How long until you can identify as Ace?

Had to block someone on this sub right now because they said that people who are newly Ace don't really count as Ace because they don't understand Ace suffering.

So is there a waiting period after identifying as Ace before you can call yourself Ace, or is there a requisite amount of suffering before you're properly Ace as they seemed to believe?

(They also said you become Ace and seem to believe it's not something you're born as. I know some people can become Ace from trauma, but that's different.)

Edit: if you down voted this, person I'm talking about, stop gatekeeping. The other Ace sub is right there and waiting.

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@asexualityonreddit

Problems with my project to put up 100 asexual flags in Denmark
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I'm a little frustrated

As the title suggests I'm a little frustrated with the asexual community. I've seen quite a few posts of people asking if SA trauma can cause asexuality and a lot of comments saying "no it can't that's not asexuality that's just trauma" and completely invalidating the persons feelings. On the other hand I've seen some comments saying "yes I believe it can be caused by trauma but some people are just asexual because that's simply how they feel." which I really appreciated cause I feel they didn't try to invalidate anyone. The reason this frustrates me so much is because, whatever your opinion is I'm not judging you, it can be caused by that type of trauma especially CSA(Which I am a victim of) it's called caedsexual(it is a subdivision of asexual) and it literally means that you are asexual as a result of some type of trauma usually SA related. I'm not saying you have to be traumatized in order to be asexual but that doesn't mean that someone can't be asexual as a result of it. Idk I guess I'm just frustrated I know not everyone in the asexual community is likethat but still it's frustrating to see this in a community that is so diverse and usually pretty understanding of peoples situation.

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My average TikTok experience now
https://www.reddit.com/gallery/1mwefhc

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Ace pride dragon shield art by me! (:

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My average TikTok experience now

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Like how does that work?! I’d still be mad as hell about the situation. What kind of beastly urges make you forget what has happened??
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I may be asexual but I’m not sure

I (21 F) have always had a bad relationship with sex and intimacy. I almost never masturbate, most of the time I don’t want to do it and even if I do it’s always the other one who has to initiate. Right now I’m seeing a guy and this thing created conflicts between us, since he felt like I wasn’t sexually attracted to him and he wanted to have intercourse. I explained to him that I’ve been struggling with the topic all my life and that it’s not that easy for me to just let go and enjoy the moment.

It’s been better the last days, we did foreplay and had sex, it went well, the thing is, I get horny, I’m able to have orgasms and if I’m in the mood the thing is pleasant overall. On the other hand, I could live without and be fine and I prefer cuddling and late night talking over sex, if I don’t feel like it and the person in front of me suggests it or initiate it I shut down and refuse to do it. This guy, along with some other people, suggested I may be asexual, I think it’s a possibility as well but I can’t say it with certainty. What do you think?

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@asexualityonreddit

Yes. Just yes
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Doctor, Am I Gay? The Results Are In! 📄🤣
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I don’t get sex. I just like being stepped on and berated and owned. Idk if I qualify as asexual



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I will probably leave this community after seeing posts tied to sexual questions

I’m not holding anything against anyone, but lately there’s been sexual questions floating around that it’s left me feeling… unsure and slightly unsafe. I finally found a label that fits me perfectly that being asexual—one that reflects my lack of sexual attraction and connects to my experiences as a survivor of sexual assault. Then I saw someone say, “No, it can’t be asexuality; that’s just trauma,” and it really pushed me away. I’m still new to this whole asexuality thing, and now I’m questioning whether this community is the right place for me. I could be wrong, but I just feel… off, if that makes any sense please be respectful im already in a weird place.

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@asexualityonreddit

Ace Ring as Wedding Ring?

I've been thinking lately about buying an ace ring(I found a really cute one with a little ace of spades on it😊). Although I'm not in a relationship currently I hope to be in one eventually. I was wondering if it would be ok to use an ace ring as a wedding ring. Although it's tradition to wear a wedding ring on the ring finger there's no rule that says you have to, so I feel like this should be ok with most people, but I wanted to know if within the asexual community people feel like this is misrepresenting thre rings symbolism or if it's just a representation of my somewhat different relationship with my future signifigant other

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@asexualityonreddit

It can work, I promise

Hi everyone. I’m M(36) in a relationship with partner F(30). She is asexual.

