attraction, towards any gender. the term for these sexual orientations collectively is allosexuality. a person who has any of these sexual orientations is allosexual.

the only distinguishing factor between asexual individuals and allosexual individuals is the amount of sexual attraction that they experience, regardless of which gender(s) that attraction is experienced towards. asexual individuals who are hypersexual, sex-favorable, and sexually active exist. allosexual individuals who are hyposexual, sex-averse, and sexually abstinent exist.

our goal as a community and as individuals is to be understood and accepted. however, it is counterproductive to misuse and carelessly “slap on” labels to something. all that leads to is chaos and confusion. I’ve seen asexuality—my sexual orientation and a part of my identity—invalidated over and over again by people who are misinformed. I’ve heard people dismiss asexuality as fake/just a phase/not real because, “I used to be asexual, but sex is fulfilling and enjoyable now that I’m in a long-term relationship with my partner,” or, “my friend thought he was asexual, but he got medicine that increased his libido and now he’s better.” when asexuality is equated to something that it’s not, it’s so easy to be dismissed.

knowing how to distinguish the different aspects of sexuality from each other is really important, and can prove to be a useful tool in effective communication. I believe that if we all take the time to truly understand and accurately identify our own experiences, we will be better able to validate and support each other in our journeys of self discovery. because when we understand and appreciate ourselves, our minds and hearts open to understand and appreciate others.

now, you may learn that you’re part of a minority outside of the cis/het/allonormative mold, but have been inaccurately applying the asexual label to describe your situation and are wondering where you fit in. are your experiences real and valid? absolutely. are you welcome in the LGBTQIA+/GSRM community? with open arms. at the end of the day, it is not my place to tell you which labels you may or may not identify yourself with. I just ask that you be mindful of the implications that come with using those labels, especially when you use them to represent something that doesn’t align with the general consensus.

we live in a big world, and there is room for everybody to explore themselves, find a label that suits them, or have no label at all and just vibe. diversity is beautiful, welcome, and appreciated. everybody is unique with their own experiences and identity. the one thing that we all share is being a part of humanity, and I’m glad to be sharing it with you. thank you for reading :)

••••••

tldr: it is not exclusionary to create a label for a specific experience that only a minority of people share. and it is not gatekeeping to ask people to not misrepresent or disrespect the implications of that label. we can validate and support each other better when we understand and accurately use labels.

https://redd.it/oun9we
@asexualityonreddit

I want food. Always
https://redd.it/oupaeh
@asexualityonreddit

this doesn’t just go for aces but for any person your in a relationship with!
https://redd.it/ouna0z
@asexualityonreddit

I came out to my mother and went as I expected.

I (f19) came out to my mom today and I really hoped that it would go well. My parents sometimes make inappropriate comments about the LGBTQ community and specifically bi people, which really sucks because I'm suspecting I might be bi, and whenever I tell them that those things are hurtful and not appropriate they just brush it off.

So I just sat down and told my mom 'I'm asexual'. She didn't know what that meant so I explained and it seemed to go really well until she said 'maybe you just haven't found the right person yet.'

I felt like crying. I had just explained to her what asexuality meant and showed her some websites with information and she still said that to me.

I said 'it doesn't matter who I meet, I'm still gonna be asexual.' and she said that I'm too young to know that and that I will find someone who will make me forget all about this 'phase'.

So now I'm in bed crying but hoping my mom will learn more about me and asexuality.

Sorry if this wasn't interesting or relevant, but I don't have any friends who know I'm asexual so I can't really talk to anyone about this.

https://redd.it/ous4d2
@asexualityonreddit

Saw one about "reverse cowgirl" and had to make this now
https://redd.it/out3oq
@asexualityonreddit

<3
https://redd.it/oupmqq
@asexualityonreddit

Anyone else doesn't like being perceived as sexy?

Recently I was talking to a lesbian friend of mine and she mentioned she likes dressing butch to repulse men and attract sapphic ppl. And I realized that as an asexual, I kinda do the same thing.

But in my case, I don't wanna attract anyone, men or women or in-between, because being an seen as an 'object of desire' deeply bothers/upsets me. I like when people compliment my outfit, or tell me I'm pretty, but the moment the 'pretty' turns into 'sexy' or 'hot', the moment people look at me in a sexual way I hate it, I feel so bad. It crawls in my skin.

And I realized also that I found my style in history bounding and it super has to do with this. No one will find me sexy in a huge petticoat and boots and high-buttoned shirts. And I love it! It makes me feel good about myself and I don't get that kind of attention.

I guess what took me so long to realize all of this was because I do like feeling sexy, for myself and myself only, but the moment there's someone looking at me that way I feel terrible. And it's not a self esteem issue as well, I just don't like being seen as a sexual being.

