sure if I'm using the right flair for this sorry)

https://redd.it/1p8m5tb
@asexualityonreddit

Are there any non-obvious signs of asexuality?

I've been questioning being asexual for a while, but I still feel confused. Were there any subtle signs of asexuality that helped you guys figure that out, beside the tought "I wouldn't like to have sex"?

https://redd.it/1p8ktun
@asexualityonreddit

Looking for some insight

I just want to get some input on this from people who are asexual potentially like me. At least I think I am to a degree anyway. I almost never fantasize about penetrative sex. When I I have tried watching that sort of p*** it almost always repulses and overwhelms me. I only ever had sex like that twice, both times felt really traumatic. However I'm not sure if it's because I'm not capable of enjoying that or if it's because I just wasn't attracted to the person I had that sort of sex with. The main thing I have enjoyed that can be defined as sex is receiving a handjob with lots of eye contact.

Aside from that I got really obsessed with a couple king stuff all under the umbrella of BDSM. Don't feel like it's relevant to share with those are. But suffice to say I'm way more interested in BDSM than any sort of sex.

The main point I'm curious about is if anyone can relate to my experiences with pantry of sex. Not being sure from capable of enjoying it very rarely I have fantasized about it with only very few women. But I'm not sure. Would it feel traumatic and overwhelming if I merely wasn't attracted to the women? Or would I only feel that way if I was a sexual and not capable of enjoying those sensations because I fundamentally find them overwhelming. Just hoping someone can relate to this and share some insight.

https://redd.it/1p8sojm
@asexualityonreddit

aaaaaaaaccccccceeee GDT
https://redd.it/1p8wf8r
@asexualityonreddit

Most of the characters that you fantasize about are human?

Let me write it better:

I'm curious if most of the characters that you fantasize about are:

a)Characters that a actor/actress are interpreting
b)Characters in a game, anime or other time of media (so they are a draw or similar)
c)Characters that you imagine like in a book or that you create in your mind
d)A celeb - like a singer, influencer etc

https://redd.it/1p8w84y
@asexualityonreddit

US-based & 18+? Participate in research on sexual and romantic needs 🧠

Hey everyone — posting with mod approval :)

I am professor of sexuality at NYU (Dr. Zhana Vrangalova) conducting an IRB-approved, confidential online survey developing new valid measures of **people’s sexual and romantic needs**.

To map out the full spectrum of these needs, we are looking for a large and **diverse group of participants** from a wide range of backgrounds and sexual/relationship experiences to contribute their perspective.

The survey takes about **40 minutes** (with an **optional 15-min follow-up section** if you’re really into it). 

There is **no direct compensation** for participating, but if you’d like, you can enter a **raffle for one of 150 × $20 Amazon gift cards** (awarded after the survey closes).

👉 [**TAKE THE SURVEY HERE** ](https://nyu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_7OphTMSQeQVjjWS)

**Eligibility:**

* 18 or older
* Currently residing in the US
* Fluent in English

**Deadline** to complete: **December 15**, 2025.

If you have any questions or feedback, comment here or email me at zhana.v@nyu.edu.

*Know others who might be interested in helping with this research project?* ***Please share the survey info and link*** *with them!*

Thank you for helping advance relationship science! ❤️


https://redd.it/1p90dct
@asexualityonreddit

How do I go about telling my girlfriend im Ace?

Me (19M) and my girlfriend (18F) just became official and I don't know how to bring up me being Ace. I know I should of talked to her about it when we were just dating but I could never figure out how to say it or the right time to. If anyone has advice it would be greatly appreciated.

https://redd.it/1p91egp
@asexualityonreddit

I about fell outa my chair when she described herself.
https://redd.it/1p945m2
@asexualityonreddit

Personal definition of difference between platonic & romantic

Hey y'all,

I was hoping to hear, with a degree of specificity, how you personally identify the difference between a platonic and romantic relationship AND the same question as regards to the difference between platonic and romantic attraction. I've been really contemplating this concept in the last twelve months or so and it feels like mainstream culture can't figure this one out as well as it like to think it can. Wondering if there's going to be any consistency here.

https://redd.it/1p94b4e
@asexualityonreddit

Is there a word for like, 100% ace, 80% aro, 20% homoromantic?

I'm sex-repulsed, and I've never felt physical attraction. I do think I've experienced a small amount of romantic attraction, but it's different from how I see romance described - an ideal relationship for me would basically be a best friend and a really deep emotional connection, and then the only traditionally-romantic things I'm interested in are like, hugging, or the sorts of activities that could be called dates (like a walk on the beach or a trip to the zoo, things "just friends" could do but generally don't), or quiet moments like maybe watching a movie next to each other with a bowl of popcorn. Specifically with the same gender.

Is there a label for this? I mostly say I'm aroace because it'a 90% right in one word, but it's also not entirely correct

https://redd.it/1p93sx4
@asexualityonreddit

What is the weirdest reaction you have gotten when you told some?

I got "but you are too attractive to be sexual" once and i still do not know what that was supposed to mean. what is the most confusing response you have received

https://redd.it/1p9940o
@asexualityonreddit

Starting a relationship w/ low attraction

I’m in my early 20s and have never been in a relationship. I do want to be in one some day, but i don’t know how to go about it when i feel pretty much neutral towards everyone on the romantic/sexual side of things.

I think i might be demi-sexual? If thats the right term. I think i need to actively choose a person in order to feel that attraction.

The thing is; someone told me they really like me. I don’t know what to do about it. I feel like I’m essentially choosing if I want to be this persons life partner, and it’s really intimidating.

Also; if I’m anything like I am with friendship, then I’ll be overly loyal? Idk I feel like there’s no turning back on my side xD I don’t have the attraction metric to know if it’s the right fit. He’s really nice and I like being his friend :)

https://redd.it/1p9bbyx
@asexualityonreddit

Is my partner’s behavior because he’s asexual?

My long term partner started identifying with being asexual from time to time for a few years now. I’m also part of the lgbtqia+ community and as much as I’d like to understand and respect his boundaries, I’ve recently realized I’m struggling with not taking it personally sometimes. So without me intending any kind of offend or disrespect, would you find these examples within the ace experience?

if a couple are cuddling and are kind of close with each other and he is physically turned on but doesn’t initiate or rejects the idea of having sex?

If it extends to other areas of physical touch and intimacy like say hugging or caressing? My partner tells me he doesn’t feel anything when we hug and that it doesn’t bring him any good feelings.

That he says he prefers masturbation because engaging with another person isn’t hassle-free and he has to consider the other person and it’s too much work?

https://redd.it/1p9exqd
@asexualityonreddit

My aunt said I should get married

Hi, I'm 22 years old.

I'm half Mexican, half white.

All throughout my life, it felt like my whole identity was split.
I'm half race, I like both genders (like bisexual) but I have little to no attraction to actual people (asexual).

I'm confused about everything in general, but all of this causes nothing but troubles fitting in with "normal" people with their attraction radars working. I just felt...broken at birth. My radar never really worked.

My tía was talking to my mom the other day on the phone, and I said a quick,"Hi." I haven't seen her in years. And she told me I should get married before it's over.

I've never even been in a relationship, and I have little interest in one. But after this...I feel even more broken.

I never want to get pregnant and have to worry about feeling awkward to do normal "se" acctivies with my partner without feeling naked down to my soul and feel like throwing up while doing said acctivies.

...I already struggle with my mental health, and this is really weighing me down. I can't stop thinking about what she said.
It makes me feel more like an alien (abnormal) than usual.

https://redd.it/1p9jlc1
@asexualityonreddit