Has anyone else come across the "actuallyasexual" sub?

Don't go flocking there, they're disgusting close-minded people who will ban you for disagreeing with them.

They claim there is one way of being asexual, and that is sex repulsed and never engaging in sex, ever. That if you have sex with your partner(s) you're either not asexual, or you're being coerced and are in an abusive relationship.

I'm autistic AND have BPD and I see more colors than these people, who only see in black and white.

Sex positive asexuals exist. Asexuals who occasionally enjoy sex exist.

We are still valid regardless of what a tiny group of 3,000 people think about us.

https://redd.it/1kyiods
@asexualityonreddit

"Temporary asexuality" or just healing? Trying to make sense of my current state

'Sup, y'all?

I stumbled across this subreddit while trying to make sense of something I’ve been experiencing lately. For context: I’m not dating, not hooking up, and not particularly interested in anything romantic or sexual right now. It’s not because I hate sex or people—I'm just… off the grid in that department.

I’m coming out of a 25-year toxic marriage where I spent most of my life performing—sexually, emotionally, socially—trying to be who someone else needed me to be. In the seventeen months since the divorce, I’ve been reclaiming my identity, exploring my neurodivergence (ADHD + autism), and embracing my queerness (pansexual). Somewhere in all that, I've all but completely stopped feeling desire. And honestly? It feels peaceful...like I’ve entered a sacred hermit phase.

So I’ve been wondering: is this what some people mean by temporary asexuality? Or is it more like conscious celibacy? My libido’s almost completely quiet, but it doesn’t feel forced or repressed. I’m just not particularly interested—and that feels like the most authentic I’ve ever been.

Anyone else experience this kind of shift? Did it last? Did you start identifying as ace, or was it more of a phase tied to healing or transition?

I'm curious to hear other perspectives. Thanks for reading!

https://redd.it/1kykjgm
@asexualityonreddit

The ace number. 96

Well noticing usage of 69 etc I decided to make the moniker RacyAcy96 then realized it's a wonderful representative number for ace spectrum and fun signaling.

https://redd.it/1kyn0tw
@asexualityonreddit

Confused about my sexuality, and it keeps bothering me from time to time

This is gonna be a huge text, sorry. 25M, “basically” a virgin. I think i have a normal libido, but I lack something to pursue sex. A few years ago, someone suggested I might be demisexual, but I wasn’t convinced. I spent many months trying to understand my sexuality and I ended up thinking: “Okay, I don’t get myself, but I’m at peace with that.” Well, at least I thought I was, but as I said, it keeps bothering me

I did therapy for about a year, worked through a lot of personal issues that have connection with that, but I never managed to bring up sexually itself to therapy. It feels hard to talk about it, specially because of one specific thing (the thing that's marked as spoiler)

What confuses me the most is how my emotional and sexual attractions rarely align. Here’s some context:

This may be unconfortable for some people. >!Around age 10 I had sexual experiences with my cousin C (F) who was also a child. It wasn’t abuse, we were both just exploring.!< At 15\~16, I started feeling both emotional and sexual attraction to her. That attraction comes and goes, but she’s one of the very few people I’ve felt both emotional AND sexual attraction. Of course, nothing ever happened and never will, she's not an option;
Around 14, I had a crush on a school friend S (F). We were close emotionally, but I don’t remember having any sexual attraction to her. I got so sad when I saw that we couldn't be together;
Around 16\~17, I had a brief interest in A (F). I was attracted to her at first sight, but it wasn’t sexual, it was just a spark for no reason. We talked for less than a week because the interest faded quickly;
At 19, I became very close to N (F) during a rough period in my life, I can say I loved her (not in a sexual way, we never had sex actually). We connected really fast. I thought it was something strong, but after a bad date, we stopped talking. Looking back, I think my lack of sexual attraction for her contributed to the date going awful. At the end, I was more hurt by the emotional loss than anything else;
Between 20\~21, I started questioning my sexuality. It bothered me that my emotional and sexual attractions didn’t align. Sometimes I felt occasional sexual attraction to other women, but it was weak and faded quickly, that desire wasn’t strong enough to act on. I didn’t want to connect emotionally, get to know them, or something else, so the same thing always happened: I didn’t approach them, or I tried and get bored, and the attraction dies. It was like being thirsty, but only wanting water, and there’s no water around. Besides that, I craved to reconnect to N, but there wasn't a sexual motivation behind that;
At 23, I developed an interest in someone new T (F), a coworker. It started like it did with A, my brain just lit up and I had an urge to get to know and get close to her, not in a sexual way. We started talking and get a little close, and sexual attraction eventually showed up too. That was a relief. Unfortunately, life got hard for both of us, and she eventually shut down contact before we could get close enough. Someday I will try to reconnect to her

That disconnect between emotional and sexual attraction is the thing that bothers me most. I’m not repulsed by sex, I feel sexual desire regularly, I actually want to have sex, just not with most people. Besides C (not an option) and T (no contact), I don't feel like having sex with anyone, even tough sometimes I feel sexually attracted to other people

I feel like my emotional attraction is very strong (e.g. S, N, T). My sexual attraction is weak (C and T are exceptions). And they don't match

Thanks for reading. Any thoughts or similar experiences are welcome.



https://redd.it/1kyqqce
@asexualityonreddit

Ace or oblivious? I pick both!
https://redd.it/1kysyqq
@asexualityonreddit

Question for the aro aces

So I’m aware that some people are aromantic and asexual, I’m just wondering what being aro ace is like and where you draw the line? Like can you enter a relationship as an aro ace or are you always shut off to romance in general? Or is it dependent on the individual? Please let me know I’m interested!

https://redd.it/1kytu5u
@asexualityonreddit

Sharing my new nails for the Pride month🏳️‍🌈
https://redd.it/1kyxka6
@asexualityonreddit

Plastic bowls are sex-repulsed ace confirmed.
https://redd.it/1kyypar
@asexualityonreddit

Queerphobic people are such hypocrites

TW: sensitive topic (tw because I don't know how to do the thing where you hide text with black box)

Ok so this isn't ace-specific, and rather applies to all sexual/romantic minorities but I thought I'd put it here since I'm on the ace-spectrum.