I was wondering if anyone felt like this as well?

https://redd.it/ouwhoa
@asexualityonreddit

My coming out to my mom be like
https://redd.it/ouwi4q
@asexualityonreddit

I’ve never seen something so accurate. I didn’t know I wasn’t alone 😅

https://redd.it/ouy04r
@asexualityonreddit

I'm making garlic bread does anyone want one
https://redd.it/ouwtvx
@asexualityonreddit

Not a problem, my friend!
https://redd.it/ouy0fb
@asexualityonreddit

Against my will usually
https://redd.it/ouxlpr
@asexualityonreddit

Someone posted the thing about Splatoon 2, and I immediately thought of this and made it + added "Some people have a partner" (Link to the original in the comments!)
https://redd.it/ouxtqe
@asexualityonreddit

Saw this meme making its rounds through the LBGT+ communities again. Thought I would update it to reflect what aphobia and actually looks like.
https://redd.it/ouyixp
@asexualityonreddit

[OC] What I’d say to any future partner
https://redd.it/ov1z0x
@asexualityonreddit

Schools NEED to teach the difference between types of attraction

My high school Health classes failed in many ways. But one that has stuck out to me the most has got to be the failure to teach types of attraction.

Sometimes I think about how different my life would’ve turned out if my freshman year Health class had a unit on the differences between sexual attraction, romantic attraction, libido, physical attraction, etc. I may have been saved many years of trauma and confusion.

Seriously, I feel like this information should be part of basic sex ed curriculum. It feels so NECESSARY. Not just for questioning aces, but for everyone.

I’ve thought so much about how I can petition to add a unit on different attraction types to district curriculum, but of course that sorta thing is next to impossible.

Oh well... fun to fantasize...

https://redd.it/ov2sek
@asexualityonreddit

Vent: Even the local pride didn’t acknowledge my existence

My city had their pride event today. Was so excited to get a few things. I can’t order stuff in the mail incase my family open it so I really wanted to get a badge/pin and a flag of the asexual flag, as well as a rainbow flag (I’m an asexual lesbian).

There were two stalls selling pride merch. Neither had anything asexual related and I had to explain what the flag looked like for each stall. They had tons of different flags, like 20+

It hurts that a day all about being proud of who you are and being included is still excluding some groups ☹️

https://redd.it/ov4dyb
@asexualityonreddit

Ace vibes

https://redd.it/ouxzob
@asexualityonreddit

My friends keep calling me a robot or a prude or having no emotions...

I'm kind of coming to terms with the label of asexuality (and maybe aromaticism too) and I've always felt locked out from everyone within my group when it comes to talking about relationships and finding people sexually attractive because I don't know any a-spectra people.

Since I've realised this I look back on the things my friends have called me in the past and I don't know if I'm overreacting but in hindsight it seems kind of hurtful and it's certainly worn me down - there was a point where I thought maybe I was experiencing anhedonia or some sort of severe anxiety and low self-esteem that was preventing me from being interested in relationships. I definitely still wondering if the latter is the case. I mean, I'm more stoic than all of them as well but I'm getting annoyed that I'm supposedly just a malfunctioning robot or emotionally stunted child who doesn't understand what love is.

I suppose this is just a small vent really, I have no idea where this is going but I'm just feeling down about it is all, and I don't know if I'm allowed to be angry in hindsight. I don't even know how I'd go about confronting them because I don't know if I'm overreacting.

Sorry if this does come under aphobia I genuinely don't know if it is :/

https://redd.it/ov4oic
@asexualityonreddit

How were you able to comprehend or label your sexuality before you learned there was such a thing as “ace”?

I’m probably not as young as most people here, so the actual concept “asexual” still feels pretty new. Still, for most of my life, I knew I was “different.” For example, while in college, when everyone was hooking up, I prioritized learning over dating. I just really loved school and the learning environment. When I did date or even wanted to be with anyone, it was because someone had made a series insightful comments in class and I felt drawn to their big beautiful brain. Sexual intimacy was somewhere at the tail end of any dating priorities. For a while, I just referred to myself as a “meh-sexual”, in that I had a pretty “meh” attitude toward sex.

I’d be interested in hearing about other people’s “pre-asexual” identities.

https://redd.it/ov6hk2
@asexualityonreddit

My mother thinks pride is bull

Im Aromantic, been identifying as this since...18 maybe. My mother found one of my pride pins with the ace flag on it and asked why I own one. That pride is stupid and I don't need a pin to show I'm like a sheep.


I personally think it's hilarious. Since I don't get pins saying asexual on them, just the colours. To me, it means she saw my pin before, liked it, googled it and found out if was the LGBT and swiftly despised it.

https://redd.it/ov3uwb
@asexualityonreddit