Bread Made Me Realize I Was Asexual (I'm not even kidding)

So a year ago my friends made this shared google slide called "The Simp Slide", where we put our fictional crushes and hear-me-outs.

I was invited to the slide quite early on, despite not really having any hear-me-outs or fictional crushes. When I mentioned said lack of crushes I was just told to enter characters that I liked. So I just entered characters I thought were cute and never really edited the slides again.

Fast-forward to today, we're in highschool now and more people have been added to the slides. And with it, more entries. And seeing that there had been 68 entries so far, I thought of the perfect opportunity to finally add another crush to the slides: Olive Garden Breadsticks.

Now as I added the images of the breadsticks, I hungered more and more for them. I absolutely loved these breadsticks. I mean, who doesn't? They're hot, they're light, and they smell and taste amazing. Looking at the finished slides, I absolutely wanted some breadsticks in my mouth. I craved these breadsticks. I wanted these breadsticks way more than I ever wanted any of my crushes- wait...

I hungered for the breadsticks. My mouth drools thinking about breadsticks. My heart yearns for the breadsticks. Even writing this post, my mouth is watering thinking about those hot, oily sticks of delectable glucose.

IS THIS WHAT SEXUAL ATTRACTION IS SUPPOSED TO FEEL LIKE???? BUT FOR ASS INSTEAD OF BREAD?????? HAVE I BEEN WRONG ABOUT WHAT ATTRACTION IS SUPPOSED TO FEEL LIKE MY WHOLE LIFE?????????

Now at this point in time I had actually been questioning for a while, and had considered that I might actually be ace (I started down the asexuality rabbit hole doing research for an asexual character I was working on). I knew about the different types of sex, and the difference between sex and kink, and how aces can be sex positive or sex negative, but I mean I wasn't opposed to sex. Like I didn't really crave sex as much as my peers, but it's not like I just didn't feel sexual attraction, right?

But this bread is what made everything finally click for me. This is what attraction is supposed to feel like: carnal desire.

I never really had that carnal desire. Every "crush" I've had on real people wasn't really sexual (they probably weren't even crushes to begin with). I just saw some people I thought looked nice and decided to act shy around them because that's what you're "supposed" to do, not because I was actually interested in them. And when I felt attraction, it was always "I wish I looked like them" or "They look like they give good hugs" or "I wanna get closer to that person", not "I wanna bone them".

So uh, moral of the story: the garlic bread stereotypes are true for me.

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It’s heaven for us
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I just realized why I became this way

I have abusive parents. But that's fine, every parents in my country is abusive by default. They are mental ill AF and they loudly argue about their sex life ever since I had ears to hear. I'm 25 now and nothing about them has changed. But on top of that, both my mother and my father when they are alone with me would talk about sex to me unsolicited. I could never spoke a word back to them to make them stop because in this country parents being abusive and children being mute and subservient in fear of being physically beaten is the cultural norm.
Recently, I decided to take a serious look at the concept of mental health. although there is no such thing as psychiatrist in this desolate wasteland, I've been getting really into meditation. And then I realized that I became aroace because my parents made me so disgusted at sex. Thinking about even the abstract concept of it makes me feel vomit inducing disgust. And it's ruining my life because I love memes and internet culture and every time I come across suggestive fanarts or even just joke comments under a post, it painfully disgusts me.

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Found those on pinterest

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Shout out to my fellow Aegosexuals [Not My OC]
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Sorry for another post but I’m just so confused. Am I asexual?

The best I can think to explain is…


I am a soft butch lesbian skinnier version if that helps but not to stereotype

I want to cuddle a big masculine short hair stone cold butch.





 I want to be in a big masculine short hair stone cold butch lap leaned in, feeling their softness, womanliness; feeling their musk and masculinity as well. 

I want to help a big masculine short hair stone cold butch masterbate seeing them moan and make the faces.



I want to see a big masculine short hair stone cold Butch melt in softness and their womanliness. 

I don’t want to be touched sexually. 

I don’t think I have sexual attraction other than just for that. 

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Leaving

I don't know if this belongs on here but I'm leaving this group. I've discovered I'm actually bisexual and now have a girlfriend! Thank you to everyone here for helping me discover myself.

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goals
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I feel like nature simply hates women.

Periods are painful, sex is painful, giving birth is painful. Men do not experience any pain during intimacy, it’s always women. It feels like sex was never meant to be a thing that pleasures women the way nature made it. I feel that many women would stop having sex if being in a sexless relationship was more normalized. I feel that people often lie to women saying their first time will definitely not be painful to lure them in.

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Asexuals with OCD, does it happen that your OCD would latch onto your attraction? If so, which one?


