Lewd thoughts: ace edition
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@asexualityonreddit

I wrote a poem about being asexual. I don’t know if it’s any good, but here it is. It’s called “Guess my Card”.


My hand holds neither king nor queen
Nor any that are in-between

While some claim attention’s all I crave
You have my word, I’m not a knave

I may have tossed aside the rules
But I am neither of the fools

Two or more often have fun
In ways I’d rather do as one


Of emotions I’m not destitute
Yet when heart’s played I can’t follow suit.

And while diamonds make for shiny bling
I won’t be caught in such a ring.

I could go clubbing I suppose
Just not where they take off their clothes

In this game of love the whole world plays
I’ll always be the ace of spades

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Found this YouTube comment from "Miscellaneous Myths: Pride Tales" by Overly Sarcastic Productions about Athena which made me laugh and thought it might belong here.
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My heart rate just sped up...
https://redd.it/r9gjgd
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How do I explain the difference between romantic attraction and how you would feel towards a friend

So I (a 16 year old bisexual trans girl) was trying to explain asexuality to my dad and he can’t seem to understand that there’s a difference between how you feel towards friends and how you feel towards a romantic interest, he thinks: “romantic and sexual attraction are the same thing” and that “15 and 16 year olds can’t know enough about themselves to say they don’t feel sexual attraction”. There was no way to get through to him and it was so frustrating, do any of y’all have and idea how I can explain it to him

https://redd.it/r9hnde
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A moment of Ace Joy

For context, I’m still at school but in my second to last year. I’m in a UK secondary school so the range of ages is 11-18. I do debating club and which has several of my close friends and a range of ages and is a place where I feel comfortable talking about my asexuality (I’ve mentioned it to the teacher that runs the club and it’s a generally accepting place). It’s also worth noting that I have never actually met an asexual person in real life, just seen people online and character in tv shows like BoJack Horseman and Sex Education. Last Friday, we were discussing whether or not children should be allowed access to social media and while we all thought that there were a lot of reasons for why they shouldn’t have access, one reason that was brought up was the ability to discover your sexuality through finding it on social media. I was planning on adding to the conversation saying that I discovered I am asexual through finding the word on instagram 4 years ago, but a person a few years younger than me explain how she discovered she was on the asexual spectrum through tiktok. I was so happy to have finally met another asexual person in real life. I then shared my experience of discovering my sexuality on instagram and the passed on to someone else to speak. She also explained how she is asexual and said something about how pleased she was to have someone older in the school ho was also asexual. I was so happy. Happy that I finally knew people like me and that I was helping other people, even if it was just by existing.

I don’t know if these are the normal types of posts seen on here but I just wanted to shared my happiness.

(minor, he/they pronouns)

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Ace Agender vs Transphobe
https://redd.it/r9jiyn
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Guilty confession

Hey you guys ever had to do an assignment and ignore your asexual side to pass? Well I had to made a treatment plan from a cognitive psychology p.o.v for a hypothetical client named Mrs. C for my intro to clinical psychology class. The presenting problem were OCD, possible sex repulsion, and hoarding. The first time (we had to do 3) I emailed the teacher worried about how they described sex part as a disorder when it could be a sexuality and she said I could probably leave it out since theres so much more in the case. I decided to include it considering it was causing a problem in her marriage (I want to be a marriage and family therapist). The first two I mentioned but in passing and the third one I addressed it fully. This is what I said:

"I want her to tell me her thought process toward sex. She says she has never had the desire to have sex, and now she refuses to participate in the act. I want to hear how she describes it. If she describes it as a dirty and disgusting act and it makes her feel like she has done something wrong, I would like to challenge that thought process. I want her to change it more into “Sex has dirty stuffin it, but sex itself is not dirty. Participating in sex is not a bad thing since sex is a part of life.” I do not expect her to change her thought process and immediately become sex-positive and become sexually active. She may take time to even entertain the idea of having sex, and I do not want her to think you have to have sex to live a healthy life. As I stated in the presenting problem section, she may just be asexual, and that is okay too. I want to work on the sex repulsion more than the no participation"

They have like 6 kids and the complaint was the husband's not her's. I can post the whole paper if people want. I got a 100% and I'm kinda proud of it. The guilty part is I'm ace from birth and kinda feel like I threw shade on the sexuality somewhat. (BAD MOM DRILLED IN HER HEAD SEX BAD AT YOUNG AGE, which is why I want to see if it's a trauma response or a sexuality but you have actually talk to the client to figure that out).

Also if you think we are in the same class, we aren't, you didn't see me here lol.

https://redd.it/r9j4yf
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TW: sexual experiences

So reading through everyones bingos it seems quite a lot of us, myself included, have forced ourselves into having sex. And while its nice to see Im not the only one it is scary the amount of us have gone through this.

So this post is to talk through any issues surrounding this and supporting those who need it. If this post is unnessasary then let me know 💜

https://redd.it/r9ncn8
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Love repping my asexuality in discreet little ways 🥰

https://redd.it/r9o3pl
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credits to: queerdeer.design on insta 🪄
https://redd.it/r9jr1w
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Is there something between sex-repulsed and sex-indifferent?