I hate it when straight people argue that gay people are trying to turn other people gay (like no they're not??? They just wanna live their life with equal rights WTF) and even if they were, people wouldn't be able to "turn" gay without the "gay gene". Like there's NOTHING wrong with being gay/ect. so why you so mad even if somebody 'turned' gay..???

And here comes the hypocrite-part: straight people are trying to convert other people into being straight!! And this isn't even a conspiracy theory or some kind of rumour/lie/ect.ect., IT'S THE LITERAL F*CKING TRUTH. **Conversion therapy** literally exists. Wtf!? They're such hypocrites honestly.

https://redd.it/1kyx7fu
@asexualityonreddit

Asexual from SSRIs?

I've been in this big queer group chat for a while and in it two people have mentioned this idea: one in the context of identifying as asexual until they got off the SSRI medication and the other saying while they weren't asexual they felt that taking SSRIs from such a young age had completely stunted their development of a libido. I have been on SSRIs on and off from age 12-25, and I've taken them consistently for the past 6 years. Hearing these accounts really made me wonder about myself and how these drugs may have affected my sexual development.

I don't think I'd be allosexual without them, to me there were signs from a young age that I was ace, but I've pretty much always felt that I was missing something. I have this nagging feeling that I want to want sex, but I just don't.

All that being said: do you feel that SSRIs or other medications have altered the way you experience sexual attraction or express your sexuality?

https://redd.it/1kyxtuq
@asexualityonreddit

Can anyone else relate?
https://redd.it/1kz3g1c
@asexualityonreddit

My mom thinks I’m gay

Coming out to parents as asexual can be funny because their reactions seem so over the top for something so small (I think this applies to a lot of sexualities). My mom asks in full sincerity today if I was gay (19M ace considering aro). I thought it was funny but I know other asexuals wouldn’t take it and laugh it off like I did. Anyone else experience this with their parents?

https://redd.it/1kzaz1h
@asexualityonreddit

ACE ICE!!!
https://redd.it/1kz9d0t
@asexualityonreddit

Pride Nails!
https://redd.it/1kzccqd
@asexualityonreddit

My mom thinks I’m gay

Coming out to parents as asexual can be funny because their reactions seem so over the top for something so small (I think this applies to a lot of sexualities). My mom asks in full sincerity today if I was gay (19M ace considering aro). I thought it was funny but I know other asexuals wouldn’t take it and laugh it off like I did. Anyone else experience this with their parents?

https://redd.it/1kzazg7
@asexualityonreddit

Sex is like Minecraft

I'm a sex-favorable ace and recently I have been using this comparison to explain how I feel about/approach sex to my allo friends. I've also used it to explain to people who were not familiar with asexuality (being clear that it's only my specific experience, not every ace person's). I originally thought of it as a joke, but I have actually found it to be surprisingly effective so I thought I would share. :)

I like Minecraft. It's fun. I enjoy playing Minecraft with friends that want to play with me. But I don't see people on the street and think, "wow that person is really cool! I want to play Minecraft with them." And if I do play Minecraft with someone, there's not pressure to only play Minecraft with them forever, or to play with them all the time. If there is, I stop playing with them, because that's not fun for me. I can go weeks or months not playing or even really thinking about Minecraft. If, for some reason, I could never play Minecraft again, I would be fine. I would be a little bummed, but there are lots of activities I like just as much or even more than Minecraft. This is how I have thought about Minecraft my whole life, and how I kind of figured everyone else thought about Minecraft. Imagine my surprise when I learn that not only is Minecraft a bigger deal than I thought, it's the single best-selling video game of all time!!! Some people think about Minecraft a lot!!! Some people play Minecraft for a living!!! Some of my friends told me they DO see people on the street and want to play Minecraft with them! Some people DO only want to play Minecraft with a certain person/people. This is all very baffling to me. I had no idea Minecraft was such a big deal to so many people. This is how I feel about sex. Sex, to me, is like Minecraft.

There's also a little aromanticism in there (only wanting to play Minecraft with my friends) but it's mainly just how I feel about sex. If you like it or want to modify it to describe your own experience to people feel free and let me know if it helps lol. I hope at least it made you laugh. Everyone laughs when I say it at first, and it is pretty silly, but like I said, it's actually been pretty helpful for me in discussions with allo people. :)

https://redd.it/1kzez5y
@asexualityonreddit

My asexual pins/badges
https://redd.it/1kzil9r
@asexualityonreddit

More of my pridesaur dino illustrations, if any of you have some good ideas for pun centric gay dinosaurs, please feel free to let me know, art done by me ;D

https://redd.it/1kziwfc
@asexualityonreddit