Ok sooo, i struggle with intrusive thoughts and tbh, it sucks. And it has gotten worse for around three days and i can’t stand it anymore

So, it might be a long story since i have to mention details to make sure people don’t misunderstand what i am saying. Bc it happens, sooo yep

Anyways, i struggle with sexual intrusive thoughts, like i said before, it sucks

And this has developped when i found out that i mistaken sexual attraction with aesthetic/sensual and when i found out about asexuality

Before those thoughts, i have assumed that sexual attraction meant finding someone pretty or admiring.

I have heard ppl on social media or around me playing smash or pass. I used to think they were joking on wanting to smash the characters. And even thought that people who wanted to be sexual with someone was something that you would see in fiction.( yes…i thought sexual attraction was just in movies )

But yet, i used to think i felt it since everyone did. But i didn’t find other ppl sexually appealing, neither my crushes.

I didn’t care about it ofc until i found out about asexuality.

I noticed that it resembled me alot but them i went ‘’ well, i wouldn’t be that, this is about them not feeling sexual attraction. I feel it ‘’

….i just took my words back right after someone mentioned that sexual attraction was not just ‘’ finding someone pretty ‘’, it was more than that.

Now, this is when i realized that i might have been asexual

( this kind of caused me to try and make myself feel sexual attraction after finding out. Idk why, but after finding out about how sexual attraction ACTUALLY is, my brain kind of latched onto it and i thought ‘’ Hm, since people feel this, it means i should ‘’ so i kind of conditioned myself to feel like how everyone felt even though it didn’t felt enjoyable nor desirable )

But here is the thing. Right after finding out about asexuality, this is where i thought of searching about it

But what i found was something else when searching it. I found a lot is stories about how women who used to think they were ace are actually sexually repressed and then using asexuality in a way to deny it

Or just straight up people saying how asexuals should not have any dirty mind, thoughts and that they should not understand sex.

Prettymuch infantilizing them

And this is where i developped sexual intrusive thoughts ( and symptoms that is similar to OCD ). I kept having unwanted sexual intrusive thoughts that kept popping up in my head and made them insufferable.

Especially when it came to how i am attracted to others. I experience aesthetic and sensual attraction to others. Sensual attraction is the attraction that i feel the strongest.

For sensual attraction, this was when i realized that i have not felt sexual attraction my entire Life. Because my enviorment would used to ( and still ) sexualize gentle touches, kisses and anything related to that.

They talked about being sexual because these acts leads to sexual acts

Which also developped intrusive thoughts.

So anytime when i see someone and go ‘’ oh, they are so pretty! ‘’

My brain would imediately shove intrusive images in my head that i don’t enjoy and then go ‘’ it means you want to have sex with them ‘’

And what i do ofc, is that i would disagree with the thought, because this is not what it came to mind, but anytime i say that, my brain would go ‘’ you are just saying that to try to unconsciously repress sexual attraction and then deny it by forcing yourself onto labels ‘’

Or just straight up saying ‘’ if you want to hug this person it means you want to lead it to sex and you know that. And if you disagree it means that you are trying to repress sexual attraction to them and deny it ‘’

Which makes it worse because i don’t want to repress sexual attraction. This is something that i would not do and won’t do at all. This is something that is against. My morals. Why? Because i know that when you repress feelings that are normal, it can cause you

to think they are bad and that you should feel guilty for having them. This is something that i don’t think. I know sexual attraction is something normal. I now know people feel that way towards others, and i know it is normal to feel. Even though i don’t know how it feels exactly, i still know that it is normal. It is called having empathy.

It’s like how everyone in this world loves chocolate. You don’t like chocotale, you don’t get why people like it but you know it is okay to like it yk. You know it is normal and you don’t judge it

But i still get afraid of somehow repressing sexual attraction because those intrusive thoughts feel real and convincing to a point that i am genuinely afraid of doing something bad to myself somehow

Mind you, i don’t use the asexual label on myself because of that. Tbh i do feel ace but i don’t want to label myself as one because of that

But because of these unwanted thoughts and OCD latching onto my attractions and then saying that i am ‘’ repressing sexual attraction by calling them other attractions to deny my real attractions ‘’ makes it insufferable

Idk how sexual attraction feels. But anytime i say that. My brain goes ‘’ what if you do know how it feels and that you are just saying that you don’t know how it feels to repress your sexual feelings for others ‘’

This is genuinely hell, because all of that happened when i found out that there is a label that aligned with my experience….

Idk if it is my brain being aphobic/OCD problems or if it is trying to tell me something and that i am actually repressing sexual attraction ( which i don’t want to do that )

So yeah, my Life sucks. It kept relapsing for three days and it sucks. I hate talking about this, but i genuinely feel like i am the only one who experience this hell-like problem. And i dont’ want to feel alone on that.

So is there anyone who has OCD that latches onto your attractions? And if so, which one? I would like to know!

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