I'm tired of people saying they'll change me when I say I might be asexual

I've had relationships and had sex up until now, but it was never a priority for me. I mean, I could continue my life without having sex; it's not a necessity for me. Until I was 19, I thought I was asexual, but my bf was a very loving person and we were casual about sex. He wanted to, and I agreed. I didn't feel overly disgusted, but it wouldn't have mattered either way. But even if he hadn't wanted to, I could have continued my life like that. My current bf says I'm suppressing my desires and that he's going to change that. This really piss me off because I know what I want. I consume sexual content, I'm no stranger to this world lol. I just don't want to. They think I'm innocent or unwilling. I've noticed that men especially think this way. I've been with a girl too; she was definitely horny, but she never made any comments to me. I just want a little respect :(

https://redd.it/1n92d7n
@asexualityonreddit

How do you guys handle anything past kissing/hand holding?

I'm asexual with an allosexual partner. We've been dating over a year now and agreed that neither of us were ready for sex, but they have expressed to me that they want more than what we have right now and I don't know how to approach this!!

We do kiss, mostly on the cheek but often quick pecks on the mouth too. But they've told me that they want longer kisses and probably making out, and that did not cross my mind weirdly until they said something, because I've been pretty content with what we have.

But I'm also okay with trying new stuff for them. What advice do you guys have around the topic as fellow asexuals?? I'm not sex repulsed but im not quite sure I'm favorable either.

https://redd.it/1n97yqz
@asexualityonreddit

Am I asexual? Someone help.

Hey guys, I hope that some of you can help me.

TW SA and description of sexual things (I read the rules but if this still goes against them in some way, please let me know, I will remove the post!)

I will be frank about this so please only read if that is alright for you! I am female 24 years old, and this is not the first time I question this. In my earlier twenties, I was sexually harassed by multiple men at my work place and after that, during therapy, I was convinced I was asexual. Multiple therapists (and my mom) told me it was just the trauma talking. Well, I did experience sexual attraction but only to fictional characters during that time.


Fastforward to today...I have healed a lot and am okay with physical contact again (although I do not enjoy it, in particular with women somwhow). I always considered myself panromantic, by the way.
Currently, I have a boyfriend and when we started dating, we became sexual very fast. I had a rule that I dont have sex with people outside of a relationship but I broke it for my now boyfriend. I felt the desire, it was exciting I guess. But now, I am barely attracted to him. (Also never attracted to anyone else who is real at all either!) I mean, he is handsome to me and aesthetically speaking he has a great body but...I dont know either. I still do it with him but I always thought that I would also not mind at all to never experience sexual things in my life ever again.


Recently I have been thinking about this again since I am confused. It is not that I never experience sexual attraction to anyone or anything (it is still the fictional characters) but, for example, when I want to do it myself, I simply cannot. Even when I try, I never actually do it skin to skin, its disgusting. I am repulsed by it. Generally, even without skin to skin, I feel absolutely disgusted by myself afterwards. Like, upon touch I feel a bodily reaction but I can never fully silence my mind.

When my bf asks me if he can do it for me, I dont want it either. I dont mind doing it for him once in a while but I dont love it either. It does not turn me on or anything, I like that it makes him feel better.
It is like...I feel the urge to do it sometimes but then when we do it or are close to it, I feel repulsed or the desire fades. I can do it the standard way, but even then, I mostly see it as a job of being a girlfriend, since my bf enjoys it. He does not know all this though - hell, I am so confused myself.

I have aphantasia but even when fantasizing anything with anyone (even just about the characters in the book I write), I cannot go further than kissing and making out. It stops at making out. Always.

It is strange. I did tests and one suggested I could be "feasexual"...? But I dont know. I feel so lost and dont know if this is still trauma or if I am genuinely just asexual.

I appreciate any type of help. Thank you in advance!

https://redd.it/1n9a8qe
@asexualityonreddit

Happy (sex free) Friday!!

What are some of the things y’all are gonna do today?! I need some new ideas on where to meet new people who genuinely want to talk and have chill conversations with. I go to the dog park quite often, and have made friends with a lot of older folks there. Totally fine by me, but I’d love to be apart of a community near me where people want to enjoy each other’s company.

https://redd.it/1n9bdtl
@asexualityonreddit

Whoever is asexual and had a strong tertiary attraction with cuteness aggression. Here is a pizza
https://redd.it/1n9g7fz
@asexualityonreddit

Yet another online lesbian space that’s aphobic

TW: aphobia and transphobia

I won’t go into too much detail because I’m drained at this point but no matter how much a community prides themselves on being inclusive and accepting, a post calling bigots out always shows their true colors.