I know that attitudes towards sex is a spectrum as with everything, but I feel like my attitude may be common enough to have a name?
Basically, I don't want to have sex, I don't like the idea of it (which means I'm not sex-indifferent) but I also am not repulsed by it in any sense (sex-repulsed just feels like far too extreme a word for how I feel)

If anyone knows a name for this I'd really appreciate it! (Also if you share my attitude let me know, I'd love to know if this is a common feeling)

https://redd.it/r9mkni
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Hopeless romantic

For the alloromantic asexuals do you ever feel being ace turned you into a hopeless romantic?
Sometimes I feel like all the sexual attraction just got converted into more romantic😅

https://redd.it/r9u3zj
@asexualityonreddit

Can someone explain the rings please?

Hi! I recently realized that I'm asexual after a pretty disastrous kiss. this is my first time on this subreddit and I'm seeing a lot of posts of people with black rings on their middle fingers. can someone explain the significance to me?

Also, do any of you have just general advice i guess about being asexual? it all feels new a little confusing to me and I don't have anyone irl i can really talk to so I was hoping y'all would have something to tell me because i feel so jumbled and confused right now about a lot of my relationships and my sexuality and idk what to do

https://redd.it/r9uaic
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Could you be asexual even if you do feel sexual attraction?

So, I came out as ace a few months ago, and since then a lot of people started to come to me for advice and questions about it, and recently I've been told by someone that they do feel sexual attraction to people with no problem, but still don't feel like having sex( but they said they might be open to try it if it was with one specific person), even when being attracted to them in a sexual way, and then asked me if that makes them asexual or somewhat in the spectrum.

When I studied about asexuality, the first thing I learned was that it was about sexual attraction, and not sex itself, and that asexuality essencially means lack of sexual attraction, being that fully or not. So if that's true, then that person couldn't be ace, right? But at the same time I have a feeling that I read somewhere about some ace people with this specific characteristic that this person mentioned, so what would this mean about asexuality?

Is this person ace? If they are, is there a specific term for them in the ace spectrum, and what is it? And what does that mean for the definition of asexuality then, if this person really is ace? Does asexuality not mean "lack of attraction" anymore, or has it never meant that?

https://redd.it/r9syc4
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Looking for advice with asexual boyfriend

Hey everyone. To start I am not asexual myself, but I am in a relationship with a guy that he believes he is somewhere on the spectrum. He knows I am posting this and I will be sharing a link with him so he can see as well.

​

I hope this is ok here. I am not entirely sure where else I could ask this at the moment. I feel like I have run out of people to talk too or places to read or anything...

​

A little bit of background on us. We both identify as gay. We are in an open relationship (but not poly, only for sex).

​

I myself am very sexual. To me there are 2 distinct types of sex. There is hookup meaningless emotionless sex and then there is the sex with your partner(s). I... value both of those for very different reasons and one does not really have any impact on the desire for the other for the most part.

​

Sex with my partner is very important to me. A lack of sex can start to make me think there is something wrong, it helps me feel good about things in the relationship. I kinda describe it like, our time cuddling, playing games, chatting, all of that of course builds a strong relationship. But sex is almost the glue that holds it all together?

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My boyfriend. He most of the time is indifferent about it. There was an asexual term that he found that he felt kinda described his feelings once. Basically... he will jack off, he will fantasize, watch porn, etc. But when it comes to actually performing the actions he is indifferent. But there are times that he is horny. It is just rare.

​

But I am finding myself... really struggling here. Because I find myself having that little voice in the back of my mind thinking things are wrong and I can't quite it down. Today I broke down crying in his arms because I had those thoughts and I couldn't push them away, but he was able to... kinda reassure me while cuddling, but TBH only momentarily.

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Part of that struggle for me is also... I know sometimes he is into it. So I will ask after work or whatever like, "hey are you... horny" or something like that. Being blunt TBH, but figure better not to be sly. He has told me many times that he is not upset about me asking, but I still feel weird about it. But he also will often respond with something like "I'm not really horny, but happy to help you if you want" and I feel really... weird about that. Like... ok you say your not but you only do it because I want too but... will you actually enjoy yourself or just... sighing through it? He tries to tell me he will enjoy it, but I struggle to believe it. At least a few times that thought has lead my own performance issues.

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I do also really struggle with like... I really want to... feel wanted? We live, very close. Like a 20 minute walk in a big city. So I find myself hurt that, he may jack off and has never reached out to me? Its always me reaching out to him. Logically I know I shouldn't care but...

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I tried talking to a therapist about this stuff for a little bit and we kinda just ended it like... yeah I attach a lot to sex and that is what it is. Just like he is what he is.

​

I am not entirely sure what advice I am looking for here. I love him a lot... but my feelings around this scare me and I don't like feeling how I felt this morning. But I also don't want to pressure him or anything even when he says it is ok.

https://redd.it/r9vwek
@asexualityonreddit

Mhm smexy bookshelf /s
https://redd.it/r9x4rb
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I’m scared of dating an allo

It’s something that has been going around my head for some months now; I’ve never dated in my life, but it’s something that scares me

At first I thought that maybe it was fear of commitment, then my sexual orientation, then that I was just weird, but I finally managed to pinpoint that it’s fear; fear of dating an allo, fear of getting cheated on because of it, fear of not being enough, all of that

I just needed to write my thoughts somewhere, just to hopefully get them out of my head

https://redd.it/r9ycyb
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