The universe is constructed in a way to humiliate you for not taking any action. The world simply doesn't care if you are smart, ambitious, or kind. You might have the perfect laid out plan for your life yet unless you take action on it, it is all useless.

Intelligence part... sometimes it is too much, pattern recognition at the highest level... I believe it is a curse. You read the room and context very well, yet if you refuse to partake in small-talk you are rendered as an outcast in a matter of seconds. Yes, just by being yourself and then you think, what's the point? Politeness? You watch them perform that exhausting "politeness" and think why even bother?

The paradox here is: your own stubbornness stops you moving through such world and take action in it. If only there was a way to turn off that stubborn voice. It is smart as we know it and it wants autonomy not someone dictating over what it does but at the same time stubborn and stupid enough to not understand that action is for its own good.

In a resource-constrained environment, a man has no choice but to extract maximal utility from the few options in his arsenal. You see him pushing above average with strict discipline because he is acutely aware of his limitations compared to those living in abundance, he has no choice but to perform. There's also a term for this in creative/engineering psychology:
"Generative Constraint" - the law that creativity, elegance, and mastery do not precede limits; they are produced by them.
Sadriddin Ayni’s reported saying (when his son and daughter studied in Moscow) is that he sent little money to his son and more to his daughter, explaining that “wealth corrupts a son, but poverty harms a daughter.”

Why does this dynamic invert between genders then? It comes down to how Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs behaves under pressure:

For a daughter, abundance acts as protective armor, shielding her dignity from the predatory risks of poverty so she can grow safely without compromising herself. For a son, scarcity provides the necessary friction against the world, forging his strength and agency without the rot of softness.

Scarcity for females = External exploitation, dependence on bad actors
Abundance for males = Entitlement, softness, nihilism

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1. Reading was not supposed to be a 7.0 here because it was the only skill I finished with the confidence of getting at least an 8.0, which would have made the overall score an 8.0 as well. Retaking exists, I know, and it is so tempting for me to do so, which is what IDP wants here at the same time. I am not blaming them here, but my next attempt will definitely be with the British Council because of this. Speaking and Writing were fully deserved.

2. I have not prepared seriously for 4 years; never did I open any textbooks or attend any courses (my previous result was self-taught). The one thing I did was to keep my level as it was (I sharpened my English, so it didn't degrade and I was wrong to think it degraded).

3. A 7.0 was sufficient for me (to register for doctorate), as my previous certificate expired. Now that the goal has been achieved, I am not sure if I will retake the IELTS exam ever again.