Someone made a post talking about how people on the sub talking about having a preference when it’s just exclusion and a few days before that there was a post about asexuals that caused a lot of hate.

Of course I commented on the recent post and got downvoted to hell. Nothing but aphobes and transphobes over there.

https://redd.it/1n9gl6i
@asexualityonreddit

Asexuals with OCD MIGHT understand this joke ( this is not a good joke i am sorry. Pls real the post before commenting )

https://redd.it/1n9h911
@asexualityonreddit

Saying that victims of abuse can't be asexual is bigotry

And that's also one of the worst things you could say to survivors. This post it not targeted at anyone in specific, but rather at how people are still portraying and stigmatizing asexuality by "gatekeeping" the label, not even knowing that asexuality is a spectrum + this kind of behavior is actually harmful. A victim feeling comfortable in a label doesn't means that the propaganda of "all asexual people are traumatized!" is being implanted, and neither should be compared to imposing sexuality is "a sickness that should be cured". I'm convinced that anyone who defends such ideas I refered to in the quotations are not only victim blaming victims of abuse, but also excluding them from safe spaces. I'm saying that as someone who's a survivor + asexual.

https://redd.it/1n9jrpe
@asexualityonreddit

How do I tell my partner about changed view on sex

Hello!
I have been in a relationship for almost a year now and my demisexual partner has always been truly fine and very understanding with us not having sex. And they said they would also be fine with never having sex if I wanted it that way. For a really long time I wasnt sure if I would ever want to sleep with them and could genuinely see myself never having sex ever again (also partially due to other factors than being ace). But recently I‘ve been leaning more toward „I wouldnt mind sleeping with them and maybe I would actually enjoy it“. Now I kinda wanna tell them about this change (our communication is pretty good I‘d say, so I do feel like its the natural way to go) but I just dont really know how to tell them. I feel like just bluntly being like „Hey, I think I wouldn’t mind sleeing with you after all“ would be a bit weird, but maybe thats just me.

Any advice on how I could go about it?

https://redd.it/1n9fwd2
@asexualityonreddit

As an asexual person, I feel our love is monk-like. Curious if anyone relates.

I’ve been reflecting on my experiences as an asexual person dating sexual partners.

What I’ve felt is that when I love, it’s not connected to lust or the biological pull of sex. For me, love is about companionship, trust, presence, and care — it feels very intentional, almost monk-like.

In contrast, when I’ve dated sexual people, I sometimes felt their version of love was heavily mixed with desire for sex. It made me wonder- is asexual love in some way “purer” because it isn’t driven by lust?

I’m not saying one is superior or inferior — just that they feel very different. Like two different instruments playing the same melody: one stripped down and hauntingly pure, the other richer and layered.

Do any other asexual (or even sexual) people feel this difference? Is it fair to see asexual love as unique, or am I romanticizing my own perspective?

Would really love to hear your thoughts and experiences.

https://redd.it/1n9n4um
@asexualityonreddit

Has anyone ACTUALLY ever been in a QPR?

I've read about queerplatonic relationships (QPRs) on websites online, on Reddit, and even in a couple books relating to asexuality. But I've never seen or heard of someone actually being in a QPR - not on Reddit, and definitely not in real life. The most common circumstance I've read about is an asexual person is in a relationship with an allosexual person, and one/both has to compromise in some way.

So are QPRs actually possible, or is it more of a theoretical dream in online spaces? Im thinking since there are so few people worldwide who actually want this type of relationship, it's unlikely that they'd find each other AND be a good enough match.

