guess who has a therapist appointment? that's right, ME

About a year ago I had a watershed moment where I realized that I'm somewhere on the ace spectrum. But when I approached my current therapist saying "I FIGURED IT OUT I figured out THE THING" he basically blew me off, blaming toxic masculinity and a tendency on my end to reach for labels. It wasn't like his points had zero merit, but it was also very clear to me that I wasn't being taken seriously and that I'd have to figure this out on my own.

I've made decent progress on this soul searching journey without backup - thanks, Reddit - but it's been really tough taking on the entire Discourse and all of my heavy-ass baggage solo. But I finally got off my butt and got ahold of a proper LGBTQIA+-friendly sex therapist and we have an appointment!! I'm stoked, and hopeful - and, I'll admit, a little proud of myself for adulting.

I just wanted to share with some people who might understand why I'm excited. Thanks for listening.

https://redd.it/pwiait
@asexualityonreddit

Pardon me asexuals, but I have to ask…

Full disclosure, I’m a middle-aged heterosexual male. I’m quite the opposite of asexual.

Frankly, I’m a bit jealous of asexuals. In my estimation, being highly sexual hasn’t made my life any easier. When it comes to women, I’ve made embarrassingly bad decisions. When I’m in the presence of an attractive woman my otherwise sound judgment turns to mush, particularly when she finds me attractive. It’s my Achilles’ heel!! Compared to my predicament, I cannot help but believe asexuality is a mild superpower.

I have so many questions for asexuals that I don’t know where to start….. let’s see….

1. Have you ever experienced sexual attraction? In other words, you’re asexual now, but has it always been this way?

2. If you’re not attracted to any particular person or gender, do you still feel the need for sexual release? In other words, I presume you don’t masturbate now….Have you ever masturbated?

3. Are you happy, or is there a sense that you’re missing a vital component in your life?

4. Some research suggests that people who experience regular orgasm are generally healthier and have less chronic illness. Some scientists believe that loneliness might be a component here. For example, people who experience less orgasms on average, may also (on average) feel a deeper sense of loneliness and or disconnectedness from other people…. Which is why I have to ask, do you feel like this has adversely affected your health and quality of life?

5. Has your asexuality negatively affected your relationships with your parents? (Parents always want grandkids 😂)

please understand my questions come from a sincere desire to learn. I’m endlessly fascinated by the broad spectrum of humanity and psychology. I literally know almost nothing about the asexual experience.

https://redd.it/pw9jbs
@asexualityonreddit

I’m kinda confused 😭

cis-fem (also a minor), in a relationship

It just kind of occurred to me that I don’t feel sexual attraction towards my boyfriend- but I do to other men (or women idk I’m questioning that as well but let’s not take that into account)- it’s kind of like aceflux but it doesn’t fluctuate day-to-day more so with different people. Im romantically attracted to my current boyfriend and the relationship was built very emotion-heavy; but I dont feel sexual attraction towards him. In retrospect, I feel sexual (and maybe romantic) attraction towards others. I only realised when I started noticing how uncomfortable I would get when he makes sex jokes directed at me specifically when I do the same (not to him)[not a matter of it being creepy or anything I just don’t like him like that\].

I’ve heard of being fraysexual (i.e. sexual attraction fading when an emotional bond is formed) which is probably the closest label that fits me- but it’s been so long since I liked anyone else I've forgotten if that’s true😅

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TL;DR- I exclusively like some people romantically and not sexually but still experience sexual attraction, is there a term or is it a norm I’m not aware of?

https://redd.it/pwm0rs
@asexualityonreddit

Ace perspectives aren't worth reading?

So, I just published my book showing a teenager's journey to discovering her asexuality. I really wanted to show the world from an ace perspective.

Reviews have been generally positive, stating the book has value for the perspective and representation. There has been some critique, which is fair! I know its not perfect. This is my first book, and I value a lot of the technical critique of my work as it will only make me better.

One review that was left this morning really got to me, though.