I often see a lot of posts and messages about how mixed partner (asexual/sexual) relationships can’t work and the issues it causes.

So I wanted to take a moment to share something for both parties. I will mostly speak on this from the perspective of a man. I also assume mostly men suffer with this. Sorry if I am mistaken. But I do believe the roles in my post can easily be reversed too.

My partner and I have been together for years and, like I said, she is asexual. She’s always been, according to her. I, on the other hand, am a red-blooded man. I love sex, I crave it and I need it as often as possible.


So I’ll speak to like-minded men first…

Yea it sucks. You can’t be with someone who isn’t passionate, chasing you, enjoys sex, initiates on their own. You refuse to live a life without sex! Etc, etc. Brother, I’ve been there and done that. I’ve read the articles, introduced the toys, read the self-help books, done the therapy. We’ve had the fights, I’ve sulked, I’ve set the ultimatums, she went to therapy, she promised to try, promised to do more. I threatened to leave, I considered cheating.

The list goes on and I am sure you all can add to it and more.

Here’s the thing: You’re not going to change who someone is fundamentally.

So far, I assume, you’re thinking “Well fuck it”.

Slow down. Give me a chance.

Every one of these relationships reach an impasse. Ours did 3 years in. I was done, sick and tired. Tired of begging, of fighting, tired of empty promises. This was a big fucking deal to me and how could she not see it from my side!

I’m a catch for gods sake! I surely have my pick of the litter! I can see how (insert name) checks me out at the office.

Then one night I was pissed off and grumpy laying in bed, wallowing in self-pity and a thought occurred to me…

Is having sex the sum total of who/what this woman is to me? So I did a calculation, I listed what I love about her, what she does for me and adds to my life. How she makes me feel as a human being and a man, regardless of the sex.

And I listed the shit stuff. No surprise, it mostly centred around sex.

And you know what. I felt ashamed.
Because she gave me everything and I was willing to throw away 95% good because of 5% bad.

Who the hell does that? When your car has a flat tire, or a small dent, you don’t replace the car entirely. You fix the tire or take out the dent.

(I’m not comparing her to a car! I’m illustrating a thought process :D)

Now, now! “But random internet stranger, you just said you can’t change who someone is fundamentally! Listed how you tried to fix it, to no avail. Now you’re saying fix it!”

This is where you can decide to be an adult. To save 95% of a good thing and possibly even add 2 or 3% to that.

Now the ladies can tune in..

We sat down one night (with no blame/reservations or resentment) and I explained to her, how I feel about her, about us, about sex. How I ran this calculation and wasn’t willing to destroy all the good between us because of my selfishness, specifically related to my preconceived notions regarding sex and how a partner should or should not react/behave towards a man who loves her and cares for her.

She cried. Nobody (me) ever took the time to see it from her side. The struggles she faces being asexual in a relationship. The challenges she faces as a woman to show love and be loved absent the ever present pressure of performing physically and appealing to the desires and expectations that others (me) puts on her.

And here she surprised me! She didn’t want to lose what we have either. She accepted the importance that sex holds for me as a man. And she suggested and consented to give me what I want and need sexually if I can make peace with the fact that I would need to initiate and communicate that I need it. If I could make peace that she would not be the idealised version of female sexuality. That she might not physically enjoy it but that she would give me this out of a different pleasure, the

pleasure of loving me as a man. For what I do, give and mean to her.

So now, I get sex/sexual acts when I desire. Within reason and respect for her lack of that desire. And we are happy and in love.

We welcomed our first baby 8 months ago. And I can’t tell you how that little girl has changed me and shaped me as a man, and how I see and respect my partner for the woman and mother she is! I wouldn’t change her or what we have for the world!

For me, sex was once this giant, immovable obstacle. But now it’s just one part of a much bigger picture. My partner may never match my desire, but she gives me so much more in ways that actually matter for building a life together: trust, loyalty, laughter, support, and unconditional love.

I get it, I might be really lucky (I am). So if you’re in the middle of this struggle, I’m not saying it’s easy or that what worked for us will work for you. But I am saying, pause before you walk away. Weigh the whole relationship. Talk honestly without blame. And maybe you’ll discover, like I did, that what feels like a dead end can actually become the beginning of something stronger, deeper, and more real than you thought possible.

It can work, I promise.

I hope love and happiness find you. Wherever and however you seek it.




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@asexualityonreddit