If you are in a real QPR could you share your experience?

https://redd.it/1n9p5rz
@asexualityonreddit

Asexual Icon provides much needed wisdom😔🙏
https://redd.it/1n9s5fm
@asexualityonreddit

Sad with how oversexualized and objectified women are

With how men exclusively get into art to draw big breasted anime girls with extremely smooth and shiny skin and NO texture or hair in sight on their skin. Everyone’s first reaction to silksong hype and its release is to draw heavily sexualized art of hornet with huge breasts and a curvy figure that she canonically does NOT have literally just because she’s a woman. Literally no one else has done that with the male/nonbinary protagonists of previously extremely hyped games. And no one ever draws sexualized art of men either, they just want to torment the women because men can’t control their hormones. And then everyone wonders why I have such a complicated and resentful view of my own femininity if people are just going to draw my (former) gender like this

https://redd.it/1n9sj3c
@asexualityonreddit

Def confirmed I’m Ace

I’m really drunk so sorry if this is incoherent. For a long time I have identified as ace but always had this voice in the back of my head telling me that I just hadn’t found the right person. WELL my friends just started having a threesome in-front of me and I’m DEFINITELY not attracted lmao. Sitting in the living room now just letting them have their fun haha.

https://redd.it/1n9ttrl
@asexualityonreddit

Scared I won’t find a partner

I’m 27F, I don’t feel in a rush to start a relationship with someone, but I do worry about the possibility that I never will. I experience some repulsion, however not all the time. I still like affection and closeness, but I do not know if I can be with an allo partner ever. This paired with having autism, I feel like I’m doomed. :( I’ve been getting a depressed feeling over this recently and I don’t know what to do. I know there is more to life than having a partner, but I do honestly want one someday.

https://redd.it/1n9tupb
@asexualityonreddit

I am so confused about my sexuality! I've hit a quarter life crisis and I'm so scared - please help!

I have no idea if I'm asexual or not. I actually don't know what my sexuality is at all? I'm 25 years old and never been in a relationship or even kissed anyone, but for the longest time I've so badly wanted to be a Mum - it's all I've ever really wanted to do in life. I know there are other ways of being a parent but I don't think I'm mentally strong enough to do it alone. I'm struggling so much in life right now because I feel like I'm running out of time and so many different things are piling up and it feels like my life is falling appart, but out of everthing this is almost the thing that scares me the most. I really want to try figure myself out because I think I really need to do something about this now, and I figures this is probabaly the first step

I don't think I experience sexual attraction - how do you even know if you do??? Growing up when my friends would point out people they thought were attractive I never really understood what they meant. But I guess more in terms of when they would describe people at being 'hot' or like typical masculine attractivness. I do sometimes find guys attractive when they are on the more 'cute' looking side if, that makes sence.

I get obsessed with people/tv show characters quite often, like I usually go through hyperfixations on them, almost like platonic limerences. But if this person happens to be a boy then I actaully do think I find them attractive, but only after I've developed the hyperfixation/limerance thing - so I don't know if that means I could be more demisexual, like I only find them properly attractive once I have that emotional (parasocial) connection? But if the Limerence is with a girl I genuinely can't tell if that mean I like them as something more or if it is just platonic. Like sometimes I just think its more like this person is so inspiring I wish I was more like them and then my brain gets hyperfixated on that and boom.. limerance - but I don't know if that is me having a crush on someone and I'm just in denial about it. I don't even know what these are - hyperfixations, limerances, platonic limerances, crushes? I'm so confused!

All I really know is that dating and being in a relationship scares me so much and I have no want or motivation to be in one - as in going through the process of meeting someone and putting myself out there, but I really want kids and I actually really do want a relationship too, I just want to jump past the scary bit of meeting someone and jump to the already being comfortable around them part. I've always just hoped that I would be friends would someone first and then it would develop into a relationship, but I'm 25 and it still hasn't happened, and now I'm more confused lonely and scared than ever!

I was just wondering ifanyone have any ideas what this could all mean, or if anyone has any experience with going to a therapist to help figure this type of thing out?

Sincerely a very confused 25 year old! 🙏

https://redd.it/1n9wyeb
@asexualityonreddit

Finally tried garlic bread

Hi, don't know where else to post this but I need to share this life-changing experience.

For context I never liked garlic bread. It just didn't do it for me, so I never got the hype for it in the asexual community. Then a week ago I moved in with a host family in a different country for academic reasons, and last night they prepared pizza with garlic bread for dinner. The asexual instinct kicked in and I tried the bread with 0 expectations.

My eyes are open now. Turns out the garlic bread in my country was just trash, but real garlic bread? An absolute bliss. My mouth has been visited by the flavor angels. Needless to say I ate almost every piece.

I now understand all of you garlic bread enjoyers. I feel like I have received a divine vision and I'm happy to announce that from now on I'll gladly join you in this religion. Glory to garlic bread.

https://redd.it/1n9x3zo
@asexualityonreddit