His technical critique was actually positive; he said he liked the book, he liked the writing style, BUT he doubts anyone will read it, and many people who pick it up won't finish it. He said since it focused so much on the asexuality aspect, and since only "1% of the population is of a similar orientation" it won't get the readership he wishes it would get. He said commenting more on other elements of the high school experience would get more people interested/feeling fulfilled by the story. As a result, he left two stars.

Truthfully, he's probably right. I haven't made any moves to get the review dismissed or anything, because it's probably valid. My urge vent comes much less the negative review and more the reason behind it. He said it himself, there were a lot of good things about the book, he liked it, but the good was drowned out by focusing too much on asexuality and not the other "more relatable" or "important" parts of high school. Like the focus asexuality makes it not worth the read.

That sort of thing makes me just so incredibly sad. I've always valued reading stories about people who are different from myself, but not everyone does. By this account, I've ruined any opportunity to get my message out by delivering that message, making asexuality the focus. How ironic.

https://redd.it/pwlsvn
@asexualityonreddit

Sexual attraction is human! Asexuality is not! No, fellows remember, we are not human, we are superhuman. ASEXUALS ASSEMBLE 🙌🏻💪🏻



https://redd.it/pwgsn5
@asexualityonreddit

I think I won't understand it ever
https://redd.it/pwndpg
@asexualityonreddit

"It has been 5 years! Just make your move already!" uhh yeah no
https://redd.it/pwo9n9
@asexualityonreddit

I have been summoned
https://redd.it/pwqion
@asexualityonreddit

Questions for Asexuals who still have romantic interest

I'm gay (25F) who decided when I was 16 that I don't want to have sex with anyone. I am attracted to girls but because of politics and religious beliefs I felt like it would just be less stress to abstain.
My question is would you date someone who was abstaining from sex but still wants to find a partner

https://redd.it/pwrvl6
@asexualityonreddit

How to become asexual 101
https://redd.it/pwpiio
@asexualityonreddit

It's mine
https://redd.it/pwq3of
@asexualityonreddit

Why do people not understand Asexuality?

My own parents were horrified when they found out I was asexual. It was horrible. They won't even look at me straight now and it really hurts. I'm only a teenager. I want to tell other people that are going through shit like me, stay strong. I'm here for you and I'm sure many others are too. Pm me if you have your own issues about coming out. :)

https://redd.it/pwpzlv
@asexualityonreddit

Goodbye

Hello everyone, I wanted to say that you all are most welcoming, kindest and accepting group that I have ever had the pleasure of being apart of. I loved being here and seeing all the pride and kindness going around. However, I have recently realized that I am not asexual just bisexual. I love all of you and I will always spread Asexuality awareness and positivity throughout the LGBTQIA+ Community. Bye ✌️

https://redd.it/pwwvbj
@asexualityonreddit

Bought a hematite ring today simply because I thought it looked cool, had no idea they were commonly used as an ace ring, found it funny so I thought I’d share!
https://redd.it/pwrhyt
@asexualityonreddit

I’m a cis male who just now realized I’m asexual. I want to come out to my wife about it but I’m afraid she’ll reject me or worse degrade me. There’s a lot of pressure on men to “need sex” and I’ve just never felt the “urge”. Any advice?



https://redd.it/pwtnqn
@asexualityonreddit

Showed this to the discord already, but here are some pancakes for the panro reddit frogs! I also used this to come out to 2 of my friends!
https://redd.it/pwwjgp
@asexualityonreddit

Being lgbtq+ is just a constant state of confusion.
https://redd.it/pwy0ch
@asexualityonreddit

I’m so confused because I really want a relationship and I don’t think I’m aro? Why my brain gotta be like this
https://redd.it/pwxef1
@asexualityonreddit

Asexuals!...... Assemble!
https://redd.it/pwxlcr
@asexualityonreddit

When I was a kid, I felt like the "colours" that weren't in the rainbow needed their own thing, so I made the snowbow. It's not exactly the ace flag, but it's pretty close.
https://redd.it/px35s4
@asexualityonreddit